Laughter the best medicine for tooth ache
I had tooth ache after a load of dental work. Not happy, I went back. Within 20 seconds of the inspection, the dentist told me the good news - there was nothing wrong with his work. I thought he was screwing with me, my teeth really did ache.
He then told me the bad news - my tooth ache was real, and related to stress. I'd been grinding and if I wanted a cure, I probably needed to go see a psychiatrist! I was dentally insane.
Perhaps if he hadn't charged me $1200 on the last visit, I wouldn't be so freaked out and subliminally stressed?
Seeing as we are talking teeth, and the damage presumably caused by what we eat, truck on over to Laughter is the Best Medicine for a heads-up on a bad diet.
He then told me the bad news - my tooth ache was real, and related to stress. I'd been grinding and if I wanted a cure, I probably needed to go see a psychiatrist! I was dentally insane.
Perhaps if he hadn't charged me $1200 on the last visit, I wouldn't be so freaked out and subliminally stressed?
Seeing as we are talking teeth, and the damage presumably caused by what we eat, truck on over to Laughter is the Best Medicine for a heads-up on a bad diet.
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Different user interfaces for blogs
Over at Ed's Blogspot you can see a few ideas for different blog presentation styles. Of all the different user interfaces the only one missing, I think, is the smell-based blog. That's probably coming on a whiff near you, sometime in the future.
It doesn't matter how pretty the interface, if the content sucks... I Hate your Website makes no bones about sucky sites. In a clear and funny way they show the worst of the web. Any site mentioned, just don't even go there, even out of pity. The Pisstakers is probably heading for an entry on that site in the near future.
What makes a blog unreadable? If you can stumble through the less than perfect the grammer, the article in the link will tell you excatly what you need to know.
Celebrity game show hosts, game show mania
Ever watched a game show host make a total tit of themselves with a cheesy one-liner spoon-fed from the auto-cue? I thought so. It's embarrassing, isn't it!
And have you ever cringed and thought "What celebrity idiot with an ounce of talent would go for a crap TV game show gig, just to earn a few bucks and another entry on the resumé?" If so...
"Eyes down, ladies and gentlemen, and question the judgement of the following celebrities - and give thanks to the guys at Game Show Fame for doing all the donkey work for us!"
If game show mania has taken you over, call this number and ask for help to control your compulsive game show behaviour. Technically, I suppose the Intervention program is a sort of game show in itself now - except there are no prizes for guessing who is going to cry first...
And have you ever cringed and thought "What celebrity idiot with an ounce of talent would go for a crap TV game show gig, just to earn a few bucks and another entry on the resumé?" If so...
"Eyes down, ladies and gentlemen, and question the judgement of the following celebrities - and give thanks to the guys at Game Show Fame for doing all the donkey work for us!"
If game show mania has taken you over, call this number and ask for help to control your compulsive game show behaviour. Technically, I suppose the Intervention program is a sort of game show in itself now - except there are no prizes for guessing who is going to cry first...
Of bail outs and bills
If you ask me, the bail-outs are proof that banks don't need our money, they need someone to lend them a book on how to run a profitable business.
One man hoping for a bail out (of jail) is Wesley Snipes. Back in 2008, he went down for 3 years for not paying a $15m tax bill. A $5m peace offering in court didn't save him, but there is some hope. If the government keeps on bailing out badly acting bank CEO's, the prison housing the actor, Snipes, will be closed down due to lack of state funding.
Air India humor
Here's a funny travel story inspired by a transatlantic flight on Air India, JFK to Heathrow.
In-flight food can be tricky to negotiate at the best of times, but when a passenger takes his own exotic Indian meal onboard...
Ever thought of ways to keep noisy kids under control on a long flight? Try Fly Home Alone on Air India.
While I was out and about, I heard (and recalled) a few funny travel stories from the past. If you have any, send 'em in and Ed will link to you.
Hurricane Erin blows for Wall Street
Martial arts billing: Van Damme v Seagal
Worst review said Ed doesn't talk enough!
Don't go on a Bermuda Triangle cruise
Got any cool boat names?
Online identity search
Food for thought on generating traffic
Observations about merchandise
Boat buying tips
Deadliest Catch v Tuna Wranglers
Boat charter
Did I say boat charter? I meant boat chatter! Here are a few examples of the banter that goes on in a boatyard - and you wouldn't want to charter a boat repaired by this first character.
You don't know what you are doing. You are wrecking this boat.
[Irate] What do you mean! You don't even know what I am doing.
I know enough to know that you shouldn't be working on that boat.
[irate] I'll show you. I am going to ... to paint a swastika on the side of the boat you're working on.
Uh? Whatever. I expect you will paint it upside down.
I was standing chartering to a shipwright when he suddenly stopped mid-sentence and yelled "Oi, boat on the run!"
I looked around and sure enough, a big sailboat on a trailer was rolling out of a hangar on its own, careening serenely across the yard. Two lads were sprinting to get ahead of it and inches before it hit a really expensive boat, they jammed on the brake - the brake that one of them should have engaged in the first place.
"That was a close one," I said.
"Shit." said the shipwright, shaking his head in disappointment "Another few inches and that would have been some nice insurance work for me."
Clearly the art of ambulance chasing isn't restricted to lawyers.
A guy went to look at a boat that had been on a trailer outside a warehouse - a warehouse that had caught fire. At the meeting, he was led to believe that only one side of the fiberglass hull had suffered some fire damage, some fairly minor damage, but the owner was so distraught, he just wanted to get shot of it. The price was indeed quite juicy, and led the bargain hunter to think it was more like a boat donation than a boat sale.
Snickering secretly inside, he didn't want to ask too many questions, in case the owner upped the asking price on a very neat yacht that would be worth 6 figures after a quick touch-up.
When he towed it away, the nautical nutter planned on 12 weeks to sort out the cosmetic issues to his "steal", and get the boat back in the water, a fair few bucks ahead. Boat donation rang in his ears.
12 months and mucho bucks later, he finally finished the boat repairs and re-launched it, a lot wiser about the full blistering effects of fire on fiberglass. He is now a zealous promoter of boat surveyors, those experts who charge a fair amount for their services, but whose assessment of damage can save you mucho bucks and time.
Before entering a boatyard it is best learn that BOAT stands for Break Out Another Thousand.
Typically, a boat repair takes twice as long as anticipated, which for most small jobs, even at $105 an hour is not going to leave a boat owner totally destitute. However, those involved in a major overhaul often find themselves in tears, openly crying or silently praying that the earth opens up and swallows them, before the boat swallows all their energy and cash.
Standing in a cold shower pushing hundred dollar bills down the plug hole.
Argument between two shipwrights
[Irate] What do you mean! You don't even know what I am doing.
I know enough to know that you shouldn't be working on that boat.
[irate] I'll show you. I am going to ... to paint a swastika on the side of the boat you're working on.
Uh? Whatever. I expect you will paint it upside down.
Boat covers plenty of ground
I was standing chartering to a shipwright when he suddenly stopped mid-sentence and yelled "Oi, boat on the run!"
I looked around and sure enough, a big sailboat on a trailer was rolling out of a hangar on its own, careening serenely across the yard. Two lads were sprinting to get ahead of it and inches before it hit a really expensive boat, they jammed on the brake - the brake that one of them should have engaged in the first place.
"That was a close one," I said.
"Shit." said the shipwright, shaking his head in disappointment "Another few inches and that would have been some nice insurance work for me."
Clearly the art of ambulance chasing isn't restricted to lawyers.
Boat donations can prove expensive
A guy went to look at a boat that had been on a trailer outside a warehouse - a warehouse that had caught fire. At the meeting, he was led to believe that only one side of the fiberglass hull had suffered some fire damage, some fairly minor damage, but the owner was so distraught, he just wanted to get shot of it. The price was indeed quite juicy, and led the bargain hunter to think it was more like a boat donation than a boat sale.
Snickering secretly inside, he didn't want to ask too many questions, in case the owner upped the asking price on a very neat yacht that would be worth 6 figures after a quick touch-up.
When he towed it away, the nautical nutter planned on 12 weeks to sort out the cosmetic issues to his "steal", and get the boat back in the water, a fair few bucks ahead. Boat donation rang in his ears.
Boat with a cause - for concern
12 months and mucho bucks later, he finally finished the boat repairs and re-launched it, a lot wiser about the full blistering effects of fire on fiberglass. He is now a zealous promoter of boat surveyors, those experts who charge a fair amount for their services, but whose assessment of damage can save you mucho bucks and time.
Rock bottom boat prices
Before entering a boatyard it is best learn that BOAT stands for Break Out Another Thousand.
Typically, a boat repair takes twice as long as anticipated, which for most small jobs, even at $105 an hour is not going to leave a boat owner totally destitute. However, those involved in a major overhaul often find themselves in tears, openly crying or silently praying that the earth opens up and swallows them, before the boat swallows all their energy and cash.
Things can only get better, now we have hit rock bottom.
Definition of sailing
Standing in a cold shower pushing hundred dollar bills down the plug hole.
Ed's Christmas news
Merry Christmas?
I had some disturbing news from my best blog hosts at A Small Orange.
Read all about why I am so happy!!!
Sorry, kids, but there will be no Christmas next year!
With so many people forecast to lose their jobs in 2009, the contract to take out the bearded present bearer was over-subscribed. (If it's any consolation, no reindeer were unnecessarily hurt in the taking of this picture. They are sleeping, children!)
Talking of disturbing news, I couldn't get a decent slice of toast for my English Christmas breakfast! Booooooo.
After road-testing toasted Hovis on Christmas Day, I am afraid to say that the quality of Britain's favorite traditional "proper" bread has gone right down the toilet. (And the toilet is now the best place for Hovis bread, if you ask me.)
It doesn't even look the same as I remember, and when you get it out the pack, it feels all squishy. And when you cut the head off you see that it is no more than glorified brown wonder bread. And when you start digging, all you see is dough peppered with unidentifiable hard bits - marketing spiel for healthy additives.
I suspect that the Hovis people have sold out to the demands of the supermarket chains, I mean, they have changed their recipes for the good of the consumers' health?
Well, your ploy didn't work, Hovis marketeers. I am never buying a loaf of your shite again - or at least not until you improve the mix. Come on, I need to spread real butter (not genetically modified margarine) on my toast without it disintegrating. And what's with the cat head?
If Google are as good as they say they are, this video should be relevant. Here's hoping!
Now that the important Christmas news is off my chest, it's lunch time - time to bake my own bread for a Xmas left-overs sandwich. Looks like it is going to be a late lunch.
I had some disturbing news from my best blog hosts at A Small Orange.
Read all about why I am so happy!!!
Santa is dead
With so many people forecast to lose their jobs in 2009, the contract to take out the bearded present bearer was over-subscribed. (If it's any consolation, no reindeer were unnecessarily hurt in the taking of this picture. They are sleeping, children!)
Christmas food news
Talking of disturbing news, I couldn't get a decent slice of toast for my English Christmas breakfast! Booooooo.
After road-testing toasted Hovis on Christmas Day, I am afraid to say that the quality of Britain's favorite traditional "proper" bread has gone right down the toilet. (And the toilet is now the best place for Hovis bread, if you ask me.)
I suspect that the Hovis people have sold out to the demands of the supermarket chains, I mean, they have changed their recipes for the good of the consumers' health?
Well, your ploy didn't work, Hovis marketeers. I am never buying a loaf of your shite again - or at least not until you improve the mix. Come on, I need to spread real butter (not genetically modified margarine) on my toast without it disintegrating. And what's with the cat head?
This video should be about Christmas
If Google are as good as they say they are, this video should be relevant. Here's hoping!
Now that the important Christmas news is off my chest, it's lunch time - time to bake my own bread for a Xmas left-overs sandwich. Looks like it is going to be a late lunch.
Naked sports have arrived
After much deliberation, a major over haul of this immense site is underway. Without further debate or cheer, a new department has been launched at Funny HQ !!
Ladies and gentleman and subscriber, I bring you Naked Sports, a funny view and review of Naked Cycling, Naked Horse riding and Naked Rugby.
There is something for everyone with a curiosity for sports activities minus the clothes. Vaguely funny, a bit uncomfortable, (when you put yourself in the subjects' shoes!) but not too distasteful!
To keep the theme going, the Ed heads in the Naked Sports department all link to various hilarious aspects of nakedness too. Naked celebrities, funny postcards with lots of skin, naked photos, oooooooh, the list is endless!!
Let me know what you think. Enjoy.
Ladies and gentleman and subscriber, I bring you Naked Sports, a funny view and review of Naked Cycling, Naked Horse riding and Naked Rugby.
There is something for everyone with a curiosity for sports activities minus the clothes. Vaguely funny, a bit uncomfortable, (when you put yourself in the subjects' shoes!) but not too distasteful!
To keep the theme going, the Ed heads in the Naked Sports department all link to various hilarious aspects of nakedness too. Naked celebrities, funny postcards with lots of skin, naked photos, oooooooh, the list is endless!!
Let me know what you think. Enjoy.
Tobacco, Tabaco and salsa
Tobbaco is a universal product, but an impromptu web search took me on a crazy route to enlightenment about tobacco alternatives
U.S. Essex girl
In America, the star of the relatively funny story coming up would be known as a Valley girl, in the UK, as an Essex girl.
So that we all feel included, and so that I can do justice to the star, let's affectionately call her U.S. Essex girl.
A while back, we went mad and agreed to go out for a drink with a couple of friends. The conversation was fun and interesting and grown up. I choose the word "grown-up" carefully, because the intellectual level plummeted when we were joined by a mutual acquaintance and his wife.
The newly arrived wife seemed very bubbly and good fun, but after about 5 minutes, Mrs Ed and I are looking at each other thinking wtf, what an airhead. She seemed to be 45 going on 13. By the end of the evening, I would have to downgrade even that cruel assessment by a couple of years.
US Essex girl likes pink
Someone said, "Hey look at the sunset, it is really pink and spectacular." U.S. Essex girl clapped her hands and squealed, "Oooh, awesome, look, it's all pink."
Erm, OK! Mrs Ed and I are looking into space trying not to get eye contact with each other. One false look and we'd have been on the floor laughing at the woman's ludicrous enthusiasm.
Moving the conversation along, someone else said they really enjoyed this time of year because of the longer days. Everyone understood that she was referring to the feelgood factor of light mornings and late summer evenings. Of course, U.S. Essex girl got the wrong end of the stick - again - and asked all enthusiastic, "So, what time did you get up this morning?"
Uh? It was like one of those awkward moments when a foreigner doesn't quite understand the question. "Giselle, where did you go on holiday?" And Giselle tries to look intelligent and replies, "Yes". You normally try to say something, so as not to make the Giselles of this world feel stupid. In this case, I was thinking, "I can't be bothered explaining. She's just fricking stupid!!"
The US Essex girl gets her head around menial work
Finally, someone was explaining how fascinating, (but simple) their job was. They conducted surveys of marine life on remote islands. The work sounded glamorous, but they insisted it was simple, counting seabirds and sticking tags on seals' ears. Everyone except U.S. Essex girl understood that her job required her to be methodical rather than brilliant. (If you ask me, it sounded like great work, if you could get it.)
Never one to miss an opportunity to advance the conversation with a valid or original thought, U.S. Essex girl squealed, "Oooh, that's so great, I do admire you, I could never do that sort of job."
You could feel the relief at the prospect of some valid chit chat. At last!
Wrong!
"Why couldn't you do that?" asked the marine surveyor, obviously bemused that counting birds could pose problems for anyone with more than half a brain.
"Ooooh, all that attention to detail ..."
For fuck's sake, how detailed is the menial process of stapling tags to seal ears? Does math get too complex once your bird count reaches double figures? Where did this ditzy woman come from? Was is it time for her to take her curve ball back to the left field?
The revealing truth about US Essex girl
On our way home, Mrs Ed explained that U.S. Essex girl was in faxct a typical valley girl, a concept I had heard of, but never experienced first hand before. She said that the species are famed for having, amongst other things, no original thought in their head, but they do have this incredible ability to perm the concept of "awesome" a thousand different ways. No kidding.
Thinking about UK Essex girls, I was about to ask if the lady in question also wore white stiletto heels, ever dyed her hair peroxide blonde, was promiscuous, loud, prone to verbal vulgarity, and socialised at downmarket nightclubs in large groups - but I decided to hold my tongue.
Do you have a pet valley girl in your town? Do share!!!!
Obama brings hope
Congratulations Obama. This is a great day for the world - and I am being semi serious about that. Wherever and whoever you are, it is easier to smile again - some feat, at a time when the financial system's pyramid selling spree has ended in collapse; the workforces of the world are looking over their shoulder for the impending boot; wars are going horribly wrong...
Mr Obama has created history and done what no other Kenyan American has ever done - spent over $600m on advertising and campaigning! Thankfully it was money well spent, as he won an election, secured a puppy for his kids, and had the grace to speak with such power and conviction, that even this old cynic believes he brings genuine hope. We opened a bottle of bubbly and toasted the new US president. I am a teetotal blogger and woke up with a headache, but I'll live.
Cheers.
Mr Obama has created history and done what no other Kenyan American has ever done - spent over $600m on advertising and campaigning! Thankfully it was money well spent, as he won an election, secured a puppy for his kids, and had the grace to speak with such power and conviction, that even this old cynic believes he brings genuine hope. We opened a bottle of bubbly and toasted the new US president. I am a teetotal blogger and woke up with a headache, but I'll live.
Cheers.
Moquotes funny quotes for Joomla
Yo, if ya like funny quotes, check out da plug-in fo' Joomla carled Moquotes. It is from da posse at Rockwall Computer, and includes a feed of the Pisstakers highly popula' Funny Quotes of the Day.
If you don't know what Joomla is, then think Wordpress on complex carbohydrates. I was going to move this blog to Joomla, but got lost early on in the concept. My bad, because look now, there would have been a very cool plug-in to incorporate at the click of a button.
And to close this cameo exposé, a quote from funny guy Steve Martin.
(We still have a lot to master, Mister Martin.)
Posts related to funny quotes
Generate traffic from funny quotes widget
Porn & funny quotes
Funny quotes on T-shirts
Marilyn Monroe quotes
If you don't know what Joomla is, then think Wordpress on complex carbohydrates. I was going to move this blog to Joomla, but got lost early on in the concept. My bad, because look now, there would have been a very cool plug-in to incorporate at the click of a button.
And to close this cameo exposé, a quote from funny guy Steve Martin.
Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.
(We still have a lot to master, Mister Martin.)
Posts related to funny quotes
Generate traffic from funny quotes widget
Porn & funny quotes
Funny quotes on T-shirts
Marilyn Monroe quotes
Turning a crap blog into a commercial success
If you look through some of these big money-making blogs, you will probably see that Crap blog and commercial success are two terms that go hand in hand. Therefore, judging by my income from blogging, obviously The Pisstakers is one hell of a good blog!
After nearly 2 years of blog life, I have avoided taking the commercial route, blogging just for the love of it. But with a recession biting, and gas (speculators!) killing us at the pump, plus a need to plan for very early retirement, I guess it is time for me to get with the program and go all commercially oriented. Welcome to ad heaven!
Spot the adsense ads, and win $200! Only joking. I hope I am not going to upset my bank manager with my Adsense-free approach. Rolling my own ads (like the one below) has nothing to do with a deluded idea that I don't need Google. Believe me, I know the value of search engine traffico, but sometimes form wins over function.
I have used a great piece of CSS code to create my own ad layout, one that is unlikely to spoil my blog theme, unlike the eye pollution that is Google's text link box doofreys regurgitated by robots.
And let's not forget the reader experience. I know one theory that says that ads top right of each article get the most attention. Maybe they do, but to me, that is like dangling a chocolate pudding in your face before you eat a meal. For the sake of a few percentage points, I don't think there is any harm in offering ads as a dessert. Keep reading as normal, and when you get to the end, voila, some blatant commercialism that you can consume or avoid as you see fit.
There is nothing quite as unbusinesslike as trying to make money from 11 regular visitors, which is why I held back till now! For what it is worth, between 10,000 and 16,000 visitors a month have been beating their way to this place since January (despite a hiatus back in Jan / Feb when I failed to post diddly.) So with regulars and Google searchers pounding at the door to read this humorless shite in decent numbers, I am confident I can raise many eyebrows with the new in-your-face pleas for your hard earned cash.
But please, when you get here, show some self control, and don't click willy nilly on ads. Hold back till you have the cash ready to spend and then buy buy buy computer stuff from Shopzilla, or Humor Stuff from Zlio.
Naturally, monetized blogs aren't just about money, they are informative - so I will also drum the idea into your head that you should stick a SmartLinks widget on your MySpace page, blog or website. Do it just for grins, so we know what movies and music you like to buy, I mean watch and listen to.
Like all good artists, I can put the business stuff to one side and carry on, unblemished by commercial ideals. So, now it is back to the grind stone, trying to find the funny in life - for money. I have sold out, haven't I! Forgive me, I am weak.
After nearly 2 years of blog life, I have avoided taking the commercial route, blogging just for the love of it. But with a recession biting, and gas (speculators!) killing us at the pump, plus a need to plan for very early retirement, I guess it is time for me to get with the program and go all commercially oriented. Welcome to ad heaven!
Wot, no Adsense
Spot the adsense ads, and win $200! Only joking. I hope I am not going to upset my bank manager with my Adsense-free approach. Rolling my own ads (like the one below) has nothing to do with a deluded idea that I don't need Google. Believe me, I know the value of search engine traffico, but sometimes form wins over function.
I have used a great piece of CSS code to create my own ad layout, one that is unlikely to spoil my blog theme, unlike the eye pollution that is Google's text link box doofreys regurgitated by robots.
And let's not forget the reader experience. I know one theory that says that ads top right of each article get the most attention. Maybe they do, but to me, that is like dangling a chocolate pudding in your face before you eat a meal. For the sake of a few percentage points, I don't think there is any harm in offering ads as a dessert. Keep reading as normal, and when you get to the end, voila, some blatant commercialism that you can consume or avoid as you see fit.
Wot, no traffic
There is nothing quite as unbusinesslike as trying to make money from 11 regular visitors, which is why I held back till now! For what it is worth, between 10,000 and 16,000 visitors a month have been beating their way to this place since January (despite a hiatus back in Jan / Feb when I failed to post diddly.) So with regulars and Google searchers pounding at the door to read this humorless shite in decent numbers, I am confident I can raise many eyebrows with the new in-your-face pleas for your hard earned cash.
But please, when you get here, show some self control, and don't click willy nilly on ads. Hold back till you have the cash ready to spend and then buy buy buy computer stuff from Shopzilla, or Humor Stuff from Zlio.
Naturally, monetized blogs aren't just about money, they are informative - so I will also drum the idea into your head that you should stick a SmartLinks widget on your MySpace page, blog or website. Do it just for grins, so we know what movies and music you like to buy, I mean watch and listen to.
Final thought
Like all good artists, I can put the business stuff to one side and carry on, unblemished by commercial ideals. So, now it is back to the grind stone, trying to find the funny in life - for money. I have sold out, haven't I! Forgive me, I am weak.
Retirement lifestyle - the longer you work, the better your life
The Yahoo article on retirement lifestyle tries to convince us that older citizens with meaningful jobs - advisory posts, caring for other elderly and disadvantaged people and Peace Corps - have a better life than oldies who sit and vegetate at home. Yeah? What, they are really saying is that for the majority of people of retirement age, bagging groceries until the age of 80 is good for your quality of life!
Looking through the post, I was thinking, surely this is a concept promoted by a government who a) needs as much cheap labor as it can muster, and b)wants to stifle every cell of imagination in its people, leading them to believe that work is the only important and fulfilling option in life - even in your dotage.
Personally, of course, age 45, I think it is a totally absurb idea to work post 65 for an improved quality of life. Just from observing my own knackered out parents, I am sure there comes a time when, however able you may be, you step aside, let the young ones take the work reins and you move on, finding pleasure in leisure pastimes and developing new interests that don't revolve around earning the big buck.
My father retired as soon as he was able and set about reading every bloody book on an enormous list of Must Read books before I die. . Interspersed with copious napping and eating good food, he is still reading and enjoying himself without any pressures from work - and that is financed by a very basic income that every pension planner on earth would say is impossible to live on.
And my mother retired at the same time, and she definitely had no desire to occupy herself with workplace heroics. She had a garden to tend to. However, (as a prime example of what the article talks about?) a year later she did begrudgingly return to work to finance a home improvement project. According to this article it would have been the best thing she ever did for her well being, interacting with people, feeling like she was making a contribution to society. The truth - she hated every moment of post retirement employment, dealing with bickering soppy co-workers. She didn't feel good until the day she had earnt enough cash to resign and get back to the fresh air and her plants.
I suppose this idea of not retiring for good when you are an old git seems a bit radical to me, perhaps because I come from a country where old folk have free health care and anyone over 40 is deemed unemployable because of dodderiness and mental incapacity. As far as I am aware, you only work post 65 in the UK if you are like my mother and have a weird desire to pay for a few uber luxuries. Otherwise at age 65, get your bus pass and go learn to play bingo and bridge.
What do you guys think? Is there really no option in the US but to work forever? Answers on a postcard...
Looking through the post, I was thinking, surely this is a concept promoted by a government who a) needs as much cheap labor as it can muster, and b)wants to stifle every cell of imagination in its people, leading them to believe that work is the only important and fulfilling option in life - even in your dotage.
Personally, of course, age 45, I think it is a totally absurb idea to work post 65 for an improved quality of life. Just from observing my own knackered out parents, I am sure there comes a time when, however able you may be, you step aside, let the young ones take the work reins and you move on, finding pleasure in leisure pastimes and developing new interests that don't revolve around earning the big buck.
My father retired as soon as he was able and set about reading every bloody book on an enormous list of Must Read books before I die. . Interspersed with copious napping and eating good food, he is still reading and enjoying himself without any pressures from work - and that is financed by a very basic income that every pension planner on earth would say is impossible to live on.
And my mother retired at the same time, and she definitely had no desire to occupy herself with workplace heroics. She had a garden to tend to. However, (as a prime example of what the article talks about?) a year later she did begrudgingly return to work to finance a home improvement project. According to this article it would have been the best thing she ever did for her well being, interacting with people, feeling like she was making a contribution to society. The truth - she hated every moment of post retirement employment, dealing with bickering soppy co-workers. She didn't feel good until the day she had earnt enough cash to resign and get back to the fresh air and her plants.
I suppose this idea of not retiring for good when you are an old git seems a bit radical to me, perhaps because I come from a country where old folk have free health care and anyone over 40 is deemed unemployable because of dodderiness and mental incapacity. As far as I am aware, you only work post 65 in the UK if you are like my mother and have a weird desire to pay for a few uber luxuries. Otherwise at age 65, get your bus pass and go learn to play bingo and bridge.
What do you guys think? Is there really no option in the US but to work forever? Answers on a postcard...
Door openers
So, instead of an indepth study of hydraulic or motorized devices that open and close front doors, garage doors or vault doors in an ultra convenient manner, here are some of my observations on how people open boring normal doors, the ones with a couple of hinges and a handle.
Public bathroom door openers
Don't get me wrong, I don't hang around bathrooms out of choice, but when you have no working toilet at home, you have to take whatever facilities are going. So, here in Berkeley, fortunately there are a string of public bathrooms at our disposal, usually in a row of 4.
From time to time, I have seen the bold ones who stride up to the first door and decisively twist the handle and push - only to find that it is locked. Thereafter, they are on the back foot, not quite so confident. They move to the next one and a little more tentatively, repeat. No joy. By the time they get to door number 4 you can see by their body language that they are definitely not as relaxed and bold as they were trying to open the first door. Hopping from leg to leg bent over double, positioned to the side not in front of the door, (in case someone bursts out, escaping the plague that lurks inside?) they snatch at handle 4, twist and shove - voila, it is open and they fall inside.
Ghetto door openers
Years ago I knew a Scottish guy who grew up in the Gorbals tenements in Glasgow. (These apartment blocks made Fort Apache the Bronx look like 5 star accomodation.) He told me that even to this day, if someone knocked at his door, he never opened it standing full on, but always turned to one side, so he wasn't such a big target! I had never considered answering the door to be such a technical exercise in self defense, but then again, I never grew up in Glasgow in an era when nasty types would knock, and when the door opened, they'd whack the person standing in the door in the face with a 2 x 4 wrapped in barbed wire.
I wondered if it wouldn't have been better to peak through the letterbox first, to see who was there, before you opened the door, but that would have played into the hands of really nasty boys who poked their victim in the eye. Braveheart was alive and well.
Garage door openers
Fricking batteries in remotes, that Duracell advert about going on and on, is a con. I cannot tell you how many times I have had to get out my car, walk around to the front door, walk through the house and open the garage door manually from the inside. Of course, to add to the pleasure, it was usually pissing down with rain or blowing a gale or doing something that made you want to stomp all over the dead remote, rip the garage door opener mechanism out the ceiling, and revert to a good old fashioned up-and-over door with a simple handle.
There we go, Ed's A to Z of door openers!
What handles or openers or doors get your attention, or on your nerves. Feel free to share.
SUV funny story and Hummer in water
Or How not to drive an SUV
We were pottering down a tree-lined street in the Bay Area at a measly 25mph, a few feet behind an SUV. Its super shiny back door was plastered with 4WD All Terrain stickers. It had tires the width of the front seats in my Camry. What a hunk!
Suddenly I realise I am only a few inches behind this poseur. He has slowed down almost to a halt. I jam on my brakes in time, thinking that there must be a surprise jay walker or stray cat in the road. Wrong. Slowly the SUV rolls to the left then to the right and... jesus this retard has slowed down to 2 mph to navigate a 2" high lump in the road. Slowly does it, so he doesn't tip over? Give me strength.
To make a point, I waited for the SUV to get a way ahead, then I accelerated and hit the bump at 25mph. Our Toyota Camry 2-wheel drive POS with no suspension worth a dime glided over the obstacle and continued on its merry way, none the worse for wear.
This image has nothing to do with my story, but a hats off to the driver for scratching their SUV.
I was driving down the same road an hour or so later and blow me if another SUV, a Range Rover, (which according to the marketing brain-washing from its parent Land Rover, is probably the ultimate off road vehicle), did the same slow-to-a-crawl deal.
Do these people have no idea what they have? Sling a cable up a mountain and that Range Rover would make the summit in no time. But no, the owner treated the suburban roads of San Francisco as if they were in the middle of a landslide in the jungle. It is like they owned an oven and were scared to turn it on beyond 35 degrees - just in case.
I seriously think someone needs to confiscate SUVs from anyone without the balls to give their vehicle a good off-road thrashing, and redistribute them to people who appreciate and use them for what nature intended. Like this Hummer in water
We were pottering down a tree-lined street in the Bay Area at a measly 25mph, a few feet behind an SUV. Its super shiny back door was plastered with 4WD All Terrain stickers. It had tires the width of the front seats in my Camry. What a hunk!
Suddenly I realise I am only a few inches behind this poseur. He has slowed down almost to a halt. I jam on my brakes in time, thinking that there must be a surprise jay walker or stray cat in the road. Wrong. Slowly the SUV rolls to the left then to the right and... jesus this retard has slowed down to 2 mph to navigate a 2" high lump in the road. Slowly does it, so he doesn't tip over? Give me strength.
To make a point, I waited for the SUV to get a way ahead, then I accelerated and hit the bump at 25mph. Our Toyota Camry 2-wheel drive POS with no suspension worth a dime glided over the obstacle and continued on its merry way, none the worse for wear.
This image has nothing to do with my story, but a hats off to the driver for scratching their SUV.
SUV retard revisited
I was driving down the same road an hour or so later and blow me if another SUV, a Range Rover, (which according to the marketing brain-washing from its parent Land Rover, is probably the ultimate off road vehicle), did the same slow-to-a-crawl deal.
Do these people have no idea what they have? Sling a cable up a mountain and that Range Rover would make the summit in no time. But no, the owner treated the suburban roads of San Francisco as if they were in the middle of a landslide in the jungle. It is like they owned an oven and were scared to turn it on beyond 35 degrees - just in case.
I seriously think someone needs to confiscate SUVs from anyone without the balls to give their vehicle a good off-road thrashing, and redistribute them to people who appreciate and use them for what nature intended. Like this Hummer in water
Of Burma, elephants and teak
Burmanet news paints a rather bleak picture of Burma's squandered teak resources The big bad military government over there is bad news, locals are being screwed and the environment is being raped daily. Of course the west is getting in to the fray, to effect change. A pisstaker would suggest that they are posturing because Burma is China's friend, not because they want to see peace and harmony prevail unfettered in a land full of precious resources - a long way from European and American markets.
You cannot import teak from Burma any more. This was a quick diplomatic tactic to ensure that lumber yards in America can cream their clients for an extra 30% overnight. Most helpful all round, unless you are a US carpenter or a Burmese person.
President Pisstaker says that the US should drop the current teak embargo. It won't stop deforestation, but at least unemployed Burmese elephants, their drivers, and American wooden boat builders could get back to normal production and start to put food back on their family's tables (made from sustainable teak). Economic hardship on both sides of the globe would be alleviated. Result!
The only downside to this idea of economic empowerment is that it cuts out the need for Western government intervention and posturing. I guess it wont happen!
People say that buying products harvested by exploited elephants is a bad thing, but when money is tight, elephants would say that any job is better than working the streets.
Teak for construction has a nice ring to it, unless you are a green terror monger. Teak will last 30 or 40 years if cared for - and that is in a marine environment, so teak is ideal for quality house building!! Therefore I think the US should go green and ban cheap softwood.
As with all problems, it takes a couple of policies working in tandem to make real change. So how about introducing a teak house-building quota too? With the way the housing market is dying, no one should notice an environmentally sound limit of 200 new homes a year under the new teak directive.
Where do you stand on teak decking etc
Did you hear the one about a teak embargo?
You cannot import teak from Burma any more. This was a quick diplomatic tactic to ensure that lumber yards in America can cream their clients for an extra 30% overnight. Most helpful all round, unless you are a US carpenter or a Burmese person.
President Pisstaker says that the US should drop the current teak embargo. It won't stop deforestation, but at least unemployed Burmese elephants, their drivers, and American wooden boat builders could get back to normal production and start to put food back on their family's tables (made from sustainable teak). Economic hardship on both sides of the globe would be alleviated. Result!
The only downside to this idea of economic empowerment is that it cuts out the need for Western government intervention and posturing. I guess it wont happen!
"Better to be a logger than a prostitute"
People say that buying products harvested by exploited elephants is a bad thing, but when money is tight, elephants would say that any job is better than working the streets.
A teak house is environmentally friendly.
Teak for construction has a nice ring to it, unless you are a green terror monger. Teak will last 30 or 40 years if cared for - and that is in a marine environment, so teak is ideal for quality house building!! Therefore I think the US should go green and ban cheap softwood.
As with all problems, it takes a couple of policies working in tandem to make real change. So how about introducing a teak house-building quota too? With the way the housing market is dying, no one should notice an environmentally sound limit of 200 new homes a year under the new teak directive.
Where do you stand on teak decking etc
Freeadforum - directories generate little traffic and no humor
Freeadforum is a major directory, and I was privately asked (via a standard email sent to millions of other webmasters) if I would sign up.
Sure, I'll sign my life away for extra traffic.
I was all geared up to register, but sadly, when looking for a Humor category to lump myself under, the closest I could find was entertainment. No humor in a directory? Surprisingly, it comes as almost no surprise to me. Despite the power of funny, (almost 1 billion results in search) humor is a rarely found category on many listings.
I didn't give too much thought to being incorrectly categorised, (who looks at directories anyway?) but then it occurred to me that in the wild event that the listing did attract millions of new visitors looking for gossip about the stars - I would piss them all off. Instead of glamor gossip (the sort of gems found on Celebrity Insider), all they would find was unglamorous working class crap spewing from unfamous Ed's rambling mind.
At best, the newbies would never return.
At worst, someone might tell the Google bots that I am pimping my site as entertainment, Google will have a brain fart and penalise me for pretending to be what I ain't. Traffic would drop to zero and my online life would end.
So, just because of lack of a humor category on Freeadforum, people who don't know me could hate me and Google might ban my butt from the internet, excommunicate my domain name and do all sorts of Google is a bully type heavy handedness. Cheers, Freeadforum!!
But do I care?
Erm. With a PR5...Ahem. I was all for scrubbing my application, but wise Mrs Ed said it is like a pig in a poke trying to find my site in Freeadforums anyway, so I was unlikely to be a source of annoyance to a single person, let alone a robot.
And you shouldn't care either about the impact of directory listings on your site, because directories are not worth worrying about. Ask Court about the mere 10% of your time that should be dedicated to building links.
Anyway, enough rambling, trying to create a link to Freeadforum.
To conclude, why do so few directories and category-based web sites have no allowance for HUMOR? I guess that if you are in the business of compiling lists, you are unlikely to have a funny bone in your body? What do you reckon?
Sure, I'll sign my life away for extra traffic.
I was all geared up to register, but sadly, when looking for a Humor category to lump myself under, the closest I could find was entertainment. No humor in a directory? Surprisingly, it comes as almost no surprise to me. Despite the power of funny, (almost 1 billion results in search) humor is a rarely found category on many listings.
I didn't give too much thought to being incorrectly categorised, (who looks at directories anyway?) but then it occurred to me that in the wild event that the listing did attract millions of new visitors looking for gossip about the stars - I would piss them all off. Instead of glamor gossip (the sort of gems found on Celebrity Insider), all they would find was unglamorous working class crap spewing from unfamous Ed's rambling mind.
At best, the newbies would never return.
At worst, someone might tell the Google bots that I am pimping my site as entertainment, Google will have a brain fart and penalise me for pretending to be what I ain't. Traffic would drop to zero and my online life would end.
So, just because of lack of a humor category on Freeadforum, people who don't know me could hate me and Google might ban my butt from the internet, excommunicate my domain name and do all sorts of Google is a bully type heavy handedness. Cheers, Freeadforum!!
But do I care?
Erm. With a PR5...Ahem. I was all for scrubbing my application, but wise Mrs Ed said it is like a pig in a poke trying to find my site in Freeadforums anyway, so I was unlikely to be a source of annoyance to a single person, let alone a robot.
And you shouldn't care either about the impact of directory listings on your site, because directories are not worth worrying about. Ask Court about the mere 10% of your time that should be dedicated to building links.
Anyway, enough rambling, trying to create a link to Freeadforum.
To conclude, why do so few directories and category-based web sites have no allowance for HUMOR? I guess that if you are in the business of compiling lists, you are unlikely to have a funny bone in your body? What do you reckon?
Inquisitor search safari in style
For years I used to funk around looking for new applications and plug-ins to make my Mac go faster or look snazzier. Funnily enough, though, when I started this blog, I stopped the mindless searching and fine tuning for my own ends and limited myself to the occasional software review for my readers benefit.
Kicking around for 5 minutes yesterday I decided it was time to break the habit of a blog lifetime and go geeky again for my own pleasure, so I went to Versiontracker to seek out some ways to spice up browsing the web on Safari. Despite a lot of extra Safari info, my tweaking started and finished with Inquisitor, a funky Web 2.0 search plug in.
Basically, as you type a search term, Inquisitor turns up all sorts of related search terms, reading your mind. It seems more like it is trying to change your mind, because as you type, it shows words and terms you never dreamt of.
For instance, in my mind I was searching HELP, but as I typed at my normal 34 words an hour, it turned me onto Heroes, then Hello Kitty. By the time I had looked through Hello Kitty's site, I forgot what i was looking for, and decided to write this post instead.
It is free, artsy and works with Yahoo search as default. Apparently you can use Google too. Buggered if I know how, but there you go. Looks sweet doesn't it?
And it found The Pisstakers, so all in all, a neat improvement on the standard fare for searching.
Kicking around for 5 minutes yesterday I decided it was time to break the habit of a blog lifetime and go geeky again for my own pleasure, so I went to Versiontracker to seek out some ways to spice up browsing the web on Safari. Despite a lot of extra Safari info, my tweaking started and finished with Inquisitor, a funky Web 2.0 search plug in.
Wot is Inquisitor?
Basically, as you type a search term, Inquisitor turns up all sorts of related search terms, reading your mind. It seems more like it is trying to change your mind, because as you type, it shows words and terms you never dreamt of.
For instance, in my mind I was searching HELP, but as I typed at my normal 34 words an hour, it turned me onto Heroes, then Hello Kitty. By the time I had looked through Hello Kitty's site, I forgot what i was looking for, and decided to write this post instead.
It is free, artsy and works with Yahoo search as default. Apparently you can use Google too. Buggered if I know how, but there you go. Looks sweet doesn't it?
And it found The Pisstakers, so all in all, a neat improvement on the standard fare for searching.
Funny Quote of the Day
Funny Quote of the Day is by far the most popular page on the Pisstakers site. How annoying that the easiest to come by material attracts the most attention.
I jest, I am not annoyed, just saying that compared to writing real material, it was a doddle to compile a list of funny quotes that I found around the internet, in real life and on TV.
My own favorite is
If you want thousands of people to continually call by and spend a few minutes perusing your blog, why not add a funny quote of the day page yourself, there is always room on the 'net for easy-to-read gems.
Posts related to funny quotes
Generate traffic from funny quotes widget
Porn & funny quotes
Funny quotes on T-shirts
Marilyn Monroe quotes
I jest, I am not annoyed, just saying that compared to writing real material, it was a doddle to compile a list of funny quotes that I found around the internet, in real life and on TV.
My own favorite is
If we were meant to be vegetarian, why did god make animals out of meat. Why not tofu? (Dan Nainan)
If you want thousands of people to continually call by and spend a few minutes perusing your blog, why not add a funny quote of the day page yourself, there is always room on the 'net for easy-to-read gems.
Posts related to funny quotes
Generate traffic from funny quotes widget
Porn & funny quotes
Funny quotes on T-shirts
Marilyn Monroe quotes
Sponsored by exxon?
At a time when oil has hit $122 a gallon, some one still has the nerve to pump out an article warning against dumping your gas guzzler for a lean mean hybrid machine!
According to this (exxon?) sponsored post, owners of 30mpg cars would spend about $1700 a year less on gas than owners of a 15 mpg truck. This sounds all well and dandy and what can possibly be wrong with buying a fuel efficient run around - until you get to the premise of the article - that you need to sell your brand new truck, eat the depreciation AND spend $22,000 to acquire this hybrid car.
Now, of course the wheels fall off being efficient, and on that basis, $1700 savings at the pump only partially offset the overall cost of changing cars. So, there is no incentive to being socially responsible, as you were.
Except that instead of beating your head against a wall of stupidity and throwing money endlessly into the gas tank of a spanky new truck, how about this. Keep your truck for posing at the weekend, and spend $3500 on a second hand Japanese car that you can drive in the week. That way you break even financially by end of year one; from your low down sedan seat, you get to see just how stupid and overkill most trucks are for driving around town; and you can be fuel efficient.
Sorry to be sensible and all, Messrs Exxon and co. but who can afford to think the same old ways that got us into this gas dependent mess? Not me.
No doubt we will revisit the argument when oil hits $200 a barrel. Till then, happy driving.
According to this (exxon?) sponsored post, owners of 30mpg cars would spend about $1700 a year less on gas than owners of a 15 mpg truck. This sounds all well and dandy and what can possibly be wrong with buying a fuel efficient run around - until you get to the premise of the article - that you need to sell your brand new truck, eat the depreciation AND spend $22,000 to acquire this hybrid car.
Now, of course the wheels fall off being efficient, and on that basis, $1700 savings at the pump only partially offset the overall cost of changing cars. So, there is no incentive to being socially responsible, as you were.
Except that instead of beating your head against a wall of stupidity and throwing money endlessly into the gas tank of a spanky new truck, how about this. Keep your truck for posing at the weekend, and spend $3500 on a second hand Japanese car that you can drive in the week. That way you break even financially by end of year one; from your low down sedan seat, you get to see just how stupid and overkill most trucks are for driving around town; and you can be fuel efficient.
Sorry to be sensible and all, Messrs Exxon and co. but who can afford to think the same old ways that got us into this gas dependent mess? Not me.
No doubt we will revisit the argument when oil hits $200 a barrel. Till then, happy driving.
Resistance to change
I have noticed a lot of resistance to change, which surprises me, considering we are all so well educated, open minded and exposed to new ideas these days.
I remember loads of resistance to the iPod, with critics saying it would never take off because ALL it did was play MP3's. I suppose we expect the latest new thing to be ultra complex and have loads of bells and whistles and flashing lights. Perish the thought that we give up the fiddly and unreliable electronic device we already can't make work for something simple that does work!
Talking electronic gizmos, a friend of mine was a big shot with Mercedes Benz and he said they met with constant resistance from suppliers whenever they asked them to produce new state-of-the-art components. It seems crazy to me that any high tech manufacturer would shy away from advancement, but there you go! Vorsprung durch Zwang? Progress by force.
I know a little bit about paint, and the construction industry, a domain that embraces the whole idea of resistance to change.
When I was working as a painter in the UK, I used to do a lot of research into new materials. I was a great fan of the Dutch, who are the masters at house painting, and so I gravitated towards paint from Dutch conglomerate Akzo. It was easy to get a perfect finish using their basic oil undercoats and gloss paints and fillers, and I raved about it to colleagues, but to almost no avail. There was a lot of lunatic reasoning against change - saying that it was best to stay with what was known; that the price of the known brands was right; that customers would think they were being gipped when contractors turned up with paint from a company they had never heard of. Whatever.
I was a lone voice banging my head against a wall, but thanks to millions invested in marketing, Akzo did change the minds of painters, convincing them to change paint and get an advantage so they could make money more easily. It makes you wonder why they bothered helping such curmudgeonly old bastards.
In fact I was talking to a tech guy from Akzo and he said they had many products in mainland Europe that would not be available in the UK for years, because, not surprisingly, the island mentality market wasn't ready for them. You get the product you deserve.
It is hard to criticise people for not wanting to change, especially as I have just retrograded 50 years by getting a wood, not fiberglass boat, but it does annoy me when people stick with the same old same old, despite new options. Do you often come across Luddite mind set and scratch your head? Or do you think there is too much change going on for our own good anyway, so change is not a good thing?
Change a habit of a lifetime and resist the urge to not comment...
Resist the iPod
I remember loads of resistance to the iPod, with critics saying it would never take off because ALL it did was play MP3's. I suppose we expect the latest new thing to be ultra complex and have loads of bells and whistles and flashing lights. Perish the thought that we give up the fiddly and unreliable electronic device we already can't make work for something simple that does work!
Resistance in Germany
Talking electronic gizmos, a friend of mine was a big shot with Mercedes Benz and he said they met with constant resistance from suppliers whenever they asked them to produce new state-of-the-art components. It seems crazy to me that any high tech manufacturer would shy away from advancement, but there you go! Vorsprung durch Zwang? Progress by force.
Resistance from painters
I know a little bit about paint, and the construction industry, a domain that embraces the whole idea of resistance to change.
When I was working as a painter in the UK, I used to do a lot of research into new materials. I was a great fan of the Dutch, who are the masters at house painting, and so I gravitated towards paint from Dutch conglomerate Akzo. It was easy to get a perfect finish using their basic oil undercoats and gloss paints and fillers, and I raved about it to colleagues, but to almost no avail. There was a lot of lunatic reasoning against change - saying that it was best to stay with what was known; that the price of the known brands was right; that customers would think they were being gipped when contractors turned up with paint from a company they had never heard of. Whatever.
I was a lone voice banging my head against a wall, but thanks to millions invested in marketing, Akzo did change the minds of painters, convincing them to change paint and get an advantage so they could make money more easily. It makes you wonder why they bothered helping such curmudgeonly old bastards.
In fact I was talking to a tech guy from Akzo and he said they had many products in mainland Europe that would not be available in the UK for years, because, not surprisingly, the island mentality market wasn't ready for them. You get the product you deserve.
Conclusion
It is hard to criticise people for not wanting to change, especially as I have just retrograded 50 years by getting a wood, not fiberglass boat, but it does annoy me when people stick with the same old same old, despite new options. Do you often come across Luddite mind set and scratch your head? Or do you think there is too much change going on for our own good anyway, so change is not a good thing?
Change a habit of a lifetime and resist the urge to not comment...
Family life
A wise man was telling me a couple of gems to help us get through family life.
Never let the sun set on an argument. Great idea, but if I lived by that maxim, I would get to sleep once every two weeks.
When your first daughter is born, go and talk to a tree for 15 minutes. Repeat this tree-talking ritual every night for 13 years, by which time you will be ready. (This sort of reminds me of a school teacher I once had, who said that kids are great, as long as they are born at 18.)
And then he finished with a story about a friend who had lost 2 wives. The first wife died from an overdose, and the second from a fractured skull. That bitch wouldn't swallow the pills.
Got any more?
Never let the sun set on an argument. Great idea, but if I lived by that maxim, I would get to sleep once every two weeks.
When your first daughter is born, go and talk to a tree for 15 minutes. Repeat this tree-talking ritual every night for 13 years, by which time you will be ready. (This sort of reminds me of a school teacher I once had, who said that kids are great, as long as they are born at 18.)
And then he finished with a story about a friend who had lost 2 wives. The first wife died from an overdose, and the second from a fractured skull. That bitch wouldn't swallow the pills.
Got any more?
About page update
After so little action on the blog, I thought I better save some face and go through tidying up my site. For grins I updated my About Page.
It was quite enlightening to see what I was thinking about a year ago. (What was I thinking!)
I was all fired up to write like a satirical loony in order to attract 10000 visitors a month to The Pisstakers. I wanted to host a stable of funny guest writers and develop an all-round mega blog too. Oh well.
The reality is, I am currently the lone contributor, so I haven't exactly created a one-stop funny shop. On the other hand, working alone, I surpassed my aims for traffic - attracting 16000 visitors a month and a useless PR5 rank. 1 out of three ain't bad.
(The one big lesson I learned btw, fellow bloggers, is that little quantity and poor quality researched posts are the way to go!) The Valentines Day Sucks post is a case in point.)
Then there were the 8 things about Ed. to deal with. On reflection I was pretty happy with the the old list, and seeing as I haven't done much wild stuff in the past 12 months, I just tarted the octo-bio up a bit.
(As I look around the half wrecked boat I am sitting in at the moment, I can't help thinking that if this thing ever floats again, the list of achievements could be worth updating at some stage. Time will tell.)
That was my homework last night. What does your About Me page say? Anything, something, nothing?
It was quite enlightening to see what I was thinking about a year ago. (What was I thinking!)
Aim of the blog
I was all fired up to write like a satirical loony in order to attract 10000 visitors a month to The Pisstakers. I wanted to host a stable of funny guest writers and develop an all-round mega blog too. Oh well.
The reality is, I am currently the lone contributor, so I haven't exactly created a one-stop funny shop. On the other hand, working alone, I surpassed my aims for traffic - attracting 16000 visitors a month and a useless PR5 rank. 1 out of three ain't bad.
(The one big lesson I learned btw, fellow bloggers, is that little quantity and poor quality researched posts are the way to go!) The Valentines Day Sucks post is a case in point.)
Bio
Then there were the 8 things about Ed. to deal with. On reflection I was pretty happy with the the old list, and seeing as I haven't done much wild stuff in the past 12 months, I just tarted the octo-bio up a bit.
(As I look around the half wrecked boat I am sitting in at the moment, I can't help thinking that if this thing ever floats again, the list of achievements could be worth updating at some stage. Time will tell.)
That was my homework last night. What does your About Me page say? Anything, something, nothing?
Boycot exxon and mobil - spam to promote used cars!
I received an email from a friend, telling me to stop buying gas from Exxon and Mobil. I trashed it, not because it is a bad idea, and not because I am a gas junky lacking in community spirit, but mainly because this type of email is spam.
The email contains a fairly credible suggestion to save the world from $4 gas, ie boycott Exxon and Mobil for a year rather than stop buying gas for one day. What's the problem with that idea? Nothing much, but if you scroll to the end of the email, you will see a link to a 3rd party site. This site will benefit from the same numbers of eyeballs alluded to in the anti-gas email (if 10 friends of 10 friends get the email, and before you know it, 300 million will get the message.)
Ironically, in this case, you get taken to a Used car site.
I picked up on this trend when I received a circular begging for help to find Madeleine McCann, the little English girl missing in Portugal last year. Some one managed to get their link included on the end of the email message that went international, and you can bet your bottom dollar that they got a lot of click-throughs on the back of honest folks spreading the word about her sad predicament, bastards.
So, to raise awareness of this sort of subtle spam, what I suggest is that you forward this Pisstakers article to 10 friends, tell them to forward it to 10 friends, and before you know it, 300 million people will know never to forward anything to anyone, ever. That should make people think twice about using the internet to communicate!
The email contains a fairly credible suggestion to save the world from $4 gas, ie boycott Exxon and Mobil for a year rather than stop buying gas for one day. What's the problem with that idea? Nothing much, but if you scroll to the end of the email, you will see a link to a 3rd party site. This site will benefit from the same numbers of eyeballs alluded to in the anti-gas email (if 10 friends of 10 friends get the email, and before you know it, 300 million will get the message.)
Ironically, in this case, you get taken to a Used car site.
I picked up on this trend when I received a circular begging for help to find Madeleine McCann, the little English girl missing in Portugal last year. Some one managed to get their link included on the end of the email message that went international, and you can bet your bottom dollar that they got a lot of click-throughs on the back of honest folks spreading the word about her sad predicament, bastards.
So, to raise awareness of this sort of subtle spam, what I suggest is that you forward this Pisstakers article to 10 friends, tell them to forward it to 10 friends, and before you know it, 300 million people will know never to forward anything to anyone, ever. That should make people think twice about using the internet to communicate!
Rapidweaver Spanky new blog software
I am almost fit to burst with techno excitement, and so should you. I just learnt that the blog software, Rapidweaver for Mac has been updated and is due to enter a whole new era of online slickness in the near future. Break out the winegums, we are having a party.
I have missed a few Rapidweaver updates recently, so I just downloaded the latest - the seventh reiteration of the 6th update of the third version. When put like that, in full, no one should say that a simple numbering system for software is arcane. Anyway, it is a tweaked version of a tried and tested package, so not exactly a mind blowing wow experience, but it is exporting files quicker. Noice.
As all Windows users know, Macs are all about form over function, so it came as no surprise to learn from the Rapidweaver review by Ars Technica, that the new layout for version 4 looks pretty cool. If nothing else, even if the quality of my content remains slightly gray and banal, at least I will feel better inside when I blog.
The biggest buzz for me though, is the even speedier new exporting option that is promised. I don't know how it is going to work, but it has to be slick if it is even slicker than what is going on right now.
To be brutally honest when compared with Wordpress, the publishing side of things is a dog. I put up with a lot of wasted time and hanging around when I use this Rapidweaver dealio, waiting for it to go through the whole site looking for new stuff that, to my simplistic mind, is sitting there right at the top of the pile begging to be noticed first.
For the record, I did sort of make a promise to myself way back when I first installed it. Rapidweaver was a new product, a long way from being perfect, but it had potential, so I agreed to stick by the authors as they worked their butts off getting the software right. To be fair, they have doggedly improved every aspect, especially the search engine optimisation side of things, and generally kept the workflow simple, drag and drop easy, but powerful. Kudos to the Brits
With version 4 in the works, hopefully it will be a high performance daddy, but still have the coolest and slickest interface out there for bloggers and web designers. We shall see.
I will now press publish and go make 7 cups of tea and bake a few cakes too, while the current version of Rapidweaver does its thing.
Update: it exported my homepage about 4 times quicker than yesterday, but the Verizon connection crapped out when it was publishing, so this is coming to you 12 hours later than planned!
Version 3.6.7
I have missed a few Rapidweaver updates recently, so I just downloaded the latest - the seventh reiteration of the 6th update of the third version. When put like that, in full, no one should say that a simple numbering system for software is arcane. Anyway, it is a tweaked version of a tried and tested package, so not exactly a mind blowing wow experience, but it is exporting files quicker. Noice.
Version 4
As all Windows users know, Macs are all about form over function, so it came as no surprise to learn from the Rapidweaver review by Ars Technica, that the new layout for version 4 looks pretty cool. If nothing else, even if the quality of my content remains slightly gray and banal, at least I will feel better inside when I blog.
The biggest buzz for me though, is the even speedier new exporting option that is promised. I don't know how it is going to work, but it has to be slick if it is even slicker than what is going on right now.
To be brutally honest when compared with Wordpress, the publishing side of things is a dog. I put up with a lot of wasted time and hanging around when I use this Rapidweaver dealio, waiting for it to go through the whole site looking for new stuff that, to my simplistic mind, is sitting there right at the top of the pile begging to be noticed first.
For the record, I did sort of make a promise to myself way back when I first installed it. Rapidweaver was a new product, a long way from being perfect, but it had potential, so I agreed to stick by the authors as they worked their butts off getting the software right. To be fair, they have doggedly improved every aspect, especially the search engine optimisation side of things, and generally kept the workflow simple, drag and drop easy, but powerful. Kudos to the Brits
With version 4 in the works, hopefully it will be a high performance daddy, but still have the coolest and slickest interface out there for bloggers and web designers. We shall see.
I will now press publish and go make 7 cups of tea and bake a few cakes too, while the current version of Rapidweaver does its thing.
Update: it exported my homepage about 4 times quicker than yesterday, but the Verizon connection crapped out when it was publishing, so this is coming to you 12 hours later than planned!
Administration Professionals Day April 23
Thinking about the admin professionals I have encountered recently, aka shit head Government employees at City Hall who have snubbed, sneered and prevented me from talking to the right person, all cards should start "Hey, remember it is our money that keeps your lardy ass in a job, not the other way round, so be nice."
Admin professionals who don't ever change their ways should do the right thing and sacrifice their own special 24 hour celebration, making way for Victims of Customer Abuse Day. That way, tens of millions of us could get a card to compensate us for mis-treatment voice by the losers regularly misdirecting phone calls and pushing paper from A to B and back again
Personally, when I saw April 23, Administration Professionals Day , I thought, "Wtf, what about my special day?".
Do you have a special day? I vote for Sons and Daughters Day, to compensate us for being born into this horrible world uninvited.
SSB radio and a good case of emphysema
Gold plated Email
You may have absolutely no clue or interest in SSB radios, and to be honest, it was all very radio hammy and full of geeky kilohertz radio wave references that flew straight over my head, (which is what they are designed to do, I suppose). However, my ears pricked up when she got into SSB radio's email capabilities, a subject a bit more down to earth and at my level.
SSB radios offer you the truly madly most expensive email service ever conceived. If you are at sea, it could set you back $1200 for a modem! plus $300 a year for a service, allowing you access for 10 minutes a day!
Sheet. If we ever go sailing, I will have the perfect excuse never to stay in contact with family and friends. Having said that, blogging will become a precious pastime. The Pisstakers could tout itself as one of the most expensive-to-run free blogs on the internet. I guess I better start filling up the blank spaces with adverts.
Want to buy a radio?
Quad breve, Life is good for Ed
Quad breve, pah.
When you can hardly think, let alone stand, the best legal medication is an espresso. Being from out of state, I thought I would mix it up a bit and asked for an octo breve with extra cream and a pound of sugar. I got a funny look until the server worked out the price, and she was all smiles. I hoped the caffeine overload would help me come around, perhaps just before falling into a jerky sugar coma... As expected, it hit the button and I got the spring back in my step. Enough spring to fall into bed.
Trouble is, the espresso effect is fast - and the benefits of caffeine didn't last till the morning.
Toyota comfort, pah
I woke up feeling like a 300lb stripper had tip toed over my lower back. Thank you Toyota! In terms of reliability and economy, Camrys rock, but thanks to the bastard nippons' barebones approach to car seat comfort, my sciatic nerve had broken down. It took 2 trips to the chiro practictioner, lots of moans and groans, and a bottle of placebo pain killers to rearrange my spine, from the bones in my ass to my elbow.
Life is good
Anyway, enough of the complaining. Long story short, we found what we were looking for on the West coast, and traded a spot in a nice rural house in Seattle for a half dismantled sail boat in a boat yard in Californ-ia. Life is good!
It is hard not to have a good time sharing a single bed with Mrs Ed, huddling up against the freezing wind gusting off the bay. And my back is fine, thanks for asking.
And if the Verizon modem thing can sort itself out, I may even be able to blog a bit more now. We shall see.
Hasta luego, as we say around here. And thanks to the commenters and visitors who kept this blog barely alive. (Barely is a relative term, there are still over 1000 visits a week, go figure!
The disturbing truth about blogging
The disturbing truth about blogging is, the less you write, the more visitors you get to your blog. And if you write nothing, visitors will keep on coming back for more nothing. That is a weird lesson to learn 1300 posts into the life of a blog!
Over the past year, I have been writing like a twat every day, and traffic has been building steadily to 10000 visitors a month. However, this month to date, for various boring reasons, I have totally failed in my efforts to entertain my readers with any new material whatsoever. During that neglectful time, I was amazed to learn that traffic has shot up from 10,000 a month to nearly 14,000 people in 3 weeks, an all time record.
That means The Pisstakers are generating 40% more traffic by writing nothing new. How disturbing is that!
Before you start a blog, leave it full of white space, and sit back to reap the rewards, I should point out that at the time of my last entry, there were already about 1300 posts, in total, sitting here, winking at new visitors. So, zero posts won't exactly captivate an audience, but zero new additions to a body of work may not do any harm!!!!
In fact, the grim truth is that thousands of new visitors didn't give a monkeys that there was nothing new to see. They found this blog via a year-old post on why Valentines Day sucks. I guess it was reassuring to learn that so many people wanted to find out what I thought about the day of love 12 months ago? The really stupid thing is, all I did was post a link to another site where someone else had done all the head scratching research on what is so sucky about Feb 14th.
The "accidental experiment" where absence made the traffic grow larger, illustrates that there is little advantage to writing thousands of articles if they don't hit the button. Just write what people want to read. Hey, Money Making Mike has been banging on about that for ever, wise man, and got 148,000 to his celebrity insider site in January following his own advice!
As an epilogue to this rare post, apologies to all the folks who have come looking for new posts, and contributed to this site and become blogging buddies, and found Ed gone! Once we have relocated, however, and dealt with some major personal crap, and got internet back on track, I will be back in action and let's see where we end up.
Maybe this blog will evolve into the PisstakersValentineSucks.com with more than one new post per month and more adsense per square inch than is good for your health, but oh well, if nothing else, at least I have learnt and shared a disturbing truth about blogging.
cheers.
Zero new input adds 40% more traffic!
Over the past year, I have been writing like a twat every day, and traffic has been building steadily to 10000 visitors a month. However, this month to date, for various boring reasons, I have totally failed in my efforts to entertain my readers with any new material whatsoever. During that neglectful time, I was amazed to learn that traffic has shot up from 10,000 a month to nearly 14,000 people in 3 weeks, an all time record.
That means The Pisstakers are generating 40% more traffic by writing nothing new. How disturbing is that!
An empty blog won't do it, but...
Before you start a blog, leave it full of white space, and sit back to reap the rewards, I should point out that at the time of my last entry, there were already about 1300 posts, in total, sitting here, winking at new visitors. So, zero posts won't exactly captivate an audience, but zero new additions to a body of work may not do any harm!!!!
In fact, the grim truth is that thousands of new visitors didn't give a monkeys that there was nothing new to see. They found this blog via a year-old post on why Valentines Day sucks. I guess it was reassuring to learn that so many people wanted to find out what I thought about the day of love 12 months ago? The really stupid thing is, all I did was post a link to another site where someone else had done all the head scratching research on what is so sucky about Feb 14th.
Write what people want to read
The "accidental experiment" where absence made the traffic grow larger, illustrates that there is little advantage to writing thousands of articles if they don't hit the button. Just write what people want to read. Hey, Money Making Mike has been banging on about that for ever, wise man, and got 148,000 to his celebrity insider site in January following his own advice!
Let down
As an epilogue to this rare post, apologies to all the folks who have come looking for new posts, and contributed to this site and become blogging buddies, and found Ed gone! Once we have relocated, however, and dealt with some major personal crap, and got internet back on track, I will be back in action and let's see where we end up.
Maybe this blog will evolve into the PisstakersValentineSucks.com with more than one new post per month and more adsense per square inch than is good for your health, but oh well, if nothing else, at least I have learnt and shared a disturbing truth about blogging.
cheers.
Ursula Martinez nudges MBL Sunday to the sideline
The creative dept here has joined the ranks of all other writers in the US, and our weekly MBL Sunday feature ain't happening.
Obviously this mishap isn't a wages related issue, more a health dept upset. (If I were a V8 engine, then at this moment in time I would be chugging along on 4 cylinders with a pint of water in the gas for good measure.) Fortunately the stand-in act to keep the humor show rolling along, is nude magician, Ursula Martinez - obviously.
The Anglo-Spanish lady, famous here for her naked magic / re-appearing handkerchief act does a few other tricks too. Check out the full array of strip tease and pyrotechnics on her site. If you ever need a cabaret act to set your audience's hearts a-racing, you know where to look now.
Meanwhile, I will continue popping the Airborne and putting my littler body back together again after a really charming week punctuated by mucus, muscles spasms and sweat buckets. Cheers.
Obviously this mishap isn't a wages related issue, more a health dept upset. (If I were a V8 engine, then at this moment in time I would be chugging along on 4 cylinders with a pint of water in the gas for good measure.) Fortunately the stand-in act to keep the humor show rolling along, is nude magician, Ursula Martinez - obviously.
Ursula Martinez to the rescue
The Anglo-Spanish lady, famous here for her naked magic / re-appearing handkerchief act does a few other tricks too. Check out the full array of strip tease and pyrotechnics on her site. If you ever need a cabaret act to set your audience's hearts a-racing, you know where to look now.
Meanwhile, I will continue popping the Airborne and putting my littler body back together again after a really charming week punctuated by mucus, muscles spasms and sweat buckets. Cheers.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Incredible - Darkest before dawn
It may sound incredible, but I tend to look on the bright side of life. However, for the last couple of days of illness, I have been wondering where the light was coming from.
They say it gets darkest just before dawn. Pessimists say that it gets darkest just before it goes completely black. Well, after an unnervingly hot fever attack last night, I can now announce that I woke up this morning in the light.
For a couple of hours it was like that scene in The Incredibles where the over-weight super hero was squeezing and squeezing and squeezing, and finally, he popped into his escape tube. I popped in the night.
I am not up to saving the world today, but maybe tomorrow.
They say it gets darkest just before dawn. Pessimists say that it gets darkest just before it goes completely black. Well, after an unnervingly hot fever attack last night, I can now announce that I woke up this morning in the light.
For a couple of hours it was like that scene in The Incredibles where the over-weight super hero was squeezing and squeezing and squeezing, and finally, he popped into his escape tube. I popped in the night.
I am not up to saving the world today, but maybe tomorrow.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Sorry folks, Ed is sick
Sorry, I seem to have fallen foul of a flu bug. As all male readers will appreciate, my wife wonders what all the fuss is about, but I am nearly dying here. The worst of it is, I cant string two amusing thoughts together.
What's new?
Hopefully tomorrow is another day.
What's new?
Hopefully tomorrow is another day.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Economics 101 - armageddon
I said "No recession here" a couple of weeks ago. Well, can I change my mind a little bit? How about Armageddon.
After watching Helicopter Ben Bernanke juggling the inane questions from Congress about how to jump start the economy, I have to conclude that the economy is somewhat screwed, and corporate America is totally lacking in moral, forthright and timely economic leadership.
For those that are interested, there are two ways to "control" the economy. Monetary policy and fiscal policy. Bernanke is in charge of monetary policy, (interest rates are his only concern) and the government is in charge of fiscal policy (taxes, to you and me). If Bernanke was good at his job, and had jumped into action about 6 months ago, housing would be alive still, and there would be no need to even consider fiscal policy changes.
Instead, the country has been on hold, waiting to see how low the interest rates will get before buying homes. There are now trillions of dollars tied up in property which should be out in the open, being spent on Korean TVs and lead painted toys from China... Oops.
If anyone cares, there are three simple steps any pisstaker leader could implement today to sort the mess out swiftly.
The first way to stimulate the economy is to make Ben do his job. He should be implementing substantive interest rate measures, not explaining in words of one syllable how congress should use taxes to sort out his mess! For instance, he said,
Ladies and gentlemen, give low and medium income families a tax rebate and they will spend it all, almost instantly, and kick start the economy.
Wise words, but, he talks in ways that congress don't understand. Firstly, Congress men and women don't know what a poor person looks like, and second, they are clueless in the ways of the world of the poor. One confused soul asked, How do we make sure that tax rebates get to the 28,000 males in my state who have never worked a day in their lives and aren't registered tax payers? Give me strength. Just send the cash rebates straight to the crack houses!
Second step is to forget creating more debt for new tax rebates. Just fire 80% of congress and give their current tax dollar wages to the poor to spend wisely.
I am sure the congress folk are decent people, (dons flame retardant suit) but they don't need public funded money to pay their bills. Their lobbyist friends send them plenty enough as it is. And don't feel guilty about firing a congressman in charge of economic policy who has to ask questions like, How does the multiplier effect work? What do you call low and medium income families? Why do tax cuts cost the general public money?
Final step is to go on holiday to a small Pacific island and come back in 2009. This will indirectly stimulate the economy here in the US. Mega companies like HP and IBM are on fire in emerging banana republic markets charging 50% less for the same goods they sell here in America. You, as an expat can stock up on tip top printers, and the tech corporations can send the excess profits back to the US. Win win.
Bottom line: There is a long way to go till the economy reaches the bottom line.
After watching Helicopter Ben Bernanke juggling the inane questions from Congress about how to jump start the economy, I have to conclude that the economy is somewhat screwed, and corporate America is totally lacking in moral, forthright and timely economic leadership.
Economics 101
For those that are interested, there are two ways to "control" the economy. Monetary policy and fiscal policy. Bernanke is in charge of monetary policy, (interest rates are his only concern) and the government is in charge of fiscal policy (taxes, to you and me). If Bernanke was good at his job, and had jumped into action about 6 months ago, housing would be alive still, and there would be no need to even consider fiscal policy changes.
Instead, the country has been on hold, waiting to see how low the interest rates will get before buying homes. There are now trillions of dollars tied up in property which should be out in the open, being spent on Korean TVs and lead painted toys from China... Oops.
Action 101
If anyone cares, there are three simple steps any pisstaker leader could implement today to sort the mess out swiftly.
The first way to stimulate the economy is to make Ben do his job. He should be implementing substantive interest rate measures, not explaining in words of one syllable how congress should use taxes to sort out his mess! For instance, he said,
Ladies and gentlemen, give low and medium income families a tax rebate and they will spend it all, almost instantly, and kick start the economy.
Wise words, but, he talks in ways that congress don't understand. Firstly, Congress men and women don't know what a poor person looks like, and second, they are clueless in the ways of the world of the poor. One confused soul asked, How do we make sure that tax rebates get to the 28,000 males in my state who have never worked a day in their lives and aren't registered tax payers? Give me strength. Just send the cash rebates straight to the crack houses!
Second step is to forget creating more debt for new tax rebates. Just fire 80% of congress and give their current tax dollar wages to the poor to spend wisely.
I am sure the congress folk are decent people, (dons flame retardant suit) but they don't need public funded money to pay their bills. Their lobbyist friends send them plenty enough as it is. And don't feel guilty about firing a congressman in charge of economic policy who has to ask questions like, How does the multiplier effect work? What do you call low and medium income families? Why do tax cuts cost the general public money?
Final step is to go on holiday to a small Pacific island and come back in 2009. This will indirectly stimulate the economy here in the US. Mega companies like HP and IBM are on fire in emerging banana republic markets charging 50% less for the same goods they sell here in America. You, as an expat can stock up on tip top printers, and the tech corporations can send the excess profits back to the US. Win win.
Bottom line: There is a long way to go till the economy reaches the bottom line.
 |  |  |
| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Afghan weddings cost $20000
According to a NJ radio talk show host yesterday, the average wedding costs $20,000 in Afghanistan, a country where the average wage is $7000. Despite the flawed numbers (averages are meaningless, doing the average is what keeps the average down etc), and despite the fact that the presenter of the show likely could not pinpoint Afghanistan on a map, it provided an interesting insight into - US mindsets!
Starting from the top, with the wedding industry lobby, I think Western aggressions in Afghanistan have been provoked by jealous wedding party planners who have the government's ear. Let's face it, when was the last time you went to a $20k wedding in America with animals, balloons and several hundred guests partying like loonies for days? Planners can't put on that kind of show here, because no matter how much money or credit card debt you have, some people just can't be bought. Even with the lure of a healthy back-hander payment and a high-paying position on a once-a-month committee, animal rights officials simply won't permit endangered species to mingle with wedding guests,.
I think the housing lobby is also tied up in the anti-Afghan wedding putsch. We are led to believe that this is the land of milk and honey and home ownership is nirvana. If we all knew how great it really was in Afghanistan, we'd all be jumping ship and buying up mortgage-free caves ready to move into after our stunning weddings.
And the fashion lobby want their say too. If the traditional Afghan wedding head dress ever became fashionable, Vera Wang would be out of business in the click of a rifle.
Some guy from Jersey was all proud that in 2001 he spent $10k on his modest wedding. It sounded like he had 10 guests, a couple of Big Macs per head, and everyone got drunk on wine gums. At the other extreme, a woman explained how she had a friend whose wedding cost $100k. That sounded like it had the potential to match an average Afghan wedding for pomp and circumstance, (albeit 5 times the price) but alas, still no animals were mentioned in the Jersey exytravaganza.
I couldn't get to the phone so I couldn't put in my own experience. Our wedding in a picturesque mountain village lasted 3 days. We fed all our family and friends to bursting with Spanish and Moroccan food and it cost me $4000. The secret was that we have small families and a few friends. To further weed out the guests who didn't really really love us, we staged the wedding thousands of miles from America and hundreds of miles from other family and friends in Europe. Playing fair, we asked for no gifts, just their presence. It was a great 3 days and it was all paid for, but not forgotten.
The radio conversation probed the idea of cost of wedding v longevity of marriage. The $10k skinflint announced that he is still married, whereas his buddies who spent $25k are all divorced now. Way to go, cheapskate! On that basis, it looks like I will be with Mrs Ed until at least 2020!
But the kicker was the $100k extravagants. They got divorced 7 MONTHS after the ceremony where they pledged to be together for richer or poorer till death us do part. Well, if I were the parents who paid for the wedding, they would certainly be dead, or at least forced to sign up and go study Afghan treatment of brides who don't want to be married any more.
Got any wedding horror stories, foreign perspectives?
Lobbys provoke Afghanistan invasion to kill off weddings
Starting from the top, with the wedding industry lobby, I think Western aggressions in Afghanistan have been provoked by jealous wedding party planners who have the government's ear. Let's face it, when was the last time you went to a $20k wedding in America with animals, balloons and several hundred guests partying like loonies for days? Planners can't put on that kind of show here, because no matter how much money or credit card debt you have, some people just can't be bought. Even with the lure of a healthy back-hander payment and a high-paying position on a once-a-month committee, animal rights officials simply won't permit endangered species to mingle with wedding guests,.
I think the housing lobby is also tied up in the anti-Afghan wedding putsch. We are led to believe that this is the land of milk and honey and home ownership is nirvana. If we all knew how great it really was in Afghanistan, we'd all be jumping ship and buying up mortgage-free caves ready to move into after our stunning weddings.
How cheap is a cheap wedding in America?
Some guy from Jersey was all proud that in 2001 he spent $10k on his modest wedding. It sounded like he had 10 guests, a couple of Big Macs per head, and everyone got drunk on wine gums. At the other extreme, a woman explained how she had a friend whose wedding cost $100k. That sounded like it had the potential to match an average Afghan wedding for pomp and circumstance, (albeit 5 times the price) but alas, still no animals were mentioned in the Jersey exytravaganza.
Cheap Spanish wedding
I couldn't get to the phone so I couldn't put in my own experience. Our wedding in a picturesque mountain village lasted 3 days. We fed all our family and friends to bursting with Spanish and Moroccan food and it cost me $4000. The secret was that we have small families and a few friends. To further weed out the guests who didn't really really love us, we staged the wedding thousands of miles from America and hundreds of miles from other family and friends in Europe. Playing fair, we asked for no gifts, just their presence. It was a great 3 days and it was all paid for, but not forgotten.
Value for money wedding
The radio conversation probed the idea of cost of wedding v longevity of marriage. The $10k skinflint announced that he is still married, whereas his buddies who spent $25k are all divorced now. Way to go, cheapskate! On that basis, it looks like I will be with Mrs Ed until at least 2020!
But the kicker was the $100k extravagants. They got divorced 7 MONTHS after the ceremony where they pledged to be together for richer or poorer till death us do part. Well, if I were the parents who paid for the wedding, they would certainly be dead, or at least forced to sign up and go study Afghan treatment of brides who don't want to be married any more.
Got any wedding horror stories, foreign perspectives?
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Wesley Snipes $16m tax evasion do-do
The wait and see tactic failed miserably. Not even sincere letters begging for leniency from friends like Denzel Washington saved him, though!Snipes went to jail for three years.
Apparently, old Blade is one of 1 million folks who think that the IRS trick you into paying taxes that they are not entitled to collect on. So rather than debate it in a gentlemanly manner with tax officials, Passenger 57 and these 999,999 others, simply bury their head in the sand and wait to be summoned to court. Sounds like a plan, duh!
New Bobcat GPS not good enough for New Jersey
Bobcat is the code name for some wow factor Apple product supplied by Garmin, the in-car GPS specialists. Techies at MacWorld are a-tremble with anticipation. However, on this same positive day for lost drivers everywhere, there is furor about New Jersey traffic policies The governor wants to introduce an 800% increase in tolls to raise $38bn in revenue - for what, one can only imagine [government salaries and bonuses].
I predict that any time now, thanks to Bobcat, you will be able to plug your iPod Nano into your GPS unit. At the click of a button, the software will be able to create music by equating precisely located foot-tapping and head-shaking movements with musical notes. Then you feed that data into Garage Band, add a few car horns and squealing brake noises, and combine it all with traffic jam announcer soundtracks taken from your satellite radio.
The software then auto creates a unique personalised song that you can listen to as your GPS helps you skirt road works and hold-ups with consummate ease. And it is all done wirelessly.
The Gouge Cat is a special Bobcat version for the New Jersey road user. After taxes, it costs way more than anywhere else, and by the end of 2010, despite mega billion dollar revenues, they still won't be able to make it work properly.
I am no transport major, but I heard years ago that an extra traffic lane is like an extra trash can. The more trash cans you have the more trash you accumulate. Apparently, the NJ governor never heard of this fact!
Time for me to find maps to get me to the peaceful Pacific North West.
Update: To be a good blogger boy and bring some authority to the crap I write, here is a link to the real Bobcat from Garmin!
The Garmin Apple Jersey story
The software then auto creates a unique personalised song that you can listen to as your GPS helps you skirt road works and hold-ups with consummate ease. And it is all done wirelessly.
The Gouge Cat
The Gouge Cat is a special Bobcat version for the New Jersey road user. After taxes, it costs way more than anywhere else, and by the end of 2010, despite mega billion dollar revenues, they still won't be able to make it work properly.
I am no transport major, but I heard years ago that an extra traffic lane is like an extra trash can. The more trash cans you have the more trash you accumulate. Apparently, the NJ governor never heard of this fact!
Time for me to find maps to get me to the peaceful Pacific North West.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Funny art in Seattle and elsewhere
I am not much of an artist, and I don't read much, but I know what I like about art. I like funny art, which could mean funny ha-ha as well as funny peculiar.
Looking at the pictures in this funny art article from the Seattle Times, I thought that "Touch" a pair of long arms hung over a clothes hook was a pretty cool piece. At the risk of sounding like a pretentious art critic, (is there any other sort?), it was quite funny too. Somebody had mucked around with it, by turning the hands to face out. Maybe they thought it should have been called Do Not Touch?
There wasn't much else at the Francine Seders funny show that struck me as funny, but that's not to say you wouldn't burst a blood vessel laughing at some of the other works of art. Art works in mysterious ways.
And I did a bit of digging around other artists on the web site, and if anyone can tell me what is going on with the work of an artist guy called Robert C. Jones, feel free to share. Like I said, I like my funny stuff, but I am also willing to open up to art that appeals to other emotions. Trouble is, I can't quite find the words to describe what I feel when I look at his canvasses.
Fortunately, (in my ignorant opinion) there was nothing else at the gallery as out-and-out fricking stupid as those Damien Hirst spots and pickled sheep deals I mentioned a while back, but you may beg to disagree.
There is a really cool UK art critic called Brian Sewell. I wouldn't want to be on the end of his acerbic tongue lashings. For an idea of what you are up against if he is scrutinizing your favorite art, check out the sound board. And please, don't consume any drinks or food when you click on Sewell sound bites, because you will spit it out. Imagine the butler in Arthur, but real!
There wasn't much else at the Francine Seders funny show that struck me as funny, but that's not to say you wouldn't burst a blood vessel laughing at some of the other works of art. Art works in mysterious ways.
And I did a bit of digging around other artists on the web site, and if anyone can tell me what is going on with the work of an artist guy called Robert C. Jones, feel free to share. Like I said, I like my funny stuff, but I am also willing to open up to art that appeals to other emotions. Trouble is, I can't quite find the words to describe what I feel when I look at his canvasses.
Fortunately, (in my ignorant opinion) there was nothing else at the gallery as out-and-out fricking stupid as those Damien Hirst spots and pickled sheep deals I mentioned a while back, but you may beg to disagree.
Don't Call me stupid
There is a really cool UK art critic called Brian Sewell. I wouldn't want to be on the end of his acerbic tongue lashings. For an idea of what you are up against if he is scrutinizing your favorite art, check out the sound board. And please, don't consume any drinks or food when you click on Sewell sound bites, because you will spit it out. Imagine the butler in Arthur, but real!
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Mad Money or crazy talk?
Couple Find Nearly $12K in 'Cold Cash'
After reading the wild story where a couple, poor as church mice, move into their new apartment and find thousands of dollars in a fridge (long after a thorough police raid), my headline would be: Cops lose nearly $12k in hot cash.
It makes you wonder what quality of police force would raid a drug dealer's home, search the whole apartment, find a few hundred bucks cash on the suspect, arrest them and leave - with nearly $12000 of unmarked bills still stashed in the refrigerator!
It did paint a good picture of honest folks, though. It sounds like the couple who found the money can barely afford the electric to power the fridge, yet they handed it in. Or was it nothing to with honesty, but fear that they would be the next players in a sequel to that uber scary Coen Brothers movie "No Country for old men"! I guess they weighed up the pros and cons and worked out that if the bad guy called by, looking for his money, they couldn't afford to replace the shot out door locks to their front door, let alone the health care to recuperate from that air-powered cattle prod to the forehead.
Back on track, let's hope the police give them their money before the bills literally rot to nothing.
It makes you wonder what quality of police force would raid a drug dealer's home, search the whole apartment, find a few hundred bucks cash on the suspect, arrest them and leave - with nearly $12000 of unmarked bills still stashed in the refrigerator!
Back on track, let's hope the police give them their money before the bills literally rot to nothing.
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No Recession Here
Hello again. Ouch!
I just returned from a week-long trip to beautiful recession-free Washington state and Vancouver Island. We didn't miss the madness that is life on the East coast of America, but all good things come to an end and I have returned - to even greater madness!!
If I was weak of heart, I would say that the wheels have fallen off America, irreversibly. The stock market has tanked 10%, the media is openly talking UP recession, housing is going further down the toilet, elections are crazy, the winter weather has turned to shirt sleeves... and The Pisstakers was hijacked temporarily by Anonymous. The end is nigh!!
Not here!
While others lose their head discussing the minutiae of temporarily declining extreme wealth, I say, keep cool, keep thinking, and find the funny side in the gloom. Also keep denying that recession is all bad.
There are two lights shining brightly against a back drop of doom and gloom Now you can watch some Comedy Channel programing, without risk of repeats, and there is a brilliant money-making blog to captivate and educate you like no other in its genre.
In times of (perceived) recession, you need to cut costs. My fave black leg comedian, Stephen Colbert, is back in action with a leaner, meaner writing team of one, and to be honest, I can't tell the difference between his bare-bones show and those illustrious productions backed by teams of writers. It begs the question, does he need any staff on his payroll?
Maybe down-sizing is incredibly stressful for him, and he is going gray dreaming up all his own material, a lonesome comedian up against the wall and against the clock. If so, he could do himself a big favor by shaving his head bald. With no hair he can avoid the daily hair dyeing session, which will give him an extra hour's writing time. And with no hair, he has no worries about going gray from the pressure of being funny on his own .
Opportunities arise from economic slow-downs (and I speak hypothetically because it ain't happening). However, if you want to be taken seriously as a blogger with a handle on making money on-line, what I suggest you don't do is start advising novices on how to make money - unless you really have made serious cash yourself. And even if you do have all the answers, you better be quick at making your mark, because I think Blogger Unleashed is going to become the numero uno of this genre in double quick time.
Bottom line, Vic is a new superstar blogger totally kicking the money-making bloggers' butt. I say new but only in terms of the life of his latest blog. He has been around for years, in the form of a bad boy blackhatter, ("engineers" who cheat Google for fun) and the great thing is, he knows ALL the tricks of the trade so you can make money the right way.
For me, the best thing about his blog is, he totally blows the conventional pro-blogger wisdom out the water with a magnificent mix of effing and blinding and grammar issues. And he is painfully honest and horribly blunt at times. But it is a brilliant read.
I would hazard a guess that Vic would spit in the face of recession doom and gloom. There is so much money to be made on the internet, if you know how.
There we go. Recession blown apart. Now we are all feeling better, it is time to wish all the best to friends and foes. 2008 is another 12 months for us to flourish, and even if the richest country in the world does go under without a whimper, you are all most welcome to share in Pisstakers fun and frolics, puns and bollocks.
And don't be like Anonymous and get too concerned with contrarian and tongue-in-cheek opinions. I have an opinion and an ass-hole just like everyone else, with a slight difference, this is a satirical platform. I am so serious I can't even buy boat insurance without joking about drinking and driving. Cheers
I just returned from a week-long trip to beautiful recession-free Washington state and Vancouver Island. We didn't miss the madness that is life on the East coast of America, but all good things come to an end and I have returned - to even greater madness!!
If I was weak of heart, I would say that the wheels have fallen off America, irreversibly. The stock market has tanked 10%, the media is openly talking UP recession, housing is going further down the toilet, elections are crazy, the winter weather has turned to shirt sleeves... and The Pisstakers was hijacked temporarily by Anonymous. The end is nigh!!
Not here!
Recession is a positive
While others lose their head discussing the minutiae of temporarily declining extreme wealth, I say, keep cool, keep thinking, and find the funny side in the gloom. Also keep denying that recession is all bad.
There are two lights shining brightly against a back drop of doom and gloom Now you can watch some Comedy Channel programing, without risk of repeats, and there is a brilliant money-making blog to captivate and educate you like no other in its genre.
Colbert recession-proofing
Maybe down-sizing is incredibly stressful for him, and he is going gray dreaming up all his own material, a lonesome comedian up against the wall and against the clock. If so, he could do himself a big favor by shaving his head bald. With no hair he can avoid the daily hair dyeing session, which will give him an extra hour's writing time. And with no hair, he has no worries about going gray from the pressure of being funny on his own .
Blogging unleashed
Bottom line, Vic is a new superstar blogger totally kicking the money-making bloggers' butt. I say new but only in terms of the life of his latest blog. He has been around for years, in the form of a bad boy blackhatter, ("engineers" who cheat Google for fun) and the great thing is, he knows ALL the tricks of the trade so you can make money the right way.
For me, the best thing about his blog is, he totally blows the conventional pro-blogger wisdom out the water with a magnificent mix of effing and blinding and grammar issues. And he is painfully honest and horribly blunt at times. But it is a brilliant read.
I would hazard a guess that Vic would spit in the face of recession doom and gloom. There is so much money to be made on the internet, if you know how.
Happy New year
There we go. Recession blown apart. Now we are all feeling better, it is time to wish all the best to friends and foes. 2008 is another 12 months for us to flourish, and even if the richest country in the world does go under without a whimper, you are all most welcome to share in Pisstakers fun and frolics, puns and bollocks.
And don't be like Anonymous and get too concerned with contrarian and tongue-in-cheek opinions. I have an opinion and an ass-hole just like everyone else, with a slight difference, this is a satirical platform. I am so serious I can't even buy boat insurance without joking about drinking and driving. Cheers
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Snow angel
Just when you thought it was safe to go out.
Can you think of any captions to suit this Virginia Snow Angel pic?
The first thing that sprang to mind was, "Somewhere for Santa to park his bike." or "Snow angel clearing driveway while whistling Jingle Balls"
I hope you have something funnier!
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CB (Cool Brit) v CNBC hot head
The caffeine-pumped anchorman for the CNBC financial news channel was interviewing a British fund manager who looked like a retired colonel with a heart rate of 40bpm. He congratulated him on the 42% profit he had made on his emerging market fund and asked the Brit some general stuff, like,
"Can you do it again next year?"
He said he could, but not so spectacularly as before, but he would still kick ass. (My words not his!)
When asked about his tactics, the Brit mentioned that he had a team scouring the world investigating companies. He had interests in India, Russia, Brazil...
Remember yesterday? The world absorbed the news of the death of Bhutto. The anchorman was straight in with his shit- stirring stick.
"In view of the events unfolding in Pakistan over the last 48 hours, is that going to change your strategy for the coming year?"
The Brit looked at him like he had just been asked to stick a red hot poker up his jacksy and sing Rule Britannia.
"I don't think so. For a start I have no investments in Pakistan, and if you check your facts you will see that the Indian stock market just closed at a record high. That tells you what the neighbors think about the troubles in Pakistan."
Slap that idiot down. Sensationalist, uninformed - and that describes one of the better US news stations!
Whatever happened to balanced reporting? There is just so little perspective behind the news here. For instance, following the assassination of Bhutto, her supporters were distraught and angry. I am not saying that there will not be major issues to come, but within minutes the news stations were reporting insurrection - illustrated by something akin to a tire burning outside a hospital. The fire filled the frame.
It reminded me of the shots of the recent White House annexe ablaze. The camera was trained on smoke billowing from an open window. It looked really bad, until the cameraman put some perspective on the whole event. As he panned out, you could see that the conflagration (that the reporter confirmed was not a terrorist attack) was little more than a glorified fire in a wastepaper basket. From potential terror attack to a cigarette in a basket and back to normality again.
This is a really sick and draining cycle of info overload that is acted out hour after hour, day in day out. And the problem is, it is counter-productive. ie if you are trying to plan for the future you need some sense of stability and order. So why are there so few restrictions on the news people who seem to revel in trying to destabilise the economy, society etc with this incessant over reporting of every day life?
The whole country is caught up in this surging tide of BS news. It is like a big suction pad, drawing everybody into the melee. It isn't healthy, and is so unnecessary. Can the powers-that-be not instil some standards of decency and accuracy in the media for everybody's good?
Surely it is obvious that something needs to change when a cold Brit who made 42% profit acting cool can so easily show a jacked-up anchorman for the sensationalist idiot that he is, without even trying.
"Can you do it again next year?"
He said he could, but not so spectacularly as before, but he would still kick ass. (My words not his!)
When asked about his tactics, the Brit mentioned that he had a team scouring the world investigating companies. He had interests in India, Russia, Brazil...
Remember yesterday? The world absorbed the news of the death of Bhutto. The anchorman was straight in with his shit- stirring stick.
"In view of the events unfolding in Pakistan over the last 48 hours, is that going to change your strategy for the coming year?"
The Brit looked at him like he had just been asked to stick a red hot poker up his jacksy and sing Rule Britannia.
"I don't think so. For a start I have no investments in Pakistan, and if you check your facts you will see that the Indian stock market just closed at a record high. That tells you what the neighbors think about the troubles in Pakistan."
Slap that idiot down. Sensationalist, uninformed - and that describes one of the better US news stations!
Where's the perspective?
Whatever happened to balanced reporting? There is just so little perspective behind the news here. For instance, following the assassination of Bhutto, her supporters were distraught and angry. I am not saying that there will not be major issues to come, but within minutes the news stations were reporting insurrection - illustrated by something akin to a tire burning outside a hospital. The fire filled the frame.
It reminded me of the shots of the recent White House annexe ablaze. The camera was trained on smoke billowing from an open window. It looked really bad, until the cameraman put some perspective on the whole event. As he panned out, you could see that the conflagration (that the reporter confirmed was not a terrorist attack) was little more than a glorified fire in a wastepaper basket. From potential terror attack to a cigarette in a basket and back to normality again.
Endless destructive cycle
This is a really sick and draining cycle of info overload that is acted out hour after hour, day in day out. And the problem is, it is counter-productive. ie if you are trying to plan for the future you need some sense of stability and order. So why are there so few restrictions on the news people who seem to revel in trying to destabilise the economy, society etc with this incessant over reporting of every day life?
The whole country is caught up in this surging tide of BS news. It is like a big suction pad, drawing everybody into the melee. It isn't healthy, and is so unnecessary. Can the powers-that-be not instil some standards of decency and accuracy in the media for everybody's good?
Surely it is obvious that something needs to change when a cold Brit who made 42% profit acting cool can so easily show a jacked-up anchorman for the sensationalist idiot that he is, without even trying.
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Christmas painting hell
When I was in the construction business, for many contractors, Christmas was a time to relax and put feet up at least a week ahead of the 25th. No one would resurface until the second week of January. Many of those guys were not a pretty sight after 2 weeks of beer, chocolates and turkey.
On the other hand, we were heavily into painting, and December and early January were usually the busiest months of the year for us, go figure. Many a time, we would be asked to start a big job in early December. We'd tell the customer that the job was going to go past Christmas, and they would still give us the go ahead, because they wanted the place to be nice for the relations and friends! OK.
We never worked out the logic of "Nice for Christmas". Often we would be packing our kit away at 5pm on Christmas Eve. The house would be frozen because all the windows were open in a desperate attempt to clear the place of paint fumes; the lady of the house would be hanging the shivering, complaining kids. It was a joy.
And a couple of days after the big fumey festivities were over, we would be back to paint like idiots until an hour before their New Year's party guests arrived.
We didn't care, it was all good fun and we got paid pretty well. And best of all, we would be able to take time off just as everybody else was getting suicidal about being back in the work groove.
I am well out of that scene now, so I don't know what other contractors are up to these days. If they are anything like the guys I knew, they are probably at home right now, wondering where the housing bubble came from. The ones with panic mode etched into their skulls are now slapping on a coat of paint, trying to make their own places look good enough to sell at knock down prices. Welcome to the buy high sell low happy days of 2008 housing hell.
On the other hand, we were heavily into painting, and December and early January were usually the busiest months of the year for us, go figure. Many a time, we would be asked to start a big job in early December. We'd tell the customer that the job was going to go past Christmas, and they would still give us the go ahead, because they wanted the place to be nice for the relations and friends! OK.
We never worked out the logic of "Nice for Christmas". Often we would be packing our kit away at 5pm on Christmas Eve. The house would be frozen because all the windows were open in a desperate attempt to clear the place of paint fumes; the lady of the house would be hanging the shivering, complaining kids. It was a joy.
And a couple of days after the big fumey festivities were over, we would be back to paint like idiots until an hour before their New Year's party guests arrived.
We didn't care, it was all good fun and we got paid pretty well. And best of all, we would be able to take time off just as everybody else was getting suicidal about being back in the work groove.
I am well out of that scene now, so I don't know what other contractors are up to these days. If they are anything like the guys I knew, they are probably at home right now, wondering where the housing bubble came from. The ones with panic mode etched into their skulls are now slapping on a coat of paint, trying to make their own places look good enough to sell at knock down prices. Welcome to the buy high sell low happy days of 2008 housing hell.
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Merry Christmas, Scrooge
Obviously I knew it was a tale about the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future, playing on the mind of a miserable miser, but this version actually conveyed the underlying message in an understandable way.
Man has the ability to change his behavior to make the world a better place. Just because you have done wrong thing your whole life, doesn't make it right, and doesn't mean it has to be so forever.
In light of a few recent run-ins with despicable characters, I think this video should be distributed to all businesses world wide, as a reminder that it is not too late to turn the commercial hell enveloping us into a force for good.
Now it is time to go back to pissing in the wind, banging my head against a wall, striving in vain to use satire to shame the world into being more consistent.
Happy holidays to those over sensitive folks offended by the word Christmas.
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Christmas cheer for corporations
Deck the cells with boughs of holly. Yahoo conspired with the Chinese government to get a bunch of dissidents arrested.The Yahoos have agreed to pay the dissidents' legal costs. That's nice. A bit like breaking my legs and offering to pay my hospital fees!
Caterpillar were sued for their involvement in the 2005 death of a protester and the destruction of homes on the Gaza strip. I am not sure this is a legitimate case. It was the Israeli army, not the manufacturer, at the wheel. Secondly, even though the instruction manual probably doesn't specify the performance of their machinery in a protest type of scenario, common sense says that if you stand in front of a 10-ton Cat, you will be crushed. 
Ever heard of Nichia? I thought not. They make LEDs. They are a nice bunch of people, probably, but if you use their product, it seems that you have to acknowledge their name in your product, else you will be sued. Great customer relations. So, if you see Santa, remind him to check that he is acknowledging the maker of his sleigh lights, else it may be impounded. On second thoughts, an infringement could mean the end of Xmas. You decide.
And before you tuck into your Christmas fare, do the litmus test for lead, another test for e-coli, mmmm, and just in case, run the geiger counter over your buckling dinner table, to check for radiation poisoning. Relax. If you find anything wrong, before, during or after you have eaten, don't despair, there will be a lawyer prepared to take your case.
Thanks MarketWatch for some of the corporate Christmas bash ideas.
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MyBlogLog Sunday week 38
MyBlogLog Sunday week 38 comes to you from a gray miserable East coast. A true reflection of Christmas? Maybe not, if you are all prepared, wrapped and ready, and your credit card is still in good shape.
However, according to one report I read, 25% of the country will start their holiday season presents shopping today. That sounds like a recipe for a red hot heated and exciting day for many. Bring it on. (And any nutters out there, do us a favor and leave your weapons at home. Elbows and a dumb stare are usually sufficient to get you to the front of the queue.)
As per the "rules", the 10 bloggers in the screenshot will get a mini review, my finest PR4 backlink, plus a link to your MyBlogLog community... and I have been a negligent stumbler these last couple of weeks so I will try to rectify that and stumble any posts from any bloggers (featured or not) who leave a link to their own favorite post of the week.
MyBlogLog Sunday info links
All hot mini reviews on MyBloglog Sunday!
Internet buzz on MyBloglog Sunday!
How to participate in MyBloglog Sunday!
Weekly round-up of MyBloglog Sunday!
Internet buzz on MyBloglog Sunday!
How to participate in MyBloglog Sunday!
Weekly round-up of MyBloglog Sunday!
Be back later.
And this video review from Breaking News will shed some light on what goes on, if you haven't called by before. |  |  |
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Mice in the yard, rats in business
I am getting really teed off with the lack of moral fortitude in so many people in business these days. What is so hard about owning up to your mistakes? The worst for not owning up to their mistakes seem to be the "experts", those who think they are above the rest of us and should never be questioned.
We just had our car serviced. This is the second time we have had work done at the same place, and it now turns out to be the second time we have been landed with a bill $200 over what we were expecting to pay. It is also the second time the car hasn't run quite correctly afterwards.
The first time, there was a small issue with the timing, the mechanic rectified it promptly. Fine. The car ran great. We put the extra unexpected $200 down to experience.
On this second occasion, however, the mechanic proved beyond all reasonable doubt that he is a pretty good mechanic and a bare faced pathological liar. Somehow in his world, it is OK to call my wife to say that the car won't be ready on time, to say that he needs to order a part, and - this is the kicker - it is perfectly acceptable business practice to omit the line about "This will add $200 to what I quoted you to complete the work (that I recommended) to solve the oil leak issue (that I pointed out to you). Half truths and nothing but the half-truth, so help my customers.
He pulled the same disingenuous trick with me when I went to pick the car up. He showed me the part that my wife had given him the go ahead to replace, and after swiping my card I see the invoice for the first time. It is $200 above what he quoted. Let the bullshit begin.
Suffice to say, I called him on his tactics, and I soon realised I was up against a guy who has perfected the art of half truths.
Here is a tip if you want to run a business like a dick. The strategy is to play dumb when a customer calls you on a misleading quote. If the customer persists, you speak in half truths, and when it starts to get really awkward, you look dumbly at the customer and say you did them a favor by spotting the extra work.
Mechanics hold the key till they get the money, and in our case, in a court of law, we have almost no leg to stand on, because, like idiots we accepted his verbal "gentleman's agreement" and don't make a habit of recording phone conversations. And bottom line, in a world where only money seems to count, $200, who wants the hassle? So he won that round.
The final straw came today. The weather is damp, and the engine is mis-timing. I take it straight to the garage. He points out a damaged ht lead. That's a mouse bite, he says.
I said nothing, I was so taken aback. We have 3 cats that kill anything that moves. There is no wildlife that would dare come within 100 yards of our driveway! I have been driving for 20 years and never had an issue with mice in my hood. I had the car parked up maybe 7 hours before the engine started misfiring. So I just listened to the bullshit. At the end of his excuses spiel, I had had enough. It is Christmas, places are closed. Our lead isn't getting replaced.
Clearly, you cannot discuss anything with pathological liars. Merry Christmas to all ethical upright mechanics, and a warning to a robbing grease monkey who operates just along the road from me. Like all liars, his story isn't quite good enough to outwit an ass-wipe member of the public like me who has a good memory for detail.
The mechanic is having a good Christmas, no doubt smug that he saw me off with his cleverness. On reflection, he should have bitten his tongue before blurting out, mid-BS, and I quote, This place has an issue with mice, and we have problems with cables getting chewed all the time. His ass is the next thing getting chewed, unless of course, his cousin is the editor of the consumer section of the local paper!
A mouse in your yard
We just had our car serviced. This is the second time we have had work done at the same place, and it now turns out to be the second time we have been landed with a bill $200 over what we were expecting to pay. It is also the second time the car hasn't run quite correctly afterwards.
The first time, there was a small issue with the timing, the mechanic rectified it promptly. Fine. The car ran great. We put the extra unexpected $200 down to experience.
Disingenuous genius
On this second occasion, however, the mechanic proved beyond all reasonable doubt that he is a pretty good mechanic and a bare faced pathological liar. Somehow in his world, it is OK to call my wife to say that the car won't be ready on time, to say that he needs to order a part, and - this is the kicker - it is perfectly acceptable business practice to omit the line about "This will add $200 to what I quoted you to complete the work (that I recommended) to solve the oil leak issue (that I pointed out to you). Half truths and nothing but the half-truth, so help my customers.
He pulled the same disingenuous trick with me when I went to pick the car up. He showed me the part that my wife had given him the go ahead to replace, and after swiping my card I see the invoice for the first time. It is $200 above what he quoted. Let the bullshit begin.
Ed's pissed
Suffice to say, I called him on his tactics, and I soon realised I was up against a guy who has perfected the art of half truths.
Here is a tip if you want to run a business like a dick. The strategy is to play dumb when a customer calls you on a misleading quote. If the customer persists, you speak in half truths, and when it starts to get really awkward, you look dumbly at the customer and say you did them a favor by spotting the extra work.
Mechanics hold the key till they get the money, and in our case, in a court of law, we have almost no leg to stand on, because, like idiots we accepted his verbal "gentleman's agreement" and don't make a habit of recording phone conversations. And bottom line, in a world where only money seems to count, $200, who wants the hassle? So he won that round.
It may be a Pyrrhic victory!
The final straw came today. The weather is damp, and the engine is mis-timing. I take it straight to the garage. He points out a damaged ht lead. That's a mouse bite, he says.
I said nothing, I was so taken aback. We have 3 cats that kill anything that moves. There is no wildlife that would dare come within 100 yards of our driveway! I have been driving for 20 years and never had an issue with mice in my hood. I had the car parked up maybe 7 hours before the engine started misfiring. So I just listened to the bullshit. At the end of his excuses spiel, I had had enough. It is Christmas, places are closed. Our lead isn't getting replaced.
Clearly, you cannot discuss anything with pathological liars. Merry Christmas to all ethical upright mechanics, and a warning to a robbing grease monkey who operates just along the road from me. Like all liars, his story isn't quite good enough to outwit an ass-wipe member of the public like me who has a good memory for detail.
The mechanic is having a good Christmas, no doubt smug that he saw me off with his cleverness. On reflection, he should have bitten his tongue before blurting out, mid-BS, and I quote, This place has an issue with mice, and we have problems with cables getting chewed all the time. His ass is the next thing getting chewed, unless of course, his cousin is the editor of the consumer section of the local paper!
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Not so busy shopping days
So what is it, folks? What is the busiest Christmas shopping day of the year? Here on the 19th of December we still haven't started, so our answer is no day. We are so far behind the curve, it is embarrassing. But I can trace the cause of this surreal scrooge-like behavior back to real world stats.
Therefore, while other blogs now tackle this week's busy shipping times for Fed-Ex and UPS, plus shopping mad Green Monday at eBay and Amazon, I am re-winding. I am blogging about a shopping day in November - with no embarrassment whatsoever.
If you listen to the retailers lurking desperately in malls, Black Friday is the big shopping kahuna.
For what it's worth, the analysts say that if you go shopping at a store on Black Friday, you are 70% likely to return to buy some more products before Xmas. If you stay in bed and sleep through the crass commercialism, you are 40% likely not to shop at all.
The analysts are right. We didn't shop and as you can see, the retailers are suffering nationwide.
Do we care that we missed out on Black Friday? If you are a warm human being who wishes a good Christmas to all, even to the sort of people who exploit us all year, I suggest that it does matter!
We did not make the effort to walk through shop doors on Black Friday, and as a result, our favorite people, fat cat CEO's, have since spent the run-up to Christmas staring at spreadsheets in a nervy, prescription drug-induced stupor. We apologise. It is not something we would usually wish on our worse enemy, but oh well!!
Sorry retailers, we didn't get our act together and Black Friday has deteriorated into Black December. So much influence, Staggering.
Yes indeedy, the day after Thanksgiving should have been a good time for us. We could have broken records for overnight queues and extended limitless and pointless goodwill towards fellow freezing human beings - and tripped them up as they headed for the same bargains on our wish list.
Maybe there is time to rectify the shortcomings, and buy some second hand stuff on eBay this Friday, ie on Black Friday 2. Does that count towards the bottom line?
And could we spin Black Friday a different way? It is a healthy day when many people actually run for the first and last time of the year, thundering down aisles, hearts racing, cholesterol evaporating. Post images of Black Friday shopping athletes elbowing competitors, looking for that one bargain basement Wii or mink coat. Bless!
Where are you in the Xmas shopping cycle? Is there hope to get the retailer CEOs off of drugs before year end figures implode? Let us know.
Therefore, while other blogs now tackle this week's busy shipping times for Fed-Ex and UPS, plus shopping mad Green Monday at eBay and Amazon, I am re-winding. I am blogging about a shopping day in November - with no embarrassment whatsoever.
Brick and mortar mall bull
If you listen to the retailers lurking desperately in malls, Black Friday is the big shopping kahuna.
For what it's worth, the analysts say that if you go shopping at a store on Black Friday, you are 70% likely to return to buy some more products before Xmas. If you stay in bed and sleep through the crass commercialism, you are 40% likely not to shop at all.
The analysts are right. We didn't shop and as you can see, the retailers are suffering nationwide.
Shop and save the CEO.
Do we care that we missed out on Black Friday? If you are a warm human being who wishes a good Christmas to all, even to the sort of people who exploit us all year, I suggest that it does matter!
We did not make the effort to walk through shop doors on Black Friday, and as a result, our favorite people, fat cat CEO's, have since spent the run-up to Christmas staring at spreadsheets in a nervy, prescription drug-induced stupor. We apologise. It is not something we would usually wish on our worse enemy, but oh well!!
Sorry retailers, we didn't get our act together and Black Friday has deteriorated into Black December. So much influence, Staggering.
A better attitude towards Xmas shopping
Yes indeedy, the day after Thanksgiving should have been a good time for us. We could have broken records for overnight queues and extended limitless and pointless goodwill towards fellow freezing human beings - and tripped them up as they headed for the same bargains on our wish list.
Re-thinking Black Friday
Maybe there is time to rectify the shortcomings, and buy some second hand stuff on eBay this Friday, ie on Black Friday 2. Does that count towards the bottom line?
And could we spin Black Friday a different way? It is a healthy day when many people actually run for the first and last time of the year, thundering down aisles, hearts racing, cholesterol evaporating. Post images of Black Friday shopping athletes elbowing competitors, looking for that one bargain basement Wii or mink coat. Bless!
Where are you in the Xmas shopping cycle? Is there hope to get the retailer CEOs off of drugs before year end figures implode? Let us know.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Christmas fancy dress tale
I used to work in construction, and back in the day we had apprentices. (If that term is alien to you, apprentices were the youngsters who bore the brunt of tradesmen's humor, and did all the dirty jobs too. It was a hard life, but it didnt do them any harm, at least no visible harm!)
One Christmas, our boss decided to treat everyone to an all-expenses paid night out at a local bar. The official word was that it was to be a fancy dress do - we were all going to dress up as women. All the tradesmen were talking about borrowing clothes from wives and girlfriends and we were going to have a riot putting on make-up and tottering around in heels, yadda yadda.
Unofficially, we weren't going in fancy dress at all.
We all turned up at the bar early in smart casuals, had a few drinks and waited for the apprentice. Sure enough, he strode into the bar decked out in his mum's dress and bright red lipstick. Needless to say, the whole bar erupted, we died laughing and...
...he was one of the best sports ever and stayed in drag the whole night, the center of attention.
Although he was practically swimming in bacardi and was so physiologically damaged by alcohol that he couldn't remember a thing, he swears to this day that he had the best time. Knowing who and what he grew up into, he probably did have a blast. I just know I would have died in his shoes.
Merry Christmas.
One Christmas, our boss decided to treat everyone to an all-expenses paid night out at a local bar. The official word was that it was to be a fancy dress do - we were all going to dress up as women. All the tradesmen were talking about borrowing clothes from wives and girlfriends and we were going to have a riot putting on make-up and tottering around in heels, yadda yadda.
Unofficially, we weren't going in fancy dress at all.
We all turned up at the bar early in smart casuals, had a few drinks and waited for the apprentice. Sure enough, he strode into the bar decked out in his mum's dress and bright red lipstick. Needless to say, the whole bar erupted, we died laughing and...
...he was one of the best sports ever and stayed in drag the whole night, the center of attention.
Although he was practically swimming in bacardi and was so physiologically damaged by alcohol that he couldn't remember a thing, he swears to this day that he had the best time. Knowing who and what he grew up into, he probably did have a blast. I just know I would have died in his shoes.
Merry Christmas.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Artmunkey, Damien Hirst - the true story
Just so we aren't caught floundering behind the curve in the fast changing world of blogging looks, here is the latest artistic rendition of the logo from Are We there yet?
Having followed the artwork coming from the blog in recent months, I think it is fair to say that the in-house artist, Artmunkey, has a personal and consistent style, which, if she wants to go professional, bodes well for the future. And at the tender age of 15, time is definitely on her side. (Can we buy shares?)
As a fan of Vincent van Gogh, I also feel it is my duty to remind Artmunkey Amanda to keep her ears out of the way of stray knives.
Original, in a production line kind of way
As a former struggling artist, I think developing a distinctive style is the big challenge. Almost anyone can rattle off a one-off piece of inspiration, but if you want to be commercially viable, people like to know what theme or mark they are getting.
That nutter Damien Hirst, the guy who stuck a sheep in formaldehyde and got world-wide acclaim, remember him? Well, he had a distinctive style in painting too. Spots. Sorry to disappoint anyone, but I knew someone who claimed to be one of a team of artists who used to paint his spot paintings for him, before he signed them off as his own! When you hit the big time, I guess you can afford such indulgences.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
The land of plenty - of hassle
According to a tech friend, a new wireless card should cure a pulsating wireless signal that lets me view pages half a screen at a time, and publish correctly for 17 seconds between fatal signal drops...
A wireless card, huh, easy. There are thousands to choose from, so finding the right one should be like picking fruit off the ground. Not so fast. Who was it said that you can get whatever you want whenever you want in this age where consumer is king? They were talking out their elbow. It has taken 2 trips to Walmart and Best Buy, a customer service episode that doesn't bear repeating, plus a couple of sorties into the world of eBay. (not forgetting an aborted trip to an online Mac store) to eventually find what I am looking for - I think. All being well, Amazon have it under control and I will be back to a reliable blogging service in 2 to 6 business days.
In my cynical state, that probably means two missed deliveries and a trip to the Fed-Ex depot in the pouring rain, in a couple of weeks, but, hey, it's Christmas and I am ready for a surprise or two.
MyBlogLog Sunday, no hassle
There was supposed to be video footage of last week's MBL Sunday, but it will be rolling tomorrow instead. The Breaking News team broke their lenses, and didn't fancy a blind run, but all is well again and filming will resume. As part of the deal, any bloggers who mention MyBlogLog Sunday will get a visit too, so you know what to do if you want to get a glitzy showing on Youtube!
Till tomorrow. And I hope this slips out before the wireless goes fooey again.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
A Canadian cartoon talent
I hope Johnny Ancich doesn't mind this blatant copy of his latest cartoon. I have been subscribing to this contemporary Canadian cartoonist's work for a week or so now and I haven't had a bad one yet. And if you don't get the point of a PastExpiry cartoon straight away, because like me, you aren't up to speed with Canada news, he adds a sharp line or two of explanation.
Check him out. Vote for him. Subscribe. Digg, Stumble, rock 'n roll him.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Rotten neighbors
Well, before you sign your life away, you can use this site to find out if there are any rotten neighbors, trouble-makers, or noisy bastards on your street.
You just go to the site, enter an address, search the Google map for the house you are interested in, and see if anyone has submitted insider info.
Phew, saved!
These guys have revealed a few choice facts about the loud and loser people on their street. It doesn't do much for the prospects of anyone trying to sell, but potential buyers can't say they haven't been forewarned. Of course, if the newbies are into ghetto parties, maybe it is their perfect neighborhood, otherwise, I suspect they will keep on driving till they find a quieter block.
These people are too into Christmas!
I have heard it all now. Nice folks, but they have so many Xmas lights it is annoying for anyone living nearby. Whatever happened to affirmative action? If illuminations are too invasive, I suggest crawling across the lawn like a commando and cutting the wires.
I suppose in a place where people have time to stare out their windows and get offended by pulsing Father Christmas-i, there is a high chance of being spotted sabotaging the lights, photographed and uploaded to this site before you even get home. Nosy neighbors are as bad as rotten ones.
Snooper, top commenter
With a name like that, Snooper deserves to be top poster on this site. The conversation provides quite an entertaining insight into the small world we live in.
What I really mean is, this site opens a window on the small-minded judgemental intolerant world we live in. Are we supposed to tip-toe around at home and never have bonfires, parties and outdoor hobbies? Life is too short to get hung up on gangs hanging out on your front yard drinking beer and revving their hot-rods.
I may sound judgemental myself, criticising people who don't live and let live, but in my defence, I never get in my neighbors' face. Maybe if the deer, Canada geese and groundhogs start using stereos at midnight , or drive their SUVs across our lawn when we are sipping champagne, there will be trouble, but till then, you won't see me on Rotten Neighbors!
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Insurance loss adjusters need to think of this risk
When pressed by an irate client with no known pre-existing conditions, the agent folds and says that according to the medical evidence, they can't carry the risk.
Now the client is really pissed and asks them to be more specific. The agent breaks down and explains the prognosis according to the DNA evidence. Sorry. The agent puts the phone down, assuming it will be another typical day at the office. Wrong!
***********
The dejected, rejected applicant is mortified to learn of his pending doom, from an insurance company. He is doubly annoyed that they would go to such unethical lengths to avoid any risk whatsoever. He is inspired to go to the insurance company office to give them a piece of his mind.
***********
In court, the judge asks the murderer of 6 insurance agents why he did it. His reply sends shivers down the spine of every insurance loss adjuster thinking of using futuristic tests to determine who they will or won't insure.
"By using genetic testing to cover their asses, they proved that I had nothing to lose. I just did what I and millions of others have wanted to do to insurance companies for years."
I wonder if the loss adjusters at the top have thought this scenario through. If so, are they heartless enough to use genetic information in their screening process? Perhaps they are already working out the survival odds for insurance agents who tell clients about a dormant medical condition they would rather not have known about.
Just a thought inspired by a few spineless insurers who won't insure us to live aboard a wooden boat!
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
340 MyBlogLog reviews, video, comments
The Breaking News team also have a funny story (in a tragic kind of way). A Korean guy had a hole blown in his chest by an exploding cell phone. OK, it isn't funny per se, but was it really a faulty battery to blame? Maybe he was a wannabe suicide bomber who forgot that you can't do trial runs.
Definition of a comment: A string of words that prove there is life out there beyond a feed reader stat.
I can't find it now, but I liked the one where the girl is sat on the edge of a fountain in a mall, minding her own business. A passer-by tips her in and runs like hell. I was going to make a lame comment about it being a trial run for New Year's celebrations in Trafalgar Square, but my research reveals that the British party-poopers drain the water out the world famous fountains. Oh well. As you were.
Why not leave a comment and tell us about something going on on your blog this week!
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
It's getting close
Death, taxes and $100 oil are closer today than they were yesterday. But does that mean we are going to die this evening, or hand over taxes tomorrow? No. And neither is $100 oil here this morning, despite the over-blown news of an explosion in a Minnesota pipeline. I think I just need to turn off the TV and get on with life, and leave the news games to them that want to play.
And talking about news that we don't want to hear, do we have any idea what the bin Laden tape is going to reveal this afternoon? I am amazed by this whole story. Not wishing to sound ignorant, but isn't he dead? Wasn't there an incident a few years ago and he was blown to hell? And if the bombs didn't get him, wasn't there talk that he was suffering from kidney disease and he was on the point of popping his clogs in a cave at any time? I dunno, he is getting more and more like a crazy cartoon character or an Austin Powers anti-hero.Or the Scarlet Pimpernel? They seek him here, they seek him there...
Talking of pipelines and despotic leaders, I recently posted about some Pisstakers theme changes in the pipeline, and I also intimated that I was going to revamp 1200 posts, by incorporating SmartLinks technology into the theme. Me and my big mouth.
Although the comments about theme changes were positive, I had a feeling I may have overstated the case. In words of one syllable, if you had seen what I had on the drawing board, you would have thought I was a bullshitter too! 2 doodles and a squiggle on the back of a pack of cigarettes doesn't really equate to a face-lift in any language.
And what was I thinking, saying I was going to re-jig 1200 posts? For a start, after a quick count, there are 1300. And for seconds, I don't know 1300 books, movies or cds to Smartlink to. Oops.
But there is nothing like a bit of pressure to bring out the best in a loser like me, so I started Googling for more inspiration. Luckily, I came up with a plan after digesting some useful info which included: a great tutorial on CSS tables; some more info on our pet project, Kiva; a snazzy use of SmartLinks, and a general tip that in web design, evolution is better than revolution...
...and after reading a gigabyte of text, I came away vindicated that ads in sidebars, adsense, sponsored posts and a load of other money-making techniques don't really ad much to the blog experience. All in all, I might actually be onto something and I don't feel so bad about pre-announcing an idea.
Without giving the whole game away, you might see something like this screenshot in key positions around the site. I doubt whether this snippet of info helps much, but you now know a lot more than I knew the day before yesterday.
Osama getting close
And talking about news that we don't want to hear, do we have any idea what the bin Laden tape is going to reveal this afternoon? I am amazed by this whole story. Not wishing to sound ignorant, but isn't he dead? Wasn't there an incident a few years ago and he was blown to hell? And if the bombs didn't get him, wasn't there talk that he was suffering from kidney disease and he was on the point of popping his clogs in a cave at any time? I dunno, he is getting more and more like a crazy cartoon character or an Austin Powers anti-hero.Or the Scarlet Pimpernel? They seek him here, they seek him there...
New theme getting close
Talking of pipelines and despotic leaders, I recently posted about some Pisstakers theme changes in the pipeline, and I also intimated that I was going to revamp 1200 posts, by incorporating SmartLinks technology into the theme. Me and my big mouth.
Although the comments about theme changes were positive, I had a feeling I may have overstated the case. In words of one syllable, if you had seen what I had on the drawing board, you would have thought I was a bullshitter too! 2 doodles and a squiggle on the back of a pack of cigarettes doesn't really equate to a face-lift in any language.
And what was I thinking, saying I was going to re-jig 1200 posts? For a start, after a quick count, there are 1300. And for seconds, I don't know 1300 books, movies or cds to Smartlink to. Oops.
But there is nothing like a bit of pressure to bring out the best in a loser like me, so I started Googling for more inspiration. Luckily, I came up with a plan after digesting some useful info which included: a great tutorial on CSS tables; some more info on our pet project, Kiva; a snazzy use of SmartLinks, and a general tip that in web design, evolution is better than revolution...
...and after reading a gigabyte of text, I came away vindicated that ads in sidebars, adsense, sponsored posts and a load of other money-making techniques don't really ad much to the blog experience. All in all, I might actually be onto something and I don't feel so bad about pre-announcing an idea.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
The Onion newspaper
Ever read The Onion's newspaper? It is quite something to behold and is one of the few rags I would consume cover to cover.
It sounds like climate change may finally have changed the way we live. One old guy was asking what he would have to do differently in the wake of manic new weather patterns that change quicker than predictions from weathermen.
My thought was that he would have to wear lots of layers (ie dress like an onion and peel off or add layers as appropriate). The Onion suggested he would have to wear shorts. Oh, how disappointing that they are so one-layered in their thinking.
After my experiences at government offices recently, I have to think that the results to this bizarre survey (working improves productivity) would never last 2 seconds in the public domain. A zealous bureaucrat would bury the report or stuff it down the front of their shorts and set fire to themselves - just to save their lazy ass colleagues from being fired for working at a negative rate. If only such martyrs were as dedicated to work as they are to work avoidance!
A liberal smattering of AV movie and music reviews, plus classifieds, mainstream ads and on the back, a shameless plug for the Onion atlas, aka Our Dumb World - this paper adheres to the layout rules of a conventional tabloid newspaper. So, officially, we say that the paper version of The Onion actually passes muster as - a newspaper.
With so much substance, this truly mediocre, I mean, meteoric media star-in-the-making is destined for great things. Check it out the next time you pass a spoof news stand.
Last month, Fall was cancelled after 3 billion seasons.
It sounds like climate change may finally have changed the way we live. One old guy was asking what he would have to do differently in the wake of manic new weather patterns that change quicker than predictions from weathermen.
My thought was that he would have to wear lots of layers (ie dress like an onion and peel off or add layers as appropriate). The Onion suggested he would have to wear shorts. Oh, how disappointing that they are so one-layered in their thinking.
Study finds working at work improves productivity.
After my experiences at government offices recently, I have to think that the results to this bizarre survey (working improves productivity) would never last 2 seconds in the public domain. A zealous bureaucrat would bury the report or stuff it down the front of their shorts and set fire to themselves - just to save their lazy ass colleagues from being fired for working at a negative rate. If only such martyrs were as dedicated to work as they are to work avoidance!
Conclusion
A liberal smattering of AV movie and music reviews, plus classifieds, mainstream ads and on the back, a shameless plug for the Onion atlas, aka Our Dumb World - this paper adheres to the layout rules of a conventional tabloid newspaper. So, officially, we say that the paper version of The Onion actually passes muster as - a newspaper.
With so much substance, this truly mediocre, I mean, meteoric media star-in-the-making is destined for great things. Check it out the next time you pass a spoof news stand.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Hare, tortoise, tortoise, hare
I wrote this post at 6pm and can't publish it.
Comcast rip into Verizon with their tortoise ads. The cable guys are bloody jokers and should be sued off the face of the planet for misrepresentation.
100MB/sec Comcast is on the blink yet again, and yet again the high speed Craptastic Crew are being paid a day's worth of many dollars per month for not providing anything but excuses. Where is the slow coach tortoise, Verizon, when you need them? They hardly ever went down in Philly and at a couple of megs per second were plenty fast enough for us.
They say the US is technologically advanced. Really?
A few weeks ago I was dealing with a carpet fitter and he was painstakingly unrolling his tape and measuring the room. It was painful to watch and I was amazed at his archaic ultra-slow technique.
At least 20 years ago back in the UK, I knew a carpet guy who used a wheel to pace out rooms. Easy. I also worked with a scaffolder who used a laser pointer to guage the dimension of rooms and buildings. Even back then, his gizmo was accurate to within a foot either way, and he was a right old poser on sites, making aand winning bets with the old boys who reckoned they could tell the size of things just by looking.
When I asked carpet boy why he didn't use a laser measurer to save his back and save him some time, his answer blew me away. "They haven't got the technology right yet and it isn't reliable." Jeez, how long do you need to perfect a light?
I went to the DMV today and had another insight into inefficient Government hares and tortoises.
To apply for a license you complete two forms, both requiring the exact same info.
You then take them to a desk guy, so he can check the duplicate info and verify 4 pieces of ID.
You then take the 2 forms and the IDs to a desk in the corner and a superviser checks the details. She cackles with "friends" sat next to her, before scribbling a couple of initials on the forms and telling you to stand in line at another desk.
You queue, and then a third official types the info you wrote twice by hand, into a computer. Amazingly, a drop of hi-tech wizardry speeds the process up and a photo license is magically produced 2 minutes later, no human intervention required.
If I were even half-qualified as a time-and-motion specialist, I think I would add some OCR scanner software, remove 80% of the staff and halve the time wasted in a process that was actually quite pleasant compared to visits to other government offices. You know the sort of governement place I am referring to. A humungous room full of screened-off desks staffed by complete tortoises who, I suspect, are probably Comcast customer service rejects.
Hopefully we will be online by tomorrow.
Comcast rip into Verizon with their tortoise ads. The cable guys are bloody jokers and should be sued off the face of the planet for misrepresentation.
They say the US is technologically advanced. Really?
A few weeks ago I was dealing with a carpet fitter and he was painstakingly unrolling his tape and measuring the room. It was painful to watch and I was amazed at his archaic ultra-slow technique.
At least 20 years ago back in the UK, I knew a carpet guy who used a wheel to pace out rooms. Easy. I also worked with a scaffolder who used a laser pointer to guage the dimension of rooms and buildings. Even back then, his gizmo was accurate to within a foot either way, and he was a right old poser on sites, making aand winning bets with the old boys who reckoned they could tell the size of things just by looking.
When I asked carpet boy why he didn't use a laser measurer to save his back and save him some time, his answer blew me away. "They haven't got the technology right yet and it isn't reliable." Jeez, how long do you need to perfect a light?
I went to the DMV today and had another insight into inefficient Government hares and tortoises.
You then take them to a desk guy, so he can check the duplicate info and verify 4 pieces of ID.
You then take the 2 forms and the IDs to a desk in the corner and a superviser checks the details. She cackles with "friends" sat next to her, before scribbling a couple of initials on the forms and telling you to stand in line at another desk.
You queue, and then a third official types the info you wrote twice by hand, into a computer. Amazingly, a drop of hi-tech wizardry speeds the process up and a photo license is magically produced 2 minutes later, no human intervention required.
If I were even half-qualified as a time-and-motion specialist, I think I would add some OCR scanner software, remove 80% of the staff and halve the time wasted in a process that was actually quite pleasant compared to visits to other government offices. You know the sort of governement place I am referring to. A humungous room full of screened-off desks staffed by complete tortoises who, I suspect, are probably Comcast customer service rejects.
Hopefully we will be online by tomorrow.
Empty spaces...
After a year and a bit of blogging, the time has come to take this site to a new level. Before you unsubscribe in anticipation of a downgrade in content and an upgrade in ads, relax. Nothing is likely to happen for a wee while, and when it does, I bet you will like it, or at least, not dislike it to the point of never returning!
Plus c'est la meme chose
When the changes arrive, rest assured, the content will remain unscathed. I am not going to change how I write, (apart from trying to get better at organising my thoughts, and less obscure with my references!) I am definitely not going to get pickier about what I write about, and as sure as night follows day, you won't have to run your eyes a merry dance over the screen, trying to pick a story out of a jungle of adsense ads.
(In fact, adsense will never darken my doors - at least not until or unless Google get a dose of neat design-itis and a more generous pay scale.)
So, intrinsically, a visit to The Pisstakers will still be la même chose, or as we non-Frenchies like to say, the same old shit, different day scenario.
Plus ca change...
Having said that nothing will change, something has to give, to get this web space to a higher plane. Usually that implies a negative move, but with the power of CSS at my disposal, I don't think you will be disappointed with the pending adjustments.
However, after I have modded the site, if you leave, never to return, please tell the people at Kiva, SmartLinks and 1300 blog sites, that they spoilt all our fun. (ie If you leave in droves, I will not succeed in becoming a filthy rich humanitarian blogger. That means Kiva's projects will not receive a shed load of funding, Smartlinks will not be the de facto way I link to books, movies, music and stocks, and I will not be able to add nifty prizes into the MyBlogLog Sunday - "help out fellow bloggers mix" .)
But if you do all decide to hang around, and tell your friends to call by too, everyone can win. Yeehah.
So what's happening?
All I can say at this vegetative stage of my thinking, is that good things come in small packages, 3 is a handy number and give or take a few minor experiments, there is now a vacant space tastefully positioned at the bottom of all 1300+ posts on this site. When I have finalised the format, I will let you guys know how I intend to populate a space or two or 1300.
Farewell til later and news
That concludes a public self-promotional announcement on behalf of the Pisstakers Party. 
Don't forget to let RT know the details of the top commenter on your site last week.
Don't forget it is MyBlogLog Sunday 34 tomorrow, and of course, enjoy the run-up to Christmas - it may be the last period of fun before the economy dives into the toilet and we all have to slit our wrists with a serrated credit card. (Did I mention my 2 online funny HQ stores take credit cards!)
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Shop til you drop
Even as my turkey settles under the weight of a huge chocolate pudding, retailers have been hitting me with promos for Black Friday. Thanks guys. I can't think of anything worse than jumping into a car and going shopping right now. In my soporific state, I think I will go the smart route and go on-line. Sorry Target!
I have gone to great lengths to ensure I can send presents from the comfort of my own couch. To get warmed up I set up an account with Amazon and SmartLinks,
(Check out the little blue Smartlinks around the site that display loads of ways to view, review and purchase humorous products from around the internet...).
And to follow through, I also set up my own Zlio store.
I can't move without being able to shop before Christmas Eve night!! And so can you!
Remember, shopping online saves you from queueing last minute at the Post Office; from buying gas at $97 a barrel. It is therapeutic, satisfying, it reduces stress, it makes you a better human being.
- and if you are looking for non serious gifts for non-serious friends, you have already arrived at the right place.
Thank you, Zlio, thank you Amazon, thank you Santa. Happy Friday, people! I'm back to the couch and a pending bowl of turkey soup.
Amazon AND Zlio stores
I have gone to great lengths to ensure I can send presents from the comfort of my own couch. To get warmed up I set up an account with Amazon and SmartLinks,
(Check out the little blue Smartlinks around the site that display loads of ways to view, review and purchase humorous products from around the internet...).
And to follow through, I also set up my own Zlio store.
Remember, shopping online saves you from queueing last minute at the Post Office; from buying gas at $97 a barrel. It is therapeutic, satisfying, it reduces stress, it makes you a better human being.
- and if you are looking for non serious gifts for non-serious friends, you have already arrived at the right place.
Thank you, Zlio, thank you Amazon, thank you Santa. Happy Friday, people! I'm back to the couch and a pending bowl of turkey soup.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Happy belly-busting Thanksgiving
It smells like a hearty meal is on its way. I couldn't believe it when the self-elected cook for the day staggered in last night with $200-worth of grub - for 5 people! I know it is a time of celebration and all that good dead Indian remembrance stuff, but where are we going to pack away so much food?
All this talk of over-indulgent thanksgiving has reminded me of the term "sticker". Don't read this if you are of a nervous disposition or have a weak stomach.
Now I have your undivided attention, it refers to the job title of young boys back in Roman times. The orgiastic noblemen would eat so much that servants would be required to stick a couple of fingers down their masters' throats to make them throw up - to make room for seconds, thirds and fourths. Yummy.
They always seem to depict roly-poly pasty-faced lords splayed out on a chaise longue, but never say whether women noblettes went the same debauched route. But looking around at the evidence in the current nadir of the American empire, I expect everyone back then, male or female was equally likely to eat till they heaved. Pleasant thoughts to take to the dinner table!
Sticker
All this talk of over-indulgent thanksgiving has reminded me of the term "sticker". Don't read this if you are of a nervous disposition or have a weak stomach.
Now I have your undivided attention, it refers to the job title of young boys back in Roman times. The orgiastic noblemen would eat so much that servants would be required to stick a couple of fingers down their masters' throats to make them throw up - to make room for seconds, thirds and fourths. Yummy.
They always seem to depict roly-poly pasty-faced lords splayed out on a chaise longue, but never say whether women noblettes went the same debauched route. But looking around at the evidence in the current nadir of the American empire, I expect everyone back then, male or female was equally likely to eat till they heaved. Pleasant thoughts to take to the dinner table!
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Mowing
They say there are plenty of ways to skin a cat, but there are also plenty of ways to mow a lawn.
Hair-mower - nearly finished!
Green tartan lawn paint
Mini Me Mower
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Recaps
The RSS feed seems to be stuttering lately, so a few of my more amusing and enlightening posts have probably gone unnoticed.
Sorry to bore you if you have already read the stuff on Boy George and his latest encounter with a Norwegian model and handcuffs. This one night stand could result in a possible life sentence for aggravated kidnapping. What an uncultured goon George has become. Or is going to jail all part of his plan to get free shower sex for life?
Occasionally I come across the work of a certain street artist who produces mind-blowing 3-d art. I have no idea what his name is, which makes me a complete non-authority on this topic, but I like his style, so I think you should too! Hold on to something solid before you get giddy trying to work out whether or not his toe is dipped in Marilyn Monroe's swimming pool (We have the pleasure of also seeing Marilyn in her swimsuit.)
OS9 User News are launching a Screenshot and security contest. Show them a screenshot of your desktop and give the world some hints on software that you think makes using the internet a safer proposition. I cut through the crap and recommended buying a Mac as the easiest safest security solution for most people. Before the flamers say Macs are expensive, you could pick up a reliable used laptop like mine for about $400, or if you are flush, Christmas is coming and credit cards make prices no object!!!
And finally, I have made a couple of modifications in the sidebars.
On the left we have all things mobile. (Subscribe to this site's mobile feed, create a mobile RSS feed for your site at a touch of a button, or view your site on Opera mini... Also, in response to RT's great posts on commenting and a weekly contest, I have reinstalled and revamped Latest Comments from Haloscan.
And on the right, the link to Funny Quotes, the most visited page on the site, is now at top right; lower down there is a definitive link to the archives, courtesy of a rocket up the navigational ass from Hari; there are some new visitor tips; plus some snazzier links to search engines that give prizes for searching. (I earnt 1 buck of swag on Wynona's search page, and life is so much easier as a result!)
OK, enough of the old shite, time to write some original posts again, and let's hope xfruits and feedburner RSS start talking to each other again so you can discover all this material on your own.
Sorry to bore you if you have already read the stuff on Boy George and his latest encounter with a Norwegian model and handcuffs. This one night stand could result in a possible life sentence for aggravated kidnapping. What an uncultured goon George has become. Or is going to jail all part of his plan to get free shower sex for life? Occasionally I come across the work of a certain street artist who produces mind-blowing 3-d art. I have no idea what his name is, which makes me a complete non-authority on this topic, but I like his style, so I think you should too! Hold on to something solid before you get giddy trying to work out whether or not his toe is dipped in Marilyn Monroe's swimming pool (We have the pleasure of also seeing Marilyn in her swimsuit.) OS9 User News are launching a Screenshot and security contest. Show them a screenshot of your desktop and give the world some hints on software that you think makes using the internet a safer proposition. I cut through the crap and recommended buying a Mac as the easiest safest security solution for most people. Before the flamers say Macs are expensive, you could pick up a reliable used laptop like mine for about $400, or if you are flush, Christmas is coming and credit cards make prices no object!!! And finally, I have made a couple of modifications in the sidebars. On the left we have all things mobile. (Subscribe to this site's mobile feed, create a mobile RSS feed for your site at a touch of a button, or view your site on Opera mini... Also, in response to RT's great posts on commenting and a weekly contest, I have reinstalled and revamped Latest Comments from Haloscan.
And on the right, the link to Funny Quotes, the most visited page on the site, is now at top right; lower down there is a definitive link to the archives, courtesy of a rocket up the navigational ass from Hari; there are some new visitor tips; plus some snazzier links to search engines that give prizes for searching. (I earnt 1 buck of swag on Wynona's search page, and life is so much easier as a result!)
OK, enough of the old shite, time to write some original posts again, and let's hope xfruits and feedburner RSS start talking to each other again so you can discover all this material on your own.
Botox and Momspit
Momspit
I opened the box and lo and behold, there were 3 bottles of the latest greatest Momspit, a hand cleanser inspired by the original. I am not a Mom and I do not spit, as a rule, and I am not original. Furthermore, I have no kids with dirty faces, dirty knees or sticky fingers. However, I do fall into the category of other users who might find this product useful - ie any human who gets dirty or sticky from eating donuts and chocolate on the move, and needs a quick way to clean fingers and face, without resorting to spit or wet wipes, or the back of my hand.
But does this stuff work?
Road test 1
Fellow test pilot, Mrs Ed, was cooking, and I asked her to make my hand dirty. Instead of wiping a dirty mushroom on my palm, she wrote "Loser" in purple felt tip pen. Doubtful that Momspit was going to get rid of the mark, and I was going to be labeled Loser for life, I sprayed a tiny drop of MomSpit onto my skin, and rubbed it in vigorously. Voila, it disappeared!! My hand was dry and clean and feeling gooooood. So, yes, folks, it works.
The lemon scent doesn't smell that great if you stick your nose in it, but there is a scentless and a green tea version too, if citrus isn't your thing.
We will give the Momspit cleanser a thorough test later and let you know how we got on. Thanks to Kim and co for their samples. Most impressed.
Now I am off to Ann Summer's to get another black package to make Mrs Ed's eyes glint. Maybe she will have some mom spit of her own in 9 months time. Euuhhhh.
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Comment or die!
Ladies and gentleman, as my contribution to the new movement to encourage comments from blog readers, I present...
Brought to you courtesy of St Claire's Safety Sign Builder.
For every 100 internet users, only 1 is producing content. Bloggers fit into the producer category.
According to a Problogger serious statistic,
For every 400 visitors to a blog, only 1 person leaves a comment.
I am not making a case for tipping cash, or micro-payments, I am talking comments. Most bloggers will say that the best reward for writing a post is not mountains of money, but a comment - good bad or indifferent. A comment is a sign that there is life out there, a sign that we are not writing into a vacuum. A comment is worth a lot to a writer, it spurs them on and feeds the quality of the content for fans.
I think we all deserve to die if we can't schedule a couple of comments into our surfing schedule!
To all you good people, if you are one of the 99 visitors out of a hundred who doesn't want the hassle of writing their own blog, at least write a comment or two - good, bad or indifferent - on your favorite blogs. A comment is free and takes about 60 seconds in its shortest form, a small price to pay to keep blogs alive and real. Remember, if you don't comment more, you could die a slow horrible death...
PS Bloggers, feel free to use the 115 wide mini version. (Right click and Save image.)
I have totted up the comments from around the site and Hari is this week's most prolific commenter on the Pisstakers. I will be forwarding his name to RT, the Comment Mesiter / Comment contest leader who raised this issue in the first place. Comments mean prizes!
And just to throw in another comment happy card, MyBlogLog Sunday 33 is tomorrow. It is my way of commenting on 10 blogs!
Brought to you courtesy of St Claire's Safety Sign Builder.
Real and made-up statistics
For every 100 internet users, only 1 is producing content. Bloggers fit into the producer category.
According to a Problogger serious statistic,
For every 400 visitors to a blog, only 1 person leaves a comment.
Why comment?
Blog content is avidly consumed, day after day, for free, by fans and casual visitors alike. You wouldn't think twice about paying for a magazine, so why not at least tip someone who entertains you for a few minutes, especially if you call by every day?I am not making a case for tipping cash, or micro-payments, I am talking comments. Most bloggers will say that the best reward for writing a post is not mountains of money, but a comment - good bad or indifferent. A comment is a sign that there is life out there, a sign that we are not writing into a vacuum. A comment is worth a lot to a writer, it spurs them on and feeds the quality of the content for fans.
I think we all deserve to die if we can't schedule a couple of comments into our surfing schedule!
Conclusion
PS Bloggers, feel free to use the 115 wide mini version. (Right click and Save image.)
Comment contest
I have totted up the comments from around the site and Hari is this week's most prolific commenter on the Pisstakers. I will be forwarding his name to RT, the Comment Mesiter / Comment contest leader who raised this issue in the first place. Comments mean prizes!
And just to throw in another comment happy card, MyBlogLog Sunday 33 is tomorrow. It is my way of commenting on 10 blogs!
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Smart ass gallery
As a teenage schoolboy, I was told Nobody likes a smart ass. I was crushed by that teacher's remark, and it instantly changed me, profoundly. The extrovert in me was crushed. I kept my thoughts to myself and sat in a darkened corner, sucking my thumb. That was til I realised he had spoken out of turn, and the next day I went back to school, cocky as ever.
In my 20's, I was interacting with a builder mate at work, and he quoted that immortal Nobody likes a smart ass phrase, directed at me. I had just got him out of trouble with a suitably smart remark under interrogation from the guy who could have fired my mate had I said the wrong thing. I was a bit taken aback at his slander, and I told him that he was displaying all the marks of a classic ass, himself.
As he swayed and cursed me out at the top of a high scaffold, drunk again, it crossed my mind that he also wasn't so smart either - he'd been married 3 times, twice to the same person.) I decided it was the last time I'd ever cover for him, to get him out of trouble with the boss.
That night I felt bad about my "bad" unforgiving unchristian attitude. Luckily I didn't chastise myself too much because next morning I had the displeasure of watching him fighting fisticuffs on site with another idiot - our heroine addict boss!
The Wall Street Fighter is a smart guy who isn't an ass and has a very entertaining website. The same cannot be said for so many other "entertainers" on Wall St where smug opinionated folks abound.
Balding pin-striped analysts always have a quick line for the media, but rarely own up to their mistaken hypotheses, hiding behind volatility and unexpected news. Well, yeah! And they come across as particularly smart ass-ish when they remind folks of the one good call they made amongst 10 disasters that lost everyone their shirt.
This story is a case in point of Wall St smart asses gone mad. A couple of weeks ago, the experts were proclaiming that the greatest GPS company on earth didn't know what it was doing with its map suppliers. Interesting concept! Like, Macdonalds aren't sure where their next truckload of beef is coming from? Of course the experts' opinions drove the GRMN company stock from $120 down to $82, saying , "I told you so. Garmin execs are idiots."
Then this morning, the Garmin idiot management team announced a successful conclusion to their map supply situation with a really smart solution. Not only have they secured maps for years, but in the process of negotiations, they have set one of their main competitors back about 2 years. The analysts must have been scratching their asses nervously as they watched the stock shoot up to $104 over breakfast this morning.
Many smart asses are currently re-writing their theses. Or to be more accurate, they are re-arranging the faeces they call analyses.
I realise that by writing in such a way, I am probably the worst offender in the land of smart ass-dom. I do however, wear an asbestos suit and have a double layer of grease applied to my thick skin. Therefore, services on this site will never be interrupted by a case of remorse.
Who is the biggest smart ass you ever came across?
Smart ass construction worker
As he swayed and cursed me out at the top of a high scaffold, drunk again, it crossed my mind that he also wasn't so smart either - he'd been married 3 times, twice to the same person.) I decided it was the last time I'd ever cover for him, to get him out of trouble with the boss.
That night I felt bad about my "bad" unforgiving unchristian attitude. Luckily I didn't chastise myself too much because next morning I had the displeasure of watching him fighting fisticuffs on site with another idiot - our heroine addict boss!
Wall St smart asses
Balding pin-striped analysts always have a quick line for the media, but rarely own up to their mistaken hypotheses, hiding behind volatility and unexpected news. Well, yeah! And they come across as particularly smart ass-ish when they remind folks of the one good call they made amongst 10 disasters that lost everyone their shirt.
The Garmin fiasco
Then this morning, the Garmin idiot management team announced a successful conclusion to their map supply situation with a really smart solution. Not only have they secured maps for years, but in the process of negotiations, they have set one of their main competitors back about 2 years. The analysts must have been scratching their asses nervously as they watched the stock shoot up to $104 over breakfast this morning.
Many smart asses are currently re-writing their theses. Or to be more accurate, they are re-arranging the faeces they call analyses.
Disclaimer
I realise that by writing in such a way, I am probably the worst offender in the land of smart ass-dom. I do however, wear an asbestos suit and have a double layer of grease applied to my thick skin. Therefore, services on this site will never be interrupted by a case of remorse.
Who is the biggest smart ass you ever came across?
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Negotiating with the dentist
I'm off to the dentist again, and I have a feeling there will be a "heated" discussion when he announces the need for more work. The problem is, he did a load of work, gave me a regime to follow and a prognosis that all would be well for years to come. 3 weeks later I have a tooth ache to die for.
With no insurance, it is at times like this that a trip back to a European dentist would work out the cheaper option! But as I have things to do, time is of the essence, so I will need to negotiate something with him. Perhaps he could do a cash job, or I could anaesthetise myself with a bottle of whisky? This video gave me some ideas.
With no insurance, it is at times like this that a trip back to a European dentist would work out the cheaper option! But as I have things to do, time is of the essence, so I will need to negotiate something with him. Perhaps he could do a cash job, or I could anaesthetise myself with a bottle of whisky? This video gave me some ideas.
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Not so petty crime
After reminiscing about a recent trip to wonderful Washington state, I recalled a bizarre news report we saw on TV. A couple of youths were being hunted for robberies carried out at espresso kiosks. How low do people have to go to avoid working for their drugs?
Those cute rinky-dinky coffee huts charging $2 a cup must be such rich pickings compared to a gas station - not; and it must be a real macho challenge, pointing a gun at a young woman working alone at night. Losers.
It got me mulling over the state of play in the world of petty crime.
What does the desperate chicken-shit druggie who is unwilling to use violence have in store for us next in their petty crime streak?
Perhaps they will target clowns carrying helium-filled balloons at fun fairs. A quick snatch-and-run before selling them off for 10 cents each to toddlers who don't ask too many questions?
Maybe they will resort to a new brand of car crime. Apparently you steal the garage door opener from a parked-up car, follow the car back to its home, and take your time breaking in at night, and stealing stuff in the comfort of a garage. (I hope they don't try that with us, on two counts. The chances of Mrs Ed finding the spare garage door opener to let me in and park up are zero. And even if we did get the car in the garage, that door is so noisy on its tracks, it will wake the dead!)
Plenty of cars are also stolen from garages, but maybe desperadoes will start emulating the robbers who stole a garage and left the Rolls Royce inside! I cannot find the link but I will never forget that story from years ago.
I already mentioned a killing a while back over something as petty as an ice-cream round. A young girl was shot while her mother was driving the van, scouting out her route in the wrong neighborhood. It was a radical outcome to a petty matter.
Years ago there was a spate of violence in Scotland over another petty matter - the Hot Dog Van wars. Rival factions would over-turn and set fire to each others' vans, thankfully at night when no one was in them. A couple of people actually died, though, such was the desire to stop rivals from serving soggy buns full of processed pig and burnt onions at the roadside.
Crime involving dope heads and one-man band espresso kiosks, ice cream vans and hot dog wagons is one thing, but it is petty relative to bank robberies. You have to be seriously organised and dangerous to go through with a major hold up, if only because the repercussions of being caught are so big.
Not every armed bank robber is as committed to their crime as they should be. Like the idiot who turned up to rob a bank in Croatia, only to find it was closed. The staff, who were finishing up for the day, watched him in awe as he tried the door a couple of times, couldn't get in and went home. I don't suppose he bragged about that to his mates, especially as he was filmed with a gun in his hand while "breaking in" and is wanted for attempted armed robbery. If he had a brain he would dangerous.
(Just for the record, I never went that bank robbing route, because my face is allergic to nylon stockings and I couldn't afford silk.)
So what is the pettiest or most stupid / failed crime you ever heard of or experienced?
Those cute rinky-dinky coffee huts charging $2 a cup must be such rich pickings compared to a gas station - not; and it must be a real macho challenge, pointing a gun at a young woman working alone at night. Losers.
It got me mulling over the state of play in the world of petty crime.
What is next in the downward spiral of petty crime?
What does the desperate chicken-shit druggie who is unwilling to use violence have in store for us next in their petty crime streak?
Perhaps they will target clowns carrying helium-filled balloons at fun fairs. A quick snatch-and-run before selling them off for 10 cents each to toddlers who don't ask too many questions?
Maybe they will resort to a new brand of car crime. Apparently you steal the garage door opener from a parked-up car, follow the car back to its home, and take your time breaking in at night, and stealing stuff in the comfort of a garage. (I hope they don't try that with us, on two counts. The chances of Mrs Ed finding the spare garage door opener to let me in and park up are zero. And even if we did get the car in the garage, that door is so noisy on its tracks, it will wake the dead!)
Plenty of cars are also stolen from garages, but maybe desperadoes will start emulating the robbers who stole a garage and left the Rolls Royce inside! I cannot find the link but I will never forget that story from years ago.
More less petty crime
I already mentioned a killing a while back over something as petty as an ice-cream round. A young girl was shot while her mother was driving the van, scouting out her route in the wrong neighborhood. It was a radical outcome to a petty matter.
Years ago there was a spate of violence in Scotland over another petty matter - the Hot Dog Van wars. Rival factions would over-turn and set fire to each others' vans, thankfully at night when no one was in them. A couple of people actually died, though, such was the desire to stop rivals from serving soggy buns full of processed pig and burnt onions at the roadside.
Not so petty crimes
Crime involving dope heads and one-man band espresso kiosks, ice cream vans and hot dog wagons is one thing, but it is petty relative to bank robberies. You have to be seriously organised and dangerous to go through with a major hold up, if only because the repercussions of being caught are so big.
Not every armed bank robber is as committed to their crime as they should be. Like the idiot who turned up to rob a bank in Croatia, only to find it was closed. The staff, who were finishing up for the day, watched him in awe as he tried the door a couple of times, couldn't get in and went home. I don't suppose he bragged about that to his mates, especially as he was filmed with a gun in his hand while "breaking in" and is wanted for attempted armed robbery. If he had a brain he would dangerous.
(Just for the record, I never went that bank robbing route, because my face is allergic to nylon stockings and I couldn't afford silk.)
So what is the pettiest or most stupid / failed crime you ever heard of or experienced?
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Sean Penn on Colbert Report
There is some irony in the fact that a writer extraordinaire like Stephen Colbert cannot appear on TV these days because his writers are on strike. Isn't that like a corn-for-ethanol farmer dying of starvation?
Anyway, in this video from my VodPod collection, Sean Penn gets it in the neck from Colbert for speaking out against the president of the USA, even before the country went to war in Iraq. I think it is pure jealousy on Colbert's part - Penn, working out what millions couldn't, and without any help from a back-up staff either. Penn is an extraordinary actor, destined for great things in politics, if he is ever allowed to get a word in edgeways in a debate.
(Unless you like crackly applause, I found it was best to start then stop the video straight away, and let it load fully before playing it.)
Anyway, in this video from my VodPod collection, Sean Penn gets it in the neck from Colbert for speaking out against the president of the USA, even before the country went to war in Iraq. I think it is pure jealousy on Colbert's part - Penn, working out what millions couldn't, and without any help from a back-up staff either. Penn is an extraordinary actor, destined for great things in politics, if he is ever allowed to get a word in edgeways in a debate.
(Unless you like crackly applause, I found it was best to start then stop the video straight away, and let it load fully before playing it.)
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Poker - proof that spam works
A little while ago I updated my operating system and all has gone well, apart from the spam filter on Mail. The software to protect my tender eyes from horrendous porn, money-making and gaming sites is non existent and I have been bombarded with all the junk under the sun. Who are these people?!!!!
After weeks of digital crap, I have to concede that the subliminal effects of spam have finally worn my sub-conscious down. I have to confess that I actually went to a poker site. And worse than that, I went through the process of registering as a guest, and I watched a game in progress, and ... my name is Ed, I'm cross-eyed, and I'm a gamblaholic. But look at the graphic, can you blame me for not being able to resist?
Pies. You can throw pies if you sign up!
I am going to look into incorporating the Triplejack team into the Pisstakers. After all, it is a service I feel we all need to have access to, 24-7.
Yet another 7 days have almost elapsed since last Sunday. So, if you have a blog, and a MyBlogLog account, gird yourselves for an early Sunday morning visit to this site to book yourselves a mini review and back link. (It's a PR4 link now, I'm afraid. Google knee-capped sites left and right, and I am a victim too!)
No idea what this feature is all about? There is a video!
I think I gave Duane "Dog" Chapman too much credit when I painted him as a semi-victim of the weird racist vocabulary protocol that seems to have Americans of every color tied up in confused, politically correct knots.
For the record, the bounty hunter is a PR disaster of the grandest proportions, or as a blunt Brit might say, "Racism is the least of your problems, Dog. You are a dick head who should go nowhere without a director to beep out your every word."
Now I have that off my chest, have a good weekend. hasta mañana.
After weeks of digital crap, I have to concede that the subliminal effects of spam have finally worn my sub-conscious down. I have to confess that I actually went to a poker site. And worse than that, I went through the process of registering as a guest, and I watched a game in progress, and ... my name is Ed, I'm cross-eyed, and I'm a gamblaholic. But look at the graphic, can you blame me for not being able to resist?
Pies. You can throw pies if you sign up!
I am going to look into incorporating the Triplejack team into the Pisstakers. After all, it is a service I feel we all need to have access to, 24-7.
MyBlogLog Sunday
No idea what this feature is all about? There is a video!
Dog the bounty hunter is barking mad
I think I gave Duane "Dog" Chapman too much credit when I painted him as a semi-victim of the weird racist vocabulary protocol that seems to have Americans of every color tied up in confused, politically correct knots.
For the record, the bounty hunter is a PR disaster of the grandest proportions, or as a blunt Brit might say, "Racism is the least of your problems, Dog. You are a dick head who should go nowhere without a director to beep out your every word."
Now I have that off my chest, have a good weekend. hasta mañana.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Confusing Wall Street terminology
One minute, the financial analysts on TV are catching falling knives, and in the next knee-jerk they are talking about dropping shoes. Have these people not got a grip on anything?
Technically, a falling knife is a good stock whose share price has dropped suddenly, usually on a rumor, and nobody knows how far it will fall before (hopefully) it bounces straight back to where it originally started its descent. .
For instance, Sothebys stock dropped 33% overnight because they couldn't sell a bunch of van Goghs and someone said that was the end of the auction market! That sort of sudden and immense discounts in "a good company" attracts a lot of investor attention and greedy hands start twitching on the buy buttons.
When stock plummets like this, opportunists have to make a judgement call and only hindsight determines the right call. For instance, the naysayers at Wall St say the auction market for the super rich is dying in the face of recession, so Sothebys really is worth 33% less than its original price
On the other hand, the falling knife catchers believe that Sothebys is fine, and all that happened is, art collectors finally realised that van Gogh is over-priced crap and they are simply waiting for better art to invest in. Take your pick.
Unfortunately, most buyers in these situations will cut themselves badly on the blade of the falling knife! Knives are sharp, (just ask van Gogh or any investor trying top call the bottom in financials, housing, auto, er, the whole damn stock market right now!).
Day after day, financial institutions are reporting mega billion write-offs and day after the day, the financial media are reporting this as dropping shoes!!
The only tenuous connection I can think of between shoes and incompetent bankers is the kicking they are giving to American homeowners looking for a mortgage at a reasonable rate? Or is it related to Crocs, a crock of gold that has turned to a crock of shite - a once falling knife that finally buried itself up to the hilt in investor's grippy hands and never recovered from a poor earnings report and a passing and stupid trendy design. See Crocs stock dying a death
There is a comedy sketch where a guy goes to a bank that just burnt down. He is distraught, thinking he has lost all his money, but the cashier, Rowan Atkinson, assures him everything is fine.
"We managed to save your shoe box from the fire."
"What do you mean, my shoe box?"
"Yes sir, your money is safe with us." and he produces a shoe box full to bursting with the client's savings.
Let's hope the big financials don't have any similar surprises in store for us over the next few months. I like living in this attic and would hate the banks to suddenly change their terms, get us foreclosed on and evicted on the end of a bailiff's size 12 Crocs.
Falling knife
For instance, Sothebys stock dropped 33% overnight because they couldn't sell a bunch of van Goghs and someone said that was the end of the auction market! That sort of sudden and immense discounts in "a good company" attracts a lot of investor attention and greedy hands start twitching on the buy buttons.
When stock plummets like this, opportunists have to make a judgement call and only hindsight determines the right call. For instance, the naysayers at Wall St say the auction market for the super rich is dying in the face of recession, so Sothebys really is worth 33% less than its original price
On the other hand, the falling knife catchers believe that Sothebys is fine, and all that happened is, art collectors finally realised that van Gogh is over-priced crap and they are simply waiting for better art to invest in. Take your pick.
Unfortunately, most buyers in these situations will cut themselves badly on the blade of the falling knife! Knives are sharp, (just ask van Gogh or any investor trying top call the bottom in financials, housing, auto, er, the whole damn stock market right now!).
Dropping shoe
The only tenuous connection I can think of between shoes and incompetent bankers is the kicking they are giving to American homeowners looking for a mortgage at a reasonable rate? Or is it related to Crocs, a crock of gold that has turned to a crock of shite - a once falling knife that finally buried itself up to the hilt in investor's grippy hands and never recovered from a poor earnings report and a passing and stupid trendy design. See Crocs stock dying a death
It's all in the spin
There is a comedy sketch where a guy goes to a bank that just burnt down. He is distraught, thinking he has lost all his money, but the cashier, Rowan Atkinson, assures him everything is fine.
"We managed to save your shoe box from the fire."
"What do you mean, my shoe box?"
"Yes sir, your money is safe with us." and he produces a shoe box full to bursting with the client's savings.
Let's hope the big financials don't have any similar surprises in store for us over the next few months. I like living in this attic and would hate the banks to suddenly change their terms, get us foreclosed on and evicted on the end of a bailiff's size 12 Crocs.
Dig holes
Ever start digging on the beach and wonder where you might end up? The Journey to the Center of the Earth would be a hot one, but once you broke through the magma, it would be all down hill till you popped out the other side. In my case, I would emerge a little drenched off the SW coast of Australia.
And your hole digging destination would be?
And thanks to OS9User for the tip off.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Dog the racist, Dogg the racist - not
It looks like he had an animated chat with his son, (a person he did trust), used a few choice, politically inappropriate beep ber beep beep words (about someone he didn't trust), and ended up in the racist dog house. Barking madness.
Why is it madness to villify Dog the Bounty Hunter for using the word Nigger? How long have you got!
It may be offensive to adults too, or to anyone with a sense of fairness who is offended by double standards and too many beeps on TV.
Dogg dogs women of color with impunity
A certain rapper canine character called Doggy uses the N word in the most foul contexts. He seems to demean men and women of color for a living. But that is OK, the animal with words has millions of fans who think he is cool, and buy his records, endorsing his use of inflammatory language. I think I am in the minority on this one, so I bow to the judgement of the masses.
But wait a minute, why is the white-skinned Dog being whipped for saying the same word used on a minute-by-minute basis by god-like Doggy?
It looks like you need to have 2 g's in your name to blacken your reputation with impunity.
Alternatively, if you come out the womb singing nasty demeaning language, maybe you are set up for a life of racial insulting without fear of retribution.
Or is it the way you spell and punctuate insults that makes the difference?
And talking of spelling, is it politically incorrect for dyslexic racists to refer to the country of Niger? Just asking.
Ed, the honky cracka teabag, finds this to be very bizarre protocol.
But just for balance in this loony situation, I also have no time for the hypocritical reality TV execs who axed Dog's show. They are just pissed because they didn't get a chance to edit his reality expletives before the conversation made it into the public domain. Muvva beepers.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Pisstakers on Chinese porn site?
That is a fairly gross title to an article, if your mind is wired that way! But seriously, it seems from the evidence that I have been incorporated into a Far Eastern search engine that has lots of erotic piccies in the margins. The site is Favorstar.
Don't be afraid to click through and gawp at porno photos - they barely reach the hanky panky oriental style category, and will even make your protestant spinster grandmother roll her eyes in disappointment. But you know that it is just the tip of the iceberg and very soon, the site will be pointing and clicking visitors down a path to sexual rack and ruin.
I have no idea how I got involved in this chicanery, and don't know whether one day I will receive a check for 2 million Yuan for search services rendered, but if you get the urge to go looking, give it a go.
There should be some way cool mini reviewing going on with MyBlogLogLog Sunday. I say should because again, I am heading West and all being well, they have internet in that part of the USA! Did you catch the OS9User Breaking News video of MBL Sunday 30? Check it out if you haven't.
Have a good one, and thanks to the 9000 visitors last month. Much appreciated, and I hope to keep it fresh and relatively amusing around here for a while longer, so tell all your friend.
A stable boy was telling me how they shave the coat of a certain shaggy horse every Spring. He said they sharpen up a set of blades and after doing a quarter of the horse, the first blade is blunt as a badger's ass, so they use another one for the next quarter, and so on.
"You know what, Ed, by the time we've finished shaving that fricking horse we've used 3 blades." Go figure!
Don't be afraid to click through and gawp at porno photos - they barely reach the hanky panky oriental style category, and will even make your protestant spinster grandmother roll her eyes in disappointment. But you know that it is just the tip of the iceberg and very soon, the site will be pointing and clicking visitors down a path to sexual rack and ruin.
I have no idea how I got involved in this chicanery, and don't know whether one day I will receive a check for 2 million Yuan for search services rendered, but if you get the urge to go looking, give it a go.
Don't forget Sunday
There should be some way cool mini reviewing going on with MyBlogLogLog Sunday. I say should because again, I am heading West and all being well, they have internet in that part of the USA! Did you catch the OS9User Breaking News video of MBL Sunday 30? Check it out if you haven't.
Have a good one, and thanks to the 9000 visitors last month. Much appreciated, and I hope to keep it fresh and relatively amusing around here for a while longer, so tell all your friend.
A matter of thirds
A stable boy was telling me how they shave the coat of a certain shaggy horse every Spring. He said they sharpen up a set of blades and after doing a quarter of the horse, the first blade is blunt as a badger's ass, so they use another one for the next quarter, and so on.
"You know what, Ed, by the time we've finished shaving that fricking horse we've used 3 blades." Go figure!
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Lighthouse blog snuffed out by copy cats
I can understand how demoralising it must be to compile an article that requires research and creativity, only to see some robot take the credit for it elsewhere on the splog-a-net. It isn't right. The only consolation I can offer is that splogged bloggers, or sploggees, are in good company. Shakespeare copied Sir Francis Bacon, if you believe the historians.
On the plus side, if it is good enough to copy, it s good material! (Not my words by the way, I have few original thoughts in my head this morning.)
Protection from copyright thieves
So what can be done to avoid wholesale theft of original material?
Don't publish work on a publicly available platform. (How demoralising, to write a literary gem, only to have to lock it in your drawers for posterity. And how stressful to die in the hope that the people who discover your words after your death, attribute the work correctly. Being plagiarised in the grave is not a pretty prospect.)
Write your work in code and distribute the key to discerning readers. (That counts me out, I can't even de-code the numbers indicating which check-out desk is open at the supermarket.)
Start a Name and Shame website. (Debbie has a great blueprint. )
She doesn't know how to set up and administer such a site, but maybe you do?"Name and shame" could be one way to solve this problem using a unique site called "B.A.N. - Blogger Alert Network" or some catchy name where every blogger spotlights the "protected by B.A.N." link.
The B.A.N. Hall of Shame site would list any site using feeds and content without the author's permission or sites changing the name of the author.
Get rid of copyright laws An ITH journalist champions the Dutch ideas on copyright. They say, ban copyright and instantly prevent corporate copyright holders from charging for access to culturally important entities. The Dutch say that important works should be available to the people at no cost. Hear, hear. (This is an easy thesis for a journalist to endorse, when your salary is paid by the newspaper publishing this sort of thesis!)
If you don't understand copyright laws, try this for size. And if you want to check if an article has been copied elsewhere, run it through - I can't find the site right now. HELP!!!!
And feel free to copy this article, it is linked to The Pisstakers!
A quick trip
Health warning The following has been brought to you by a person who has touched peanuts and eaten Pad Thai food within the last 24 hours. Ed also exceeded the speed limit in 2002, emits environmentally unfriendly methane and has contributed to landfill. You have been warned.
I was sent a great video of a German approach to carpentry. The ultimate "How to". Don't try this at home without a helmet.
The cell phone is the way ahead and I took a look at three mobile angles that you may or may not be familiar with. I expect in a few years time we will look back and think, "Did we pay that much to use the internet from our cells?" rather like we laugh at the cell phones of the 80's, but hey, we have to start somewhere.
Dog the bounty hunter is one of my favorite characters on TV and I had a little delve into his website and story. Don't jump bail in Hawaii, boys and girls, he WILL catch you.
I was sent a great video of a German approach to carpentry. The ultimate "How to". Don't try this at home without a helmet.
The cell phone is the way ahead and I took a look at three mobile angles that you may or may not be familiar with. I expect in a few years time we will look back and think, "Did we pay that much to use the internet from our cells?" rather like we laugh at the cell phones of the 80's, but hey, we have to start somewhere.
Dog the bounty hunter is one of my favorite characters on TV and I had a little delve into his website and story. Don't jump bail in Hawaii, boys and girls, he WILL catch you.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Pisstakers hit Youtube
Pictures are worth a thousand words - and there are words too, dedicated to MyBlogLog Sunday 30 and all who are involved with her. Enjoy, and let your peeps know about the hottest (only?) weekly feature related to the MyBlogLog community.
Share, blog, embed, Digg, Stumble, fall over yourselves to spread the word...
Many thanks guys.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
China Industrial revolution is a riot
There are reports of tens of thousands of riots every year in China. It is easy to jump on the bandwagon and decry the social system there, saying it is full of injustices peculiar to commie regimes, and it is terrible that rioting discontented citizens are shipped off to jail for expressing their unhappiness, blah, blah blah... I recall my English Industrial revolution history lessons (Luddites, deportation to Australia, mob rule) and perhaps we shouldn't be so quick to judge.
The Chinese are in the early stages of an Industrial Revolution, and with over 1 billion participants, it is no wonder there are such violent rifts in a huge society in flux. Uneven progress, disproportionate distribution of wealth yadda yadda are part of a fairly common pattern in the history of industrial revolution. Admittedly, the behavior of the authorities isn't acceptable from our cotton wool-wrapped perspective, but the only difference between the English and the Chinese experience is timing. This time, it is repeating before our very eyes in 2007 in glorious technicolor. Nasty, isn't it!
In 2005, the Peking Duck reported a riot in their local town, where people revolted against corrupt officials and the practices of a pharmaceutical plant. It is like a repeat performance of English farmers burning down looms. Just no cameras to capture the moment.
A report from The India Daily, a paper writing out of a country that never has riots, relates,
Again, a similar story, different time - women protesting about nuclear pollution in rural England in the 1980's had quite a bad time of it too. As did coal miners....Funny how we can move past periodic violent undemocratic behavior in the West, but somehow, unpleasant behavior elsewhere is really really bad and no good comes of it whatsoever!
The last time I looked, civil unrest is part and parcel of revolution. On the plus side, though, apart from rioting, positive progress is happening in China. 300 million fairly well off people now. Not bad. I have no idea if or when China will become tinsel town, but, if trade brings empowerment, the average Chinese worker will be better off, eventually.
Anyway, nothing is simple. We who buy trainers and cheap furniture are part of the process that drives people who work for pennies to rebel. And you can bet your bottom dollar that foreign CEOs turn a blind eye when rioting workers get a good hiding for revolting undemocratically against rich paymaster companies and powerful officials.
Industrial Revolution on TV
The Chinese are in the early stages of an Industrial Revolution, and with over 1 billion participants, it is no wonder there are such violent rifts in a huge society in flux. Uneven progress, disproportionate distribution of wealth yadda yadda are part of a fairly common pattern in the history of industrial revolution. Admittedly, the behavior of the authorities isn't acceptable from our cotton wool-wrapped perspective, but the only difference between the English and the Chinese experience is timing. This time, it is repeating before our very eyes in 2007 in glorious technicolor. Nasty, isn't it!
History repeats
In 2005, the Peking Duck reported a riot in their local town, where people revolted against corrupt officials and the practices of a pharmaceutical plant. It is like a repeat performance of English farmers burning down looms. Just no cameras to capture the moment.
A report from The India Daily, a paper writing out of a country that never has riots, relates,
Tens of thousands of villagers in China’s Zhejiang province rioted against police and security forces April 10, leaving some 50 police officers hospitalized, according to April 11th reports. The clash started after police tried to dislodge 200 elderly women from a camp they had established to protest pollution at an industrial site in Huankantou village, Dongyang city.
Again, a similar story, different time - women protesting about nuclear pollution in rural England in the 1980's had quite a bad time of it too. As did coal miners....Funny how we can move past periodic violent undemocratic behavior in the West, but somehow, unpleasant behavior elsewhere is really really bad and no good comes of it whatsoever!
Overall
The last time I looked, civil unrest is part and parcel of revolution. On the plus side, though, apart from rioting, positive progress is happening in China. 300 million fairly well off people now. Not bad. I have no idea if or when China will become tinsel town, but, if trade brings empowerment, the average Chinese worker will be better off, eventually.
Anyway, nothing is simple. We who buy trainers and cheap furniture are part of the process that drives people who work for pennies to rebel. And you can bet your bottom dollar that foreign CEOs turn a blind eye when rioting workers get a good hiding for revolting undemocratically against rich paymaster companies and powerful officials.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Hospital hiccup and collapsing sea horses
I was talking to a lady with a broken leg in plaster who related a queer tale.
She was going to be taken to hospital by ambulance for a check-up. When they arrived to pick her up she was told, "Sorry, you can't bring your Zimmer frame, it is a Health and Safety hazard." No joke!
Another lady was telling me how she went with a bunch of friends to the beach to ride their horses. She said she felt a bit dizzy after riding through the waves for an hour and had to hold on tight as she lost her balance and nearly fell out her saddle. (It seems that the mix of horizon and breakers and bouncing up and down does that to you.)
It never occurred to her that a horse might get giddy too, but the next thing, she sees a friend's Clydesdale stop in its tracks before toppling sideways into the sea. At 18 hands and over a ton, it made quite a splash and quite an impression on the sand and the riders.
She was going to be taken to hospital by ambulance for a check-up. When they arrived to pick her up she was told, "Sorry, you can't bring your Zimmer frame, it is a Health and Safety hazard." No joke!
Sea horse
Another lady was telling me how she went with a bunch of friends to the beach to ride their horses. She said she felt a bit dizzy after riding through the waves for an hour and had to hold on tight as she lost her balance and nearly fell out her saddle. (It seems that the mix of horizon and breakers and bouncing up and down does that to you.)
It never occurred to her that a horse might get giddy too, but the next thing, she sees a friend's Clydesdale stop in its tracks before toppling sideways into the sea. At 18 hands and over a ton, it made quite a splash and quite an impression on the sand and the riders.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Sleepy Saturday slug
(If it makes you feel any better, the red eye flight back to the East coast totally wiped me out and I was practically punch drunk by the time MyBlogLog Sunday came around! The only advantage about flying into Newark at 6 am is that the controllers are still half asleep and haven't had a chance to create air traffic issues yet, so you do arrive on time.)
This Saturday, there is nothing quite so glamorous and jet-setty to occupy me and Mrs Ed. I am dodging torrential rain running to and from the wood pile feeding the fire, and Mrs Ed is curled up on the couch with a runny nose watching TV and surfing the internet. Domestic bliss takes some beating.
MBL Sunday and videos
You may have heard about the MBL Sunday 29 video broadcast carried out by the Breaking News team. It is a videographic study of the 10 mini reviews I did last Sunday.
Ideally, if you are one of the featured bloggers, it would be cool if you could embed the video on your own blog, (there is a sample on Blogumps video and part 1 and 2 are on Revver as well ) or write a post and link like mad to anything relevant that moves. Digg it, Stumble it, pack it up and post it to grandma, do whatever it takes to let the outside world catch a glimpse of your moments of glory. Yay, network, people, it is the lifeblood of blogging!!!!!
MyBlogLog Sunday 30
It would take a small book to outline the humungus efforts expended first by the the Breaking News team ,and then by the video hosters at Blogdumps Video. I thought the heat was off for a while, but it seems there will be a video finale this week! A more modest and focussed MyBlogLog Sunday 30 video is on the way.
Circle the wagons, set the alarms and make sure you either try to take part by calling by Sunday between 10 and 11am, or call by for a look at the results later in the week.
After that, who knows, a cameraman may come knocking on your blog door. Such is the price of fame!
Enjoy the weekend. Only a few more more till Christmas, freezing weather and flu' grip the nation.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Get revenge on your ex
In the humor/entertainment section of Affiliate Scout, I couldn't help but notice Get Revenge On Your Ex.
Let's just say, if you have a grudge against an ex but lack imagination, you are in luck, and if your ex holds a grudge against you, you better sit down and study this site hard!
To get you in the swing of what may become an intrinsic part of your dysfunctional life, they offer 4 quickies.
Send An Anonymous SMS Text Message
Put Their Photograph On The Internet
Send Them A Recorded Message In The Post
Send Your Ex An Email "From" Someone Else
I admit I have had a lot of fun looking through the "menu", but to think people actually employ these services is all a bit disturbing. Of course I speak as someone who has only been married a year, so I am still in la-la land. Hopefully, the conditions that might motivate me to go down this route are still a long way in the future, but your mileage may vary!
Out of interest, would you consider these packages suitable for Christmas presents?!!
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Breaking News video of MyBlogLog Sunday 29 - an epic
According to the Breaking News story, I took my first tentative step into the world of MyBlogLog Sunday, back in March, on the 19th to be precise. 290 mini-reviews later, movie man, OS9user, investigates the nitty gritty details behind the whole sorry show with a video broadcast / video essay of MBL Sunday 29.
Before you see it, here is a little background to the vid from the Breaking news perspective. And from my point of view, when the video review idea was first floated, I admit I was giddy with excitement at the prospect of being captured on film. Then I shat myself thinking I would have to appear live. (I have a voice fit for print, and a face that looks great from the back, peering into a trash can.) Needless to say, I am soooo thankful that it was the blog under the spotlight, not me.
After working through the night, liaising with a raft of advisors, the News room finally uploaded the finished movie review this afternoon, in two 50-something-MB chunks,
parts 1 and 2.
They are high resolution videos suitable for download to your desktop, but too big for me to embed on this blog in their full glory. Luckily, a real star in the video hosting world, BlogDumps Video, was prepared to go out on a limb and this is a sample of the whole embedded video coming this way veeeerrrrry shortly.
After following the production battles at the Breaking News film department, I am glad I gave video-making a wide berth at birth. Judging by the emails, the work required to produce this epic video dwarfs the totality of time and effort invested by me in MyBlogLog Sunday 1 through 29. Very intense.
Initially the hardest thing was to keep visitors with coughs out the recording studio. And then it was coping with door slammers. I believe that what you see here is take number 57.
Apparently they needed 50GB of Hard Drive space to produce the raw video, which came in at a mere 18GB! Having re-configured his computer to cope with the memory requirements, he then melted his processor in 2-hour bursts, trying to compress the 18 gigs into a file under 100MB. It has been a recurring technological nightmare for OS9user, but the end result is a testament to OS9User's patience and Intel's processors and the resolution is really sharp. Would it be as hard on a Mac, I wonder, tritely?
If you find yourself in a hosting pickle, unable to easily share a high resolution video with the world, there are a few options to embed those videos in a slightly lower quality to the original.
Youtube (or Google's love child) have a 100MB or 10 minutes limit on video uploads. Unfortunately, the 36-minute 2-parter was not welcome there.
My personal favorite in terms of classy video presentation are Revver who also have a 100MB file limit, but no time restrictions. And they have a revenue sharing deal too, albeit a matter of pennies per year! Unfortunately their delivery is a bit staccato..
Without doubt, BlogDumps Video.are the pick of the bunch. In response to the hard work of the Breaking News team, the latest Youtube-Google killers, and friends of the Pisstakers, have kindly reconfigured their site and before too long they will host the whole 122MB file in one shot. Proof indeed that they can do all that Youtube can, and then some. Cheers to the Wolf.
If nothing else, the video proves definitively that at least one real person has taken the time to check out my site in infinite detail. Joking aside, I am chuffed to hear the MyBlogLog Sunday and Pisstakers phenomenon praised up so much. It sounds so much better coming from someone else. The featured blogs had a good rap too. Win, win.
I think the Breaking News team learnt the hard way that shooting a movie is no mean feat, but I thank them for breaking their teeth on MyBlogLog Sunday, and they did it, despite everything thrown at them. Cheers mate.
Hopefully they will build on this experience and carve a niche for their own brand of video review and take the blog world by storm. You heard it here first!
If you have any comments, ideas or tips related to this video, please let OS9user know.
Before you see it, here is a little background to the vid from the Breaking news perspective. And from my point of view, when the video review idea was first floated, I admit I was giddy with excitement at the prospect of being captured on film. Then I shat myself thinking I would have to appear live. (I have a voice fit for print, and a face that looks great from the back, peering into a trash can.) Needless to say, I am soooo thankful that it was the blog under the spotlight, not me.
Without further ado
After working through the night, liaising with a raft of advisors, the News room finally uploaded the finished movie review this afternoon, in two 50-something-MB chunks,
parts 1 and 2.
They are high resolution videos suitable for download to your desktop, but too big for me to embed on this blog in their full glory. Luckily, a real star in the video hosting world, BlogDumps Video, was prepared to go out on a limb and this is a sample of the whole embedded video coming this way veeeerrrrry shortly.
A marathon project
After following the production battles at the Breaking News film department, I am glad I gave video-making a wide berth at birth. Judging by the emails, the work required to produce this epic video dwarfs the totality of time and effort invested by me in MyBlogLog Sunday 1 through 29. Very intense.
Initially the hardest thing was to keep visitors with coughs out the recording studio. And then it was coping with door slammers. I believe that what you see here is take number 57.
Apparently they needed 50GB of Hard Drive space to produce the raw video, which came in at a mere 18GB! Having re-configured his computer to cope with the memory requirements, he then melted his processor in 2-hour bursts, trying to compress the 18 gigs into a file under 100MB. It has been a recurring technological nightmare for OS9user, but the end result is a testament to OS9User's patience and Intel's processors and the resolution is really sharp. Would it be as hard on a Mac, I wonder, tritely?
Hosting big vid files
If you find yourself in a hosting pickle, unable to easily share a high resolution video with the world, there are a few options to embed those videos in a slightly lower quality to the original.
Conclusion
If nothing else, the video proves definitively that at least one real person has taken the time to check out my site in infinite detail. Joking aside, I am chuffed to hear the MyBlogLog Sunday and Pisstakers phenomenon praised up so much. It sounds so much better coming from someone else. The featured blogs had a good rap too. Win, win.
I think the Breaking News team learnt the hard way that shooting a movie is no mean feat, but I thank them for breaking their teeth on MyBlogLog Sunday, and they did it, despite everything thrown at them. Cheers mate.
Hopefully they will build on this experience and carve a niche for their own brand of video review and take the blog world by storm. You heard it here first!
If you have any comments, ideas or tips related to this video, please let OS9user know.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
A few goose observations
TV however is far safer. I stepped backwards to get a better look and crowned myself on the side of the porch.
Geese, the ultimate consumer pathfinders?
Settling down to my coffee and toast, I recalled a snippet about how birds navigate - they use landmarks, even roads. My little brainbox kicked into entrepreneur mode and I got to thinking outside the box. Is there a market for GPS geese? Tie a goose off of the car ariel, whisper an address in their ear and let them lead you to your destination. Guaranteed for at least 3 years, and unlike a Garmin product, you can eat it when it breaks. The only downside is, you have to head south every time. But then again, UPS only make right turns and they are quite successful. I wonder.
Goose on the menu
I started to further ponder geese. I wondered what they taste like. I have never had the pleasure of gobbling down a juicy goose breast. Is it similar to a meaty swan, or condor, or...? I jest, I have never eaten any bird beyond a hormonal chicken, turkey or fatty duck, but I bet a Canada goose at the beginning of its journey would be up there with the best in the culinary world. Goose a l'orange, stuffed gander jerky, tender gosling over a bed of fries...
After an hour of goose convoys passing overhead, making an annoyong racket, this whole nature thing is getting a bit old. But I am still peckish and still debating goose food options. Will folks ever tire of Kentucky Fried Goose. Big MacGaggle? There has to be some money there somewhere!
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Global warming our fault? Nah!
Who here believes AGW (man-made global warming) is a fluffy mix of marketing spin, human stupidity and capitalist greed? I do.
I am no different to the greenies banging on about global warming. I see fires in California and go Ouch; I go Aaah at footage of polar bears sinking without trace; I gulp at scenes of Europe flooding like never before; and I roll up my sleeves during this Indian summer in the US.
However, unlike the spinners, what I see is evidence that Mother Nature is just as unpredictable as ever, and Man is as stupid and greedy and self-absorbed as ever. Only Man would revel in extrapolating his own local pollution capabilities onto a global scale.
Bottom line, the global environment is behaving normally, folks, get over it!
Fire is a fact of life in the forest. It clears out the deadwood and makes for healthy trees. But, after years of human meddling, allowing brushwood to accumulate, surprise, surprise, we see exaggerated forest fires launching from vast twiggy tinderboxes.
Mother Nature isn't biting back, she is just igniting brush that should't be there in such abundance, and is fanning flames as she has done since time immemorial.
And Man is making those fires appear worse than they really are. Standing in the smoke, Arnie does his best to skirt around the fact that forestry and building practice in California have been an utter joke for years. How many times do people have to bounce back before they learn not to encroach into badly managed forest land and stop plonking big homes right in the path of millennia-old natural fires. Sensational, doh!
It is sad to see a big bear drowning in the warming oceans of the Arctic. But man-made global warming is to blame? I think not.
People like to say slushy ice-floes are Man's fault, and "they" (ie manufacturers) tell us to dump CFC fridges for spanky new ones. But how many fridges came anywhere close to that part of the polar world?
If the polar bear death isn't fridge related, what is Man doing to create the sort of localised pollution that can stop heat escaping from the North Pole and melt bears' habitats? Planes may to be blame, but how many fly that way? Sadly for airline share prices, not enough to cause that sort of localised enviro heating, I am sure.
Heat is more likely coming from outside the earth. From Geography 101, only the sun can punch holes in the ozone layer and warm the Arctic earth significantly. Instead of buying green white goods, or hounding governments to ban non-CFC deodorant, go lobby the Solar Gods and tell them to stop those pesky sun spot activities.
The greenies try to say that nature is dumping more rain than ever on Britain, creating flooding like never before. Ergo, the world is getting warmer. Beaux locks.
If the Brits tore up the 5 million homes on flood plains; if the farmers stopped compacting the soil with their tractors, and carparks and roads were ripped out, perhaps the rains would percolate into the soil and we could live happily ever after in the dry. As it is, rain will continue to careen in torrents down high streets that should never be there in the first place, and global warming bull will be alive and well for years to come.
They say 7 of the top 10 hottest years on record have occurred in the last, I don't know, 50 years. Does that sound scary enough?
I say that for political effect, because I heard that 1934 (73 years ago) was way hotter than anything we have experienced in recent years. Just enjoy Indian Summers, I say.
You can't have it both ways in these matters, and there are serious oversights in the global warming story. In terms of oil consumption, for instance, extended summers seem to be good for the environment.
Sunny Octobers mean less demand for heating oil, the terrible localised pollutant of our times. There is less need for Northern old folks to travel South for the winter in gas-guzzling cars and airplanes. There is no need to shop specially for warm clothes.
Warmer temperatures are good for the local environment too because there is less bitching and moaning (fewer sufferers of SAD and pneumonia and achey joints. ) Warmth is good for our peace of mind.
Relax. As usual, life and nature and weather are going on around us and entrepreneurs are looking for ways to leverage new info, develop new trends.
We shouldn't consume for the sake of it, and should make every effort not to shit on our own doorsteps, so to speak, polluting our air, and waterways and surroundings. But at the end of the day, the global weather that we have to deal with comes from the sun, and the last time I looked, none of us have much control over that.
The doomy gloomy brigade will say that the damage is already done because warming oceans, a huge heat sink covering 70% of the earth's surface, aren't cooling any time soon. They say warm sea-related weather will wreak havoc world-wide. Really??!! Not wishing to rock the boat, but where were all the hurricanes this season?
Anyway, I am not a meteorologist, (I look out the window to confirm the weather those guys get wrong), so I will stop blowing poorly informed holes in the global storm escalation theory.
Time to go save the environment and buy a trendy green house, car and clothing made from recycled materials that gave off more green house gases than is wise to mention.
I am no different to the greenies banging on about global warming. I see fires in California and go Ouch; I go Aaah at footage of polar bears sinking without trace; I gulp at scenes of Europe flooding like never before; and I roll up my sleeves during this Indian summer in the US.
However, unlike the spinners, what I see is evidence that Mother Nature is just as unpredictable as ever, and Man is as stupid and greedy and self-absorbed as ever. Only Man would revel in extrapolating his own local pollution capabilities onto a global scale.
Bottom line, the global environment is behaving normally, folks, get over it!
Forest fires
Fire is a fact of life in the forest. It clears out the deadwood and makes for healthy trees. But, after years of human meddling, allowing brushwood to accumulate, surprise, surprise, we see exaggerated forest fires launching from vast twiggy tinderboxes.
Mother Nature isn't biting back, she is just igniting brush that should't be there in such abundance, and is fanning flames as she has done since time immemorial.
And Man is making those fires appear worse than they really are. Standing in the smoke, Arnie does his best to skirt around the fact that forestry and building practice in California have been an utter joke for years. How many times do people have to bounce back before they learn not to encroach into badly managed forest land and stop plonking big homes right in the path of millennia-old natural fires. Sensational, doh!
Polar bears
It is sad to see a big bear drowning in the warming oceans of the Arctic. But man-made global warming is to blame? I think not.
People like to say slushy ice-floes are Man's fault, and "they" (ie manufacturers) tell us to dump CFC fridges for spanky new ones. But how many fridges came anywhere close to that part of the polar world?
If the polar bear death isn't fridge related, what is Man doing to create the sort of localised pollution that can stop heat escaping from the North Pole and melt bears' habitats? Planes may to be blame, but how many fly that way? Sadly for airline share prices, not enough to cause that sort of localised enviro heating, I am sure.
Heat is more likely coming from outside the earth. From Geography 101, only the sun can punch holes in the ozone layer and warm the Arctic earth significantly. Instead of buying green white goods, or hounding governments to ban non-CFC deodorant, go lobby the Solar Gods and tell them to stop those pesky sun spot activities.
Flooding
The greenies try to say that nature is dumping more rain than ever on Britain, creating flooding like never before. Ergo, the world is getting warmer. Beaux locks.
If the Brits tore up the 5 million homes on flood plains; if the farmers stopped compacting the soil with their tractors, and carparks and roads were ripped out, perhaps the rains would percolate into the soil and we could live happily ever after in the dry. As it is, rain will continue to careen in torrents down high streets that should never be there in the first place, and global warming bull will be alive and well for years to come.
Indian summers
They say 7 of the top 10 hottest years on record have occurred in the last, I don't know, 50 years. Does that sound scary enough?
I say that for political effect, because I heard that 1934 (73 years ago) was way hotter than anything we have experienced in recent years. Just enjoy Indian Summers, I say.
Gaping holes in AGW
You can't have it both ways in these matters, and there are serious oversights in the global warming story. In terms of oil consumption, for instance, extended summers seem to be good for the environment.
Sunny Octobers mean less demand for heating oil, the terrible localised pollutant of our times. There is less need for Northern old folks to travel South for the winter in gas-guzzling cars and airplanes. There is no need to shop specially for warm clothes.
Warmer temperatures are good for the local environment too because there is less bitching and moaning (fewer sufferers of SAD and pneumonia and achey joints. ) Warmth is good for our peace of mind.
Conclusion
Relax. As usual, life and nature and weather are going on around us and entrepreneurs are looking for ways to leverage new info, develop new trends.
We shouldn't consume for the sake of it, and should make every effort not to shit on our own doorsteps, so to speak, polluting our air, and waterways and surroundings. But at the end of the day, the global weather that we have to deal with comes from the sun, and the last time I looked, none of us have much control over that.
The doomy gloomy brigade will say that the damage is already done because warming oceans, a huge heat sink covering 70% of the earth's surface, aren't cooling any time soon. They say warm sea-related weather will wreak havoc world-wide. Really??!! Not wishing to rock the boat, but where were all the hurricanes this season?
Anyway, I am not a meteorologist, (I look out the window to confirm the weather those guys get wrong), so I will stop blowing poorly informed holes in the global storm escalation theory.
Time to go save the environment and buy a trendy green house, car and clothing made from recycled materials that gave off more green house gases than is wise to mention.
 |  |  |
| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Pisstaker news
The video version of MyBlogLog Sunday 29 is on its way. It is an epic movie, and its production has spawned a story of blood, sweat and success. All the good stuff will be revealed here exclusively, some time soon.
Today I pit Technorati against Swicki. Not a fair fight? Let the world decide.
Blog Rush got it in the neck from moneymaker bloggers, saying it was crap. The BR boys have responded to the BS with a version 2 in the works. It is promoted as the answer to all blog traffic generating problems.
To celebrate the technical wizardry that lies in the pipeline, I changed the livery of my squished up cut-off Blog Rush sidebar widget. Soon I will be able to resize the widget to fit too. Schweet.
The Breaking News video broadcast version of MyBlogLog Sunday is in the pipeline too. It seems a little blocked right now, but like Mr Invincible, it should suddenly pop through the tubes without a hitch, later this week.
I had an urgent shout from a housemate saying some people had called by and needed to speak to me urgently. I rushed down to deal with them, thinking it was important, only to be faced by two jovial Jehovah's Witnesses.
Luckily, Mrs Ed was going to work, so I told them I had plenty of hope for the future but had to ask them to leave. They looked a bit disappointed, but smiled and left when I said my wife would spoil everything and kill me if I didn't help her get ready.
I am probably spiritually dead, but needless to say, my housemate will be physically dead, if she pulls that stunt again!
Blog Rush got it in the neck from moneymaker bloggers, saying it was crap. The BR boys have responded to the BS with a version 2 in the works. It is promoted as the answer to all blog traffic generating problems.
To celebrate the technical wizardry that lies in the pipeline, I changed the livery of my squished up cut-off Blog Rush sidebar widget. Soon I will be able to resize the widget to fit too. Schweet.
Luckily, Mrs Ed was going to work, so I told them I had plenty of hope for the future but had to ask them to leave. They looked a bit disappointed, but smiled and left when I said my wife would spoil everything and kill me if I didn't help her get ready.
I am probably spiritually dead, but needless to say, my housemate will be physically dead, if she pulls that stunt again!
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
First CNN, now the WSJ?
Hey ho, I mentioned that an article I wrote on Chinese housewives coming to America was picked up by CNN. Well, the next thing I see is a bunch of links from the Wall Street Journal online.
I am as
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Observations on LA life
It has been a while since I visited Californ-i-a and I had a few interesting fruit cake moments this weekend hanging out in south LA county.
For the second time in living memory we went to a MacDonalds and for the first time ever, we heard the words, "Sorry, ma'am, we've run out of soda." Blimey, what is the world coming to? It was almost as surreal as being told they had run out of Big Macs.
On the plus side, we had to drink that stuff called water. You may have heard of it. Apparently it is soda minus the sugar and radiation poisoning. It was quite delicious and I think I will try it again.
Mrs Ed likes her Starbucks and as luck would have it, we found one in Los Angeles. It was in a unique neighborhood where they had wall-to-wall ritzy boutiques and family-owned businesses like Taco Bell, Burger King, Rite Aid and similar cutesy outlets. This Starbucks we found was brand new and had its own little patio seating area looking out onto the main smoggy drag. Very appealing.
We were sat down drinking coffee through a special filter that you put over the top of your cup to prevent lead particles from spoiling the taste. Out of nowhere, a skinny pale faced woman in third-hand clothes ghosted in and sat down across from us. Without a care in the world, she started sipping on her 99 cents coffee from 7-11. Too funny. She was looking around like she owned the place. Maybe she did and was seeing how long before the staff politely asked her to leave?
After watching a few episodes around the place, I reasoned that if I ever need to hustle folks for money to pay for my next hit of heroine, LA is the place to settle. What a hunting ground.
Also, as a tip, in case you wonder where your shower head disappeared to, it is nestling in the pocket or apartment of a crack addict. They are quite the trendy accessory for Cali junkies, by all accounts.
So, there you have it, a stranger's view of LA. I can't wait to relocate there, mainly because this blog will catch fire with all the stories waiting to be told.
Wot no soda?
For the second time in living memory we went to a MacDonalds and for the first time ever, we heard the words, "Sorry, ma'am, we've run out of soda." Blimey, what is the world coming to? It was almost as surreal as being told they had run out of Big Macs.
On the plus side, we had to drink that stuff called water. You may have heard of it. Apparently it is soda minus the sugar and radiation poisoning. It was quite delicious and I think I will try it again.
7-11 at Starbucks
Mrs Ed likes her Starbucks and as luck would have it, we found one in Los Angeles. It was in a unique neighborhood where they had wall-to-wall ritzy boutiques and family-owned businesses like Taco Bell, Burger King, Rite Aid and similar cutesy outlets. This Starbucks we found was brand new and had its own little patio seating area looking out onto the main smoggy drag. Very appealing.
We were sat down drinking coffee through a special filter that you put over the top of your cup to prevent lead particles from spoiling the taste. Out of nowhere, a skinny pale faced woman in third-hand clothes ghosted in and sat down across from us. Without a care in the world, she started sipping on her 99 cents coffee from 7-11. Too funny. She was looking around like she owned the place. Maybe she did and was seeing how long before the staff politely asked her to leave?
No drugs please, we're Californian
After watching a few episodes around the place, I reasoned that if I ever need to hustle folks for money to pay for my next hit of heroine, LA is the place to settle. What a hunting ground.
Also, as a tip, in case you wonder where your shower head disappeared to, it is nestling in the pocket or apartment of a crack addict. They are quite the trendy accessory for Cali junkies, by all accounts.
So, there you have it, a stranger's view of LA. I can't wait to relocate there, mainly because this blog will catch fire with all the stories waiting to be told.
Just 2 more news flashes
I am about to head off on a 48-hour trip to California, which means sunshine for me and no blog post for you on Saturday. Sorry about that.
But don't despair, because on Sunday, as the Californian governor is rumored to have said in an earlier life, I'll be back. And with a vengeance too, thanks to a great idea by OS9 user.
In a nutshell, OS9 User is going to create some breaking news and video the whole MyBlogLog Sunday 29 event, and upload the production to Youtube!
He will be starting by video-ing the first post I make Sunday morning (the one where I show a screenshot and announce the 10 MyBlogLog blogs to be mini-reviewed). Then he will return on Monday to film himself surfing MBL Sunday, reading the mini reviews and taking a look around each of the featured sites.
If the featured blogs post something about their appearance in MBL Sunday, he will spend a little longer perusing their site, with the cameras rolling. By Wednesday, it will all be edited and playing live on Youtube.
How cool is that for the 10 participants, The Pisstakers and the modest OS9 User, who doesn't want his name splattered all across this event!!?
Hasta la vista, babys, and make sure you all dressed up for the only place to go on Sundays. And OS9 User, thanks very much, mate, for trying out such a cool promo idea on this site. I will try to focus like never before and if I get filmed uncrossing my legs I will make sure I have my undies on.
But don't despair, because on Sunday, as the Californian governor is rumored to have said in an earlier life, I'll be back. And with a vengeance too, thanks to a great idea by OS9 user.
Ed's on film
He will be starting by video-ing the first post I make Sunday morning (the one where I show a screenshot and announce the 10 MyBlogLog blogs to be mini-reviewed). Then he will return on Monday to film himself surfing MBL Sunday, reading the mini reviews and taking a look around each of the featured sites.
If the featured blogs post something about their appearance in MBL Sunday, he will spend a little longer perusing their site, with the cameras rolling. By Wednesday, it will all be edited and playing live on Youtube.
How cool is that for the 10 participants, The Pisstakers and the modest OS9 User, who doesn't want his name splattered all across this event!!?
Hasta la vista, babys, and make sure you all dressed up for the only place to go on Sundays. And OS9 User, thanks very much, mate, for trying out such a cool promo idea on this site. I will try to focus like never before and if I get filmed uncrossing my legs I will make sure I have my undies on.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
CNN business picks up a Pisstakers article on China!!
If you got it, flaunt it, as they say. Yesterday, CNN's world business site carried a story about the China bank preparing to buy a US bank as part of its international expansion plans. To add some weight to the story, CNN offer a handful of relevant blog posts from around the internet, and lo and behold, Chinese Housewives coming to America from Ed was one of them!
I don't know that I should claim to be a world authority on this particular topic, never having been to China or interviewed a Shanghai housewife, but in my more lucid moments, I have been trotting out a thesis about Chinese economic domination for sometime now.
With this touch of recognition from CNN, I may be prompted to take this subject to new lows and research a few more angles. Whatever happens in the future, though, I know I will live in the past for some time to come, ogling this post, emailing it to friends, highlighting it on my CV, changing my theme to a red-based CNN style color scheme.
Happy days, comrades.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
No pain no laughs
Sit back and grimace, and don't dare laugh. Laughing is not good for you when it comes at the expense of others in pain - not.
To add something to the pain conversation, I once made a few builders laugh uncontrollably when I stepped backwards onto a section of new roof where some bright spark had laid a sheet of tar paper (not plywood) straight over a section of exposed beams.
I still wince as I remember dropping like a stone and landing with all my weight, nuts first, onto a beam. I don't mind admitting I was not happy, suspended on my crotch with a look of total surprise, then horror on my face. It took all the wind out me, and to say my eyes were watering and stomach was churning would be an understatement.
It would also be understating the truth to say that my colleagues were laughing politely. They were laughing till they were almost sick.
It must be a bloke thing, laughing not in glee, but in relief that it isn't you with your balls in your throat?
Needless to say, I hobbled down the ladder and spent half an hour sitting in a van feeling very sorry for myself. My boss, a true clown, stopped by to see how I was doing, handed me a business card and quipped. "Sadie will check you out and make sure it's all still working properly."
I'm sure Madam would have done a thorough inspection, but that is pure conjecture on my part. I wasn't being paid enough to afford that sort of private health care.
To add something to the pain conversation, I once made a few builders laugh uncontrollably when I stepped backwards onto a section of new roof where some bright spark had laid a sheet of tar paper (not plywood) straight over a section of exposed beams.
I still wince as I remember dropping like a stone and landing with all my weight, nuts first, onto a beam. I don't mind admitting I was not happy, suspended on my crotch with a look of total surprise, then horror on my face. It took all the wind out me, and to say my eyes were watering and stomach was churning would be an understatement.
It would also be understating the truth to say that my colleagues were laughing politely. They were laughing till they were almost sick.
It must be a bloke thing, laughing not in glee, but in relief that it isn't you with your balls in your throat?
Needless to say, I hobbled down the ladder and spent half an hour sitting in a van feeling very sorry for myself. My boss, a true clown, stopped by to see how I was doing, handed me a business card and quipped. "Sadie will check you out and make sure it's all still working properly."
I'm sure Madam would have done a thorough inspection, but that is pure conjecture on my part. I wasn't being paid enough to afford that sort of private health care.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Pisstakers RSS contest winner
Three cheers to the three entrants, Rob, OS9 User and Link and Earn, an almighty Thank you to the extra RSS feed readers
and a round of applause to those who didn't take part - you have convinced me that I need to try a lot harder to encourage / remind / cajole bloggers to participate in contests at The Pisstakers.
I think that more visitors view content via the RSS fed than via the homepage, so I should probably have paid more attention to the needs of the RSS format ie banged on about the contest on a daily basis so it constantly appeared as new material - and offered a new glitzy camera instead of a memory card. Just a thought.
Anyway, it all worked out.
The three finalists in no particular order were:
He has also suggested I prepare an MBL Sunday promo banner for him to put on his site. This is a great idea, and almost single-handedly won him the memory card outright - but not quite. This request has put me under a great deal of self-imposed pressure, because I want to oblige, but it comes at a time when my creative juices are running dry - (no sympathy, please just throw money) - I lay awake at night stressing, but just can't think of a worthy design. I feel so inadequate. So, until the juices return, and until I have also reviewed entrant number 3, I will have to hold fire in crowning OS9 User as runaway victor...
I admit that a memory card isn't exactly a scintillating prize, but better than a kick in the privates. And if you desperately need one, (which L&E clearly do) there is enough incentive in this contest to go beyond the call of duty (and the RSS feed) and dive into the archives. On their trip down my memory lane, they came up with a true story about my flight with Air india. Kudos. The final decision is still up in the air, but their insatiable diligence and determination may not go unrewarded.
The winner
Therefore, after much deliberation, double negatives and head-banging:
Comiserations to the losers who didn't participate
Well done to the participants who didn't win
I can proudly, loudly, gladly announce the winner as.... Link and Earn. Yeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!! Send me a postal address and the memory card will be on its way shortly.
Till next time.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Not suitable for families? wtf!
When they first lay eyes on the word PISStakers, many people seem to get the wrong idea about this site. And out of a misplaced belief that my niche is urine-oriented grows the concern that this is not a family-oriented site. Gulp.
I write for everybody with an interest in a humorous view of the world beyond their 4 walls, so I get mortally (well, slightly) offended when it is intimated that I run a filthy adult haven of iniquity. (mock horror.)
If some people did a bit more research into what a pisstaker actually is, life would be less fraught for all concerned. And if PG-obsessed people were less quick to label vaguely challenging material written in a slightly rough-round-the-edges way, as not suitable for the family, I wouldn't need to take this post down a non-PG route to defend my territory!
I have had a few amusing reminders that people don't understand the word Pisstaker. One guy would only refer to the site as Ptakers; someone else has renamed me completely to save their PG readers from a fate worse than death, and another blogger even left a blank where my name should have gone... I don't mind, it is funny to me, and who am I to make fun of people who feel uncomfortable yet still support a site they enjoy reading. Much better than PG-ists writing a site off on behalf of those they are supposed to introduce to a big wide world of different and non-sugar-coated ideas.
If I were an adult X-rated blogger who delighted in humiliating individuals rather than highlighting issues in general terms, I would say that XY and Z bloggers who deem the Pisstakers as unsuitable for families, are examples of people with a poor grasp of English and / or minds far more twisted than mine. To take offense, they must see Pisstakers and instantly imagine that this is a site promoting buckets of pee and golden showers. Disappointment must be the reason why hundreds of visitors unfamiliar with the term, but au fait with all the nuances of urine, only hang around for less than 30 seconds. Huh, no real piss here, best get off at the next Stumble site for my dose of wee.
To counter the concerns of many English-speaking folk with an (ungrounded) fear of the word, pisstaker, but the presence of mind to at least do a little research before heading off, I have placed a permalink to wikipedia in the first dialog box on the homepage, explaining the meaning of this disgusting foreign English word.
Pisstaker is a foul term used regularly by such despotic family-disoriented folks such as my butter-wouldn't-melt-in-her-mouth mother. Millions of other English-speaking people outside America with a sense of humor also enjoy taking the piss, (michael, mickey or rise) out of inconsistencies in people. Nobody bats an eye if you are the butt of a joke and you ask, "Are you taking the piss?"
As you can see from my use of foul term, I am taking the piss out of people who are offended by my site's name, because it is about as offensive a term as shit, in the US English expression, This is the shit. Not too rude to Americans, but shocking to some Brits with a self righteous pole up their ass, and a disinterest in finding out what a nuance of language really means before writing it off as rude. Yes, hysterical isn't it that they may think that a site called the shit is written by people with a pile of steaming faeces in their grubby paw.
This talk about taking offense at an inoffensive word leads on nicely to my bemusement at a mini fixation about whether this site is PG family oriented. Officially, no! I didn't think I was writing for 12-13 year-olds, I think I am too arcane for most youngsters, but I find it offensive to the 14+ population at large that, according to the PG brigade, all people of thinking age, living in a family environment, may be precluded from reading my blog because... because what?
Because I don't write nice things about church? or give tips on washing your car on Sunday, or mowing lawns or going on picnics with the dog into the idyllic countryside? Or is it because I occasionally use irreligious language that I know religious men and women use from time to time, and occasionally I mention S-E-X and genocide and topics that are somehow outside the scope of families? Funny ideas some people have a) on what constitutes a family and b)what a family should be exposed to.
If I am not suitable for family viewing, then my posts are not suitable for anyone living with their kids or anyone living with their parents. How limiting. But wait, families are breaking up and morphing out of all recognition compared to the type of family unit I grew up in. Hey maybe I am suitable for families who past generations would have deemed dysfunctional, even heretic. Now we're talking, I like the sound of that sort of free open-minded spirit.
And what material on The Pisstakers is unsuitable for 14 to 114 year-old family members in this day and age of Halloween, The Simpsons and video games like Doom? Is there anything here that would cause a child to go and shoot their teacher? Can't see it myself. And how you leap from the innocuous word Pisstaker to depraved material, only the censors will know.
As you can tell, I find the whole idea of "family-oriented sites" classifications to be a bit of a joke. I have seen films with a PG rating and thought they were well out of order and I wouldnt have any kid of mine watching them with my blessing.
And anyway, assuming I am not a PG site, how is labelling my site, "Not suitable for families" going to stop kids reading it? I think folks are living in cloud cuckoo land if they think that highlighting a site as out of bounds to kids, (because a grown-up they never met says so), will stop them going there. Prohibition anyone? In fact, telling the kids that The Pisstakers is for adults only, is a great way to attract kids!
At the end of the day, I don't think that everyone who reads the Pisstakers necessarily "gets" everything I write anyway, (I am not the world's greatest communicator) but if any youngsters out there want to sit down with mom and dad and read about the China crisis or 6 legged horses or tech stuff, be my guest. I know that whatever I write won't be as shocking as Silence of the Lambs, the school course book given to my 15 year old cousin to study!
The short answer:
I write for everybody with an interest in a humorous view of the world beyond their 4 walls, so I get mortally (well, slightly) offended when it is intimated that I run a filthy adult haven of iniquity. (mock horror.)
If some people did a bit more research into what a pisstaker actually is, life would be less fraught for all concerned. And if PG-obsessed people were less quick to label vaguely challenging material written in a slightly rough-round-the-edges way, as not suitable for the family, I wouldn't need to take this post down a non-PG route to defend my territory!
Long answer:
I have had a few amusing reminders that people don't understand the word Pisstaker. One guy would only refer to the site as Ptakers; someone else has renamed me completely to save their PG readers from a fate worse than death, and another blogger even left a blank where my name should have gone... I don't mind, it is funny to me, and who am I to make fun of people who feel uncomfortable yet still support a site they enjoy reading. Much better than PG-ists writing a site off on behalf of those they are supposed to introduce to a big wide world of different and non-sugar-coated ideas.
If I were an adult X-rated blogger who delighted in humiliating individuals rather than highlighting issues in general terms, I would say that XY and Z bloggers who deem the Pisstakers as unsuitable for families, are examples of people with a poor grasp of English and / or minds far more twisted than mine. To take offense, they must see Pisstakers and instantly imagine that this is a site promoting buckets of pee and golden showers. Disappointment must be the reason why hundreds of visitors unfamiliar with the term, but au fait with all the nuances of urine, only hang around for less than 30 seconds. Huh, no real piss here, best get off at the next Stumble site for my dose of wee.
To counter the concerns of many English-speaking folk with an (ungrounded) fear of the word, pisstaker, but the presence of mind to at least do a little research before heading off, I have placed a permalink to wikipedia in the first dialog box on the homepage, explaining the meaning of this disgusting foreign English word.
Pisstaker is a foul term used regularly by such despotic family-disoriented folks such as my butter-wouldn't-melt-in-her-mouth mother. Millions of other English-speaking people outside America with a sense of humor also enjoy taking the piss, (michael, mickey or rise) out of inconsistencies in people. Nobody bats an eye if you are the butt of a joke and you ask, "Are you taking the piss?"
As you can see from my use of foul term, I am taking the piss out of people who are offended by my site's name, because it is about as offensive a term as shit, in the US English expression, This is the shit. Not too rude to Americans, but shocking to some Brits with a self righteous pole up their ass, and a disinterest in finding out what a nuance of language really means before writing it off as rude. Yes, hysterical isn't it that they may think that a site called the shit is written by people with a pile of steaming faeces in their grubby paw.
Is the Pisstakers family-oriented?
This talk about taking offense at an inoffensive word leads on nicely to my bemusement at a mini fixation about whether this site is PG family oriented. Officially, no! I didn't think I was writing for 12-13 year-olds, I think I am too arcane for most youngsters, but I find it offensive to the 14+ population at large that, according to the PG brigade, all people of thinking age, living in a family environment, may be precluded from reading my blog because... because what?
Because I don't write nice things about church? or give tips on washing your car on Sunday, or mowing lawns or going on picnics with the dog into the idyllic countryside? Or is it because I occasionally use irreligious language that I know religious men and women use from time to time, and occasionally I mention S-E-X and genocide and topics that are somehow outside the scope of families? Funny ideas some people have a) on what constitutes a family and b)what a family should be exposed to.
If I am not suitable for family viewing, then my posts are not suitable for anyone living with their kids or anyone living with their parents. How limiting. But wait, families are breaking up and morphing out of all recognition compared to the type of family unit I grew up in. Hey maybe I am suitable for families who past generations would have deemed dysfunctional, even heretic. Now we're talking, I like the sound of that sort of free open-minded spirit.
PG Parental grumpiness
And what material on The Pisstakers is unsuitable for 14 to 114 year-old family members in this day and age of Halloween, The Simpsons and video games like Doom? Is there anything here that would cause a child to go and shoot their teacher? Can't see it myself. And how you leap from the innocuous word Pisstaker to depraved material, only the censors will know.
As you can tell, I find the whole idea of "family-oriented sites" classifications to be a bit of a joke. I have seen films with a PG rating and thought they were well out of order and I wouldnt have any kid of mine watching them with my blessing.
And anyway, assuming I am not a PG site, how is labelling my site, "Not suitable for families" going to stop kids reading it? I think folks are living in cloud cuckoo land if they think that highlighting a site as out of bounds to kids, (because a grown-up they never met says so), will stop them going there. Prohibition anyone? In fact, telling the kids that The Pisstakers is for adults only, is a great way to attract kids!
Conconclusion
At the end of the day, I don't think that everyone who reads the Pisstakers necessarily "gets" everything I write anyway, (I am not the world's greatest communicator) but if any youngsters out there want to sit down with mom and dad and read about the China crisis or 6 legged horses or tech stuff, be my guest. I know that whatever I write won't be as shocking as Silence of the Lambs, the school course book given to my 15 year old cousin to study!
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Yahoo, MyBlogLog, Sunday, Ed, Merger
To be honest, I don't know much about the current component parts of Yahoo! except one division is so far behind the Google search engine, it is almost embarrassing. Yahoo! Search should be called O ho!
What else do Yahoo! have going for them?
Yahoo! and MyBlogLog
Judging by the steady triple figure flow of visitors to my Yahoo-owned MyBlogLog community, it is fair to say that Yahoo haven't killed off that idea - yet. I say "yet", because they did kill my avatar when I last logged in, and they haven't innovated much recently. Still a way to go to maximise that $10m acquisition, Ding Dongs!
MyBlogLog Sunday
It is a simple deal for bloggers. If you are a MBL member and visit my site Saturday night / Sunday morning, your avatar will appear in my side bar. When I start blogging on Sunday morning, the 10 most recent visiting bloggers are captured in the widget screenshot and they each get a cool mini-review with a couple of back links. And those who leave a comment about their best post of the week (with a link) get an eBay-owned Stumble too. Get in on it tomorrow.
Next Yahoo! acquisition
If Yahoo! are looking to invest in a sharp, humorous and very positive blog-spinning feature, they should headhunt the brains behind MyBlogLog Sunday and make a move before they are dissembled. (Yahoo, not my brains.) Any offers over $2.2m will be considered, and rest assured, when the deal goes through, all 270 reviewees will get a prize.
Please lobby Yahoo! before they split up and disappear up their own Ah O!
Not pleasing Technorati
Last week I had a bit of a rant about pleasing Technorati, and how I don't seem to be able to break out of the current 41000 rank, despite continually blogging and linking. It raised a bit of a hackle for Technorati high-flyer, RT at Untwisted Vortex, and he asked his fans to add fairness to the system by linking, in some way shape or form, to The (well-written) Pisstakers.
Hari came straight out and added me to his blog roll, thanks. He is a funny guy as well as a tech head, so it is all good, relevant linking. Could it be time to hang on, as I shoot up, up and away through Technorati?
Unfortunately, I think Technorati were watching and my ranking has dropped again!
According to Technorati rules, the more links to your site from other websites, the more authoritative and valuable the blog. And if the blogs linking in to you are authoritative, whoa, you are heading for gold. Maybe that applies if you are a Technorati believer and not a skeptic?
I am a skeptic. Remember, Technorati is not about traffic, but what other bloggers think of the relevancy and authority of sites. How ironic that blog value and relevancy is based on the reactions of bloggers, a mere 20% of internet users
It is a bollocks undemocratic system, not what the internet is supposed to be about. Whatever happened to democracy where the opinions of 80% of internet surfers should dictate what is and isn't worthwhile?
If Technorati want to be taken seriously, and not become a political blog Oscar / A-lister love-in / blogger backscratching / gamed award, they need to open up their parameters to embrace the whole internet user base.
For now, I am a technorati pariah, but I will stick to my instincts and do what I think is the right way to build the value of a blog. Therefore, in the course of my writing I will continue to link to blogs that have something to add to a story, regardless of whether they are a friend, a day old, A-listers or the antithesis of the Pisstakers blog niche.
This tactic may not generate zillions of Technorati brownie points from other bloggers "focused" on their niche to the exclusion of all others, or from bloggers loathe to backlink to The Pisstakers, (yuk what a horrible name!) but that is OK.
In the long run, I predict that one day, a new world view of blog values will develop, and I don't think the current Technorati algorithm will have much of a say as to whether The Pisstakers brand is worth diddly or squat to advertisers and peers!!
And of course, until the world becomes a more egalitarian ranking place, I will still call by Technorati to see how I am faring, or not!
Hari came straight out and added me to his blog roll, thanks. He is a funny guy as well as a tech head, so it is all good, relevant linking. Could it be time to hang on, as I shoot up, up and away through Technorati?
Unfortunately, I think Technorati were watching and my ranking has dropped again!
Is it essential for bloggers to play the Technorati game?
According to Technorati rules, the more links to your site from other websites, the more authoritative and valuable the blog. And if the blogs linking in to you are authoritative, whoa, you are heading for gold. Maybe that applies if you are a Technorati believer and not a skeptic?
I am a skeptic. Remember, Technorati is not about traffic, but what other bloggers think of the relevancy and authority of sites. How ironic that blog value and relevancy is based on the reactions of bloggers, a mere 20% of internet users
It is a bollocks undemocratic system, not what the internet is supposed to be about. Whatever happened to democracy where the opinions of 80% of internet surfers should dictate what is and isn't worthwhile?
If Technorati want to be taken seriously, and not become a political blog Oscar / A-lister love-in / blogger backscratching / gamed award, they need to open up their parameters to embrace the whole internet user base.
Technorati teetering.
For now, I am a technorati pariah, but I will stick to my instincts and do what I think is the right way to build the value of a blog. Therefore, in the course of my writing I will continue to link to blogs that have something to add to a story, regardless of whether they are a friend, a day old, A-listers or the antithesis of the Pisstakers blog niche.
This tactic may not generate zillions of Technorati brownie points from other bloggers "focused" on their niche to the exclusion of all others, or from bloggers loathe to backlink to The Pisstakers, (yuk what a horrible name!) but that is OK.
In the long run, I predict that one day, a new world view of blog values will develop, and I don't think the current Technorati algorithm will have much of a say as to whether The Pisstakers brand is worth diddly or squat to advertisers and peers!!
And of course, until the world becomes a more egalitarian ranking place, I will still call by Technorati to see how I am faring, or not!
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
How to splatter an apprentice
Ed the Editor's personal blog corner
I used to work in construction and the best times were had at the expense of apprentices. (For all those under the age of 40, an apprentice is a person who gives up all their human rights to be abused and exploited while their bosses teach them the intricacies of a trade.)
One teenage lad was getting a bit mouthy and had to be put in his place by his two bosses, a pair of jovial plasterers. They had a contract on a dis-used airforce base and as a "treat" one of the boss men said the apprentice could sit in the back of the pick-up while they sped down the runway. The kid was really up for it and jumped onto the flat bed.
The driver winked at his mate, and as he got faster and faster, they started whelping and cheering and banging on the back of the cab and generally stirring it up. The apprentice was really hyped and started posing like a surfer. The plasterers decided that was enough fun for him, and at 80mph, the driver announced to his passenger, "Hold on tight!" 2 seconds later, he stood on the brakes.
They were belly laughing for hours, reliving the scream and the thud as the apprentice splattered against the back of the cab.
It didn't do the lad too much harm, and he went on to become a real tradesman, no doubt inspired to share a few of his gruesome experiences with the next generation of wannabe plasterer.
Got any similar stories? Let us know.
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| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Chinese housewives coming to America
Until now, the average China housewife had two choices as to what to do with her sweat shop-derived savings. Either stick money into a local bank account, (which paid negative interest!) or, put her hard-earned lead-coated cash into a Chinese stock market.
With about 100 new billionaires created in the stock market this year alone, it is not hard to figure what they would do. Astute housewives are the primary reason why the Shanghai Stock Market bubble has been building beyond belief.
In order to get some heat out of the Chinese investment kitchen and more importantly, give themselves a stepping stone into Wall Street, the Shanghai powers-that-be opened a safety valve for "investors". In August, the supposed mothers of all control freaks, allowed the housewives (and their husbands too), to invest in Hong Kong.
In a world where money talks and housewives pick winners with monotonous regularity, the $200bn "experiment" currently being conducted in Hong Kong has taken off since August. It has given a big hint at the stellar results that come when a money-grabbing China government throws itself full tilt behind housewives with an eye for a money-making fad.
Unfortunately, for the rest of the non-Chinese world, you can bet the bank that the Chinese Governent will gain confidence from this experiment. Not only will the Shanghai masters exercise their Hong Kong Fuey stranglehold on successful investors by charging some sneaky Communist wealth tax, but they will exploit their subjects in order to implement some bigger ideas en route to Wall St-beating season.
Simple. Fired up and ultra-confident in their investors' performance in Hong Kong, plus a trillion bucks of their own spare cash still in the bank, the Chinese government should be itching to launch the next tidal wave of investors into a couple of other Stock Exchanges, en route to Wall Street and US main street.
China housewives, aka the baby-stepping Hong Kong investing pioneers, will probably be allowed to take a day trip into Singapore with the kids, pick a few stocks and inflate that stock market with their own money, plus some of the trillion dollar pocket change from the Shanghai war chest. See, everyone shares in China!
That job done, it will be time for stage 3 of the world investment program. Sorry, ladies, this will be a man's job! A batallion of highly trained Western-savvy investors will don "Made in Chinese Hong Kong" turbo jet packs and head to Wall Street. Ka-ching.
It will be great for the US for a while as hard-assed Chinamen flood the trading floor with cash. $1000 for a share in Google, or name your price and double it for Bidu (the Chinese Google)...and after hours, Chinese restaurants will be over-flowing with real Chinese investors. Sweet. But that will be the tip of the iceberg.
One day, a few thousand new Chinese billionaires with complementary Green cards living it up in Manhattan will get a call from party HQ. Comrades, take off those profits you just made and reinvest it back in China! That will be the signal for the Chinese housewife to come back on the scene and surreptitiously smother America under a blanket of inflation. Here's how.
Women, rich from investments in HK and Singapore, but still obliged to stay grounded and continue working at the sweat shop, will demand more money at work. Low wages in China will creep up. Ikea and Walfart won't be able to absorb those prices. Oops imports to America just got more expensive.
The prices at Walmart will start to rise and no one in the US will be pleased to hear that exploited millionaire lady peasants are benefiting from global growth and can even afford to send their kids to hospital when they are sick . Bugger that. All the chatter will be negative as it dawns on everyone that the cost of living in America has skyrocketed. The US will no longer be China-subsidised, but China-fueled.
Next, with Wall Street in the Chinese' pocket; peasants' and prisoners' wages back home rising; prices of everyday products in the US going through the roof, and US jobs disappearing, it will get even worse for the West. The next wave of housewife millionaire Chinese entrepreneurs will come to to America to set to work buying up real estate.
The sea of Chinese faces at foreclosure sales around America will be washing through the senses of shocked bystanders. The names on home ownership contracts in US cities coast to coast will be more Chan than Smith, and Chinese landlords will be so numerous that US neighborhoods will make Vancouver look like a redneck city by comparison.
Consumption patterns will change. Bamboo curtains and panda rugs will be all the rage at Ikea, and no Chinese entrepreneuses will waste their time emailing home with sluggish Comcast, it will be China Digital all the way.
Aaah. Global wealth creation is on an inexorable rise, just as long as you are a Chinese housewife! Meanwhile, stagflation works its way very slowly but surely into the West under the wing of cheap China-owned dollars. Didn't see that coming, did we!!
With about 100 new billionaires created in the stock market this year alone, it is not hard to figure what they would do. Astute housewives are the primary reason why the Shanghai Stock Market bubble has been building beyond belief.
Charge of the Chinese housewives
In order to get some heat out of the Chinese investment kitchen and more importantly, give themselves a stepping stone into Wall Street, the Shanghai powers-that-be opened a safety valve for "investors". In August, the supposed mothers of all control freaks, allowed the housewives (and their husbands too), to invest in Hong Kong.
In a world where money talks and housewives pick winners with monotonous regularity, the $200bn "experiment" currently being conducted in Hong Kong has taken off since August. It has given a big hint at the stellar results that come when a money-grabbing China government throws itself full tilt behind housewives with an eye for a money-making fad.
Unfortunately, for the rest of the non-Chinese world, you can bet the bank that the Chinese Governent will gain confidence from this experiment. Not only will the Shanghai masters exercise their Hong Kong Fuey stranglehold on successful investors by charging some sneaky Communist wealth tax, but they will exploit their subjects in order to implement some bigger ideas en route to Wall St-beating season.
How does the Hong Kong deal get China to Wall St?
Simple. Fired up and ultra-confident in their investors' performance in Hong Kong, plus a trillion bucks of their own spare cash still in the bank, the Chinese government should be itching to launch the next tidal wave of investors into a couple of other Stock Exchanges, en route to Wall Street and US main street.
China housewives, aka the baby-stepping Hong Kong investing pioneers, will probably be allowed to take a day trip into Singapore with the kids, pick a few stocks and inflate that stock market with their own money, plus some of the trillion dollar pocket change from the Shanghai war chest. See, everyone shares in China!
That job done, it will be time for stage 3 of the world investment program. Sorry, ladies, this will be a man's job! A batallion of highly trained Western-savvy investors will don "Made in Chinese Hong Kong" turbo jet packs and head to Wall Street. Ka-ching.
Instant China crisis in the US? I think not.
It will be great for the US for a while as hard-assed Chinamen flood the trading floor with cash. $1000 for a share in Google, or name your price and double it for Bidu (the Chinese Google)...and after hours, Chinese restaurants will be over-flowing with real Chinese investors. Sweet. But that will be the tip of the iceberg.
Phone home to Shanghai
One day, a few thousand new Chinese billionaires with complementary Green cards living it up in Manhattan will get a call from party HQ. Comrades, take off those profits you just made and reinvest it back in China! That will be the signal for the Chinese housewife to come back on the scene and surreptitiously smother America under a blanket of inflation. Here's how.
Women, rich from investments in HK and Singapore, but still obliged to stay grounded and continue working at the sweat shop, will demand more money at work. Low wages in China will creep up. Ikea and Walfart won't be able to absorb those prices. Oops imports to America just got more expensive.
The prices at Walmart will start to rise and no one in the US will be pleased to hear that exploited millionaire lady peasants are benefiting from global growth and can even afford to send their kids to hospital when they are sick . Bugger that. All the chatter will be negative as it dawns on everyone that the cost of living in America has skyrocketed. The US will no longer be China-subsidised, but China-fueled.
From Wall Street to Easy Street
Next, with Wall Street in the Chinese' pocket; peasants' and prisoners' wages back home rising; prices of everyday products in the US going through the roof, and US jobs disappearing, it will get even worse for the West. The next wave of housewife millionaire Chinese entrepreneurs will come to to America to set to work buying up real estate.
The sea of Chinese faces at foreclosure sales around America will be washing through the senses of shocked bystanders. The names on home ownership contracts in US cities coast to coast will be more Chan than Smith, and Chinese landlords will be so numerous that US neighborhoods will make Vancouver look like a redneck city by comparison.
Consumption patterns will change. Bamboo curtains and panda rugs will be all the rage at Ikea, and no Chinese entrepreneuses will waste their time emailing home with sluggish Comcast, it will be China Digital all the way.
Aaah. Global wealth creation is on an inexorable rise, just as long as you are a Chinese housewife! Meanwhile, stagflation works its way very slowly but surely into the West under the wing of cheap China-owned dollars. Didn't see that coming, did we!!
 |  |  |
| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Contest to win $39 worth of memory card
xFruits RSS feed contest
Check out the current Pisstakers mega feed.
Write 50 words about an Ed article that curls your toes, and publish it on your blog.
Send me the URL.
If you take part you will get a link back from my PR5 homepage.
Ed will award the memory card to the most amusing or engaging post.
Deadline: October 14th 2007
Write 50 words about an Ed article that curls your toes, and publish it on your blog.
Send me the URL.
If you take part you will get a link back from my PR5 homepage.
Ed will award the memory card to the most amusing or engaging post.
Deadline: October 14th 2007
 |  |  |
| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Past post updates
Rather than print and forget, I thought I would post some updates of past articles.
You will be pleased to hear that the 6-legged stallion has recovered from his trip to the cutting room floor. Where once hung 2 mind-bending hormone-generating horse nuts, there is a now a clean scar. Three cheers for the vet and if anyone wants a fantastic former Arab stallion with a weird look in his eye, let me know. (And no, I am not joking, he really is for sale now!)
Talking of sale, I mentioned the weird world of classic wooden boats and how owners tend to go all gooey and irrational when they are selling their rot-infested pride and joy tub. Mr and Mrs Ed have been inspired by these folks and will be giving up their attic room next Spring so they can join this interesting fraternity. They are planning to break out of the confines of a 20 x 20 room and spread themselves all over a palatial 35 x 11 feet wooden boat of their own. Rest assured, they have made a pact not to refer to the boat as "She" and they won't be giving names to the dinghy or the radio or whatever other inorganic appliances may take their fancy.
The disappearing hyphen is still disappearing, but not as quickly as different elements of Kate's side bar. There is of course Net Disaster, the proper way to destroy a blog, and leave cow dung all over the screen.
In Tech this week, I caught Comcast engineers being incredibly anal about Health and Safety. If only they were as particular with their service as they were with their cones. Unless they work out how to provide us with a far better time in front of the TV or surfing the web, they may need to dispense with cones and erect an electric fence to protect themselves from irate customers.
Blog Rush has been slaughtered by the Money Makers, because it doesn't seem to make them money. For the rest of the blogs online, I think it is probably doing just fine, offering looping links to related posts. Or have I missed the point completely?
To celebrate 392 readers of my RSS feed, I am offering a $39 prize for the best 50-word review of any article in my RSS feed.
And tomorrow, Sunday, is MyBlogLog Sunday 27. I am getting quite a few interesting new bloggers calling by, so I am having fun discovering new places to visit, new people to read and review. If you have a blog, try and be in the last 10 to call by before I take a screenshot of the MyBlogLog widget in my sidebar tomorrow morning. If you have no blog, call by in the week, and check out 10 sharp mini reviews.
Have a good Saturday, it could be your last!
You will be pleased to hear that the 6-legged stallion has recovered from his trip to the cutting room floor. Where once hung 2 mind-bending hormone-generating horse nuts, there is a now a clean scar. Three cheers for the vet and if anyone wants a fantastic former Arab stallion with a weird look in his eye, let me know. (And no, I am not joking, he really is for sale now!)
Talking of sale, I mentioned the weird world of classic wooden boats and how owners tend to go all gooey and irrational when they are selling their rot-infested pride and joy tub. Mr and Mrs Ed have been inspired by these folks and will be giving up their attic room next Spring so they can join this interesting fraternity. They are planning to break out of the confines of a 20 x 20 room and spread themselves all over a palatial 35 x 11 feet wooden boat of their own. Rest assured, they have made a pact not to refer to the boat as "She" and they won't be giving names to the dinghy or the radio or whatever other inorganic appliances may take their fancy.
The disappearing hyphen is still disappearing, but not as quickly as different elements of Kate's side bar. There is of course Net Disaster, the proper way to destroy a blog, and leave cow dung all over the screen.
In Tech this week, I caught Comcast engineers being incredibly anal about Health and Safety. If only they were as particular with their service as they were with their cones. Unless they work out how to provide us with a far better time in front of the TV or surfing the web, they may need to dispense with cones and erect an electric fence to protect themselves from irate customers.
Blog Rush has been slaughtered by the Money Makers, because it doesn't seem to make them money. For the rest of the blogs online, I think it is probably doing just fine, offering looping links to related posts. Or have I missed the point completely?
And finally, 2 things!
To celebrate 392 readers of my RSS feed, I am offering a $39 prize for the best 50-word review of any article in my RSS feed.
And tomorrow, Sunday, is MyBlogLog Sunday 27. I am getting quite a few interesting new bloggers calling by, so I am having fun discovering new places to visit, new people to read and review. If you have a blog, try and be in the last 10 to call by before I take a screenshot of the MyBlogLog widget in my sidebar tomorrow morning. If you have no blog, call by in the week, and check out 10 sharp mini reviews.
Have a good Saturday, it could be your last!
 |  |  |
| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Contest to win $39 worth of memory card!
xFruits RSS feed contest
Thanks.
Check out the current Pisstakers mega feed.
Write 50 words about an Ed article that curls your toes, and publish it on your blog.
Send me the URL.
If you take part you will get a link back from my PR5 homepage.
Ed will award the memory card to the most amusing or engaging post.
Deadline: October 14th 2007
Write 50 words about an Ed article that curls your toes, and publish it on your blog.
Send me the URL.
If you take part you will get a link back from my PR5 homepage.
Ed will award the memory card to the most amusing or engaging post.
Deadline: October 14th 2007
 |  |  |
| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
Pleasing technorati
I regularly check how Technorati is treating The Pisstakers. It used to be a fun experience, but these days, the visit is more like a needle in my eye.
The deal is, that every day, a 6-month old link will drop off your technorati account and to maintain the rating, a new link has to step in. Since I stalled at 41000th in the world! Technorati has become a reminder that any blog will fade away and die unless you keep blogging and reaching out to new folks.
Peering into Technorati last night, I saw a new link back. Yeehah, I must be going up in the world. Oh! On closer inspection, I must have lost another link off the other end. Back on earth I am still ranking at 41000!
Technorati recognises bloggers who link out. I haven't stopped blogging, and I continue linking. Blog-and-link should be a good enough strategy to generate back-links and please Technorati. There is more to it than that, however. You have to be totally into Technorati, and you have to believe in their ways, brothers and sisters, else it won't work for you.
I broke a promise to myself and joined a meme thing a couple of weeks ago. In all honesty, I did enjoy showing my desktop off, and I felt like I was contributing something worthwhile to the internet beyond posting a long list of links to meme doers. I imagined that by joining the link train game I would see hundreds of back-links appear. That is what they tell you. The ratings of many meme, linktrain fans seem to back the theory up too. Not with me. Still 41000!
I can only think that my effort to please Technorati fell on stony ground because I am not a real fan! I didn't truly deeply madly believe.
Do you believe in Technorati?
I say I am doomed at Technorati, but maybe all is not lost. First, I ended up writing this post and adding a morsel of vaguely engaging 20-second material to the Stumble-o-sphere.
And second, if technorati works, hopefully Kate will see this link on her account and can read about her theme glitch from there. (From technorati I saw that Kate had linked to me and, playing by the internet rules, as I see them, I decided to comment on her blog site, thanking her for mentioning my disappearing hyphen post. No such luck.
No matter where I went on her sidebar, my cursor made her site disappear, piece by piece! I couldn't comment to say thanks, and neither could I click on the contact button to tell her that her theme doesn't work in Safari!
So, fingers crossed, maybe this time it will be Technorati to someone's rescue.
I updated this article following Untwisted Vortex' killer Technorati-related post, and I will add a follow-up to it too. (Don't tell anyone, because I am supposed to be a bit of an emotional stone, but his words brought a momentary lump to my throat - only for a very brief moment, you understand. Like for 0.03 seconds, the time it takes for Technorati to find my stalling account details.)
The deal is, that every day, a 6-month old link will drop off your technorati account and to maintain the rating, a new link has to step in. Since I stalled at 41000th in the world! Technorati has become a reminder that any blog will fade away and die unless you keep blogging and reaching out to new folks.
Peering into Technorati last night, I saw a new link back. Yeehah, I must be going up in the world. Oh! On closer inspection, I must have lost another link off the other end. Back on earth I am still ranking at 41000!
Improving Technorati rank, aka Mission Impossible
Technorati recognises bloggers who link out. I haven't stopped blogging, and I continue linking. Blog-and-link should be a good enough strategy to generate back-links and please Technorati. There is more to it than that, however. You have to be totally into Technorati, and you have to believe in their ways, brothers and sisters, else it won't work for you.
I broke a promise to myself and joined a meme thing a couple of weeks ago. In all honesty, I did enjoy showing my desktop off, and I felt like I was contributing something worthwhile to the internet beyond posting a long list of links to meme doers. I imagined that by joining the link train game I would see hundreds of back-links appear. That is what they tell you. The ratings of many meme, linktrain fans seem to back the theory up too. Not with me. Still 41000!
I can only think that my effort to please Technorati fell on stony ground because I am not a real fan! I didn't truly deeply madly believe.
Do you believe in Technorati?
Can't win for losing
I say I am doomed at Technorati, but maybe all is not lost. First, I ended up writing this post and adding a morsel of vaguely engaging 20-second material to the Stumble-o-sphere.
And second, if technorati works, hopefully Kate will see this link on her account and can read about her theme glitch from there. (From technorati I saw that Kate had linked to me and, playing by the internet rules, as I see them, I decided to comment on her blog site, thanking her for mentioning my disappearing hyphen post. No such luck.
No matter where I went on her sidebar, my cursor made her site disappear, piece by piece! I couldn't comment to say thanks, and neither could I click on the contact button to tell her that her theme doesn't work in Safari!
So, fingers crossed, maybe this time it will be Technorati to someone's rescue.
I updated this article following Untwisted Vortex' killer Technorati-related post, and I will add a follow-up to it too. (Don't tell anyone, because I am supposed to be a bit of an emotional stone, but his words brought a momentary lump to my throat - only for a very brief moment, you understand. Like for 0.03 seconds, the time it takes for Technorati to find my stalling account details.)
Wot, I have to work, speak English and be polite?
Ed the Editor's personal blog corner
Imagine being sat in a Government office waiting for some paperwork to be processed by a jaded worker who won't stop yakking (speaking) about her weekend and recent job application and boyfriend. She wasn't addressing me, of course, but a co-worker sat across the office - and she was conversing in Spanish.
I thought it was quite ironic, considering the decal that a Brazilian guy, Rodrigo, noticed.
Time and Motion?
I also wonder if any supervisors in Government offices have ever studied Time and Motion! You go into a huge room filed with patiently waiting, processed humans, and sometimes the rent-a-cop at the welcoming desk is in front of you, good, or set off to the side, bad. So when you walk into the latter for the first time, you are bound to be hollered at by the desk person you ignored in your ignorance.
The welcomer's main job seems to be giving you a ticket with a number on it. To make it easy for everyone, there is a predominantly displayed sign showing the number of the next person to be called, but for some unknown reason, the desk person insists on hollering out the numbers in garbled, the language of choice of disgruntled employees. And it is even more ridiculous when that desk person is the only one in the room who cannot see the damned sign without getting out their seat every single bloody time. I never figured how such a physically active person could balloon so much?
Hunting for service
And talking of ballooning, a friend was telling me how he went to an office for a hunting license. This time there was no ticket number, there was no one in the room, except him and an employee sat at the desk reading a newspaper. He stood patiently awaiting a call to arms, and stood, and stood. Unlike the woman he was polite! The woman eventually looked up at him and asked what he wanted! He said the worst thing he could have said,
"I was wondering if I could have the form for a license, please."
Apparently she threw the paper down on the desk and told him to go sit down and wait! Still polite, he did as he was asked, and sat. She ruffled through a desk and walked over to him like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. At 900lbs (his words, not mine) she could barely walk. And then she thrust the form in his face and sneered,
"This isn't my job, you know." She then flabbergasted him with her closing remark. "I can't handle the stress, I am going to put in for some vacation time!"
Amazing innit. There is something very wrong when that sort of person has to do a job she isn't suited for! Or maybe she was worried that she might be shot by a hunter licensed to shoot big game? Mad!
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Video games save family life!
The digital age has been kind to kids with addictive personalities but life has become more complicated for millions of over-worked, stressed-out and substance-addicted parents funding the material needs of their kids.
Shoot 'em up video games in particular seem to have marked the end of home life as we know it, but I predict that video game companies will actually save the family! Thanks to more sporty interactive games, they will single-handedly put the family back on track and leave a warm fuzzy feeling in the home - just like before the rat race took a grip.
Back in the day, kids were given a card board box or a doll and told to go play in the garden for 5 hours while "mommy did some housework." The kids with an addictive mindset drew every ounce of entertainment value from their basic toys and had to be prised back into the house kicking and screaming when it got dark. Despite the concerns that little Johnnies and Janes were displaying weird behavioral patterns, (cardboard swords?) mommies were happy to have so much kid-free time. A few even celebrated their peace and quiet with a martini or 3.
As the economy grew, moms convinced themselves that the family unit could have a better life with more "things" to play with. Going to work for the good of the kids was in fact a sneaky way to get more money to spend on home decor, washing machines and martini, but that is a minor detail.
This social change heralded a good time for all, with parents coming in from work exuberant, bearing gifts, and kids greedily accepting the next generation of playthings. Rag dolls became action men and barbies, cardboard boxes morphed into dirty great forts and castles and real swords. The kids were permanently high on real toys, moms could escape next door to sip a few more drinks with friends, and fathers would breeze around, proud to be able to afford to pay for babysitters so he could take mom out more, to party. Everyone was happy.
People soon got caught up in the more is better syndrome that comes with material wealth, and overlooked the side effect of working all hours, ie absence from the home. Never short of ideas to keep working, parents invented latch-key kids. Addictive kids were left alone for way too long, and in that time they worked out that neglection was good and they could have a lot of fun burning forts and dropping barbies out of windows.
Once it was realised that toys were getting too dangerous, parents demanded more pacifying toys. This was preferable to staying home, supervising their kids. Along came 24-hour TV, and videos. Unfortunately, the wide-eyed and enchanted looks on kids' faces rapidly declined into a glazed look. Conversation dropped, especially when pre-packed dinner was served, and cobwebs developed rapidly on charred forts and abandoned Action Men.
Desperate for the latest greatest entertainment for kids, parents sought alternatives to harmless Baloos and chuckles that had been looping through VCRs for hours on end. Digital video games started to appear and Mario nudged harmless videos to the side lines.
To ride the wave of addiction and keep kids quiet, Dads played straight into the hands of the devil and came in from work with bags of whacky "fun" video games for the kids. Oooh, the kids could hardly contain their enthusiasm until it waned three days and 72 hours of play time later.
Play Station, the true Devil's Toy, took the world by storm and the inter-child fighting got worse. Parents couldn't stand the noise and bickering, so they took loans to finance extra meals out. They even partook of the occasional coke party, anything but be at home with that racket going on. Unfortunately they had to work harder to pay the burgeoning baby-sitting bills, so eventually they had to trim the excesses. First they cut out the babysitters and left kids to take care of themselves. When that didn't work, due to social services prosecuting negligent parents, they decided to throw in the glove and stayed home with the children they had brought into the world.
Family life was no fun, however, and demands at work grew by the day. Dads would return home at 10pm with bags under their eyes, peck their methylated and equally exhausted wife on the cheek and then slump into the sofa next to the demented screaming kids. Surprisingly, that screwy behavior was the beginning of the end of the decline!
Video games makers picked up on the "dad likes video games" dynamic and targeted games at parents too. Harmless bloodless glorified puzzles and insipid Indiana Jones-inspired videos took on an ever more adult theme. Although Mom had a hard time getting traumatised kids to sleep, on the upside, Dads were happy with the blood and gore all over the screen. Fixated on video games, dads were no longer interested in going out with tired and disenchanted wifey. This drop in expenditure helped the family budget improve somewhat. Financially at least, life was slightly on the up.
Unfortunately, the rest of the future of family life looked dire on so many levels. Fatness without fitnness gripped the home. Addictive ritlin-popping children screeched and elbowed each other with a console in their sweaty grip. During the 40 minutes or so per night that parents could spend together, they too fell into similar video-game addictive traits and lost their way, shooting zombies together, pumping themselves with any substance that would shield than from the non-reality of home life.
Finally sense returned to the world, and video games single-handedly brought families back together in a healthy, healthily addictive way. Virtual tennis! Players had to stand up and swing, and communicate and laugh and actually enjoy themselves in a constructive way. Unlike forts and barbies, there was nothing to hurt or burn, and tennis could be played indoors when it rained or after dark. What's not to like.
When kids slept, flabby parents started to play tennis too, and felt physically and mentally better for it. Instead of slugging back booze and pills, they slugged it out in front of a giant screen till they fell into bed exhausted but with a smile on their sweaty faces. Eventually they even played with the kids and talked, albeit out of breath.
The exercise created healthier appetites, and pre-packed processed food was no longer nutritious enough to sustain the video athletes. Demand for home caterers and cookery classes rose. Sadly, there was no work for babysitters, but hey, video games can't solve everything.
Shoot 'em up video games in particular seem to have marked the end of home life as we know it, but I predict that video game companies will actually save the family! Thanks to more sporty interactive games, they will single-handedly put the family back on track and leave a warm fuzzy feeling in the home - just like before the rat race took a grip.
History of play in the family!
Back in the day, kids were given a card board box or a doll and told to go play in the garden for 5 hours while "mommy did some housework." The kids with an addictive mindset drew every ounce of entertainment value from their basic toys and had to be prised back into the house kicking and screaming when it got dark. Despite the concerns that little Johnnies and Janes were displaying weird behavioral patterns, (cardboard swords?) mommies were happy to have so much kid-free time. A few even celebrated their peace and quiet with a martini or 3.
As the economy grew, moms convinced themselves that the family unit could have a better life with more "things" to play with. Going to work for the good of the kids was in fact a sneaky way to get more money to spend on home decor, washing machines and martini, but that is a minor detail.
This social change heralded a good time for all, with parents coming in from work exuberant, bearing gifts, and kids greedily accepting the next generation of playthings. Rag dolls became action men and barbies, cardboard boxes morphed into dirty great forts and castles and real swords. The kids were permanently high on real toys, moms could escape next door to sip a few more drinks with friends, and fathers would breeze around, proud to be able to afford to pay for babysitters so he could take mom out more, to party. Everyone was happy.
People soon got caught up in the more is better syndrome that comes with material wealth, and overlooked the side effect of working all hours, ie absence from the home. Never short of ideas to keep working, parents invented latch-key kids. Addictive kids were left alone for way too long, and in that time they worked out that neglection was good and they could have a lot of fun burning forts and dropping barbies out of windows.
Once it was realised that toys were getting too dangerous, parents demanded more pacifying toys. This was preferable to staying home, supervising their kids. Along came 24-hour TV, and videos. Unfortunately, the wide-eyed and enchanted looks on kids' faces rapidly declined into a glazed look. Conversation dropped, especially when pre-packed dinner was served, and cobwebs developed rapidly on charred forts and abandoned Action Men.
Video sea change
Desperate for the latest greatest entertainment for kids, parents sought alternatives to harmless Baloos and chuckles that had been looping through VCRs for hours on end. Digital video games started to appear and Mario nudged harmless videos to the side lines.
To ride the wave of addiction and keep kids quiet, Dads played straight into the hands of the devil and came in from work with bags of whacky "fun" video games for the kids. Oooh, the kids could hardly contain their enthusiasm until it waned three days and 72 hours of play time later.
Play Station, the true Devil's Toy, took the world by storm and the inter-child fighting got worse. Parents couldn't stand the noise and bickering, so they took loans to finance extra meals out. They even partook of the occasional coke party, anything but be at home with that racket going on. Unfortunately they had to work harder to pay the burgeoning baby-sitting bills, so eventually they had to trim the excesses. First they cut out the babysitters and left kids to take care of themselves. When that didn't work, due to social services prosecuting negligent parents, they decided to throw in the glove and stayed home with the children they had brought into the world.
Family life was no fun, however, and demands at work grew by the day. Dads would return home at 10pm with bags under their eyes, peck their methylated and equally exhausted wife on the cheek and then slump into the sofa next to the demented screaming kids. Surprisingly, that screwy behavior was the beginning of the end of the decline!
Video life on the up
Video games makers picked up on the "dad likes video games" dynamic and targeted games at parents too. Harmless bloodless glorified puzzles and insipid Indiana Jones-inspired videos took on an ever more adult theme. Although Mom had a hard time getting traumatised kids to sleep, on the upside, Dads were happy with the blood and gore all over the screen. Fixated on video games, dads were no longer interested in going out with tired and disenchanted wifey. This drop in expenditure helped the family budget improve somewhat. Financially at least, life was slightly on the up.
Unfortunately, the rest of the future of family life looked dire on so many levels. Fatness without fitnness gripped the home. Addictive ritlin-popping children screeched and elbowed each other with a console in their sweaty grip. During the 40 minutes or so per night that parents could spend together, they too fell into similar video-game addictive traits and lost their way, shooting zombies together, pumping themselves with any substance that would shield than from the non-reality of home life.
Virtual tennis
Finally sense returned to the world, and video games single-handedly brought families back together in a healthy, healthily addictive way. Virtual tennis! Players had to stand up and swing, and communicate and laugh and actually enjoy themselves in a constructive way. Unlike forts and barbies, there was nothing to hurt or burn, and tennis could be played indoors when it rained or after dark. What's not to like.
When kids slept, flabby parents started to play tennis too, and felt physically and mentally better for it. Instead of slugging back booze and pills, they slugged it out in front of a giant screen till they fell into bed exhausted but with a smile on their sweaty faces. Eventually they even played with the kids and talked, albeit out of breath.
The exercise created healthier appetites, and pre-packed processed food was no longer nutritious enough to sustain the video athletes. Demand for home caterers and cookery classes rose. Sadly, there was no work for babysitters, but hey, video games can't solve everything.
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Forgetfulness is a man thing
Ed the Editor's personal blog corner
I could tell you the registration number of a car my mother owned in 1974, but I would be completely stumped if I had to tell you what is on the plate of the car we drive now. I have tried to commit it to memory but it just won't stick.
I could tell you that Shirley Ellis sung the Clapping Song, and Lieber and Stoller wrote Elvis songs, because my mother played them when I was 5. Sadly, I don't know the title of a single Britney Spears song. So much for the power of marketing today!
I know that David Gower and Ian Botham, two cricketing legends, both started playing for England in 197-something. How do I know? I was delivering newspapers before school and remember reading the headlines on the back sports pages. Most disturbing, for all the highlights and news programs I have sat through in recent months, I couldn't tell you the name of a single rooky footballer.
So what is that all about then? Long term memory is firing on all cylinders, short term memory is shot? Possibly all that drinking as a younger man has taken its toll and parts of my head are neuronless? Maybe, but I prefer the idea that my inability to recall recent trivia could be a man thing.
Apparently we men only recall what is important to us. Rooky sportsmen destined for jail hold no interest for me any more. Fattening pop stars have no appeal any more. Boxy Japanese cars aren't worth remembering in detail? That all sounds about right. As long as I overlook the fact that I don't know my own telephone number, despite writing it down numerous times, I think this selective memory theory applies to me - and sounds much sexier than early senility.
Now, where is the Save button?
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Desktop Free View
Having skilfully avoided taggings and memes for many months, I was seduced by Linda (metaphorically, you understand, )and I have joined the Desktop Free View party. So here it is, Ed's desktop!
This is an illuminating shot of the Plaza in Salamanca when Don Quijote appeared at an open air theatre extravaganza a couple of years ago. That is the demented knight on the left, tilting at windmills, 30 feet up. It seems to reflect the task of bloggers today trying to hit the big time!.
As per the rules of this blog tag, I haven't tidied up the icons, so this is a 100% Mac desktop in all its disarray. I use the computer too much to be artsy anal about a spotless desktop. At the end of the week, though, it should be a little more organised!
Viola, reveal your desktop if your name is Larry Hnetka and you go Hmmm, or Mike and you go aah at your Celebrity photos, or Matt and you invite bloggers to Blog about your blog, or Jeremy and you Tech It Easy, or Tyler Cruz and you are loaded.
Post a screenshot of your desktop in your blog. You can also explain why you preferred such a look or why is it full of icons. Things like that.
Tag five of your friends and ask them to give you a Free View of their desktop as well.
Add your name to this list of Free Viewers with a link pointing directly to your Desktop Free View post to promote it to succeeding participants.
List of those who participated in the tag:
iRonnie
skippyheart
thesserie
domlawrenceosb
sasha-says
maiylah’s snippets
My Memoirs
Asara
Coffee 2 go
Are We There Yet??
The Pisstakers
This is an illuminating shot of the Plaza in Salamanca when Don Quijote appeared at an open air theatre extravaganza a couple of years ago. That is the demented knight on the left, tilting at windmills, 30 feet up. It seems to reflect the task of bloggers today trying to hit the big time!.
As per the rules of this blog tag, I haven't tidied up the icons, so this is a 100% Mac desktop in all its disarray. I use the computer too much to be artsy anal about a spotless desktop. At the end of the week, though, it should be a little more organised!
To continue the desktop freeview orgy
Viola, reveal your desktop if your name is Larry Hnetka and you go Hmmm, or Mike and you go aah at your Celebrity photos, or Matt and you invite bloggers to Blog about your blog, or Jeremy and you Tech It Easy, or Tyler Cruz and you are loaded.
Wot u guys should do
Post a screenshot of your desktop in your blog. You can also explain why you preferred such a look or why is it full of icons. Things like that.
Tag five of your friends and ask them to give you a Free View of their desktop as well.
Add your name to this list of Free Viewers with a link pointing directly to your Desktop Free View post to promote it to succeeding participants.
List of those who participated in the tag:
iRonnie
skippyheart
thesserie
domlawrenceosb
sasha-says
maiylah’s snippets
My Memoirs
Asara
Coffee 2 go
Are We There Yet??
The Pisstakers
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How to stand out from the crowd
I remember years ago, being shouted at by a punk rocker with green mohawk spikes and rings through his nose. What the hell are you lookin' at?
Er, you?! It seemed such a dumb question on his part. Why dress outrageously if you don't want to be stared at?
On another occasion I was at the bus station after school and was caught staring at a girl. When she called me on it, on that occasion, I wasn't sharp enough to reply coherently and missed my chance to impress her with my wit and humor. I blushed to my pubescent roots and prayed silently for the earth to open up and swallow me whole. (I saw her years later and thanked my lucky stars I had been a klutz that first time. In her case, time hadn't been kind to her. She looked like she had swallowed a few too many young bucks whole and then been hit in the face by a bus. Ouch.)
And finally, if you want to grab attention, David Beckham style, why not try a subtle and sophisticated Chinese tattoo? Stares and gasps can be yours if you try one of these cool Chinese tattoo designs for size! Go on, you know you want to be gawped at.
I will now don a sober gray suit and crawl back into my private hidey hole to avoid the embarrassing stares and glare of publicity.
Er, you?! It seemed such a dumb question on his part. Why dress outrageously if you don't want to be stared at?
On another occasion I was at the bus station after school and was caught staring at a girl. When she called me on it, on that occasion, I wasn't sharp enough to reply coherently and missed my chance to impress her with my wit and humor. I blushed to my pubescent roots and prayed silently for the earth to open up and swallow me whole. (I saw her years later and thanked my lucky stars I had been a klutz that first time. In her case, time hadn't been kind to her. She looked like she had swallowed a few too many young bucks whole and then been hit in the face by a bus. Ouch.)
And finally, if you want to grab attention, David Beckham style, why not try a subtle and sophisticated Chinese tattoo? Stares and gasps can be yours if you try one of these cool Chinese tattoo designs for size! Go on, you know you want to be gawped at.
I will now don a sober gray suit and crawl back into my private hidey hole to avoid the embarrassing stares and glare of publicity.
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Oversize business opportunities
Ed the Editor's personal blog corner
Is there no downside to over-consumption? Luckily for corporations, no! Consumption is soaring on a global scale, and the more over-indulging the better. Needless to say, companies servicing the US are best placed to take advantage of new trends. To massacre a slogan from Orange, the future is bright, the future is fat.
XXL
Until recently, the only businesses properly leveraging the growing over-sized community were fashion houses. Maternity dresses, sails and tarpaulins were tastefully adapted to suit the XXL frames waddling around the place. It was a win-win situation. The relatively niche target audience were happy to pay premium prices for comfy designer clothes tailored specifically to their rolls. For their part, the fashion houses were happy to slap designer labels in a prominent location for all to see. The consumers and producers were happy.
Needless to say, an epidemic in over-consumption soon overtook the nation and the former scraps of business from pioneer obese consumers have become big meaty joints. The minority fat market has expanded to a point where a 65% overweight / 38% obese American population (and growing) has plenty of cash to spend, and millions of needy folk are looking for products and services to suit their enlarged frames, swollen needs and insatiable desires. In the tradition of a perfect market economy, US businesses are adapting fast, in order to take advantage of the demand for all things big.
Supersize services
A couple of years ago, I laughingly suggested to a business person that they study the US trends and build a chain of hotels catering to over-size customers. I think I was on to something, because now, businesses that deal with Americans are homing in on all things XXL.
In Caribbean / Mexican resorts patronised by US visitors, some hotels have toilet seats capable of withstanding 1200lbs; scales are callibrated to 1000lbs, and California king size beds come as standard. And those are the obvious ways to cater for larger folk. How about extra -wide re-inforced beach loungers, and towels that wrap easily around a 70" waist?
When it comes to entertainment, entrepreneurs have had to think outside the box. How about the horse-trekking company that is now using Percherons and Clydesdales to take 300lb-ers out on the trails! These mighty beasts can manage the loads fine without breaking into a sweat - they just need to be extra pateint while their riders are winched aboard. The whinnies you now hear from the stables are sighs of relief from the poor old quarter horses that once tried and failed to take the blubber heads into the wilderness!
And if the trail riding proves too much and emergency medical assistance is still required, the nursing staff have syringes with extra long needles to reach hearts with that life-saving shot of adrenalin. And if the resuscitation fails, don't worry, there are undertakers now with coffins 28" wider than the norm. Congratulations on thinking inside the box.
Conconclusion
I don't know where it will end, but if anyone wants to finance a Supersize chain of hotels in Europe, go right ahead. The future is very bright, and your business will grow fat on the back of late adopters. Don't forget, fat cats, you heard it here on The Pisstakers!
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Stats suck even more than ever
Last week I did a tech post on the mind numbingly dull topic of 301 redirects. The message was loud and clear. If you make sure that all links from http://yourdomain.com are redirected to http://www.yourdomain.com, you could seriously improve your chances of being found by those pesky search engines.
After mucking about with redirects, lo and behold, one week later thepisstakers have meteored from the 72% "quartile" to the top 82% slot in the internet heirarchy. Woo hoo. In other words, of the 100 million blogs online, there are only 18 million pulling more traffic, generating more backlinks and spreading better material than me!
Well, interestingly, this rise in "authority" coincides with a slight drop in traffic and a stagnating Technorati rank! Go figure.
Not saying that stats aren't interesting, encouraging and entertaining, but really, what are they worth in the real world? When I started about a year ago, I thought it was best to assume that the internet stats scene isn't the real world, and stats are a gamers' paradise where up is down and good is bad. Unfortunately, many advertisers and opportunist money makers have promoted the internet until it has become its own real world organic eco-system of 0's and 1's, and online stats are very important and highly reflective of the true state of websites published on the web. So people like me need to get over it already and play the game.
I guess I just need to re-jig my brain to "virtual" mode and live by the numbers rather than judge the true entertainment value of the content before my eyes. I need to realise that lists are good, and 7 How To do things lists are stellar; copied and pasted lists are gold, and saying Hi, thanks for the add is a basic building block to fame and fortune in the top 10.
With those simple concepts fixed in my mind I can blog in peace, and maybe one day, I will even understand what all the stats mean and learn how to interpret them and even profit from them.
Have a good day. (In internet terms, I think that really means you will have a bad day at work, but when you get home, you will discover a hot new link train on a I had a bad day at work type of blog?)
Where do you rank according to the Website grader?
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Hyper rich inflation
Ed the Editor's personal blog corner
At a time when the average Joe is struggling to pay the electric bill, rich fat cats are sweating it over soaring private jet prices and the cost of private catering. All together now, "Aaaaah."
It is hard to sympathise with any millionaire who complains that their cost of living is rising at twice the rate of us poor plebs', especially when we know that the top earners pay less tax than us and spend more than our mortgage on fine dining.
Personally, when I hear that some loaded Chinaman can afford over $200k for a handbag and an ugly New Yorker has just dished out $17000 for a face lift, it makes me want to go stroke a few private assets with the toe of my size 10 boot.
I once worked for a very wealthy guy who had a swimming pool built. He had someone work out the time it would take to fill it from a hose pipe the first time, and he went into a tizzy fit. "I'm not waiting 72 hours for a swim!" The next thing we know, we are standing watching a fleet of water trucks unloading their tanks into his pool. 4 hours later he was swimming like a beached whale, happy as larry with yet another story of over-indulgence to relate to his friends.
Each to their own, and I would love to be wealthy, but I would also like to think I had the sense to pull my head out my ass and use my money for the good of more than just a handful of handbag makers or surgeons. Meanwhile I will get back to budgeting for the next round of utility bills and Armani iron-on labels.
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Off with his head, Togo style
According to Reuters, the Togo art of decapitation is alive and well. 12 people dead.
It appears that the protagonists of recent ritual murders think that by removing other people's body parts, they will improve their own social standing and feel better about themselves! Each to their own. Read more of the gruesomeness
It appears that the protagonists of recent ritual murders think that by removing other people's body parts, they will improve their own social standing and feel better about themselves! Each to their own. Read more of the gruesomeness
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Fox say no more Stewie Rocketman on Youtube
I was going to share this gut-wrenching experience here today, and we would all have lived happily ever after, a little more enriched by the stomach wrenching embarrassment. Alas, alack, 48 hours later, it looks like 20th Century Fox have spoiled the parody party and had the footage withdrawn from Youtube. Sorry, folks.
If you would care to go to 20th Century Fox store and spend umpteen dollars on a Family Guy DVD, be my guest.
I would have thought that since Apple dragged the music corporations kicking and screaming into the 21st century, there was ample evidence that an expansive on-line presence was all good for media moguls. But apparently, video fat cats still don't get it. Perhaps when another 30 million video iPods have been sold they will wake up? Who knows.
Personally, I am going to express my disgust by not buying any Family Guy memorabilia plus I will stop watching Family Guy too. What do you say to that TCF? Does it feel profitable to be so exclusive and out of touch with how the internet works to the advantage of those who use it properly? And what is it with a company that is so damn good at what it does that it forgot to buy the rights to 21st Century Fox. Next dinosaur for the chopping block, please.
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Northern Rock, Northern cRock
Ed the Editor's personal blog corner
And I thought it was only the US stock market that had perfected the art of knee-jerk reactions. Wrong. The Brits have also honed the art of freaking out in temporary fright at temporary financial hiccups. Northern Rock account holders are the best!
On Friday, the BBC showed pictures of old age pensioners queueing up outside the Northern Rock Bank. At first it was thought they had got the wrong address for £10,000 Bingo night, but it transpired they were there to withdraw their life savings on a rumor of financial doom. Meanwhile, out back, Toyota trucks were ferrying cash to the bank in order to keep up with demand.
By lunch time Tuesday there was no cash left in the Northern Rock coffers and the Bank of England stepped in. Bless. Here we are Thursday and the bank is doing fine again. Well, Northern Rock is still open for business and worth less than one-fifth its valuation back in January, nobody wants to buy them out, even in a fire sale, and you cannot open a new account, but hey. As you were! How did this happen?
I blame the old folk
Doris Jones from Clapham put her teeth back in and told Pisstaker reporters, "Yes, my son told me he had read in the paper that America is going bankrupt with sub prime beef loans. As you know, if America catches mad cow's disease, we get totally mental. Here I am."
Her neighbor, Janice Allwright said she was there at the Bank because she had heard that the Germans were coming. "I just went to the Post Office and withdrew 37 years of pension money I never had to dip into before. (Me dead 'usband, George was such a good provider.) Now I need to get me hands on the money I have been salting away from me part-time jobs at Tesco and winnings at Bingo. I don't want those ruddy Bosch or the Revenue people taking me money, do I!"
"I am skeptical about this run on money," said the voice of octogenarian reason, Phyllis Warstenholme. "Years ago, I sold all my gold when I heard the Chinese were coming. That was a mistake, because they invested in restaurants and actually improved things in our town without changing our culture. But maybe this time there is truth in the rumors that the number 4 bank, and number 5 mortgage lender is going bankrupt."
As we left the High Street carnage, the old folks were on their cell phones to friends and family and even people they didn't like, telling them to get their cash out before the end of the world arrived. Interestingly, the stock savvy oldies also had a second cell phone and were telling the brokers to buy buy buy Northern Rock shares before sanity returned and the decimated stock price started rising again. Bloody old folk.
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Blogrush bandwagon
In the world of blogging, there is always the next big networking idea to stir it all up. First MyBlogLog, then BlogCatalog, Wavumi, and now, Blogrush. Never slow to jump on bandwagons, I am there, bottom right sidebar, with my cut-off Blog Rush widget. I will just lean back now and wait to become famous!
I jest, of course, because networking success and fame take time to pay dividends - unless you decide to kidnap the opposition and / or steal back your own material. Read the rest...
I jest, of course, because networking success and fame take time to pay dividends - unless you decide to kidnap the opposition and / or steal back your own material. Read the rest...
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Pisstakers podcasts!
When you realise you have a voice for print, leave it to Odiogo to produce all your podcasts for you. Click and listen. It is quite something to hear what they can do with your RSS feed!
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Break out Blogger award
On closer inspection, it is quite the boost to my spirits, and a great way to start a new week. Thanks a lot, Bob
Read all about the award and meet 5 lucky starlets who have been awarded the award too The one and only Lord Likely, Linda of Are We There yet? TechIT Easy, I Eat Snowman Poop and Wolf Bernz.
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Star signs and car insurance
Ed the Editor's personal blog corner
According to Allstate Insurance, Aries are the safest drivers on the road, and Virgos the worst. That sums up the useless nature of the Zodiac for me!
On the one hand, if we see an Aries with the personality of a ram behind the wheel of a high performance car, we can all relax? Yet if we spot an easy-going Virgo pottering along at 30, we should pull over, or even head for the hills? (Mrs Ed is an Aries with an accident rap sheet as long as your arm, and I know where I would be if I saw her driving towards me.)
I appreciate Allstate loosening up with their advertising, and quoting stats that might actually mean something to the non bean counters amongst us. But what fud is next?
"Taurans applying make-up while text-messaging are the most at risk of an accident. Second in line for a crash are Cancerians with blonde hair, blue eyes and a 36-24-36 figure looking around to see if they are being admired."
At the bottom end of the scale, I guess Aries Italians would be the least likely to have accidents? Italians are renowned for never looking anywhere except to the front (because they rip out their rear-view mirrors from all cars) and they drive Fiats, (the most likely vehicle to break down, unable to move in a dangerous manner in any direction.)
Do you think star signs reflect how you drive?
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