Who here believes AGW (man-made global warming) is a fluffy mix of marketing spin, human stupidity and capitalist greed? I do.

I am no different to the greenies banging on about global warming. I see fires in California and go Ouch; I go Aaah at footage of polar bears sinking without trace; I gulp at scenes of Europe flooding like never before; and I roll up my sleeves during this Indian summer in the US.

However, unlike the spinners, what I see is evidence that Mother Nature is just as unpredictable as ever, and Man is as stupid and greedy and self-absorbed as ever. Only Man would revel in extrapolating his own local pollution capabilities onto a global scale.

Bottom line, the global environment is behaving normally, folks, get over it!

Forest fires

Fire is a fact of life in the forest. It clears out the deadwood and makes for healthy trees. But, after years of human meddling, allowing brushwood to accumulate, surprise, surprise, we see exaggerated forest fires launching from vast twiggy tinderboxes.

Mother Nature isn't biting back, she is just igniting brush that should't be there in such abundance, and is fanning flames as she has done since time immemorial.

And Man is making those fires appear worse than they really are. Standing in the smoke, Arnie does his best to skirt around the fact that forestry and building practice in California have been an utter joke for years. How many times do people have to bounce back before they learn not to encroach into badly managed forest land and stop plonking big homes right in the path of millennia-old natural fires. Sensational, doh!

Polar bears

It is sad to see a big bear drowning in the warming oceans of the Arctic. But man-made global warming is to blame? I think not.

People like to say slushy ice-floes are Man's fault, and "they" (ie manufacturers) tell us to dump CFC fridges for spanky new ones. But how many fridges came anywhere close to that part of the polar world?

If the polar bear death isn't fridge related, what is Man doing to create the sort of localised pollution that can stop heat escaping from the North Pole and melt bears' habitats? Planes may to be blame, but how many fly that way? Sadly for airline share prices, not enough to cause that sort of localised enviro heating, I am sure.

Heat is more likely coming from outside the earth. From Geography 101, only the sun can punch holes in the ozone layer and warm the Arctic earth significantly. Instead of buying green white goods, or hounding governments to ban non-CFC deodorant, go lobby the Solar Gods and tell them to stop those pesky sun spot activities.

Flooding

The greenies try to say that nature is dumping more rain than ever on Britain, creating flooding like never before. Ergo, the world is getting warmer. Beaux locks.

If the Brits tore up the 5 million homes on flood plains; if the farmers stopped compacting the soil with their tractors, and carparks and roads were ripped out, perhaps the rains would percolate into the soil and we could live happily ever after in the dry. As it is, rain will continue to careen in torrents down high streets that should never be there in the first place, and global warming bull will be alive and well for years to come.

Indian summers

They say 7 of the top 10 hottest years on record have occurred in the last, I don't know, 50 years. Does that sound scary enough?

I say that for political effect, because I heard that 1934 (73 years ago) was way hotter than anything we have experienced in recent years. Just enjoy Indian Summers, I say.

Gaping holes in AGW

You can't have it both ways in these matters, and there are serious oversights in the global warming story. In terms of oil consumption, for instance, extended summers seem to be good for the environment.

Sunny Octobers mean less demand for heating oil, the terrible localised pollutant of our times. There is less need for Northern old folks to travel South for the winter in gas-guzzling cars and airplanes. There is no need to shop specially for warm clothes.

Warmer temperatures are good for the local environment too because there is less bitching and moaning (fewer sufferers of SAD and pneumonia and achey joints. ) Warmth is good for our peace of mind.

Conclusion

Relax. As usual, life and nature and weather are going on around us and entrepreneurs are looking for ways to leverage new info, develop new trends.

We shouldn't consume for the sake of it, and should make every effort not to shit on our own doorsteps, so to speak, polluting our air, and waterways and surroundings. But at the end of the day, the global weather that we have to deal with comes from the sun, and the last time I looked, none of us have much control over that.

The doomy gloomy brigade will say that the damage is already done because warming oceans, a huge heat sink covering 70% of the earth's surface, aren't cooling any time soon. They say warm sea-related weather will wreak havoc world-wide. Really??!! Not wishing to rock the boat, but where were all the hurricanes this season?

Anyway, I am not a meteorologist, (I look out the window to confirm the weather those guys get wrong), so I will stop blowing poorly informed holes in the global storm escalation theory.

Time to go save the environment and buy a trendy green house, car and clothing made from recycled materials that gave off more green house gases than is wise to mention.