Video games save family life!
Filed in: Ed's blog spot
The digital age has been kind to kids with addictive personalities but life has become more complicated for millions of over-worked, stressed-out and substance-addicted parents funding the material needs of their kids.
Shoot 'em up video games in particular seem to have marked the end of home life as we know it, but I predict that video game companies will actually save the family! Thanks to more sporty interactive games, they will single-handedly put the family back on track and leave a warm fuzzy feeling in the home - just like before the rat race took a grip.
Back in the day, kids were given a card board box or a doll and told to go play in the garden for 5 hours while "mommy did some housework." The kids with an addictive mindset drew every ounce of entertainment value from their basic toys and had to be prised back into the house kicking and screaming when it got dark. Despite the concerns that little Johnnies and Janes were displaying weird behavioral patterns, (cardboard swords?) mommies were happy to have so much kid-free time. A few even celebrated their peace and quiet with a martini or 3.
As the economy grew, moms convinced themselves that the family unit could have a better life with more "things" to play with. Going to work for the good of the kids was in fact a sneaky way to get more money to spend on home decor, washing machines and martini, but that is a minor detail.
This social change heralded a good time for all, with parents coming in from work exuberant, bearing gifts, and kids greedily accepting the next generation of playthings. Rag dolls became action men and barbies, cardboard boxes morphed into dirty great forts and castles and real swords. The kids were permanently high on real toys, moms could escape next door to sip a few more drinks with friends, and fathers would breeze around, proud to be able to afford to pay for babysitters so he could take mom out more, to party. Everyone was happy.
People soon got caught up in the more is better syndrome that comes with material wealth, and overlooked the side effect of working all hours, ie absence from the home. Never short of ideas to keep working, parents invented latch-key kids. Addictive kids were left alone for way too long, and in that time they worked out that neglection was good and they could have a lot of fun burning forts and dropping barbies out of windows.
Once it was realised that toys were getting too dangerous, parents demanded more pacifying toys. This was preferable to staying home, supervising their kids. Along came 24-hour TV, and videos. Unfortunately, the wide-eyed and enchanted looks on kids' faces rapidly declined into a glazed look. Conversation dropped, especially when pre-packed dinner was served, and cobwebs developed rapidly on charred forts and abandoned Action Men.
Desperate for the latest greatest entertainment for kids, parents sought alternatives to harmless Baloos and chuckles that had been looping through VCRs for hours on end. Digital video games started to appear and Mario nudged harmless videos to the side lines.
To ride the wave of addiction and keep kids quiet, Dads played straight into the hands of the devil and came in from work with bags of whacky "fun" video games for the kids. Oooh, the kids could hardly contain their enthusiasm until it waned three days and 72 hours of play time later.
Play Station, the true Devil's Toy, took the world by storm and the inter-child fighting got worse. Parents couldn't stand the noise and bickering, so they took loans to finance extra meals out. They even partook of the occasional coke party, anything but be at home with that racket going on. Unfortunately they had to work harder to pay the burgeoning baby-sitting bills, so eventually they had to trim the excesses. First they cut out the babysitters and left kids to take care of themselves. When that didn't work, due to social services prosecuting negligent parents, they decided to throw in the glove and stayed home with the children they had brought into the world.
Family life was no fun, however, and demands at work grew by the day. Dads would return home at 10pm with bags under their eyes, peck their methylated and equally exhausted wife on the cheek and then slump into the sofa next to the demented screaming kids. Surprisingly, that screwy behavior was the beginning of the end of the decline!
Video games makers picked up on the "dad likes video games" dynamic and targeted games at parents too. Harmless bloodless glorified puzzles and insipid Indiana Jones-inspired videos took on an ever more adult theme. Although Mom had a hard time getting traumatised kids to sleep, on the upside, Dads were happy with the blood and gore all over the screen. Fixated on video games, dads were no longer interested in going out with tired and disenchanted wifey. This drop in expenditure helped the family budget improve somewhat. Financially at least, life was slightly on the up.
Unfortunately, the rest of the future of family life looked dire on so many levels. Fatness without fitnness gripped the home. Addictive ritlin-popping children screeched and elbowed each other with a console in their sweaty grip. During the 40 minutes or so per night that parents could spend together, they too fell into similar video-game addictive traits and lost their way, shooting zombies together, pumping themselves with any substance that would shield than from the non-reality of home life.
Finally sense returned to the world, and video games single-handedly brought families back together in a healthy, healthily addictive way. Virtual tennis! Players had to stand up and swing, and communicate and laugh and actually enjoy themselves in a constructive way. Unlike forts and barbies, there was nothing to hurt or burn, and tennis could be played indoors when it rained or after dark. What's not to like.
When kids slept, flabby parents started to play tennis too, and felt physically and mentally better for it. Instead of slugging back booze and pills, they slugged it out in front of a giant screen till they fell into bed exhausted but with a smile on their sweaty faces. Eventually they even played with the kids and talked, albeit out of breath.
The exercise created healthier appetites, and pre-packed processed food was no longer nutritious enough to sustain the video athletes. Demand for home caterers and cookery classes rose. Sadly, there was no work for babysitters, but hey, video games can't solve everything.
Shoot 'em up video games in particular seem to have marked the end of home life as we know it, but I predict that video game companies will actually save the family! Thanks to more sporty interactive games, they will single-handedly put the family back on track and leave a warm fuzzy feeling in the home - just like before the rat race took a grip.
History of play in the family!
Back in the day, kids were given a card board box or a doll and told to go play in the garden for 5 hours while "mommy did some housework." The kids with an addictive mindset drew every ounce of entertainment value from their basic toys and had to be prised back into the house kicking and screaming when it got dark. Despite the concerns that little Johnnies and Janes were displaying weird behavioral patterns, (cardboard swords?) mommies were happy to have so much kid-free time. A few even celebrated their peace and quiet with a martini or 3.
As the economy grew, moms convinced themselves that the family unit could have a better life with more "things" to play with. Going to work for the good of the kids was in fact a sneaky way to get more money to spend on home decor, washing machines and martini, but that is a minor detail.
This social change heralded a good time for all, with parents coming in from work exuberant, bearing gifts, and kids greedily accepting the next generation of playthings. Rag dolls became action men and barbies, cardboard boxes morphed into dirty great forts and castles and real swords. The kids were permanently high on real toys, moms could escape next door to sip a few more drinks with friends, and fathers would breeze around, proud to be able to afford to pay for babysitters so he could take mom out more, to party. Everyone was happy.
People soon got caught up in the more is better syndrome that comes with material wealth, and overlooked the side effect of working all hours, ie absence from the home. Never short of ideas to keep working, parents invented latch-key kids. Addictive kids were left alone for way too long, and in that time they worked out that neglection was good and they could have a lot of fun burning forts and dropping barbies out of windows.
Once it was realised that toys were getting too dangerous, parents demanded more pacifying toys. This was preferable to staying home, supervising their kids. Along came 24-hour TV, and videos. Unfortunately, the wide-eyed and enchanted looks on kids' faces rapidly declined into a glazed look. Conversation dropped, especially when pre-packed dinner was served, and cobwebs developed rapidly on charred forts and abandoned Action Men.
Video sea change
Desperate for the latest greatest entertainment for kids, parents sought alternatives to harmless Baloos and chuckles that had been looping through VCRs for hours on end. Digital video games started to appear and Mario nudged harmless videos to the side lines.
To ride the wave of addiction and keep kids quiet, Dads played straight into the hands of the devil and came in from work with bags of whacky "fun" video games for the kids. Oooh, the kids could hardly contain their enthusiasm until it waned three days and 72 hours of play time later.
Play Station, the true Devil's Toy, took the world by storm and the inter-child fighting got worse. Parents couldn't stand the noise and bickering, so they took loans to finance extra meals out. They even partook of the occasional coke party, anything but be at home with that racket going on. Unfortunately they had to work harder to pay the burgeoning baby-sitting bills, so eventually they had to trim the excesses. First they cut out the babysitters and left kids to take care of themselves. When that didn't work, due to social services prosecuting negligent parents, they decided to throw in the glove and stayed home with the children they had brought into the world.
Family life was no fun, however, and demands at work grew by the day. Dads would return home at 10pm with bags under their eyes, peck their methylated and equally exhausted wife on the cheek and then slump into the sofa next to the demented screaming kids. Surprisingly, that screwy behavior was the beginning of the end of the decline!
Video life on the up
Video games makers picked up on the "dad likes video games" dynamic and targeted games at parents too. Harmless bloodless glorified puzzles and insipid Indiana Jones-inspired videos took on an ever more adult theme. Although Mom had a hard time getting traumatised kids to sleep, on the upside, Dads were happy with the blood and gore all over the screen. Fixated on video games, dads were no longer interested in going out with tired and disenchanted wifey. This drop in expenditure helped the family budget improve somewhat. Financially at least, life was slightly on the up.
Unfortunately, the rest of the future of family life looked dire on so many levels. Fatness without fitnness gripped the home. Addictive ritlin-popping children screeched and elbowed each other with a console in their sweaty grip. During the 40 minutes or so per night that parents could spend together, they too fell into similar video-game addictive traits and lost their way, shooting zombies together, pumping themselves with any substance that would shield than from the non-reality of home life.
Virtual tennis
Finally sense returned to the world, and video games single-handedly brought families back together in a healthy, healthily addictive way. Virtual tennis! Players had to stand up and swing, and communicate and laugh and actually enjoy themselves in a constructive way. Unlike forts and barbies, there was nothing to hurt or burn, and tennis could be played indoors when it rained or after dark. What's not to like.
When kids slept, flabby parents started to play tennis too, and felt physically and mentally better for it. Instead of slugging back booze and pills, they slugged it out in front of a giant screen till they fell into bed exhausted but with a smile on their sweaty faces. Eventually they even played with the kids and talked, albeit out of breath.
The exercise created healthier appetites, and pre-packed processed food was no longer nutritious enough to sustain the video athletes. Demand for home caterers and cookery classes rose. Sadly, there was no work for babysitters, but hey, video games can't solve everything.
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