Flying from Liverpool to Spain.

If arriving safe and sound at your destination, on time, is sufficient for a thumbs-up for service, then the thumb is up and wagging. The main players on this quick hop from island England to mainland Europe did their job. If, however, you are looking for something a bit beyond the basics, stick that thumb down down, down. We had fun en route, but not of the funny hah-hah kind.

The train fare was diabolical, the bus ride more like a rollercoaster, and what is it with Liverpudlian women at counters?

The train

If you go on-line to find a train time and price, trainline.com will sort you out. Well, the times are crystal clear, as are the journey details. But whilst the prices were clearly marked, I don't think they heard of the the word fair, or to the point. At first glance I thought I would be paying £4 and change. Not bad for a 1 hour trip. By the time I had scrolled through Value fare A, B and C, and scanned on through the list to the fares that were available, it was up to £10. So, foolishly, I decided it was not worth the bother booking on-line, as it was bound to be the same price at the station. Wrong!

£16 and change saw me board a three-quarter empty "bug", the affectionate trainspotter name for those glorified coaches that sloth their way around local lines in the UK. Sure it was new, tidy, spacious and devoid of yobs, but it was £16 for goodness sake. That is $30 near as dammit for a one-hour saunter to Liverpool.
Not impressed.

Train station outside Liverpool

Pulling into Liverpool Parkway, I just happened to notice signs to John Lennon Airport. 'That would be me', I thought, so I jumped off and walked up and down immaculate stairs to arrive at a spanky new concourse almost devoid of human life. Three school girls, a dozen staff cleaning and hovering, a desk clerk barely awake. It looked like it had opened yesterday. The music sounded like Yes said fred. But to be fair, the hovering staff made sure I got on the right bus, and told the girls to pick up their sweet wrapper.
Impressed if not a little bemused

Bus link to airport

The driver sort of asked for £1.40. I wasn't sure what he mumbled, so I just gave him £2 and he gave me 60p change. It must have been £1.40, right! Just as I took a deep breath and humped a 40lb bag onto the luggage rack, he accelerated away, before screaming to a halt at the traffic lights 25 yards down the road. Git. Thereafter, he took every corner on 2 wheels, screamed to a stop at every roundabout. Get the picture? If it had only been me on the bus, then fair enough, but there was a poor woman with her pram trying to stand up to get off at her stop. She managed her escape quite gracefully considering. Ordinarily I always say "Thanks, driver." Not this time.
Not impressed, complaint in the post.

John Lennon Airport, Liverpool

How about, let it be? So it is new, it is bringing employment opportunities to the local community, and it offers £149 one way flights to New York. That is all good, but there are so many unpolished edges, where do you begin to point fingers? At the staff, probably.

Liverpudlians are famous for their cocky humourous ways. In the service industry, i suggest that doesn't work. The Foreign Exchange clerk was friendly but barked her instructions, and repeated just once too many times that she would take my Euros back without any commission charge. I didn't have the heart to say, "Think again, if you think I'm coming back here."

And then there were the Easyjet staff. Blimey o'Reilly, where did they go to for elocution and etiquette lessons? Borstal? The sign clearly stated the desk for Spain was open. "Nah, not on me screen yet." and she went back to reading her paper, just passing the time, as she said to one curious passenger. When I got served, she was efficient enough, and sent me on my way with a boarding card. The next passenger was summoned with a "Yeah?"

I can see why 250,000 Brits leave the UK every year - to be treated like valued customers who pay service industry employees' wages.
Not impressed and glad I am one of those 250,000 this year.

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