As part of an experiment to see how far they can push their risk aversion, an insurance agent taps a name into the national DNA database. They learn something disturbing. The healthy client applying for life insurance has a genetic disorder and runs a 90% chance of contracting a deadly coronary disease by age 46 - 2 years hence. The insurance company rejects the client's application, without giving specifics beyond "pre-existing condition".

When pressed by an irate client with no known pre-existing conditions, the agent folds and says that according to the medical evidence, they can't carry the risk.

Now the client is really pissed and asks them to be more specific. The agent breaks down and explains the prognosis according to the DNA evidence. Sorry. The agent puts the phone down, assuming it will be another typical day at the office. Wrong!

***********

The dejected, rejected applicant is mortified to learn of his pending doom, from an insurance company. He is doubly annoyed that they would go to such unethical lengths to avoid any risk whatsoever. He is inspired to go to the insurance company office to give them a piece of his mind.

***********

In court, the judge asks the murderer of 6 insurance agents why he did it. His reply sends shivers down the spine of every insurance loss adjuster thinking of using futuristic tests to determine who they will or won't insure.

"By using genetic testing to cover their asses, they proved that I had nothing to lose. I just did what I and millions of others have wanted to do to insurance companies for years."

I wonder if the loss adjusters at the top have thought this scenario through. If so, are they heartless enough to use genetic information in their screening process? Perhaps they are already working out the survival odds for insurance agents who tell clients about a dormant medical condition they would rather not have known about.

Just a thought inspired by a few spineless insurers who won't insure us to live aboard a wooden boat!

Are you hoping to be one of the 10 bloggers reviewed in the 35th episode of MyBlogLog Sunday? If so, you need to be on this site when I start blogging around 10am Sunday. All being well, you will be captured in the screenshot of the MyBlogLog widget nestled in the left sidebar. 340 reviews so far, another 10 can't hurt!

As a bonus, MyBlogLog Sunday is going video again, thanks to OS9 User / Breaking News. If you want the camera to cast a roving eye over your territory on Sunday, put on your make-up and polish up your blog with a simple post or reference to MBL Sunday. A simple move to spur a tidal wave of link love coming your way.

The Breaking News team also have a funny story (in a tragic kind of way). A Korean guy had a hole blown in his chest by an exploding cell phone. OK, it isn't funny per se, but was it really a faulty battery to blame? Maybe he was a wannabe suicide bomber who forgot that you can't do trial runs.

Yakety-yak, help raise the profile of a campaign that encourages comments on blogs. Saturday is deadline day for another round of Comment Kings and Queens at Untwisted Vortex. Bloggers should submit the name and blog URL of their top commenters to RT.

Definition of a comment: A string of words that prove there is life out there beyond a feed reader stat.

Funzooz has plenty of video material that will get most people fired if they watch it at work. Don't trample me in the stampede to check the site out.

I can't find it now, but I liked the one where the girl is sat on the edge of a fountain in a mall, minding her own business. A passer-by tips her in and runs like hell. I was going to make a lame comment about it being a trial run for New Year's celebrations in Trafalgar Square, but my research reveals that the British party-poopers drain the water out the world famous fountains. Oh well. As you were.

Why not leave a comment and tell us about something going on on your blog this week!

Death, taxes and $100 oil are closer today than they were yesterday. But does that mean we are going to die this evening, or hand over taxes tomorrow? No. And neither is $100 oil here this morning, despite the over-blown news of an explosion in a Minnesota pipeline. I think I just need to turn off the TV and get on with life, and leave the news games to them that want to play.

Osama getting close

And talking about news that we don't want to hear, do we have any idea what the bin Laden tape is going to reveal this afternoon? I am amazed by this whole story. Not wishing to sound ignorant, but isn't he dead? Wasn't there an incident a few years ago and he was blown to hell? And if the bombs didn't get him, wasn't there talk that he was suffering from kidney disease and he was on the point of popping his clogs in a cave at any time? I dunno, he is getting more and more like a crazy cartoon character or an Austin Powers anti-hero.Or the Scarlet Pimpernel? They seek him here, they seek him there...

New theme getting close

Talking of pipelines and despotic leaders, I recently posted about some Pisstakers theme changes in the pipeline, and I also intimated that I was going to revamp 1200 posts, by incorporating SmartLinks technology into the theme. Me and my big mouth.

Although the comments about theme changes were positive, I had a feeling I may have overstated the case. In words of one syllable, if you had seen what I had on the drawing board, you would have thought I was a bullshitter too! 2 doodles and a squiggle on the back of a pack of cigarettes doesn't really equate to a face-lift in any language.

And what was I thinking, saying I was going to re-jig 1200 posts? For a start, after a quick count, there are 1300. And for seconds, I don't know 1300 books, movies or cds to Smartlink to. Oops.

But there is nothing like a bit of pressure to bring out the best in a loser like me, so I started Googling for more inspiration. Luckily, I came up with a plan after digesting some useful info which included: a great tutorial on CSS tables; some more info on our pet project, Kiva; a snazzy use of SmartLinks, and a general tip that in web design, evolution is better than revolution...

...and after reading a gigabyte of text, I came away vindicated that ads in sidebars, adsense, sponsored posts and a load of other money-making techniques don't really ad much to the blog experience. All in all, I might actually be onto something and I don't feel so bad about pre-announcing an idea.

Without giving the whole game away, you might see something like this screenshot in key positions around the site. I doubt whether this snippet of info helps much, but you now know a lot more than I knew the day before yesterday.

Ever read The Onion's newspaper? It is quite something to behold and is one of the few rags I would consume cover to cover.

Last month, Fall was cancelled after 3 billion seasons.

It sounds like climate change may finally have changed the way we live. One old guy was asking what he would have to do differently in the wake of manic new weather patterns that change quicker than predictions from weathermen.

My thought was that he would have to wear lots of layers (ie dress like an onion and peel off or add layers as appropriate). The Onion suggested he would have to wear shorts. Oh, how disappointing that they are so one-layered in their thinking.

Study finds working at work improves productivity.

After my experiences at government offices recently, I have to think that the results to this bizarre survey (working improves productivity) would never last 2 seconds in the public domain. A zealous bureaucrat would bury the report or stuff it down the front of their shorts and set fire to themselves - just to save their lazy ass colleagues from being fired for working at a negative rate. If only such martyrs were as dedicated to work as they are to work avoidance!

Conclusion

A liberal smattering of AV movie and music reviews, plus classifieds, mainstream ads and on the back, a shameless plug for the Onion atlas, aka Our Dumb World - this paper adheres to the layout rules of a conventional tabloid newspaper. So, officially, we say that the paper version of The Onion actually passes muster as - a newspaper.

With so much substance, this truly mediocre, I mean, meteoric media star-in-the-making is destined for great things. Check it out the next time you pass a spoof news stand.

I wrote this post at 6pm and can't publish it.

Comcast rip into Verizon with their tortoise ads. The cable guys are bloody jokers and should be sued off the face of the planet for misrepresentation.

100MB/sec Comcast is on the blink yet again, and yet again the high speed Craptastic Crew are being paid a day's worth of many dollars per month for not providing anything but excuses. Where is the slow coach tortoise, Verizon, when you need them? They hardly ever went down in Philly and at a couple of megs per second were plenty fast enough for us.

They say the US is technologically advanced. Really?

A few weeks ago I was dealing with a carpet fitter and he was painstakingly unrolling his tape and measuring the room. It was painful to watch and I was amazed at his archaic ultra-slow technique.

At least 20 years ago back in the UK, I knew a carpet guy who used a wheel to pace out rooms. Easy. I also worked with a scaffolder who used a laser pointer to guage the dimension of rooms and buildings. Even back then, his gizmo was accurate to within a foot either way, and he was a right old poser on sites, making aand winning bets with the old boys who reckoned they could tell the size of things just by looking.

When I asked carpet boy why he didn't use a laser measurer to save his back and save him some time, his answer blew me away. "They haven't got the technology right yet and it isn't reliable." Jeez, how long do you need to perfect a light?

I went to the DMV today and had another insight into inefficient Government hares and tortoises.

To apply for a license you complete two forms, both requiring the exact same info.

You then take them to a desk guy, so he can check the duplicate info and verify 4 pieces of ID.

You then take the 2 forms and the IDs to a desk in the corner and a superviser checks the details. She cackles with "friends" sat next to her, before scribbling a couple of initials on the forms and telling you to stand in line at another desk.

You queue, and then a third official types the info you wrote twice by hand, into a computer. Amazingly, a drop of hi-tech wizardry speeds the process up and a photo license is magically produced 2 minutes later, no human intervention required.

If I were even half-qualified as a time-and-motion specialist, I think I would add some OCR scanner software, remove 80% of the staff and halve the time wasted in a process that was actually quite pleasant compared to visits to other government offices. You know the sort of governement place I am referring to. A humungous room full of screened-off desks staffed by complete tortoises who, I suspect, are probably Comcast customer service rejects.

Hopefully we will be online by tomorrow.

Great Thanksgiving news for the 2 dolphins, Rob and Dede. A new baby from Russia with love, & a new job opportunity. Leaving work early to go change the diapers may be one for the future!

Before revealing 8 self facts, Lena confirms what I believed deep down. I am eating as much chocolate as possible before I die because I don't think there will be any up in heaven. Bookmark

Diane has a great way of weaving stories around her book making. This week, she is reminded of time warps and fashion times best forgotten, (or only revisited under the influence of drugs?)

He is never one to hide his light under a bushel, but now Lord Likely has us all guessing about a playing card & which dubious place a fellow might best conceal it. Enlightened answers on a postcard.

Again Mike hits the money-making nail on the head with 21 quick down and dirty ways to make a free online store pay dividends. And just to make sure there is no misunderstanding, down and dirty is good!

Are We There Yet has arrived with a brilliant new design. To keep up appearances, Linda also vied to become the best dressed blogger ever with some swanky EMS pants. I hope I read the first letter right.

Debbie reports little known facts about lighthouses, this time on Dutch Island. I misread the title, and was about to inform her that there was nothing new about flashing red lights in Dutch windows.

If you want to know what Breaking News are discovering ahead of the media pack, and you speak a hatful of languages, you are in luck with their new translator. Mucho lingo, mucho news-o, perfecto.

If I speed read incorrectly, it sounds like a lead-footed female govt official has been accused of mishandling Barbie's toxic waist. A few activist mothers have their knickers in a twist. Scandalous!

This synopsis of Qelqoth's blog is a wordsmith's thingy of beauty. Schismatic Discharge of Verbal Abuse. News and Reviews from the ArseCrack of Great Britain. Drop the Great & that is perfection!

Sorry folks, I took the screenshot of MyBlogLog Sunday 34 a while ago, but got distracted by CSS tables from this guy. Just how much fun can you have on a weekend!

As per the "rules", the 10 bloggers in the screenshot are all very welcome and can expect a mini review highlighting a post they did this week. A spot also includes my finest PR4 backlink, plus a link to your MyBlogLog community... and to keep the ball rolling, I will stumble any posts from any bloggers (featured or not) who leave a link to their own favorite post of the week.

Link love plus content, just what blogging is supposed to be about, I think!

For good measure you usually get a comment too. Are you still fully comment aware? Diane was the top commenter here last week. Merci beaucoup to her for all the trivia on Belgium.

Enough of my waffling... have a good Sunday and the reviews will hit the blogosphere later this evening. (That leaves plenty of time for the winners to prepare a post linking back here!!!!)

MyBlogLog Sunday info links

And this video review from Breaking News will shed some light on what goes on, if you haven't called by before.

After a year and a bit of blogging, the time has come to take this site to a new level. Before you unsubscribe in anticipation of a downgrade in content and an upgrade in ads, relax. Nothing is likely to happen for a wee while, and when it does, I bet you will like it, or at least, not dislike it to the point of never returning!

Plus c'est la meme chose

When the changes arrive, rest assured, the content will remain unscathed. I am not going to change how I write, (apart from trying to get better at organising my thoughts, and less obscure with my references!) I am definitely not going to get pickier about what I write about, and as sure as night follows day, you won't have to run your eyes a merry dance over the screen, trying to pick a story out of a jungle of adsense ads.

(In fact, adsense will never darken my doors - at least not until or unless Google get a dose of neat design-itis and a more generous pay scale.)

So, intrinsically, a visit to The Pisstakers will still be la même chose, or as we non-Frenchies like to say, the same old shit, different day scenario.

Plus ca change...

Having said that nothing will change, something has to give, to get this web space to a higher plane. Usually that implies a negative move, but with the power of CSS at my disposal, I don't think you will be disappointed with the pending adjustments.

However, after I have modded the site, if you leave, never to return, please tell the people at Kiva, SmartLinks and 1300 blog sites, that they spoilt all our fun. (ie If you leave in droves, I will not succeed in becoming a filthy rich humanitarian blogger. That means Kiva's projects will not receive a shed load of funding, Smartlinks will not be the de facto way I link to books, movies, music and stocks, and I will not be able to add nifty prizes into the MyBlogLog Sunday - "help out fellow bloggers mix" .)

But if you do all decide to hang around, and tell your friends to call by too, everyone can win. Yeehah.

So what's happening?

All I can say at this vegetative stage of my thinking, is that good things come in small packages, 3 is a handy number and give or take a few minor experiments, there is now a vacant space tastefully positioned at the bottom of all 1300+ posts on this site. When I have finalised the format, I will let you guys know how I intend to populate a space or two or 1300.

Farewell til later and news

That concludes a public self-promotional announcement on behalf of the Pisstakers Party.

Don't forget to let RT know the details of the top commenter on your site last week.

Don't forget it is MyBlogLog Sunday 34 tomorrow, and of course, enjoy the run-up to Christmas - it may be the last period of fun before the economy dives into the toilet and we all have to slit our wrists with a serrated credit card.

(Did I mention my 2 online funny HQ stores take credit cards!)

Even as my turkey settles under the weight of a huge chocolate pudding, retailers have been hitting me with promos for Black Friday. Thanks guys. I can't think of anything worse than jumping into a car and going shopping right now. In my soporific state, I think I will go the smart route and go on-line. Sorry Target!

Amazon AND Zlio stores

I have gone to great lengths to ensure I can send presents from the comfort of my own couch. To get warmed up I set up an account with Amazon and SmartLinks,



(Check out the little blue Smartlinks around the site that display loads of ways to view, review and purchase humorous products from around the internet...).

And to follow through, I also set up my own Zlio store.

I can't move without being able to shop before Christmas Eve night!! And so can you!


Remember, shopping online saves you from queueing last minute at the Post Office; from buying gas at $97 a barrel. It is therapeutic, satisfying, it reduces stress, it makes you a better human being.

- and if you are looking for non serious gifts for non-serious friends, you have already arrived at the right place.



Thank you, Zlio, thank you Amazon, thank you Santa. Happy Friday, people! I'm back to the couch and a pending bowl of turkey soup.

It smells like a hearty meal is on its way. I couldn't believe it when the self-elected cook for the day staggered in last night with $200-worth of grub - for 5 people! I know it is a time of celebration and all that good dead Indian remembrance stuff, but where are we going to pack away so much food?

Sticker

All this talk of over-indulgent thanksgiving has reminded me of the term "sticker". Don't read this if you are of a nervous disposition or have a weak stomach.

Now I have your undivided attention, it refers to the job title of young boys back in Roman times. The orgiastic noblemen would eat so much that servants would be required to stick a couple of fingers down their masters' throats to make them throw up - to make room for seconds, thirds and fourths. Yummy.

They always seem to depict roly-poly pasty-faced lords splayed out on a chaise longue, but never say whether women noblettes went the same debauched route. But looking around at the evidence in the current nadir of the American empire, I expect everyone back then, male or female was equally likely to eat till they heaved. Pleasant thoughts to take to the dinner table!

They say there are plenty of ways to skin a cat, but there are also plenty of ways to mow a lawn.

Hair-mower - nearly finished!

Green tartan lawn paint

Mini Me Mower

The RSS feed seems to be stuttering lately, so a few of my more amusing and enlightening posts have probably gone unnoticed.

Sorry to bore you if you have already read the stuff on Boy George and his latest encounter with a Norwegian model and handcuffs. This one night stand could result in a possible life sentence for aggravated kidnapping. What an uncultured goon George has become. Or is going to jail all part of his plan to get free shower sex for life?

Occasionally I come across the work of a certain street artist who produces mind-blowing 3-d art. I have no idea what his name is, which makes me a complete non-authority on this topic, but I like his style, so I think you should too! Hold on to something solid before you get giddy trying to work out whether or not his toe is dipped in Marilyn Monroe's swimming pool (We have the pleasure of also seeing Marilyn in her swimsuit.)

OS9 User News are launching a Screenshot and security contest. Show them a screenshot of your desktop and give the world some hints on software that you think makes using the internet a safer proposition. I cut through the crap and recommended buying a Mac as the easiest safest security solution for most people. Before the flamers say Macs are expensive, you could pick up a reliable used laptop like mine for about $400, or if you are flush, Christmas is coming and credit cards make prices no object!!!

And finally, I have made a couple of modifications in the sidebars.

On the left we have all things mobile. (Subscribe to this site's mobile feed, create a mobile RSS feed for your site at a touch of a button, or view your site on Opera mini... Also, in response to RT's great posts on commenting and a weekly contest, I have reinstalled and revamped Latest Comments from Haloscan.

And on the right, the link to Funny Quotes, the most visited page on the site, is now at top right; lower down there is a definitive link to the archives, courtesy of a rocket up the navigational ass from Hari; there are some new visitor tips; plus some snazzier links to search engines that give prizes for searching. (I earnt 1 buck of swag on Wynona's search page, and life is so much easier as a result!)

OK, enough of the old shite, time to write some original posts again, and let's hope xfruits and feedburner RSS start talking to each other again so you can discover all this material on your own.

I read an advert today about Botox. Rather than thinking it was something to bear in mind for the wrinkly future, I recalled the scene in a Christmas comedy film where Tim Allen is sticking a fork in his face after a skin-tightening botox session. Maybe someone has experienced the rejuvenating experience and you could share it with us? Does it hurt, assuming you don't poke yourself with a sharp instrument?

Momspit

There was a slinky black package in the post today from Minnesota. I had been expecting some samples from a company with a brilliant name, and I owned up to it being for me. Mrs Ed looked at the label and with a glint in her eye asked if it was a sex toy. Er, no, but if you wait, I'll go get one later.

I opened the box and lo and behold, there were 3 bottles of the latest greatest Momspit, a hand cleanser inspired by the original. I am not a Mom and I do not spit, as a rule, and I am not original. Furthermore, I have no kids with dirty faces, dirty knees or sticky fingers. However, I do fall into the category of other users who might find this product useful - ie any human who gets dirty or sticky from eating donuts and chocolate on the move, and needs a quick way to clean fingers and face, without resorting to spit or wet wipes, or the back of my hand.

But does this stuff work?

Road test 1

Fellow test pilot, Mrs Ed, was cooking, and I asked her to make my hand dirty. Instead of wiping a dirty mushroom on my palm, she wrote "Loser" in purple felt tip pen. Doubtful that Momspit was going to get rid of the mark, and I was going to be labeled Loser for life, I sprayed a tiny drop of MomSpit onto my skin, and rubbed it in vigorously. Voila, it disappeared!! My hand was dry and clean and feeling gooooood. So, yes, folks, it works.

The lemon scent doesn't smell that great if you stick your nose in it, but there is a scentless and a green tea version too, if citrus isn't your thing.

We will give the Momspit cleanser a thorough test later and let you know how we got on. Thanks to Kim and co for their samples. Most impressed.

Now I am off to Ann Summer's to get another black package to make Mrs Ed's eyes glint. Maybe she will have some mom spit of her own in 9 months time. Euuhhhh.

Baby Isaiah has just arrived into the slick web design world of CSS girl. Congratulations. We can expect to see a new direction in her work: themes produced in 2-hour bursts between feedings; lots of fluffy clouds...

Lord Likely claims he is too young and important to die. I concur. We would really miss his adventurous tales of woe and ho's in Victorian England. Absorb his profound (disturbed) humor in this tale of the Queen.

SmartLinks is a product-linking concept that requires smart people behind the scenes. Fraser is on the team, & brings a bit of madness to the mix too, having given up a pretty good job to risk all.

Did I mention that SmartLinks is a cool & unobtrusive way to link text to books, films & music. Alex' email has convinced me to rejig 1200 old articles so I can embrace this cool technology. Thanks!!!

Mike's Money-Making Mission continues. If this immodest affiliate program for the over-18 market takes off, he could earn scandalous money & become the subject of his own celebrity gossip .

Linda has created 700 posts in recent times & rarely fails to engage or inform us. Google don't see quality in quite the same way & penalised her, possibly for PPP. Robots suck when they are programmed wrong.

It is amazing how much news there is going on in the niche world of New England Lighthouses. This week, an online lighthouse auction goes off-line because Navy bombs could blow it out the water.

Breaking News managed to breathe more life into a post I did about a nude magician act. They also put together the video of MyBlogLog Sunday. Links with these guys are highly recommended.

If you are looking for inspiration for Christmas gifts, Diane has a handle on making girlie books. I do have to ask, though. Is it glue fumes or natural forces responsible for her creativity?

Wilkommen, Wilbau. or is Pope Benedict? This is an appropriate blog for a Sunday with its religious roots neatly intertwined with wholesome posts on Bloggers Unite Day, news feeds to God's Angels...

In the 33rd episode of MyBlogLog Sunday, we break new ground with 3 newbies to the scene; plus 3 old friends revisiting and a gang of early morning risers who call round for breakfast most Sundays and eat us out of house and home. You are all very welcome.

As per the "rules", the 10 bloggers in the screenshot will get a mini review, my finest PR4 backlink, plus a link to your MyBlogLog community... and to keep the ball rolling, I will stumble any posts from any bloggers (featured or not) who leave a link to their own favorite post of the week. What more do you want?!

I'll tell you what else! You usually get a comment too, which should prevent me from getting lynched for hypocrisy in the current environment of comment awareness.

I still haven't been able to invent a neat new twist in the MyBlogLog Sunday feature, so the plans are still so secret, they are almost impossible to hide.

33

Just for the record, 33 is the most important number in the wine mecca of Bordeaux. I couldn't work out why everywhere you go you see 33 lotto, 33 taxi cabs, etc etc. About 9 months into my stay I knew enough French and had enough interest to ask what it was all about, and it turned out that Bordeaux is the 33rd region in France. Personally I think 33 should be the number of feet underground they should bury French bureaucrats, but that is my sinister personal opinion.

What I didn't know till I Googled, was that 33 appears on the back of Rolling Rock beer.

33 signifies two things: the year Prohibition was repealed (1933), and the number of words in the legend printed above the number on cans and returnable bottles. I quote:

So there you have it, 33, an important number for drinkers. Let's see if the reviews can get you drunk on excitement.

MyBlogLog Sunday info links

Be back later. And this video review from Breaking News will shed some light on what goes on, if you haven't called by before.

Ladies and gentleman, as my contribution to the new movement to encourage comments from blog readers, I present...


Brought to you courtesy of St Claire's Safety Sign Builder.

Real and made-up statistics

For every 100 internet users, only 1 is producing content. Bloggers fit into the producer category.

According to a Problogger serious statistic,
For every 400 visitors to a blog, only 1 person leaves a comment.

Why comment?

Blog content is avidly consumed, day after day, for free, by fans and casual visitors alike. You wouldn't think twice about paying for a magazine, so why not at least tip someone who entertains you for a few minutes, especially if you call by every day?

I am not making a case for tipping cash, or micro-payments, I am talking comments. Most bloggers will say that the best reward for writing a post is not mountains of money, but a comment - good bad or indifferent. A comment is a sign that there is life out there, a sign that we are not writing into a vacuum. A comment is worth a lot to a writer, it spurs them on and feeds the quality of the content for fans.

I think we all deserve to die if we can't schedule a couple of comments into our surfing schedule!

Conclusion

To all you good people, if you are one of the 99 visitors out of a hundred who doesn't want the hassle of writing their own blog, at least write a comment or two - good, bad or indifferent - on your favorite blogs. A comment is free and takes about 60 seconds in its shortest form, a small price to pay to keep blogs alive and real. Remember, if you don't comment more, you could die a slow horrible death...

PS Bloggers, feel free to use the 115 wide mini version. (Right click and Save image.)

Comment contest

I have totted up the comments from around the site and Hari is this week's most prolific commenter on the Pisstakers. I will be forwarding his name to RT, the Comment Mesiter / Comment contest leader who raised this issue in the first place. Comments mean prizes!

And just to throw in another comment happy card, MyBlogLog Sunday 33 is tomorrow. It is my way of commenting on 10 blogs!

As a teenage schoolboy, I was told Nobody likes a smart ass. I was crushed by that teacher's remark, and it instantly changed me, profoundly. The extrovert in me was crushed. I kept my thoughts to myself and sat in a darkened corner, sucking my thumb. That was til I realised he had spoken out of turn, and the next day I went back to school, cocky as ever.

Smart ass construction worker

In my 20's, I was interacting with a builder mate at work, and he quoted that immortal Nobody likes a smart ass phrase, directed at me. I had just got him out of trouble with a suitably smart remark under interrogation from the guy who could have fired my mate had I said the wrong thing. I was a bit taken aback at his slander, and I told him that he was displaying all the marks of a classic ass, himself.

As he swayed and cursed me out at the top of a high scaffold, drunk again, it crossed my mind that he also wasn't so smart either - he'd been married 3 times, twice to the same person.) I decided it was the last time I'd ever cover for him, to get him out of trouble with the boss.

That night I felt bad about my "bad" unforgiving unchristian attitude. Luckily I didn't chastise myself too much because next morning I had the displeasure of watching him fighting fisticuffs on site with another idiot - our heroine addict boss!

Wall St smart asses

The Wall Street Fighter is a smart guy who isn't an ass and has a very entertaining website. The same cannot be said for so many other "entertainers" on Wall St where smug opinionated folks abound.

Balding pin-striped analysts always have a quick line for the media, but rarely own up to their mistaken hypotheses, hiding behind volatility and unexpected news. Well, yeah! And they come across as particularly smart ass-ish when they remind folks of the one good call they made amongst 10 disasters that lost everyone their shirt.

The Garmin fiasco

This story is a case in point of Wall St smart asses gone mad. A couple of weeks ago, the experts were proclaiming that the greatest GPS company on earth didn't know what it was doing with its map suppliers. Interesting concept! Like, Macdonalds aren't sure where their next truckload of beef is coming from? Of course the experts' opinions drove the GRMN company stock from $120 down to $82, saying , "I told you so. Garmin execs are idiots."

Then this morning, the Garmin idiot management team announced a successful conclusion to their map supply situation with a really smart solution. Not only have they secured maps for years, but in the process of negotiations, they have set one of their main competitors back about 2 years. The analysts must have been scratching their asses nervously as they watched the stock shoot up to $104 over breakfast this morning.

Many smart asses are currently re-writing their theses. Or to be more accurate, they are re-arranging the faeces they call analyses.

Disclaimer

I realise that by writing in such a way, I am probably the worst offender in the land of smart ass-dom. I do however, wear an asbestos suit and have a double layer of grease applied to my thick skin. Therefore, services on this site will never be interrupted by a case of remorse.

Who is the biggest smart ass you ever came across?

I'm off to the dentist again, and I have a feeling there will be a "heated" discussion when he announces the need for more work. The problem is, he did a load of work, gave me a regime to follow and a prognosis that all would be well for years to come. 3 weeks later I have a tooth ache to die for.

With no insurance, it is at times like this that a trip back to a European dentist would work out the cheaper option! But as I have things to do, time is of the essence, so I will need to negotiate something with him. Perhaps he could do a cash job, or I could anaesthetise myself with a bottle of whisky? This video gave me some ideas.

After reminiscing about a recent trip to wonderful Washington state, I recalled a bizarre news report we saw on TV. A couple of youths were being hunted for robberies carried out at espresso kiosks. How low do people have to go to avoid working for their drugs?



Those cute rinky-dinky coffee huts charging $2 a cup must be such rich pickings compared to a gas station - not; and it must be a real macho challenge, pointing a gun at a young woman working alone at night. Losers.

It got me mulling over the state of play in the world of petty crime.

What is next in the downward spiral of petty crime?

What does the desperate chicken-shit druggie who is unwilling to use violence have in store for us next in their petty crime streak?

Perhaps they will target clowns carrying helium-filled balloons at fun fairs. A quick snatch-and-run before selling them off for 10 cents each to toddlers who don't ask too many questions?

Maybe they will resort to a new brand of car crime. Apparently you steal the garage door opener from a parked-up car, follow the car back to its home, and take your time breaking in at night, and stealing stuff in the comfort of a garage. (I hope they don't try that with us, on two counts. The chances of Mrs Ed finding the spare garage door opener to let me in and park up are zero. And even if we did get the car in the garage, that door is so noisy on its tracks, it will wake the dead!)

Plenty of cars are also stolen from garages, but maybe desperadoes will start emulating the robbers who stole a garage and left the Rolls Royce inside! I cannot find the link but I will never forget that story from years ago.

More less petty crime

I already mentioned a killing a while back over something as petty as an ice-cream round. A young girl was shot while her mother was driving the van, scouting out her route in the wrong neighborhood. It was a radical outcome to a petty matter.

Years ago there was a spate of violence in Scotland over another petty matter - the Hot Dog Van wars. Rival factions would over-turn and set fire to each others' vans, thankfully at night when no one was in them. A couple of people actually died, though, such was the desire to stop rivals from serving soggy buns full of processed pig and burnt onions at the roadside.

Not so petty crimes

Crime involving dope heads and one-man band espresso kiosks, ice cream vans and hot dog wagons is one thing, but it is petty relative to bank robberies. You have to be seriously organised and dangerous to go through with a major hold up, if only because the repercussions of being caught are so big.

Not every armed bank robber is as committed to their crime as they should be. Like the idiot who turned up to rob a bank in Croatia, only to find it was closed. The staff, who were finishing up for the day, watched him in awe as he tried the door a couple of times, couldn't get in and went home. I don't suppose he bragged about that to his mates, especially as he was filmed with a gun in his hand while "breaking in" and is wanted for attempted armed robbery. If he had a brain he would dangerous.

(Just for the record, I never went that bank robbing route, because my face is allergic to nylon stockings and I couldn't afford silk.)

So what is the pettiest or most stupid / failed crime you ever heard of or experienced?

With a name like Uncanny broadcasting Brain, it seems appropriate to see an uncanny resemblance to a brain on this broadcaster's logo. (btw don't try to manipulate him, he's too brainy for that.)

Money-Making Mike is dabbling in celebrity gossip and doing OK, thanks very much. He dabbles in news videos at Voxant too, and is also doing OK, thanks very much. Midas Mike is the man.

After handing over several deserving Golden Cocks of Excellence awards, as you do, Lord Likely dusted himself down and proceeded to be framed and hanged. Life just isn't fair.

Getting dumped on Saturday night ain't so bad, if you know Wolfbernz. Every Saturday, his mighty Blog Dumps team will show you a good time and show your blog off to the world too. Party on, people.

Polliwog's Pond is out in the wild these days. And full of passion. Not many book and film reviews catch my eye, but Polli pulls it off with a tale of Alaskan bravado. Ribbit ribbit.

Debbie asked me to comment on the Charlotte-Genesee Lighthouse Fresnel feud. After much deliberation, as long as they don't stand in front of the lighthouse, they should fire the cannon at each other.

Somehow the Japanese cannot see that over-fishing and cruelty to intelligent and ecologically important dolphins and whales is so un-21st century. A pity dolphins can't stick hooks in fishermen.

Kdub has symptoms of a disease - a disease to please everyone. Personally, I say let 'em all down and the consequences be damned. (Actually, that is what I say in my head, but in reality...)

$25000 for a dessert! Now you are talking. But being a practical chocaholic, I would rather have 3000 very generous portions of Death by Chocolate. Does that sound wrong?

Forget ethanol from subsidised corn or sugar, we need to tap into the potential of inedible algae. It would be easier to stop driving but that is an insoluble part of the conservation equation.

A quick mention of a killer comment from Linda. In response to a post I did on Chinese porn, she wrote,

Chinese porn, eh? Does one order that by the numbers? And do you get an eggroll??

Keep 'em coming.

There is some irony in the fact that a writer extraordinaire like Stephen Colbert cannot appear on TV these days because his writers are on strike. Isn't that like a corn-for-ethanol farmer dying of starvation?

Anyway, in this video from my VodPod collection, Sean Penn gets it in the neck from Colbert for speaking out against the president of the USA, even before the country went to war in Iraq. I think it is pure jealousy on Colbert's part - Penn, working out what millions couldn't, and without any help from a back-up staff either. Penn is an extraordinary actor, destined for great things in politics, if he is ever allowed to get a word in edgeways in a debate.

(Unless you like crackly applause, I found it was best to start then stop the video straight away, and let it load fully before playing it.)

MyBlogLog Sunday 32 hits the ground groggy. Cold nights are supposed to be cozy, but not here on the East coast. It is bloody freezing in this attic room, and my portable heating unit, Mrs Ed, is away, and I didn't sleep a wink. Luckily the sun streaming through the window heated my bones and I was able to nod off for a bit, so I am not totally out of it.

Enough of disrupted sleep patterns and nights without warm wives. As usual, the 10 bloggers in the screenshot will get a mini review, a relatively juicy PR4 backlink, plus a link to your MyBlogLog community... and for grins, I will stumble any posts from any bloggers (featured or not) who leave a link to their own favorite post of the week. What more do you want?!

There are murmurings about a neat new twist in the MyBlogLog Sunday feature, but as yet, plans are so secret, I would have to kill myself if I revealed more. So stay tuned.

MyBlogLog Sunday info links

Be back later. And this video review from Breaking News will shed some light on what goes on, if you haven't called by before.

A little while ago I updated my operating system and all has gone well, apart from the spam filter on Mail. The software to protect my tender eyes from horrendous porn, money-making and gaming sites is non existent and I have been bombarded with all the junk under the sun. Who are these people?!!!!

After weeks of digital crap, I have to concede that the subliminal effects of spam have finally worn my sub-conscious down. I have to confess that I actually went to a poker site. And worse than that, I went through the process of registering as a guest, and I watched a game in progress, and ... my name is Ed, I'm cross-eyed, and I'm a gamblaholic. But look at the graphic, can you blame me for not being able to resist?



Pies. You can throw pies if you sign up!

I am going to look into incorporating the Triplejack team into the Pisstakers. After all, it is a service I feel we all need to have access to, 24-7.

MyBlogLog Sunday

Yet another 7 days have almost elapsed since last Sunday. So, if you have a blog, and a MyBlogLog account, gird yourselves for an early Sunday morning visit to this site to book yourselves a mini review and back link. (It's a PR4 link now, I'm afraid. Google knee-capped sites left and right, and I am a victim too!)

No idea what this feature is all about? There is a video!

Dog the bounty hunter is barking mad

I think I gave Duane "Dog" Chapman too much credit when I painted him as a semi-victim of the weird racist vocabulary protocol that seems to have Americans of every color tied up in confused, politically correct knots.

For the record, the bounty hunter is a PR disaster of the grandest proportions, or as a blunt Brit might say, "Racism is the least of your problems, Dog. You are a dick head who should go nowhere without a director to beep out your every word."

Now I have that off my chest, have a good weekend. hasta mañana.

One minute, the financial analysts on TV are catching falling knives, and in the next knee-jerk they are talking about dropping shoes. Have these people not got a grip on anything?

Falling knife

Technically, a falling knife is a good stock whose share price has dropped suddenly, usually on a rumor, and nobody knows how far it will fall before (hopefully) it bounces straight back to where it originally started its descent. .

For instance, Sothebys stock dropped 33% overnight because they couldn't sell a bunch of van Goghs and someone said that was the end of the auction market! That sort of sudden and immense discounts in "a good company" attracts a lot of investor attention and greedy hands start twitching on the buy buttons.

When stock plummets like this, opportunists have to make a judgement call and only hindsight determines the right call. For instance, the naysayers at Wall St say the auction market for the super rich is dying in the face of recession, so Sothebys really is worth 33% less than its original price

On the other hand, the falling knife catchers believe that Sothebys is fine, and all that happened is, art collectors finally realised that van Gogh is over-priced crap and they are simply waiting for better art to invest in. Take your pick.

Unfortunately, most buyers in these situations will cut themselves badly on the blade of the falling knife! Knives are sharp, (just ask van Gogh or any investor trying top call the bottom in financials, housing, auto, er, the whole damn stock market right now!).

Dropping shoe

Day after day, financial institutions are reporting mega billion write-offs and day after the day, the financial media are reporting this as dropping shoes!!

The only tenuous connection I can think of between shoes and incompetent bankers is the kicking they are giving to American homeowners looking for a mortgage at a reasonable rate? Or is it related to Crocs, a crock of gold that has turned to a crock of shite - a once falling knife that finally buried itself up to the hilt in investor's grippy hands and never recovered from a poor earnings report and a passing and stupid trendy design. See Crocs stock dying a death

It's all in the spin

There is a comedy sketch where a guy goes to a bank that just burnt down. He is distraught, thinking he has lost all his money, but the cashier, Rowan Atkinson, assures him everything is fine.

"We managed to save your shoe box from the fire."

"What do you mean, my shoe box?"

"Yes sir, your money is safe with us." and he produces a shoe box full to bursting with the client's savings.

Let's hope the big financials don't have any similar surprises in store for us over the next few months. I like living in this attic and would hate the banks to suddenly change their terms, get us foreclosed on and evicted on the end of a bailiff's size 12 Crocs.

Ever start digging on the beach and wonder where you might end up? The Journey to the Center of the Earth would be a hot one, but once you broke through the magma, it would be all down hill till you popped out the other side. In my case, I would emerge a little drenched off the SW coast of Australia.



And your hole digging destination would be?

And thanks to OS9User for the tip off.

OK - MyBlogLog Sunday 31 has been revealed finally, on Wednesday. You can blame beautiful Washington state for the delay. What a great place! I know, I should have been blogging, but all that fresh air and espresso made me sleep like a wired baby. Enjoy!

Blog Dumps continues to improve the internet, offering advice on copyright violation. Not to mention, acting as a directory to tons of blogs and hosting loads of multimedia.

Dave usually blogs around the cruise world, but in his spare time relieves the boredom on another blog. One recent post sheds light on this day in history. Can you recall what you were dealing with?

Recapping 100 posts is no mean feat, but Lord Likely has pulled it off, listing what looks like 100 titles to past posts. Join him in his centenary celebrations, and slide under the table, drunk.

Hey pirates, watch out now! Attribution-Non-commercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License allows others to download content & share Debbie's content with others as long as they mention her...

Claire is a prolific blogger, rambler and student. Somehow she also has time to study baby stuff on racy Channel 4, and listens to Bloc Party. Sadly she sings to that band too. You've been warned!

Environmentally friendly Rob advises us of a floating Pacific island of trash. Plastic plankton, coca cola crustaceans, non-biodegradable tuna - sounds like sea food is off the menu for a while.

At last, I Eat Snowman Poop got up in time for MyBlogLog Sunday. The next big day on the calendar is when mini IESP arrives kicking and screaming in this mad crazy world. Feel the pain.

A billion dollars' worth of baloney mentions Winston Churchill. Billy Warhol's contributors provide an eclectic mix of content plus auto-launching music. Shame about the musical intrusion.

Kdub is a wise man and I have noted this advice. “Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye.” I also try to keep my options open and wink one eye too.

For a trip down mammary lane, check out Olga's blog. Meet the first bra, great-great-great grandbra, Ima Holdinemfromfloppin, and others. This is a witty trip below the shirt, hopefully not below the belt.

Little did I know that my recent post about Dog the Bounty Hunter would be the last pseudo-supportive piece of prose ever written about the guy!

It looks like he had an animated chat with his son, (a person he did trust), used a few choice, politically inappropriate beep ber beep beep words (about someone he didn't trust), and ended up in the racist dog house. Barking madness.

Why is it madness to villify Dog the Bounty Hunter for using the word Nigger? How long have you got!



It may be offensive to adults too, or to anyone with a sense of fairness who is offended by double standards and too many beeps on TV.

Dogg dogs women of color with impunity

A certain rapper canine character called Doggy uses the N word in the most foul contexts. He seems to demean men and women of color for a living. But that is OK, the animal with words has millions of fans who think he is cool, and buy his records, endorsing his use of inflammatory language. I think I am in the minority on this one, so I bow to the judgement of the masses.

But wait a minute, why is the white-skinned Dog being whipped for saying the same word used on a minute-by-minute basis by god-like Doggy?

It looks like you need to have 2 g's in your name to blacken your reputation with impunity.

Alternatively, if you come out the womb singing nasty demeaning language, maybe you are set up for a life of racial insulting without fear of retribution.

Or is it the way you spell and punctuate insults that makes the difference?

And talking of spelling, is it politically incorrect for dyslexic racists to refer to the country of Niger? Just asking.

Ed, the honky cracka teabag, finds this to be very bizarre protocol.

But just for balance in this loony situation, I also have no time for the hypocritical reality TV execs who axed Dog's show. They are just pissed because they didn't get a chance to edit his reality expletives before the conversation made it into the public domain. Muvva beepers.

It's another West coast MyBlogLog Sunday. This time we are in "sunny" Seattle. At this precise moment there is a ray of very early morning sunshine, but this is pure luck, because looking behind me, I sense a true-to-form cloud brewing. But I am sounding way too British, talking weather, when there is more pressing news.

This is the time to address the 10 mini reviewees, ie the last MyBlogLog bloggers who visited this site before I hit blogger mode today. Stars from WolfBernz to OlgaTTB are getting reviewed in normal fashion. The only proviso this week, is that I am not sure if the reviews will materialize today, it is all internet connection-dependent! And, sorry, but no video from Breaking News. We have had our chance of glory, much appreciated, guys, and I have been awakened to look for more media opportunities in the future. Something, anything, to keep this feature fresh and alive!! Only kidding.

Reviewed bloggers get a juicy PR5 (thanks to Google, a PR4) backlink, plus a link to their MyBlogLog community... and as it is Sunday, and we are supposed to play nice at least one day a week, I will even stumble posts from the bloggers who leave a link to their own favorite post of the week.

(Usually this kicks off at 10 - 11 am Eastern time, but I have no clue what time it is anywhere, what with a new time zone, changing clocks and a series of out-of-whack phones and laptop.) Have a good one.

MyBlogLog Sunday info links

Be back later.

That is a fairly gross title to an article, if your mind is wired that way! But seriously, it seems from the evidence that I have been incorporated into a Far Eastern search engine that has lots of erotic piccies in the margins. The site is Favorstar.



Don't be afraid to click through and gawp at porno photos - they barely reach the hanky panky oriental style category, and will even make your protestant spinster grandmother roll her eyes in disappointment. But you know that it is just the tip of the iceberg and very soon, the site will be pointing and clicking visitors down a path to sexual rack and ruin.

I have no idea how I got involved in this chicanery, and don't know whether one day I will receive a check for 2 million Yuan for search services rendered, but if you get the urge to go looking, give it a go.

Don't forget Sunday

There should be some way cool mini reviewing going on with MyBlogLogLog Sunday. I say should because again, I am heading West and all being well, they have internet in that part of the USA! Did you catch the OS9User Breaking News video of MBL Sunday 30? Check it out if you haven't.

Have a good one, and thanks to the 9000 visitors last month. Much appreciated, and I hope to keep it fresh and relatively amusing around here for a while longer, so tell all your friend.

A matter of thirds

A stable boy was telling me how they shave the coat of a certain shaggy horse every Spring. He said they sharpen up a set of blades and after doing a quarter of the horse, the first blade is blunt as a badger's ass, so they use another one for the next quarter, and so on.

"You know what, Ed, by the time we've finished shaving that fricking horse we've used 3 blades." Go figure!

After discovering the New England Lighthouses blog via MyBlogLog Sunday, I was a bit taken aback to learn that the author is calling it a day. She is fed up doing work that others are copying and taking the credit for.

I can understand how demoralising it must be to compile an article that requires research and creativity, only to see some robot take the credit for it elsewhere on the splog-a-net. It isn't right. The only consolation I can offer is that splogged bloggers, or sploggees, are in good company. Shakespeare copied Sir Francis Bacon, if you believe the historians.

On the plus side, if it is good enough to copy, it s good material! (Not my words by the way, I have few original thoughts in my head this morning.)

Protection from copyright thieves

So what can be done to avoid wholesale theft of original material?

Don't publish work on a publicly available platform. (How demoralising, to write a literary gem, only to have to lock it in your drawers for posterity. And how stressful to die in the hope that the people who discover your words after your death, attribute the work correctly. Being plagiarised in the grave is not a pretty prospect.)

Write your work in code and distribute the key to discerning readers. (That counts me out, I can't even de-code the numbers indicating which check-out desk is open at the supermarket.)

Start a Name and Shame website. (Debbie has a great blueprint. )

"Name and shame" could be one way to solve this problem using a unique site called "B.A.N. - Blogger Alert Network" or some catchy name where every blogger spotlights the "protected by B.A.N." link.

The B.A.N. Hall of Shame site would list any site using feeds and content without the author's permission or sites changing the name of the author.

She doesn't know how to set up and administer such a site, but maybe you do?

Get rid of copyright laws An ITH journalist champions the Dutch ideas on copyright. They say, ban copyright and instantly prevent corporate copyright holders from charging for access to culturally important entities. The Dutch say that important works should be available to the people at no cost. Hear, hear. (This is an easy thesis for a journalist to endorse, when your salary is paid by the newspaper publishing this sort of thesis!)

If you don't understand copyright laws, try this for size. And if you want to check if an article has been copied elsewhere, run it through - I can't find the site right now. HELP!!!!

And feel free to copy this article, it is linked to The Pisstakers!