Starbucks fair trade BS
According to their marketing BS, every time I drop in to buy a Stabucks, I make it possible for the Seattle coffee magnates to keep on buying environmentally fair-traded coffee beans from far distant farmers. ergo Starbucks support fair trade.
That may be technically correct, but in reality, it is absolute green gibberish!
The reality is that every time I drive to a Starbucks for a cup of coffee, my US car (subsidised by the screwed American tax payer) consumes gas that costs the tax payer $3 a gallon in hidden defence costs. That isn't fair. And to make matters worse, the vehicle ejects a few puffs of emissions into the atmosphere for good measure.
Whenever I order a coffee, it is served to me by a minimum wage American (maybe?) worker who can't afford to drive to work. And to make matters worse, they pour me 98% adulterated / 2% milk from a US methane-producing cow reared hundreds of trucking miles away. And the real unfair twist in the tale: that cow will be converted into a hormone-filled fast food burger when it reaches the end of its useful milking and farting life.
The most caring sharing fair trade move for Starbucks would be to employ a milker for a real life cow kept out back of each store. As well as generating useful employment, the 100% milk squeezed fresh from the udders would considerably raise the quality of their coffee drinks. And being locally reared, with methane absorbent diapers strapped to their behinds, Starbucks would reduce the carbon cost of delivering milk to site to zero.
Forget iTunes, go for iMoos. At the end of its useful life, Starbucks could process their cows humanely by putting them up for auction /adoption to a green coffee drinker with a good home.
Maybe Starbucks could have a few chickens too, and pay a decent wage to a chef to actually cook an organic egg in a pan, without resorting to an ice-berg-melting million watts a minute microwave. Fair?
Enjoy!
That may be technically correct, but in reality, it is absolute green gibberish!
Fair trade beans?
The reality is that every time I drive to a Starbucks for a cup of coffee, my US car (subsidised by the screwed American tax payer) consumes gas that costs the tax payer $3 a gallon in hidden defence costs. That isn't fair. And to make matters worse, the vehicle ejects a few puffs of emissions into the atmosphere for good measure.
Whenever I order a coffee, it is served to me by a minimum wage American (maybe?) worker who can't afford to drive to work. And to make matters worse, they pour me 98% adulterated / 2% milk from a US methane-producing cow reared hundreds of trucking miles away. And the real unfair twist in the tale: that cow will be converted into a hormone-filled fast food burger when it reaches the end of its useful milking and farting life.
Real fair trade
The most caring sharing fair trade move for Starbucks would be to employ a milker for a real life cow kept out back of each store. As well as generating useful employment, the 100% milk squeezed fresh from the udders would considerably raise the quality of their coffee drinks. And being locally reared, with methane absorbent diapers strapped to their behinds, Starbucks would reduce the carbon cost of delivering milk to site to zero.
iMoos
Forget iTunes, go for iMoos. At the end of its useful life, Starbucks could process their cows humanely by putting them up for auction /adoption to a green coffee drinker with a good home.
Maybe Starbucks could have a few chickens too, and pay a decent wage to a chef to actually cook an organic egg in a pan, without resorting to an ice-berg-melting million watts a minute microwave. Fair?
Enjoy!
|
email British politicians in expenses scam
Apparently at midday every day, dodgy British politicians check their emails with their cold hearts in their mouth.
The Daily Telegraph, the newspaper responsible for blowing the lid on the mother of all fuck-up parliaments, have elected to use a lunchtime email to forewarn the next politician who has been elected by the Telegraph editor to make a forthcoming appearance in the press.
So, if you want to add to the misery of dozens of upright officials caught with their filthy hands in the till of public money, check out this site for MP contact details, use the subject "Daily terror graph" in your "Wtf is going on?" email and set the auto send to noon GMT.
All together now with your heart-stopping emails
The Daily Telegraph, the newspaper responsible for blowing the lid on the mother of all fuck-up parliaments, have elected to use a lunchtime email to forewarn the next politician who has been elected by the Telegraph editor to make a forthcoming appearance in the press.
So, if you want to add to the misery of dozens of upright officials caught with their filthy hands in the till of public money, check out this site for MP contact details, use the subject "Daily terror graph" in your "Wtf is going on?" email and set the auto send to noon GMT.
All together now with your heart-stopping emails
Dear damn right dishonourable member of a disgraceful British parliament
wtf is going on with your claim for expenses?
Mexico swine flu pandemic schamdemic
The swine flu pandemic story is a sham, in my healthy non-flu-riddled opinion.
1 - Only the poor Mexicans who contracted it have died, otherwise the well nourished healthy smattering of foreign visitors who don't live on 2 meals a week and no health care have returned to comfy suburbia for an extra day off work and loads of press.
2 - The WHO should be issuing kevlar suits to foreign visitors, not masks. Have you seen the stats for fatal shootings in the drug war compared to fatalities from flu? Maybe tourists could humour the authorities and wear a kevlar mask, as protection against a flu contaminated bullet to the face.
3 - Raising the pandemic alert from 3 to 4 is just politics - giving the press a chance to distract the world from the chilling horrors of economic melt downs, tax hikes and the side effects of GM pork. Or am I being too cynical?
4 - And finally, the biggest question still left unanswered - who screwed the flu-suffering pig?
1 - Only the poor Mexicans who contracted it have died, otherwise the well nourished healthy smattering of foreign visitors who don't live on 2 meals a week and no health care have returned to comfy suburbia for an extra day off work and loads of press.
2 - The WHO should be issuing kevlar suits to foreign visitors, not masks. Have you seen the stats for fatal shootings in the drug war compared to fatalities from flu? Maybe tourists could humour the authorities and wear a kevlar mask, as protection against a flu contaminated bullet to the face.
3 - Raising the pandemic alert from 3 to 4 is just politics - giving the press a chance to distract the world from the chilling horrors of economic melt downs, tax hikes and the side effects of GM pork. Or am I being too cynical?
4 - And finally, the biggest question still left unanswered - who screwed the flu-suffering pig?
Valentine's day gifts
As Valentines Day approaches, how's these for some gift ideas?
Check out the scrummy food gifts for Valentines Day, plus a romantic present tip from Columbo!
If naked rugby player calendars do it for you, and you can get over the squad's name, the Hairy Crabs...
impossible quiz
If you are completely stumped for something to do, either, try an impossible quiz, or do the impossible and stop your partner from thinking that Valentines Day sucks
Don't say I didn't try and break the boredom.
Don't say I didn't try and break the boredom.
Smart asses, smart folks
Didn't Mrs Hasselhof once brag. "Yeah, my kid's smart. She learnt how to use a video cam before David could crawl."
New Year breaks again [FM8407-74]
Obviously 99.9% of known resolutions are destroyed by Jan 3rd, but you can break with tradition and make just one simple promise that is easy to keep -
subscribe to The Pisstakers new site-wide feed!
Subscribe by email
Subscribe by RSS
Subscribe by mobile
Happy New Year, and it doesn't matter if you don't read everything on the site every day. The feeds are jam packed full of all sorts of funny stuff and you can just dip in when you like. See, an easy resolution to make and keep!
Thanks for your support. Every new reader makes a cynical old man happy!
Now it is time for my shower, which I resolved to take once a year, whether I need it or not.
Statistics problems
The time is upon us to look back in boredom at the important statistics for 2008. Sorry, but you know it makes sense. If you don't know where you have been, you can't work out where you are going. Trouble is, stats can be misinterpreted, and statistics problems abound.
The Pisstakers site has generated untold amounts of web statistics - but, first statistical problem: The volume of traffic is healthy, but how do the visitor statistics relate to the sad adsense statistics? Answers on a postcard.
Cheer up, tis the season to be jolly - but reading the statistics, be jolly in moderation. DUI statistics.
But what's that quote about statistics and lies? I don't drink, and I had a horrendous car accident a few years ago. A friend of mine just got dragged out of a wreck, with everyone involved sober as a judge. I guess we were statistically lucky!
Car manufacturers, especially F1 teams live for statistics. They will spend untold millions developing one extra horse power.
Hmmm. Horse, car, car, horse. Problem solved for a few hundred bucks.
Every extra horse power is most welcome, usually.
Take care everyone, and keep your eyes on the road tonight, not on the speedo. No problem.
Web statistics
The Pisstakers site has generated untold amounts of web statistics - but, first statistical problem: The volume of traffic is healthy, but how do the visitor statistics relate to the sad adsense statistics? Answers on a postcard.
Dui Statistics
Cheer up, tis the season to be jolly - but reading the statistics, be jolly in moderation. DUI statistics.
250,000 people have died in alcohol related accidents in the past 10 years.
Presently 25,000 people are killed each year in alcohol related accidents.
500 people are killed each week in alcohol related accidents.
71 people are killed each day in alcohol related accidents.
One American life is lost every 20 minutes in alcohol related auto crashes.
But what's that quote about statistics and lies? I don't drink, and I had a horrendous car accident a few years ago. A friend of mine just got dragged out of a wreck, with everyone involved sober as a judge. I guess we were statistically lucky!
Car performance statistics
Car manufacturers, especially F1 teams live for statistics. They will spend untold millions developing one extra horse power.
Hmmm. Horse, car, car, horse. Problem solved for a few hundred bucks.
Every extra horse power is most welcome, usually.
Take care everyone, and keep your eyes on the road tonight, not on the speedo. No problem.
Roll up for funny news around the Pisstakers
There's a Funny UST Scandal Avi Virus - well, it surfaced and got zapped last January, and our tech correspondent only just found out about it. The tech authorities around the web who frown on our satirical commentaries must be pleased that our tech news has been a bit thin on the ground recently.
There's a review of funny Bebo blogs, which are quite amusing, if I say so myself.
And there is an indecent funny video about Mastercard, as well as yet another perceptive funny quote of the day provoked by the news about shoes and Bush.
Have a happy stree-free weekend. No pressure, just a few days left for all the food to be cooked, presents wrapped - and catapault set up to get shot of Santa.
Currently my tasers are on charge, ready for the over-excited family preparing to descend.
There's a review of funny Bebo blogs, which are quite amusing, if I say so myself.
And there is an indecent funny video about Mastercard, as well as yet another perceptive funny quote of the day provoked by the news about shoes and Bush.
Currently my tasers are on charge, ready for the over-excited family preparing to descend.
