Royal Mail strike a battle royal
The landscape of Britain is set to change for the worst, as The Royal Mail, by appointment of Her Majesty the Queen, comes under siege from corporate schill managers battling it out with the unions.
According to age old tradition, Posties join the 200 year-old postal service, proud to wear royal uniforms bedecked with glittering queen badges and regal trim. They traipse on foot, bicycle and donkey to the farthest extremes of the British kingdom, serving the public with a cheery smile, whistling the national anthem, 6 days a week in any weather. When their postbags are empty, they go home for a nice cup of tea, be it earlier than scheduled in their contract, or on time.
Traditional-minded posties work under the guidance of dour grey-suited corporate managers whose public spiritedness begins and ends with the maximisation of profits. They pore over spreadsheets, sorting, listing and manipulating the data - maximising deliveries of paper-based units to carbon-based citizens living in faceless densely packed and orderly numbered dwellings. Ne'er the twain shall meet.
The Royal Mail management says the workers have to do whatever it takes to modernise to beat off competition from upstanding corporations like Fed Ex and TNT. The workers' union says no problem, but not at any cost. The mention of "any cost" sends shivers down the spines of Royal Mail bean counters, and reconciliation seems impossible.
Rightly, the unions insist that a strike is not in their members' interest, as it will turn customers away from the Post Office and into the clutches of private companies like Fed Ex and UPS - forever. The Union leader announced,
"Once businesses leave the Royal mail and see what the private service providers can do, they will never come back."
"Quite." replied a smug manager, "When customers get a sniff of a true 21st century service, we will lose 97.5% of our current business. But on the plus side, Royal mail will be well positioned to make better profits than ever before. When we lay off 50% of the workforce and deliver that 97.5% less mail on time, the British public will thank us heartily."
To be continued...
Where tradition and corporation clash
According to age old tradition, Posties join the 200 year-old postal service, proud to wear royal uniforms bedecked with glittering queen badges and regal trim. They traipse on foot, bicycle and donkey to the farthest extremes of the British kingdom, serving the public with a cheery smile, whistling the national anthem, 6 days a week in any weather. When their postbags are empty, they go home for a nice cup of tea, be it earlier than scheduled in their contract, or on time.
Traditional-minded posties work under the guidance of dour grey-suited corporate managers whose public spiritedness begins and ends with the maximisation of profits. They pore over spreadsheets, sorting, listing and manipulating the data - maximising deliveries of paper-based units to carbon-based citizens living in faceless densely packed and orderly numbered dwellings. Ne'er the twain shall meet.
Right royal strike action
The Royal Mail management says the workers have to do whatever it takes to modernise to beat off competition from upstanding corporations like Fed Ex and TNT. The workers' union says no problem, but not at any cost. The mention of "any cost" sends shivers down the spines of Royal Mail bean counters, and reconciliation seems impossible.
One strike and out - of business
Rightly, the unions insist that a strike is not in their members' interest, as it will turn customers away from the Post Office and into the clutches of private companies like Fed Ex and UPS - forever. The Union leader announced,
"Once businesses leave the Royal mail and see what the private service providers can do, they will never come back."
"Quite." replied a smug manager, "When customers get a sniff of a true 21st century service, we will lose 97.5% of our current business. But on the plus side, Royal mail will be well positioned to make better profits than ever before. When we lay off 50% of the workforce and deliver that 97.5% less mail on time, the British public will thank us heartily."
To be continued...
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