I said "No recession here" a couple of weeks ago. Well, can I change my mind a little bit? How about Armageddon.

After watching Helicopter Ben Bernanke juggling the inane questions from Congress about how to jump start the economy, I have to conclude that the economy is somewhat screwed, and corporate America is totally lacking in moral, forthright and timely economic leadership.

Economics 101

For those that are interested, there are two ways to "control" the economy. Monetary policy and fiscal policy. Bernanke is in charge of monetary policy, (interest rates are his only concern) and the government is in charge of fiscal policy (taxes, to you and me). If Bernanke was good at his job, and had jumped into action about 6 months ago, housing would be alive still, and there would be no need to even consider fiscal policy changes.

Instead, the country has been on hold, waiting to see how low the interest rates will get before buying homes. There are now trillions of dollars tied up in property which should be out in the open, being spent on Korean TVs and lead painted toys from China... Oops.

Action 101

If anyone cares, there are three simple steps any pisstaker leader could implement today to sort the mess out swiftly.

The first way to stimulate the economy is to make Ben do his job. He should be implementing substantive interest rate measures, not explaining in words of one syllable how congress should use taxes to sort out his mess! For instance, he said,

Ladies and gentlemen, give low and medium income families a tax rebate and they will spend it all, almost instantly, and kick start the economy.

Wise words, but, he talks in ways that congress don't understand. Firstly, Congress men and women don't know what a poor person looks like, and second, they are clueless in the ways of the world of the poor. One confused soul asked, How do we make sure that tax rebates get to the 28,000 males in my state who have never worked a day in their lives and aren't registered tax payers? Give me strength. Just send the cash rebates straight to the crack houses!

Second step is to forget creating more debt for new tax rebates. Just fire 80% of congress and give their current tax dollar wages to the poor to spend wisely.

I am sure the congress folk are decent people, (dons flame retardant suit) but they don't need public funded money to pay their bills. Their lobbyist friends send them plenty enough as it is. And don't feel guilty about firing a congressman in charge of economic policy who has to ask questions like, How does the multiplier effect work? What do you call low and medium income families? Why do tax cuts cost the general public money?

Final step is to go on holiday to a small Pacific island and come back in 2009. This will indirectly stimulate the economy here in the US. Mega companies like HP and IBM are on fire in emerging banana republic markets charging 50% less for the same goods they sell here in America. You, as an expat can stock up on tip top printers, and the tech corporations can send the excess profits back to the US. Win win.

Bottom line: There is a long way to go till the economy reaches the bottom line.