I remember years ago, being shouted at by a punk rocker with green mohawk spikes and rings through his nose. What the hell are you lookin' at?

Er, you?! It seemed such a dumb question on his part. Why dress outrageously if you don't want to be stared at?

On another occasion I was at the bus station after school and was caught staring at a girl. When she called me on it, on that occasion, I wasn't sharp enough to reply coherently and missed my chance to impress her with my wit and humor. I blushed to my pubescent roots and prayed silently for the earth to open up and swallow me whole. (I saw her years later and thanked my lucky stars I had been a klutz that time. In her case, time hadn't been kind to her. She looked like she had swallowed a few too many young bucks whole and then been hit in the face by a bus. Ouch.)

And finally, if you want to grab attention, David Beckham style, why not try a subtle and sophisticated Chinese tattoo? Stares and gasps can be yours if you try one of these cool Chinese tattoo designs for size! Go on, you know you want to be gawped at.

I will now don a sober gray suit and crawl back into my private hidey hole to avoid the embarrassing stares and glare of publicity.