Boat buying tips
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Deadliest Catch v Tuna Wranglers
Boat buying tips, cool boat names...
As the year draws to an end, I dived into some archives and found a bunch of posts about boats.
If you are thinking of escaping the recession, here's a tip. Read my tips for buying a boat. If nothing else, the tips should help you understand the nature of a woodie!
And if you do buy a boat, the best thing to do is to pack your vessel up with cool aid and hallucenagenics and sail off to a Pacific island in it. 2009 is not going to be worth living in the real world, according to the media.
I thought the Campbells Condensed Sloop was quite funny, but that's me. Send in some more boat names to populate the small but perfectly formed list.
Or as we common folks say, Boat chatter!
See you tomorrow.
Boat-buying tips
If you are thinking of escaping the recession, here's a tip. Read my tips for buying a boat. If nothing else, the tips should help you understand the nature of a woodie!
And if you do buy a boat, the best thing to do is to pack your vessel up with cool aid and hallucenagenics and sail off to a Pacific island in it. 2009 is not going to be worth living in the real world, according to the media.
Cool boat names
I thought the Campbells Condensed Sloop was quite funny, but that's me. Send in some more boat names to populate the small but perfectly formed list.
Boat charter
Or as we common folks say, Boat chatter!
See you tomorrow.
Cool boat names
What's in a boat name? Lots.
We went around a few L.A. marinas looking at sail boats, but of all the multi-million dollar poseur vessels belonging to the rich and fatuous, this little dinghy raised the most attention.
That smart name reminded me of another mariner's clever play on words, Cirrhosis of the River.
I am sure there are thousand more cool boat names, and if you know one feel free to contribute.
We went around a few L.A. marinas looking at sail boats, but of all the multi-million dollar poseur vessels belonging to the rich and fatuous, this little dinghy raised the most attention.
Campbells condensed sloop
That smart name reminded me of another mariner's clever play on words, Cirrhosis of the River.
I am sure there are thousand more cool boat names, and if you know one feel free to contribute.
Boat charter
Did I say boat charter? I meant boat chatter! Here are a few examples of the banter that goes on in a boatyard - and you wouldn't want to charter a boat repaired by this first character.
You don't know what you are doing. You are wrecking this boat.
[Irate] What do you mean! You don't even know what I am doing.
I know enough to know that you shouldn't be working on that boat.
[irate] I'll show you. I am going to ... to paint a swastika on the side of the boat you're working on.
Uh? Whatever. I expect you will paint it upside down.
I was standing chartering to a shipwright when he suddenly stopped mid-sentence and yelled "Oi, boat on the run!"
I looked around and sure enough, a big sailboat on a trailer was rolling out of a hangar on its own, careening serenely across the yard. Two lads were sprinting to get ahead of it and inches before it hit a really expensive boat, they jammed on the brake - the brake that one of them should have engaged in the first place.
"That was a close one," I said.
"Shit." said the shipwright, shaking his head in disappointment "Another few inches and that would have been some nice insurance work for me."
Clearly the art of ambulance chasing isn't restricted to lawyers.
A guy went to look at a boat that had been on a trailer outside a warehouse - a warehouse that had caught fire. At the meeting, he was led to believe that only one side of the fiberglass hull had suffered some fire damage, some fairly minor damage, but the owner was so distraught, he just wanted to get shot of it. The price was indeed quite juicy, and led the bargain hunter to think it was more like a boat donation than a boat sale.
Snickering secretly inside, he didn't want to ask too many questions, in case the owner upped the asking price on a very neat yacht that would be worth 6 figures after a quick touch-up.
When he towed it away, the nautical nutter planned on 12 weeks to sort out the cosmetic issues to his "steal", and get the boat back in the water, a fair few bucks ahead. Boat donation rang in his ears.
12 months and mucho bucks later, he finally finished the boat repairs and re-launched it, a lot wiser about the full blistering effects of fire on fiberglass. He is now a zealous promoter of boat surveyors, those experts who charge a fair amount for their services, but whose assessment of damage can save you mucho bucks and time.
Before entering a boatyard it is best learn that BOAT stands for Break Out Another Thousand.
Typically, a boat repair takes twice as long as anticipated, which for most small jobs, even at $105 an hour is not going to leave a boat owner totally destitute. However, those involved in a major overhaul often find themselves in tears, openly crying or silently praying that the earth opens up and swallows them, before the boat swallows all their energy and cash.
Standing in a cold shower pushing hundred dollar bills down the plug hole.
Argument between two shipwrights
[Irate] What do you mean! You don't even know what I am doing.
I know enough to know that you shouldn't be working on that boat.
[irate] I'll show you. I am going to ... to paint a swastika on the side of the boat you're working on.
Uh? Whatever. I expect you will paint it upside down.
Boat covers plenty of ground
I was standing chartering to a shipwright when he suddenly stopped mid-sentence and yelled "Oi, boat on the run!"
I looked around and sure enough, a big sailboat on a trailer was rolling out of a hangar on its own, careening serenely across the yard. Two lads were sprinting to get ahead of it and inches before it hit a really expensive boat, they jammed on the brake - the brake that one of them should have engaged in the first place.
"That was a close one," I said.
"Shit." said the shipwright, shaking his head in disappointment "Another few inches and that would have been some nice insurance work for me."
Clearly the art of ambulance chasing isn't restricted to lawyers.
Boat donations can prove expensive
A guy went to look at a boat that had been on a trailer outside a warehouse - a warehouse that had caught fire. At the meeting, he was led to believe that only one side of the fiberglass hull had suffered some fire damage, some fairly minor damage, but the owner was so distraught, he just wanted to get shot of it. The price was indeed quite juicy, and led the bargain hunter to think it was more like a boat donation than a boat sale.
Snickering secretly inside, he didn't want to ask too many questions, in case the owner upped the asking price on a very neat yacht that would be worth 6 figures after a quick touch-up.
When he towed it away, the nautical nutter planned on 12 weeks to sort out the cosmetic issues to his "steal", and get the boat back in the water, a fair few bucks ahead. Boat donation rang in his ears.
Boat with a cause - for concern
12 months and mucho bucks later, he finally finished the boat repairs and re-launched it, a lot wiser about the full blistering effects of fire on fiberglass. He is now a zealous promoter of boat surveyors, those experts who charge a fair amount for their services, but whose assessment of damage can save you mucho bucks and time.
Rock bottom boat prices
Before entering a boatyard it is best learn that BOAT stands for Break Out Another Thousand.
Typically, a boat repair takes twice as long as anticipated, which for most small jobs, even at $105 an hour is not going to leave a boat owner totally destitute. However, those involved in a major overhaul often find themselves in tears, openly crying or silently praying that the earth opens up and swallows them, before the boat swallows all their energy and cash.
Things can only get better, now we have hit rock bottom.
Definition of sailing
Standing in a cold shower pushing hundred dollar bills down the plug hole.
