22 April 2007

Web search for the humor in technology, world news, celebrities and mad events | 29 April 2007 | 15 April 2007

Offfshore banking - for students!

Ed the Editor's personal blog corner

Ever had an off-shore bank account? Ever been a student at university living off a tiny annual loan? Ever heard of a bank manager offering a poor student an off-shore bank account? I can answer yes to all three questions. I was that student in that bank receiving the keys to that tax-free account in Jersey.

Talk about surreal. And funny too, having the same financial privacy and non-tax-paying privileges as the world's wealthiest people.

Imagine, I am making a toll free call to the Bank in Jersey to ask about the balance on my account (A few too many checks had gone out for books and rent.) The person who took my call talked to me like I was Onassis or Rockefeller, as well I might have been. The tone of their voice was a mix of reverence and enthusiasm. I was grinning from ear to ear, basking in the self importance. Then, of course, the tone of the person's voice changed as they saw my account details on the screen. From austere and reverent, he became a quick fire garbled street talker

Yeah, well, guv, it looks like you need to chuck some more dough in there, else we'll 'ave to charge yer a few quid for bounced checks. Bye, mate.

Oh, how the mighty are fallen. I closed my account some time later, crippled by the £50 a year account charge. All I can say on the positive side is that I am probably the only ex-student with that story to tell. Unless you know otherwise?

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It' magic, how they con you.

Filed in: Ed's blog spot

Ed the Editor's personal blog corner

Maybe it is a bloke thing, but I am really mesmerized by magic tricks. Anyone who can make a dove appear from a hat, or produce a handkerchief from a sleeve is alright in my book. And when the gothic mind takes over and those Penn and Teller guys introduced chainsaws and blood to the scene, bring it on.

In essence, I suppose I admire them as con men, rogues who could really screw with us, but choose to keep it friendly. And even though they are trickery personified, and you may not approve of con men, I think it takes a special kind of person to not only invent a trick, but to practice the moves time after time till they are perfectly natural. Respect!

Magicians are natural born con-men, and with the heat on, performing under the camera lense of TV, basically, they have continued to out-smart us. The cleverest are the magicians who started revealing their secrets. To me, thanks to these revelations, magic has become even more trick-laden than ever and we have even less chance of working them out.

For instance, we know it takes a fifth of a second to pull a sleight of hand, (or if you didn't know that, you do now!) and so we are focussing like mad on hands, unblinking, convinced we will see the trick in action. But the reality is, we have been told a few techniques in order to make us think we know what is going on, and worse than that delusion, now we look in places where the magicians have told us to look. I have no proof, but the trick of sleight of hand is probably a trick involving the feet or head, and the action is taking place wherever it is we no longer look. Clever see!

Criss Angel can't levitate for toffee, but he sure explains clearly how he makes us believe it. Kudos and respect.

If you ever miss a day without Pisstakers, you can find a daily snapshot of The Pisstakers Satire Blog Posts (ie the homepage) in the archives

Right, now it's time to relax. Enjoy the content.

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MyBlogLog Sunday 6: gummi bear & review winner

Filed in: gummi bears

Oh boy, why is it never easy giving away prizes? There is barely a gummi bear's nut hair separating 2nd to 4th, so thanks to Bobbarama, I Eat Snowman Poop and the Web Pen for entering into the spirit. Sorry Callie Ann, just too late with your call to arms, but you have a chance this week to woo 'em with the Pisstakers button links in your sidebar!

And now the real dilemma. The clear winner, (although not by that great a margin as to constitute a walk-over), was Eric at MyBlogLog blog. Trouble is, strictly speaking, the blog isn't all his own work. So, are the co-authors going to fight over the bears, ripping them and themselves limb from limb in a rush to claim the prize? I hope not, and to try and keep the peace, I will send the gummis in several small packs to reduce the chance of any in-house carnage. The review will come in one chunk, though.

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Allergic to hay, not allergic to change

Filed in: Ed's blog spot

Ed the Editor's personal blog corner

Sat here with my nose running and left eye awash with allergies, I am reminded of a happier time.

As a teenager, I was a big time asthma sufferer, and out of desparation, I went to a homeopathic doctor for a solution, This creepy little guy who resembled that character out of marathon Man, the lovely dentist, prescribed a series of 12 injections of jasmine juice. Whatever.

He was going to charge more than I could afford for the jabs, so he suggested I went to a regular doctor and asked if the nurse would do the injections. In hindsight he was quite the joker. Talk about land me in a storm.

My doctor went nuts accusing me of undermining him, going to a quack for alternative kooky treatment. How dare I expect him to administer this homeo crazy potion blah blah. Anyway, I just mentioned the minor detail that he hadn't been able to cure me in years, pumping me full of who knows what crap. That sort of shut him up, and to be fair, he let his nurse poke holes in me for 12 weeks, and you know what, it cured me totally. No controlling, or minimising symptons, a 100% end to asthma.

I had to smile when I was telling this story years later, and the person I was talking to said. "You do know that that doctor is now one of the leading lights in alternative medicine?" I didn't, but I was amazed, and I have to take my hat off to him, if I wore a hat.

Sadly I am being exposed to new allergens and the latest homeopathic anti-allergy tabs arent working at all, but you can't win em all. Time for some traditional poison to stop me dribbling onto the keyboard.

If you ever miss a day without Pisstakers, you can find a daily snapshot of The Pisstakers Satire Blog Posts (ie the homepage) in the archives

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George Clooney is the man

Filed in: Ed's blog spot

Ed the Editor's personal blog corner

I once met a couple of representatives from the World Vision charity. It was sad how detached they were from the real world and I coined an alternative motto: One world, no vision. Moving on.

Ocean's 11, 12 13 (thru 24?) star, George Clooney, is quite a guy. The talented and horribly handsome, amusing and genuinely nice actor was recently honored at a Hollywood we-love-George convention. It was a parade of pretty people, for sure, but it took an unexpected turn with footage of his time on the Chad-Sudan border. That is a less-than-glamorous place where the only masculine model normally considered worthy of adulation is George the Kalashnikov.

Camera in hand, George Clooney was with his old man, acquainting himself with the genocidal humanitarian disaster that most people only ever get a glimpse of via the press. He made a report, learnt lots, told the world what he saw.

Maybe Clooney will be criticised for using the African stint as a publicity stunt, a feel good for Hollywood factor? I hope not, because in my book, he is a fricking star of the real world stage.

Unlike the hundreds of millions of folks in the West who could easily put their lives on hold and go get a feel for the horror in Sudan, Clooney stood up and took a major risk. Yeah, right, I hear the cynics say, he was wrapped up in cotton wool.

Sure, I suspect George Clooney had a few advantages over the average traveler, but it is a perilous place even if you are well prepared. Armed guards aren't necessarily enough protection from determined bandits; hats don't protect your tender ass from the sun when you are having a dump in the desert; water purification pills aren't going to protect you when you eat watermelons; you can only drink so much coke and no water can be 100% safe, even if bottled; camel spiders don't differentiate between the blood of Hollywood stars and starving or shot up Sudanese. It is a harsh environment, folks, even when wrapped up in cotton wool.

No, I really hope nobody gets too cynical about Clooney, especially with so many losers in a position of power doing nothing about the genocide, or the likes of World Vision, missing the point. His eloquent words should be taken very seriously

If you ever miss a day without Pisstakers, you can find a daily snapshot of The Pisstakers Satire Blog Posts (ie the homepage) in the archives

Right, now that is off my chest, it's time to relax. Enjoy the content.

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How different do you need to be?

Filed in: Ed's blog spot

Ed's personal blog corner

I just got back on the bike after a while away. It is a brilliant way to keep fit and healthy, and also it clears the mind like almost no other pastime can, for me at least. Out in the open air, at one with the world, I was reminded of a story that had me shaking my head at the time.

A few years ago, I went with a jet set friend of mine from Australia to the top bike builder in the UK. He asked to be fitted for a hand-made mountain bike. After looking through the options for different types of steel, colors and finishes, he told the owner he wanted something different. The old boy looked at him funny and asked, "How different do you want to be, we only make 5 mountain bikes a year!"

Anyway, he got his way, and if you see a chrome mountain bike around the streets of Sidney, that is my mate on a mega expression of his need to be different. I don't know that it will be rolling along any faster than the rest, but it will sure blind you more than most - the reflection off of his smile, that is.

If you ever miss a day without Pisstakers, you can find a daily snapshot of The Pisstakers Satire Blog Posts (ie the homepage) in the archives

Right, now it's time to relax. Enjoy the content.

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MyBlogLog Sunday 6

Filed in: MBL sunday

Today's the day for MyBlogLog Sunday part 6 at the Pisstakers.

At 10.59, cold coffee in hand, I took a snapshot of the 10 MyBlogLog bloggers who last visited the Pisstakers. These early morning/late night visitors will be the main feature on the homepage later today and will be here on view in some shape or form all week.

By next Sunday the mini reviews will be farmed out for posterity to the archives, a permanent reminder of their glorious moment, a permanent back link, blah blah.

Whether you are a super surfer or a blogger, I hope you enjoy reading my one-liner summary before visiting 10 diverse blogs.

MyBlogLog Sunday prize winner

A pound of gummi bears and a review like these is on offer to which ever of last week's featured blogs refers the most traffic to The Pisstakers before midnight Saturday.

This week's MBL Sunday winner was Eric.

MyBlogLog Sunday info links

All hot mini reviews on MyBloglog Sunday!

Internet buzz on MyBloglog Sunday!

How to participate in MyBloglog Sunday!

Weekly round-up of MyBloglog Sunday!

Other contests this week

Existential Ventures have a Canon Printer to give away as part of their MyBlogLog GiveAway. Easy to enter, no hoops to jump through, but if you make the effort to blog about it, you increase your chances of winning the draw, which happens when his MBL community hits 500 members.

Blog About Your Blog must be getting close to giving away a mini fridge to one of the first 200 to subscribe to their site Hurry along, you know you want one.

The Details had a winner of the funny cat contest. Who says cats are cute? Nathan doesn't care, he has $100 worth of prizes to admire. We eagerly await the next opportunity to win something.

The Pisstakers "You won't win a Zune" contest will be underway later this week. The first one to guess what the mystery prize is from the clues, winzzzzzzzz. (As an introductory clue, anyone with taste will like it!)

We've linked to several web search engines offering random payments & prizes! Click the icon & search our keyphrase funny stuff . It is a win-win, perhaps!

Be back later.