As a teenage schoolboy, I was told Nobody likes a smart ass. I was crushed by that teacher's remark, and it instantly changed me, profoundly. The extrovert in me was crushed. I kept my thoughts to myself and sat in a darkened corner, sucking my thumb. That was til I realised he had spoken out of turn, and the next day I went back to school, cocky as ever.

Smart ass construction worker

In my 20's, I was interacting with a builder mate at work, and he quoted that immortal Nobody likes a smart ass phrase, directed at me. I had just got him out of trouble with a suitable remark, so I was a bit taken aback at the slander, and I told him that he was displaying all the marks of a classic ass, himself.

As he swayed and cursed me out at the top of a high scaffold, drunk again, it crossed my mind that he also wasn't so smart either - he'd been married 3 times, twice to the same person.) I decided it was the last time I'd ever cover for him, to get him out of trouble with the boss.

That night I felt bad about my "bad" unforgiving unchristian attitude. Luckily I didn't chastise myself too much because next morning I had the displeasure of watching him fighting fisticuffs on site with another idiot - our heroine addict boss!

Wall St smart asses

The Wall Street Fighter is a smart guy who isn't an ass and has a very entertaining website. The same cannot be said for so many other "entertainers" on Wall St where smug opinionated folks abound.

Balding pin-striped analysts always have a quick line for the media, but rarely own up to their mistaken hypotheses, hiding behind volatility and unexpected news. Well, yeah! And they come across as particularly smart ass-ish when they remind folks of the one good call they made amongst 10 disasters that lost everyone their shirt.

The Garmin fiasco

This story is a case in point of Wall St smart asses gone mad. A couple of weeks ago, the experts were proclaiming that the greatest GPS company on earth didn't know what it was doing with its map suppliers. Interesting concept! Like, Macdonalds aren't sure where their next truckload of beef is coming from? Of course the experts' opinions drove the GRMN company stock from $120 down to $82, saying , "I told you so. Garmin execs are idiots."

Then this morning, the Garmin idiot management team announced a successful conclusion to their map supply situation with a really smart solution. Not only have they secured maps for years, but in the process of negotiations, they have set one of their main competitors back about 2 years. The analysts must have been scratching their asses nervously as they watched the stock shoot up to $104 over breakfast this morning.

Many smart asses are currently re-writing their theses. Or to be more accurate, they are re-arranging the faeces they call analyses.

Disclaimer

I realise that by writing in such a way, I am probably the worst offender in the land of smart ass-dom. I do however, wear an asbestos suit and have a double layer of grease applied to my thick skin. Therefore, services on this site will never be interrupted by a case of remorse.

Who is the biggest smart ass you ever came across?