Boat charter
Did I say boat charter? I meant boat chatter! Here are a few examples of the banter that goes on in a boatyard - and you wouldn't want to charter a boat repaired by this first character.
You don't know what you are doing. You are wrecking this boat.
[Irate] What do you mean! You don't even know what I am doing.
I know enough to know that you shouldn't be working on that boat.
[irate] I'll show you. I am going to ... to paint a swastika on the side of the boat you're working on.
Uh? Whatever. I expect you will paint it upside down.
I was standing chartering to a shipwright when he suddenly stopped mid-sentence and yelled "Oi, boat on the run!"
I looked around and sure enough, a big sailboat on a trailer was rolling out of a hangar on its own, careening serenely across the yard. Two lads were sprinting to get ahead of it and inches before it hit a really expensive boat, they jammed on the brake - the brake that one of them should have engaged in the first place.
"That was a close one," I said.
"Shit." said the shipwright, shaking his head in disappointment "Another few inches and that would have been some nice insurance work for me."
Clearly the art of ambulance chasing isn't restricted to lawyers.
A guy went to look at a boat that had been on a trailer outside a warehouse - a warehouse that had caught fire. At the meeting, he was led to believe that only one side of the fiberglass hull had suffered some fire damage, some fairly minor damage, but the owner was so distraught, he just wanted to get shot of it. The price was indeed quite juicy, and led the bargain hunter to think it was more like a boat donation than a boat sale.
Snickering secretly inside, he didn't want to ask too many questions, in case the owner upped the asking price on a very neat yacht that would be worth 6 figures after a quick touch-up.
When he towed it away, the nautical nutter planned on 12 weeks to sort out the cosmetic issues to his "steal", and get the boat back in the water, a fair few bucks ahead. Boat donation rang in his ears.
12 months and mucho bucks later, he finally finished the boat repairs and re-launched it, a lot wiser about the full blistering effects of fire on fiberglass. He is now a zealous promoter of boat surveyors, those experts who charge a fair amount for their services, but whose assessment of damage can save you mucho bucks and time.
Before entering a boatyard it is best learn that BOAT stands for Break Out Another Thousand.
Typically, a boat repair takes twice as long as anticipated, which for most small jobs, even at $105 an hour is not going to leave a boat owner totally destitute. However, those involved in a major overhaul often find themselves in tears, openly crying or silently praying that the earth opens up and swallows them, before the boat swallows all their energy and cash.
Standing in a cold shower pushing hundred dollar bills down the plug hole.
Argument between two shipwrights
[Irate] What do you mean! You don't even know what I am doing.
I know enough to know that you shouldn't be working on that boat.
[irate] I'll show you. I am going to ... to paint a swastika on the side of the boat you're working on.
Uh? Whatever. I expect you will paint it upside down.
Boat covers plenty of ground
I was standing chartering to a shipwright when he suddenly stopped mid-sentence and yelled "Oi, boat on the run!"
I looked around and sure enough, a big sailboat on a trailer was rolling out of a hangar on its own, careening serenely across the yard. Two lads were sprinting to get ahead of it and inches before it hit a really expensive boat, they jammed on the brake - the brake that one of them should have engaged in the first place.
"That was a close one," I said.
"Shit." said the shipwright, shaking his head in disappointment "Another few inches and that would have been some nice insurance work for me."
Clearly the art of ambulance chasing isn't restricted to lawyers.
Boat donations can prove expensive
A guy went to look at a boat that had been on a trailer outside a warehouse - a warehouse that had caught fire. At the meeting, he was led to believe that only one side of the fiberglass hull had suffered some fire damage, some fairly minor damage, but the owner was so distraught, he just wanted to get shot of it. The price was indeed quite juicy, and led the bargain hunter to think it was more like a boat donation than a boat sale.
Snickering secretly inside, he didn't want to ask too many questions, in case the owner upped the asking price on a very neat yacht that would be worth 6 figures after a quick touch-up.
When he towed it away, the nautical nutter planned on 12 weeks to sort out the cosmetic issues to his "steal", and get the boat back in the water, a fair few bucks ahead. Boat donation rang in his ears.
Boat with a cause - for concern
12 months and mucho bucks later, he finally finished the boat repairs and re-launched it, a lot wiser about the full blistering effects of fire on fiberglass. He is now a zealous promoter of boat surveyors, those experts who charge a fair amount for their services, but whose assessment of damage can save you mucho bucks and time.
Rock bottom boat prices
Before entering a boatyard it is best learn that BOAT stands for Break Out Another Thousand.
Typically, a boat repair takes twice as long as anticipated, which for most small jobs, even at $105 an hour is not going to leave a boat owner totally destitute. However, those involved in a major overhaul often find themselves in tears, openly crying or silently praying that the earth opens up and swallows them, before the boat swallows all their energy and cash.
Things can only get better, now we have hit rock bottom.
Definition of sailing
Standing in a cold shower pushing hundred dollar bills down the plug hole.
|
Fat woman on plane
A 500lb lady in a fur coat is overflowing two seats on the left side of a 50-seater jet.
Imagine the look on the flight attendant's face when Mrs XXXXL bellows out, "Is it me, or are planes getting smaller these days?"
Imagine the thoughts going through the mind of the flight attendant and 49 passengers, all dying to tell her the answer, but of course no one dared say a word.
That was until the captain announced that, according to the weight calculations, 3 passengers on the right side of the plane would have to get off.
Hey lady, either pay for 3 seats, or go flying on a motorbike next time!
Imagine the look on the flight attendant's face when Mrs XXXXL bellows out, "Is it me, or are planes getting smaller these days?"
Imagine the thoughts going through the mind of the flight attendant and 49 passengers, all dying to tell her the answer, but of course no one dared say a word.
That was until the captain announced that, according to the weight calculations, 3 passengers on the right side of the plane would have to get off.
Hey lady, either pay for 3 seats, or go flying on a motorbike next time!
