Royal Mail strike a battle royal
The landscape of Britain is set to change for the worst, as The Royal Mail, by appointment of Her Majesty the Queen, comes under siege from corporate schill managers battling it out with the unions.
According to age old tradition, Posties join the 200 year-old postal service, proud to wear royal uniforms bedecked with glittering queen badges and regal trim. They traipse on foot, bicycle and donkey to the farthest extremes of the British kingdom, serving the public with a cheery smile, whistling the national anthem, 6 days a week in any weather. When their postbags are empty, they go home for a nice cup of tea, be it earlier than scheduled in their contract, or on time.
Traditional-minded posties work under the guidance of dour grey-suited corporate managers whose public spiritedness begins and ends with the maximisation of profits. They pore over spreadsheets, sorting, listing and manipulating the data - maximising deliveries of paper-based units to carbon-based citizens living in faceless densely packed and orderly numbered dwellings. Ne'er the twain shall meet.
The Royal Mail management says the workers have to do whatever it takes to modernise to beat off competition from upstanding corporations like Fed Ex and TNT. The workers' union says no problem, but not at any cost. The mention of "any cost" sends shivers down the spines of Royal Mail bean counters, and reconciliation seems impossible.
Rightly, the unions insist that a strike is not in their members' interest, as it will turn customers away from the Post Office and into the clutches of private companies like Fed Ex and UPS - forever. The Union leader announced,
"Once businesses leave the Royal mail and see what the private service providers can do, they will never come back."
"Quite." replied a smug manager, "When customers get a sniff of a true 21st century service, we will lose 97.5% of our current business. But on the plus side, Royal mail will be well positioned to make better profits than ever before. When we lay off 50% of the workforce and deliver that 97.5% less mail on time, the British public will thank us heartily."
To be continued...
Where tradition and corporation clash
According to age old tradition, Posties join the 200 year-old postal service, proud to wear royal uniforms bedecked with glittering queen badges and regal trim. They traipse on foot, bicycle and donkey to the farthest extremes of the British kingdom, serving the public with a cheery smile, whistling the national anthem, 6 days a week in any weather. When their postbags are empty, they go home for a nice cup of tea, be it earlier than scheduled in their contract, or on time.
Traditional-minded posties work under the guidance of dour grey-suited corporate managers whose public spiritedness begins and ends with the maximisation of profits. They pore over spreadsheets, sorting, listing and manipulating the data - maximising deliveries of paper-based units to carbon-based citizens living in faceless densely packed and orderly numbered dwellings. Ne'er the twain shall meet.
Right royal strike action
The Royal Mail management says the workers have to do whatever it takes to modernise to beat off competition from upstanding corporations like Fed Ex and TNT. The workers' union says no problem, but not at any cost. The mention of "any cost" sends shivers down the spines of Royal Mail bean counters, and reconciliation seems impossible.
One strike and out - of business
Rightly, the unions insist that a strike is not in their members' interest, as it will turn customers away from the Post Office and into the clutches of private companies like Fed Ex and UPS - forever. The Union leader announced,
"Once businesses leave the Royal mail and see what the private service providers can do, they will never come back."
"Quite." replied a smug manager, "When customers get a sniff of a true 21st century service, we will lose 97.5% of our current business. But on the plus side, Royal mail will be well positioned to make better profits than ever before. When we lay off 50% of the workforce and deliver that 97.5% less mail on time, the British public will thank us heartily."
To be continued...
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Blog Action Day Climate change
Thank the polluted heavens and all that is holey for climate change. Thanks to CO2, particulates and ozone, the weather is going to open up brand new horizons for everyone with a sense of adventure and enterprise.
Now, instead of battling the predictable Atlantic elements and the moaning blue rinse brigade on a lame transatlantic cruise, I can take a derring-do summer cruise on a tall ship full of bare chested salty sailors right through the middle of the Arctic Circle. No need to worry about ice bergs, they have all melted. No need to trek miles over frozen wastes to catch sight of a polar bear. Just sit in the deck chair sipping a cool beer and watch the white furry moulting beasties float by on blocks of fast melt ice.
Thanks to climate change, we will be able to do what no Viking could ever do - go skinny dipping off the Greenland coast. The opportunities are endless.
Thanks to climate change, my gas bill will be a fraction of what it is now, the heating rarely on. And the rising electric costs to run the 24/7 air con will be whipped back into normality by the "free" power produced by the government-sponsored wind turbine the size of the Eiffel Tower, spinning noisily in my desertified back garden. I(ronic that allusion to France, seeing as it will be the incumbent French government sponsoring the windmill, not my own British one, since all the MPs will have hot footed it off to the milder climes of a Siberian gulag to run up their expenses in peace.)
With climate change comes opportunity for entrepreneurs. The "Save the Planet" emblazoned ear plugs won't be for protection against the horrendous whooshing of spinning blades, but rather will shield us from the disturbing screeches of errant birds being ripped to shreds overhead.
Sweat bands will be all the rage as we swelter under 90 degree winter suns, and neoprene will be all the rage with nomads right across the sub saharan flood plains. Tsunami burgers and typhoon tea will be the next big thing across the corporate globe. Thanks be to climate change, change is a wonderful thing.
Adventure that is climate change.
Now, instead of battling the predictable Atlantic elements and the moaning blue rinse brigade on a lame transatlantic cruise, I can take a derring-do summer cruise on a tall ship full of bare chested salty sailors right through the middle of the Arctic Circle. No need to worry about ice bergs, they have all melted. No need to trek miles over frozen wastes to catch sight of a polar bear. Just sit in the deck chair sipping a cool beer and watch the white furry moulting beasties float by on blocks of fast melt ice.
Thanks to climate change, we will be able to do what no Viking could ever do - go skinny dipping off the Greenland coast. The opportunities are endless.
Dropping monthly bills thanks to climate change
Thanks to climate change, my gas bill will be a fraction of what it is now, the heating rarely on. And the rising electric costs to run the 24/7 air con will be whipped back into normality by the "free" power produced by the government-sponsored wind turbine the size of the Eiffel Tower, spinning noisily in my desertified back garden. I(ronic that allusion to France, seeing as it will be the incumbent French government sponsoring the windmill, not my own British one, since all the MPs will have hot footed it off to the milder climes of a Siberian gulag to run up their expenses in peace.)
Enterprise and climate change
With climate change comes opportunity for entrepreneurs. The "Save the Planet" emblazoned ear plugs won't be for protection against the horrendous whooshing of spinning blades, but rather will shield us from the disturbing screeches of errant birds being ripped to shreds overhead.
Sweat bands will be all the rage as we swelter under 90 degree winter suns, and neoprene will be all the rage with nomads right across the sub saharan flood plains. Tsunami burgers and typhoon tea will be the next big thing across the corporate globe. Thanks be to climate change, change is a wonderful thing.
