Joe Smugman, an Australian-born trader had the foresight to flee to cash when the Dow Jones stood at a record 14000. He was quoted as follows.

Hedge funds and financial wizards have been squirreling away billions in profits for years, and burning the trail to where their risk has been parked. Shame that when it matters most, they can't quite put their finger on where their liabilities are right now, but never mind, I'm alright.

When pressed on that callous remark, he raised his pint of beer and replied,

Cheers. Can you hear that? It is the sound of hedge fund managers unraveling and screaming, Houston, New York, London Tokyo, we have a liquidity problem. But I'm OK, I'm rolling in cash and drinking plenty of amber nectar for 2 devalued dollars a pint. I'm telling my broker to Buy Buy Buy financials. Making money is like falling off a log now.

He has since retracted that statement, claiming he meant to say, "Telling my broker not to buy banks."

His answer to questions on the deepening housing crisis have actually stood the test of time.

Hey, if you think it is a crisis when banks stop lending money to people who can't afford it, then shoot me.

He then put 20% down on the bar and secured a line of 12 beers on credit.

See, the only crisis here is i don't think I can stay conscious long enough to finish those drinks.

I wonder where he is now, 12 months on, in the hit and miss financial gambling world? Working the till at Trader Joe?

There is more financial humor and reviews from Ed. And if you are reading this from a feed reader, there may be more up to date posts on the Pisstakers.com

Last year, "Hurricane" Erin was the first major weather system of the year to head for US shores. Named after CNBC Business Channel beauty, Erin Burnett, it started life with a vengeance. But how the mighty are fallen.

Holiday makers and airport managers in the gulf were crapping themselves, their nervous fingers on the trigger, ready to beat a hasty retreat to safety. At the other end of the gene pool, Erin Burnett reported on speculators in New York with their fingers on the Buy Buy Buy trigger, ready to take advantage of the potential gloom for oil producers, airlines and home owners caught in the projected line of fire of Hurricane Erin.

(Un)fortunately, before it could make any waves of any sort, Hurricane Erin, fizzled out, somewhere off shore. It was downgraded from a storm in a teacup to a minor depression. Whereas coastal folks breathed a huge sigh of relief, their home insurance premiums safe for another day, the mood on Wall St turned positively negative. Another money-making opportunity had been lost!

Windbag Rick

When the hurricane alert degenerated into a non news story, the following dreamy observation came from analyst Rick Rantelli. (Judging by the state of his eyes that morning, he had been on the wrong end of three rounds with Warren "Iron Mike" Buffet.)

Traders were expecting to recoup recent credit crunch losses by trading on the misery of flight delays and wanton destruction in the Gulf. Now look at them. They are screwed and can't off-load their stocks quickly enough.

When pressed on a strategy to limit losses, he ranted.

Baby and bath-water are two economic terms that spring to mind here, folks. This disaster is an opportunity for buyers with cash. Oh, wait, no one has any cash and we can't get a loan either. As you were.

Meanwhile millions of financially unsavvy homeowners and holiday makers breathed a sigh of relief, un-battened the hatches, and got back to an honest day's work and play, living on credit they can't service!

On the floors of the NY stock exchange, Erin's colleague Mark Haines left viewers with hot tip to ride out the mortgage problems - buy buy buy tent stocks.

There is more financial humor and reviews from Ed. And if you are reading this from a feed reader, there may be more up to date posts on the Pisstakers.com

Ever heard of a TV clown called Jim Cramer? He is the 60-something Mad Money financial stock-picking Booyah guru from CNBC and King of Prussia, NJ?

Have you ever acted on his Mad Money picks? If you are reading this, presumably you still own a computer connection and a shirt, so, I guess the answer is "no!"

Not everyone rates Cramer!

He might be good for an entertaining rant or two (The Feds know nothing) but on balance, you are probably wise to take Cramer's stock-picking advice with a healthy dose of credit crunchy salt! Here's why.

I was reading a report in a forum by a guy who ran a Mad Money paper portfolio. He lost "money". So what, they may say, one failure doesn't make Cramer a schill.

Not daunted by his abject poverty, this guy ran a real portfolio, with real money, and claims he did the opposite of what Cramer said. When Cramer yelled, "Buy, buy, buy." he sold, sold, sold, and vice versa. He did this 153 times. Out of 153 Cramer calls, he flipped the TV schill's advice on its head, and made money 132 times. Make what you will of that anecdote.

A closer look at Mad Money's Cramer

There are loads of "better" TV entertainers out there, (Colbert is king of my TV castle) but Cramer is talk-worthy because he performs his show in the dry world of stocks and shares.

The first time I saw a clip of the show, the Lightening Round, I was transfixed by the showmanship. 15 seconds later I was holding my ears, thinking. "The second there's a lull in this racket, I'm turning the volume right down to 1." I did exactly that, and it was still too loud, so I took a pair of binoculars and listened to the show from the comfort of a seat out in the garden. High-pitched crazy talk.

But, shrillness aside, to be fair, he is very entertaining.

Funny money

Cramer is not without wit and humor. He once invested in a company offering psychiatric services. He justified it as a good move at a time when hedge fund managers were jumping off buildings. I guess he needs to come up with a few more tips like that - for auto CEOs and the rest of 'em!

When he isn't chopping off plastic bears' heads with his Bowie knife, he is inventing yet another permutation of his Southern booyah catch phrase. Cramer also likes to be slightly anarchic, regularly reminding folks that he took an MA in Communism at Harvard.

To Euro readers this red reference probably seems un-noteworthy, but in the USA, for some reason, Communism is still a semi taboo subject. So, forget that millions of people just got repossessed and owe their broker a pension or two, Cramer dared mention the "c" word on national TV.

Why follow Cramer?

Apparently he has a following of millions of ordinary people who have put their faith in his ability to buy and sell stocks. That is Mad! A bit like planning your kid's future on the basis of an info-mercial.

But he has a good track record, they say. He was one of the financial stars of the 90's, calling that particular crash ahead of time. So what! He once made money off a half billion dollar fund when everyone else was losing their shirt? Lucky Jim. We all know what track records are like, anyway - OJ Simpson had a fairly good one didn't he! Personally, I think Cramer is trading off the fruits of a lucky past.

Now he runs a charitable trust, owns no shares of his own, and gimps around on a TV show at age 63. He has called more bottoms than a bum bandit, and advised people to leave the stock market for 5 years - probably the time when Wall St will make its biggest advances in decades... So do you really want to do everything a guy like that says?

What can Cramer teach us about stock-picking?

Cramer does have merit as a source of financial advice. He finds interesting ways of looking at stocks and shares to buy into. Mystical microtrends in tea leaves (buy tea futures), a break in the weather (buy recession-proofed umbrellas), contrarian views... (the tide mark on his bath is getting crustier- time to buy even more Unilever...)

He may have friends all over the financial quarter, but he does like to blow the lid on Wall Street practices. For instance, when the stock market isn't melting down, do you know how the big fund boys traditionally operate towards the end of a quarter? Traditionally, 80% of all fund managers fail to outperform the market, so towards the end of every quarter they try to compensate for their inadequacies by driving the price of a good stock down - just in time for them to buy more and ride the surge back up at reporting time. That is how they keep the herd willing to invest in their loser funds.

Now you know! When the Dow gets above its pre 2000 levels again, you can invest with a little extra knowledge of how it all works.

On a closing note of irony

One Cramer mantra is to never act on a stock tip from friends, or from anyone for that matter! Bottom line, according to Jim, a nod and a wink to buy a certain stock is a signal to avoid that stock. Either a hustler is trying to create demand for a crap company, or the news is insider info and illegal or... you get the idea.

What would happen to his show if the followers of Cramer acted on that tip!