Royal Mail strike a battle royal
The landscape of Britain is set to change for the worst. The Royal Mail, by appointment of Her Majesty the Queen, is under siege from corporate schill managers and entrenched unions. The nationwide postal service is the backbone of communication, and communication is the backbone of the economy. Break the Postal service, break the economy.
According to age old tradition, Posties join the 200 year-old postal service, proud to wear royal uniforms bedecked with glittering queen badges and regal trim. They traipse on foot, bicycle and donkey to the farthest extremes of the British kingdom, serving the public with a cheery smile, whistling the national anthem, 6 days a week in any weather. When their round has finished, they go home for a nice cup of tea, be it earlier than scheduled in their contract, or on time.
On the other side of the moat lie dour grey-suited corporate managers, whose public spiritedness begins and ends with the maximisation of profits. They pore over spreadsheets, sorting, listing and manipulating the data. Their sole aim is to maximise deliveries of paper-based units to carbon-based citizens living in faceless densely packed and orderly numbered dwellings. The method of delivery should be viable and the employees should be pliable, regardless.
Ne'er the twain shall meet.
The Royal Mail management says the workers have to do whatever it takes to modernise to beat off competition from upstanding corporations like Fed Ex and TNT. The workers' union says no problem, modernisation is cool, but not at any cost. The mention of "any cost" sends shivers down the spines of Royal Mail bean counters, and reconciliation becomes impossible.
Rightly, the unions insist that a strike is not in their members' interest, as it will turn customers away from the Post Office and into the clutches of private companies like Fed Ex and UPS - forever. The Union leader announced,
"Once businesses leave the Royal mail and see what the private service providers can do, they will never come back."
"Quite." replied a smug manager, "and Royal mail management will be there to pick up the pieces."
The managers persist - "If customers get a sniff of a true 21st century service, Royal Mail will lose 97.5% of their current business. But far from put management in a bad light, we will be seen to have turned the business around spectacularly well.
With 50% of our current workforce, Royal mail will make better profits than ever before, delivering 97.5% less mail 5% quicker than the private delivery firms."
The public may think that radicalised posties should lose their jobs. Entrepreneurial types may see nothing wrong, if Royal mail gets its just desserts in the face of competition. But beware. When modern profit-hungry enterprises start to rationalise, public-oriented services get trimmed into a profitable but leaner meaner moneypot. Te human cost to the UK is immeasurable.
High population areas will be the sole recipients of privately delivered mail, rural areas will die, the economy will retreat to pre industrial revolution levels.
As an example, Fed Ex will instantly cease public-spirited 39p letter deliveries to Scotland's economic power house, the Outer Hebridees - on the grounds that there is no money in it, see! Demand from eBayers for Outer Hebridean produce will fall off a storm-battered cliff. The UK's Scottish contribution to GDP will shrink as quickly as a wet kilt in front of a furnace.
Profit-driven postal companies will also black list deliveries to any house anywhere on ther British Isles that lies at the end of a driveway over 23 yards long. Time is money and the computer software draws the line at 23 yards per delivery. Sorry, rural areas, no more mail to the homes of most of the entrepreneurs in Britain. With an end to nationwide mail comes an end to modern communication, the back bone of economic development.
Further declines in economic activity will start innocently, but steadily. Jobseekers in the sticks will never be able to accept their job offers, due to lack of mail service. Human resource departments won't be able to circumvent the lack of postal activity via the internet, because broadband cables will eventually be chopped in areas where nobody ever receives / pays their bills. Same with phones - no bill no payment no service. No communication, no employment, no demand...
Out in the sticks, utility companies will cut all supplies off because noone responds even to red letters. Service Centre staff will refuse to leave their desks and physically go to customers' homes to ask what the hell is going on, ignoring every invoice ever. "Sod that, taking letters to customers' homes is way too much trouble. What do you think we are, bloody posties!"
Furious, disenfranchised de-posted Brits will be unable to fight their case because they will be incommunicado. The disenfranchised won't even be able to travel to London to argue their case with MPs - trains won't run to their villages, due to lack of demand from people in rural areas with no jobs.
The spin-offs of replacing a human faced traditional postal service with a lean mean modern courier-based postal delivery industry won't be all bad.
Society will head for the city in an effort to rejoin the real world of daily post. Pizza houses and take aways will flourish from the extra trade. Obesity will flourish, Jeremy Kyle will have even more dysfunction to fill his saddening shows.
There will be a glut of cheap give-away priced country residences, abandoned by captains of industry heading for the city in search of a daily postal service.
Quality of life will improve in the country - Only retirees will want to live in a zero happening community. They will be able to stroll down country lanes without fear of being run over by a postal van driven by a stressed out postie falling behind on their delivery.
Post-free rural zones will be an attraction for all seeking to retire to the good life a la 17th century Briton, without mod cons, medicine, and post.
Ed says - Let the postal service go private and corporate, and let's finish the job started by some faceless schemers decades ago. There are forces at work, determined to reduce choice to ONE, in pursuit of maximum control and profits for the few at the cost of the many.
Or is it still rule Britannia and long live her Majesty's Royal mail?
Where tradition and corporation clash
According to age old tradition, Posties join the 200 year-old postal service, proud to wear royal uniforms bedecked with glittering queen badges and regal trim. They traipse on foot, bicycle and donkey to the farthest extremes of the British kingdom, serving the public with a cheery smile, whistling the national anthem, 6 days a week in any weather. When their round has finished, they go home for a nice cup of tea, be it earlier than scheduled in their contract, or on time.
On the other side of the moat lie dour grey-suited corporate managers, whose public spiritedness begins and ends with the maximisation of profits. They pore over spreadsheets, sorting, listing and manipulating the data. Their sole aim is to maximise deliveries of paper-based units to carbon-based citizens living in faceless densely packed and orderly numbered dwellings. The method of delivery should be viable and the employees should be pliable, regardless.
Ne'er the twain shall meet.
Right royal strike action
The Royal Mail management says the workers have to do whatever it takes to modernise to beat off competition from upstanding corporations like Fed Ex and TNT. The workers' union says no problem, modernisation is cool, but not at any cost. The mention of "any cost" sends shivers down the spines of Royal Mail bean counters, and reconciliation becomes impossible.
One strike and out - of business
Rightly, the unions insist that a strike is not in their members' interest, as it will turn customers away from the Post Office and into the clutches of private companies like Fed Ex and UPS - forever. The Union leader announced,
"Once businesses leave the Royal mail and see what the private service providers can do, they will never come back."
"Quite." replied a smug manager, "and Royal mail management will be there to pick up the pieces."
The managers persist - "If customers get a sniff of a true 21st century service, Royal Mail will lose 97.5% of their current business. But far from put management in a bad light, we will be seen to have turned the business around spectacularly well.
With 50% of our current workforce, Royal mail will make better profits than ever before, delivering 97.5% less mail 5% quicker than the private delivery firms."
Fall -out of a private mail service
The public may think that radicalised posties should lose their jobs. Entrepreneurial types may see nothing wrong, if Royal mail gets its just desserts in the face of competition. But beware. When modern profit-hungry enterprises start to rationalise, public-oriented services get trimmed into a profitable but leaner meaner moneypot. Te human cost to the UK is immeasurable.
Social mayhem will follow if the postal strike ends up with privatisation
High population areas will be the sole recipients of privately delivered mail, rural areas will die, the economy will retreat to pre industrial revolution levels.
As an example, Fed Ex will instantly cease public-spirited 39p letter deliveries to Scotland's economic power house, the Outer Hebridees - on the grounds that there is no money in it, see! Demand from eBayers for Outer Hebridean produce will fall off a storm-battered cliff. The UK's Scottish contribution to GDP will shrink as quickly as a wet kilt in front of a furnace.
Profit-driven postal companies will also black list deliveries to any house anywhere on ther British Isles that lies at the end of a driveway over 23 yards long. Time is money and the computer software draws the line at 23 yards per delivery. Sorry, rural areas, no more mail to the homes of most of the entrepreneurs in Britain. With an end to nationwide mail comes an end to modern communication, the back bone of economic development.
Further declines in economic activity will start innocently, but steadily. Jobseekers in the sticks will never be able to accept their job offers, due to lack of mail service. Human resource departments won't be able to circumvent the lack of postal activity via the internet, because broadband cables will eventually be chopped in areas where nobody ever receives / pays their bills. Same with phones - no bill no payment no service. No communication, no employment, no demand...
Social decay
Out in the sticks, utility companies will cut all supplies off because noone responds even to red letters. Service Centre staff will refuse to leave their desks and physically go to customers' homes to ask what the hell is going on, ignoring every invoice ever. "Sod that, taking letters to customers' homes is way too much trouble. What do you think we are, bloody posties!"
Furious, disenfranchised de-posted Brits will be unable to fight their case because they will be incommunicado. The disenfranchised won't even be able to travel to London to argue their case with MPs - trains won't run to their villages, due to lack of demand from people in rural areas with no jobs.
It won't all be bad though.
The spin-offs of replacing a human faced traditional postal service with a lean mean modern courier-based postal delivery industry won't be all bad.
Society will head for the city in an effort to rejoin the real world of daily post. Pizza houses and take aways will flourish from the extra trade. Obesity will flourish, Jeremy Kyle will have even more dysfunction to fill his saddening shows.
There will be a glut of cheap give-away priced country residences, abandoned by captains of industry heading for the city in search of a daily postal service.
Quality of life will improve in the country - Only retirees will want to live in a zero happening community. They will be able to stroll down country lanes without fear of being run over by a postal van driven by a stressed out postie falling behind on their delivery.
Post-free rural zones will be an attraction for all seeking to retire to the good life a la 17th century Briton, without mod cons, medicine, and post.
Ed says - Let the postal service go private and corporate, and let's finish the job started by some faceless schemers decades ago. There are forces at work, determined to reduce choice to ONE, in pursuit of maximum control and profits for the few at the cost of the many.
Or is it still rule Britannia and long live her Majesty's Royal mail?
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