Old people

Ed the Editor's personal blog corner

We are not getting any younger, but I do hope I age more gracefully than the big old guy who hobbled over to customer service in a supermarket and growled, "I wanna shopping car' "

The assistant thought he said "Card" and explained that they had several sorts depending on what deals you wanted... The old guy then flipped into rude old person mode, raised his arms and yelled at her like she was 3 years old, "Nooooo, carT, a shopping cart for my wife."

It made me feel like telling him to carry his poor wife himself, the rude git. But the shop assistant was far more patient than me - and more vindictive. She politely explained what he needed to know and sent him in the opposite direction to the carts.

Old person road rage

On one of our many protracted road trips recently, we were flagged down by this mad old guy whose car had broken down. When I say flagged, I mean, he stood in the road defying us to run him down. We were in a good mood at that one moment in time and offered to take him to the nearest gas station - and even agreed to take him back to his car too!

What a bloody adventure that turned into. He didn't know where he was, where he was going, or where he had even driven from. To add to the fun, we didn't know any local gas stations, and drove back where we had just come from, with a vague recollection of a Wawa somewhere in the recent past. 12 miles later we pulled in to the service station, having discerned that he was a confused old man who had probably fled an old folks home on a mini adventure and got completely lost.

He sorted out his cannister of gas after bargng into two queues and trying to get back in the wrong car. Some jesus freak said we were blessed for helping a man in need, a couple were laughing at our misfortune, a social worker interrogated the poor old guy then said he was fine to go with us. Then we decided maybe we should ask a cop to explain to the old boy how to get back to his house, as we didn't have a clue ourselves. That episode really got me going!

The local traffic cop was writing a traffic ticket when Mrs Ed approached him and asked for help. After explaining about the old boy's problem, his first reaction was, "What, you gonna dump him on me?" What a wanker, Mr Civil Servant, protector of people in distress. She is quicker than any cop and said she would drive back to the man's car and call 911 from there. Of course that got his attention and he asked us to hang around till he could sort something out and save us telling the next township policemen what a dick he was.

Meanwhile the old boy is telling me he doesn't know anything, just get him to his car and he will figure it out if we can tell him where to head for. Oh dear. Eventually the cop waddles over and the first thing he does is address Mrs Ed by her first name. What a shit head, I thought. Then he really showed his true colors and advised us not to get the guy's car running again and not to send him home, as a "good samaritan act will backfire on you and get you in trouble if anything happens to him on his way home."

I was fuming. Like we gave the guy his driving license and like the cop cared whether the old man lived or died. Then another cop arrived and the two yahoos made a big deal of everything, trying to make out he was mental. I smiled when he batted back their question about if he had alzheimer's. What, you mean Old Timer's? Nah, no doctor ever told me I had that.

Eventually they decided to take the old man with them. We were not impressed, to put it mildly. Luckily the old guy was sufficiently not quite on the ball to realise his friendly neighborhood cops were not that friendly, but presumably they did their duty and saw he was alright.

So there you go. That's what we have to look forward to in our dotage? I hope not. And we definitely won't be sending any donations to the retired policemen fund in that neck of the woods.

Enjoy the content.

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