Eraser and meth.
Filed in: Ed's blog spot
Ed the Editor's personal blog corner
Today I am nervously sat here watching Eraser, re-formatting freeware, overwrite the latest faulty hard drive in our stable of 2 laptops. (This time the (dis)honors go to Dell.) I am nervous for two reasons.
Firstly, is this re-formatting freeware really as good as they say it is, or are Dell techs going to have a field day plugging in the faulty HD and viewing all those compromising photos from our wedding night?
The second reason for feeling antsy is the time factor. I started the process at about 6.30 this morning, knowing I have to get to DHL with the old HD before 5pm. If I fail in my mission, Mrs Ed will kill me because Dell will be charging us for not exchanging the broken component within the alloted time allowed.
The clock is ticking. Why can't we suddenly be on Pacific Time? How painstaking is it to see each percentage point appear?! This is like watching grass grow, paint dry, or the Dow Jones rise. All very painful and now I know why they call them Dulls.
Speak of the devil, it looks like it has reformatted all files except Skype info. Peculiar oversight, but oh well, not too bad. Once I have reformatted it again, the disk should be safe enough to return, especially as Dell are to be trusted, right? Or do they have the crims on meth in the "Returned HD department" willing and able to pick through the hard drive to rebuild the personal information, byte by byte till they have a clear picture of the former owner? (If you didn't know, meth heads have been known to piece together shredded documents in an efort to steal an ID)
If I were on meth I would be in a right state, and I imagine my reassembled person would be more akin to Frankenstein, and be in so much debt I wouldn't want their identity. But I don't have time to jest right now. It is stage 2 of replace the hard drive day celebrated regularly by thousands around the world, and all hands are required to remove a single screw and slip one dead bit out and stick a new one in. Wish me luck.
Update: I hate Dell and Windows and anything to do with them. I have no drivers installed yet, and who knows how that is going to change! At least I cannot get a virus - the bastard machine won't connect to the internet. Let's hope Dell customer service are patient and on a roll today.
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I believe in David & Goliath not Spiderman
Filed in: Ed's blog spot
Ed the Editor's personal blog corner
According to the BBC, move over Spiderman, 2 feet of shelving at every Walmart store will be dedicated to religious dolls like Goliath, and Daniel, plus lion. This marketing push is all part of an effort by god-fearing entrepreneurs to tap into the growing demand for Christian artefacts started by the earliest followers and perpetuated by Lourdes water suppliers and antique cross vendors.
Meanwhile, Marvel are licking their wounds and stygmata as Spiderman sales look set to fall off the roof with no safety net. One in three Americans made a purchase in a Christian store last year, which is quite a few more than walked into a non-religious store to stock up on Spidey memorabilia.
According to another made-up statistic, many parents are short of ideas on what to buy next for little Johnny and Hyper Suzie, and what better way to fill a void than purchase a plastic doll representing a fictional character from over 2000 years ago.
In an age of anti-Harry Potter, anti-Halloween and anti-fun for anyone, these toys are just another step in the direction that a few religious folks think the whole world should tread fearfully. Judging by the results though, even if Spidey does struggle, the witch and juvenile satanist, Harry, and his band of merry storybook characters are flying higher than ever, with or without broomsticks and morals.
It will be interesting to see just how many inroads these religious dolls make, and if Walmart extend their displays upwards of 2 feet, it could be a signal to sell stocks in the company. Why? Because, if customers for these dolls are true to their beliefs, there should be a huge drop in Sunday shopping to follow.
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Recent posts
Filed in: Recaps
Blogging software shows the simplicity and ease of use of Rapidweaver, the brains behind this blog.
Dour Music Fest. It may be dour by name, but the event in Belgium is far from dour by nature.
Tobacco Tabaco is an international trip around the word.
Icecream wars A sad story of gangsters warring over bizarre businesses such as ice cream vending, hot dog wagons and billboards.
Soccer madness highlights the heavily talented and the overweight in soccer.
Paris finds god and Ed finds lots to satirise.
Gates China cock-up Bill Gates may be the richest guy in the world with global influence, but he sure wasn't tuned into the Chinese market.
Greasy touchscreens Touch screens will be all the rage now the iPhone is out, but greasy fingers may spoil the user experience.
Police concert A tribute to old reggae rockers Sting and company who recently sold out Chicago.
Snort or fart OK OK, it may sound a bit juvenile at first sight but it is a deadly serious question: Would you rather snort marbles from your nose or fart confetti (from an obvious locale)?
Is Stumbleupon cool? Renowned for traffic spikes, Stumble Upon is viewed in a positive light by most, but is it really as useful and constructive as people make out?
Hard drive heaven provides a few useful pointers and tips to deal with a failed hard drive. Rule one, don't panic!
Software naming What's in a name? A lot if the title gives absolutely no clue as to what the software does.
TicTap funny quote Amazon has the database, TicTap tapped into it and a keyword generates relevant books and DVDs.
Help forum bluesProlific forum contributors tend to be authorities in their field. I knew enough to be dangerous and got in trouble.
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MyBlogLog Sunday 17
Filed in: MBL sunday
If you haven't done so already, you have till about 6pm and then I will get to work.
Last week the TDF was heating up in the mountains, now it is congrats to Discovery, but will they win it. Tune in to VS to see the last bit! And no drugs please, to keep your excitement under control.
Permalink is permanent
All mini reviews from today are instantly added to the archives, so you can get a permanent back link to your mini review when it appears later today.
MyBlogLog Sunday info links
All hot mini reviews on MyBloglog Sunday!
Internet buzz on MyBloglog Sunday!
How to participate in MyBloglog Sunday!
Weekly round-up of MyBloglog Sunday!
Internet buzz on MyBloglog Sunday!
How to participate in MyBloglog Sunday!
Weekly round-up of MyBloglog Sunday!
Be back later.
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MyBlogLog Sunday mini reviews
Filed in: MBL sunday
Be a MyBlogLog member.
Visit this site sometime before 11am Sunday and leave a comment below with a link to your best post of the week. That is it! The rest is up to chance.
Around 11 am on Sunday I will take a screenshot of the MyBlogLog widget in my sidebar. If you are one of the 10 faces and you have left a comment, I will do a mini review of your site based on your best post.
It is quite a popular feature and there are some competitive guys out there always itching for a mini review. Your review stays on the homepage (PR5) all week and stays in the archives forever!
If you leave a comment but aren't included in the mini reviews, at least you will have publicised your best post to the masses who call by during the week for a look.
Hope to see you.
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Round-up of world news
Filed in: Ed's blog spot
Ed the Editor's personal blog corner
I take a quick pisstakers' trip through the week's highlights from Time With tongue firmly in cheek I include a take on the drugs scandals, bombings and politicians shaping our lives today. To keep our feet firmly planted in reality, I end on a reference to San Diego's Comic-Con!
Have a good week till next week.
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Widgets are available
The widgets are a fit-and-forget dynamic link to cool blogs in each genre. They include real content, not just a blog name, and all-in-all they are a hot piece of networking kit!
Don't be shy, install one, or refresh a widget you already have or send a link to be included in one of them. I Eat Snowman Poop has a Humor Blogs widget hard at work in her sidebar.
These are the full details on the free widgets and buttons from The Pisstakers.
Posts related to funny quotes
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The rain falls on the plain, and not only in Spain
Filed in: Ed's blog spot
Ed the Editor's personal blog corner
It sounds as though the UK is underwater, more accurately, the rain has drained to the bottom end of the island and it is filling up fast, especially in the South West. I am not surprised though, because 5 out of 20 million homes are built on flood plains, the land has been compressed by heavy agricultural machinery, and the town planners have ignored the non-drainage effect of acres of concrete and tarmac. All in all, even without climate change, the UK has been turning into a big bucket for years.
They say the safest place to be is on a hillside. Logically you would need a biblical storm to be flooded out at 500 feet elevation, but there have been loads of incidents where villages have been swept away by water racing down the hill. No fun waking up in bed, bobbing around the bay.
In Spain they say, What belongs to the river, stays with the river. This is a useful thing to remember in arid regions where they go through several years of drought before the pressure drops and back comes the rain. Again, a lot of people have pitched up at a spanky new home built by unscrupulous and immensely dim developers. They aren't told the garden is a dried up riverbed and the dimbo builders are praying that it is safe because the river hasn't had water in it for years. No new home should be handed over without a canoe.
In the Sahara you should never camp in a wadi. These dried up waterholes and riverbeds can turn into raging torrents in minutes, and you never even realise it is coming, because the rain has fallen miles away and accumulated into a huge river out of earshot. Even not quite in the desert, 30 Sudanese died recently from drowning in Khartoum. Tragic, and you can bet that if the waters continue to rise the Blue Nile will mix with the White Nile and we will have to rename the mighty river, Pale Blue Nile 1 and 2.
Ultimately, Mankind doesn't have too much say about the weather, seeing as the sun is the main influence on our spinning rock, but we do seem to have influence on what happens in our locality. The Russians claimed they had a machine that would blow away the clouds to assure magnificent May Day parades, and now the Chinese are predicting zero bad weather at the next Olympics, thanks to a few well placed rockets! This level of control must be a commie thing? In the West, you have insurance, and a prayer that they pay out.
Got any flood stories?
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How to make sidebar improvements
Filed in: Ed's blog spot
Which ever way you spin it, someone somewhere will say your sidebar is too wide, too busy, too understated, too overstated, too many scripts, too slick, too tacky, too little styling, too little too late. Knowing you cannot win is the first step to nearly winning!
The Pisstakers sidebar
Anyway, in an effort to improve on The Pisstakers right sidebar, I have developed a widget-based system. (Quite by accident, I must add) I seem to have found a more consistent look than before, and far more flexible.
Basically, the boxes expand to the content and because the widgets are stored on a server, rather than coded in the page itself, I can easily update the content. This means the ability to easily create and maintain lots of links to humor blogs, cool blogs, tech blogs and other good friends of the Pisstakers.
Is it a blogroll?
I suppose that I have developed a sort of blogroll, categorised into different blog styles. But before I am asked to hang myself on my own anti-blogroll hypocrisy, suffice to say, every link to a blog will be included in proper text!
Widgets will be made public
I will shortly be making the simple copy-and-paste code available for all widgets, but for now you can add the Cool Blogs widget, plus Humor blogs widget and the tried-and-tested Funny Quotes widget to your sidebar. (They are a fit-and-forget dynamic link to cool blogs in each genre).
To add your blog to a widget
If you want your blog to be highlighted in one of these widgets, feel free to send Ed a link to an interesting / praiseworthy post on your blog. I will add it to the relevant widget with a few introductory words. The more people install the widget, the more people are likely to click through to your site.
In return, please post a short article on your site that includes a link to The Pisstakers.
User feedback requested
Let me know if this new system is working for you - ie does the site load any slower than before? Does the sidebar add to or detract from your enjoyment of the main content? Thanks.
(I am off now to work out the easiest way to add annoying background music!)
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Vinokourov fails Tour de France dope test
Ed the Editor's personal blog corner
Yet again, a pro cyclist has been caught breaking the rules. In this case Vinokourov, the Astana Albino, was caught with two types of blood in his system. The obvious conclusion is that he is a vampire and was feasting on the race leader, Rasmussen, the night before the Saturday Time trial.
Deflecting attention away from the vampire accusations, Vinokourov, who already has the ear of the Kazakhstan President, made a wild suggestion. After his bad crash at the start of the Tour, which left him with 60 stitiches, Vino's legs had abnormal amounts of blood in them, and that is what has confused the doctors' tests. Nice try AV. A bit like chopping your hand off after stealing something and then blaming it all on the severed hand?
Of course, he is innocent until the B-sample proves he is guilty and lying through his albino teeth, but you have to hold judgement until the definitive results come through. Let's just say Vinokourov is so confident of the results, that his impressive Astana team-mates have all graciously accepted the Tour de France's casual invitation to pack up their bags and piss off back to their barren mountain laboratories.
Victims of team work
It may not look like it, when the only cyclist you know is Lance Armstrong, but the Tour de France is the ultimate team competition, and all the racing you see revolves around 9 team members sacrificing themselves to ensure their leader wins the yellow jersey. All very noble, and at times it is quite moving to see a guy who has been pulling his leader through the mountains, to suddenly reach his limit, blow up and almost fall off his bike in utter exhaustion. But building this team spirit has a bad side.
Cycling is all about money and sponsorship. Sponsors finance teams and the manager is expected to mold a team that can create major publicity for sponsors. In effect, cyclists are human billboard machines whose life is totally controlled by their managers. They eat, sleep and train as per the regimen, and they don't get to choose the regimen. Follow or leave the team - there is no option for athletes who have dedicated their lives to being pros. They follow.
Sometimes, these monks on two wheels have managers who are more unscrupulous than even Vinokourov. The cyclits eat and drink what they are given, unaware of what it is they are taking, trusting their managers to abide by the rules and not kill them. Unfortunately, it is the cyclist who bears the brunt of cheating scoundrels and the mightiest fall in the name of pleasing the sponsors.
The jury is still out on Floyd the alcoholic Landis, last year's TDF winner. Surely his blood sample has dried up by now, along with his wage packet? Going back in time, the jury banned former Tour Winner, Marco the Pirate Pantani and he continued the rest of his short life of destitution and cocaine-clouded days without a bike, before killing himself. Good to be a hero, innit.
I don't know either of those guys, but I do know a bloke called Roberto Heras, (Lance Armstrong's pace maker in the mountain stages in the Tour de France) and it is very sad to see a decent guy banned from earning a living because he was caught with substances in his body that his manager said would be OK.
Cononclusion
At the end of the day, Vinokourov only had a blood transfusion in order to gain an advantage over the opposition, much better than pumping himself full of unnatural substances, like adrenalin. He was caught and it looks like an isolated case and surely most teams have curbed their drug-pushing ways? but I don't think the authorities will ever drive cheating totally out of sport. The bottom line is, if you couple the commitment of athletes programed to win at all costs, with doctors pushing the envelope to get over regulations, and sponsors looking for value, the chemical boundaries will be in flux for ever. And the Vinos and Landises and Herases will bear the brunt.
The fun is over now and the TDF is back on the flat, but if you want to get high, go out on your bike for 20 minutes, pedal as hard as you can, then slump in front of the TV and keep an eye on the TDF riders' speed. Awesome, dude. Of course you could get in shape without drugs and emulate them - once - but you would need other help to perform like that, day after day.
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Chilly Jilly, why didn't I think of that?
Filed in: Ed's blog spot
Ed the Editor's personal blog corner
In this techno age of ultra convenience and mod cons, if you still hear yourself saying, There has to be a better way than this, stop right there and think how. And when you have worked out how, don't tell anyone and write out a patent to protect your idea.
This isn't Ed Entrepreneurials 101, this is the advice from Big idea Donny, who seems to unearth and catapault new businesses to great heights with monotonous regularity. Two products caught my lecherous eye.
Jilly used to work in an office. In the summer she would sweat outside but freeze inside in the air-con cold. Rather than lug a big woolly sweater around with her, in part to keep warm, in part to cover the evidence of a chilled torso, she applied her mind to the problem. The entrepreneuse produced a useful accessory to carry with you everywhere in summer - the Chilly Jilly.
The Chilly Jilly is a glorified thermal scarf that is so simple it makes you think, Why didn't anyone else think of that? And that is the reaction you want to hear from others, when they see your product, not what you say when you see a product you thought about doing yourself years earlier!
Having said that, from my male point of view, I wonder, Why would anyone buy that. What is wrong with a big woolly or just suffering in silence with your arms crossed, hugging yourself to keep warm?
Go commando
Someone else spent months pondering the phenomenon of VPL (That is visible panty lines for the tech heads who thought it stood for Virtual Photo Links) The student of all things undie was not a perv in a basement, but a dynamic lady. She thought there had to be a better way to keep your elasticated undies invisible from prying eyes, and sure enough, needs must, she came out with the Commando range of non VPL knickers.
Looking around me, (from behind a newspaper and sunglasses) she has quite a large market, methinks.
Got any why didn't I think of that moments?
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Humor blogs widget
Filed in: Ed's blog spot
It works and it is live on a backwater page until I have a few more posts to link to - hint hint! Take a look.
To read: Scroll bottom right on this page, and click on the headline. It changes with each page refresh.
To install and forget it: copy and paste the code into your blog. It's F-REE and adapts to your theme.
To submit a funny post of your own for the Humor Blogs widget, contact Ed with a URL and sit back. I will add the teaser headline and the rest is auto-magic.
Any thoughts or submissions, please let me have them!
Posts related to funny quotes
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Low tech in hi-tech
Filed in: Ed's blog spot
Ed the Editor's personal blog corner
If you ever see any Tour de France coverage, you will see that the professional cyclists have access to the highest tech equipment and training facilities imaginable. For instance, a front wheel is worth over $1000 alone, the frame can cost tens of thousands, helmets are worth hundreds, the wind tunnels at their disposal when preparing for races are state of the art multi millions, they travel in luxury coaches and... when they descend from the summit of the highest mountain passes, technology goes out the window (so to speak) and many of the racers stuff a newspaper down the front of their shirts to protect them from windchill!
F1 lumber
A few years ago, Formula One started to get really silly on technology. The power of the engines was getting into rocket territory, research budgets were in the stratosphere and the drivers had so many technical aids, they seemed almost superfluous. How ironic that when faced with some draconian out-of-the-blue aerodynamic regulations, the racing teams were stumped for a slick solution and had to resort to bolting a plank of wood to the underside of the chassis.
Who needs coach wheel nuts?
When I was trucking around Africa we came across a coach that had broken down by the track side, listing badly to one side. As usual, the responsibility for getting the vehicle back on the road fell on the shoulders of the resourceful truck boys. While the driver sheltered under a tree and the passengers sought shade wherever else they could find it, two young lads set to work with supreme confidence. They tied the sheared-off wheel back onto the axle with string! No exaggeration, we were laughing our heads off at the ludicrous solution, but you know what, it worked.
Got any more examples of low tech solutions to high tech problems?
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MyBlogLog Sunday 16
Filed in: MBL sunday
To claim a mini review, all you have to do now is leave a comment below and include a link to the best post you wrote this week.
You have till about 6pm and then I will get to work.
Permalink is permanent
All mini reviews from today are instantly added to the archives, so you can get a permanent back link to your mini review when it appears later today.
MyBlogLog Sunday info links
All hot mini reviews on MyBloglog Sunday!
Internet buzz on MyBloglog Sunday!
How to participate in MyBloglog Sunday!
Weekly round-up of MyBloglog Sunday!
Internet buzz on MyBloglog Sunday!
How to participate in MyBloglog Sunday!
Weekly round-up of MyBloglog Sunday!
Be back later.
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84 square foot home
Filed in: Ed's blog spot
Ed the Editor's personal blog corner
In this day and age of bigger is better, a woman has turned a glorified garden shed into a livable space measuring a massive 84 square foot. The utility bill in particular beggars belief, weighing in at a mere $6 a month. This must be due to a combination of solar panels (costing a hidden $100 a month), a weekly shower (whether she needs a wash or not) and no electrical appliances. Sounds like the good life.
Under 70 square foot
Another even smaller living space, a grand 12.5 x 5 foot apartment was featured in a documentary about comedian Seth Herzog. Smack bang in Manhattan, the prolific funny guy writer and reader crams a library full of inspiration into every cubic inch of space. The photographer must have wondered where he was going to stand, and in the end decided to get in the spirit and did a batman job, suspending himself from the ceiling. The moral of this story is that you don't need to be rich or extravagant to live in the heart of the metropolitan action, but you do need to be immune to claustrophobia.
Thousands of square feet, 2 square heads
At the other extreme, the Beckhams have taken on a $22m mansion with enough space for a brace of indoor soccer pitches. When you consider that Becks came from a simple abode in London, he must feel like a duck out of water delving through a $500,000 wardrobe the size of a small semi-detached house. I suppose the only upside to such gluttony is that it makes a few bucks for destitute realtors. Long live King David and Queen Victoria's money-making machine.
We are thinking of living on a boat, and as practice we are living in a single room. Unfortunately it is nothing noteworthy to blog about because, compared to the above tiny homes, it is a big room. If we could get the boat we want, I think the mast is tall enough to dwarf the Beckhams' pad, but the boat itself will fit comfortably in their jacuzzi.
Got any small / starter home stories for us to sympathise with?
MyBlogLog Sunday returns
Filed in: MBL sunday
The rules!!! If you are one of the 10 bloggers that appear in the MyBlogLog widget sometime around 10am Sunday, AND you leave a link to your best post of the week in the comments section of this post, you will get a mini review of scintillating proportions. Easy money.
Funny comment of the week will get a mention too. For an idea of what to expect overall, check out past MyBlogLog Sunday episodes.
Bonus full review and gummi bears. I have fallen out of sync with this mighty fine award for the mini reviewee sending the most traffic to the Pisstakers in the week after their review. I need an address from Claire so I can send in her stale gummi bears.
I will do a full review for Larry. and if he could forward a customs pass too, that would be cool. (I fear the gummi bears will get a full body search at the Canadian border unless all paperwork is in order.)
And Territerri was the number one trafficker last time out, so a review and gummis are hers too. Let Ed know where to send stuff.
See you tomorrow.
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Wall Street headless chickens
Filed in: Ed's blog spot
Ed the Editor's personal blog corner
Considering the sophistication of the technology at their disposal and the supposed perfection of the free market in which they operate, why do I get the impression that the traders on Wall Street are like headless chickens?
If the wind blows 2mph slower than expected on Tuesday, by Wednesday the traders sell sell sell their stocks in windmills and stack up on oil - and then complain that demand for oil is raising prices and stunting growth.
If Bernanke says inflation is fine, suddenly those blue chip companies that weighed down the whole economy and couldn't change with the times, even if you paid them, are suddenly the engine for growth in the stock market.
When the DJI reaches 14000, it is like party time and the bulls gird themselves for DJI 15000 parties, while bears growl and downgrade their estimates to below 13000.
In one day, steel goes from sexy to over-priced. Suddenly it doesn't matter what the big guns on Friday were saying about unlimited demand for steel by the Chinese and Indians and Eastern Europeans. On Monday, the retail sales figures are out and nobody is going shopping any more for sneakers, so best get out of steel before the down cycle kicks in again. Uh?
It would be quite funny, if it weren't for the fact that these traders, investors and financial gurus are playing numbers, and almost never worry about the human aspect of their actions. They glibly talk about bad debt subprime mortgages ONLY putting 7% of the country out on the streets, so let's get into Aluminium which ONLY leaves hundreds of thousands of acres of our planet barren.
Apparently even China has a conscience and 10% of their fuel consumption has to be enviro friendly by 2012. Some of the burnt-out Wall Street wrecks high on options are human and say that solar power companies in China are "green" and also represent a good bet for investors. So, one side of the Wall Street floor rushes to sell corn futures (the corn used for methanol not tortillas and bread) and invest in solar stocks before they become expensive. Meanwhile, the other half, so up to their ears in Chinese fossil fuels that they can't breathe without an oxygen mask, sell their speculative holdings in solar. They think they are logical, because once it gets to winter in 4 months' time, there won't be so much sun, which means less solar power and the demand for oil and coal will be up.
The trouble is, half those traders don't even know which months winter falls in China. They assume it is the same as ours, and assume it will be rainy and cloudy. But when they look up in Wikipedia and learn that the sun always shines in China, because they have a machine to blow away rain clouds, the headless syndrome kicks back in, they tap a few numbers into their tablets and shoot off again in a different direction.
I would like to believe that at the end of the day, everyone won as a result of the headless chicken syndrome. But somehow, I don't subscribe to the point of view that if you run around in enough circles, you see the light. That is why I wouldn't recommend watching too much CNBC Business news, and I would recommend any would-be investors read The Motley Fool at leisure. At least the Fools aren't headless, and they are honest enough to say that if you are a chicken when it comes to risk, stick your money and your head in a safe place and look forward to your retirement in a mud hut seniors complex in Guatemala.
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Don't stop blogging
Filed in: Ed's blog spot
Ed the Editor's personal blog corner
Never let anyone tell you Macs are indestructible; never let it be said that back-ups always get you out of trouble, and never forget that good always comes from bad. Yes, I am ever the optimist!
The flow of visitors to the site hasn't quite shriveled up and died, but no thanks to me in my disconnected, broken down state! Thanks, therefore, to all those who have been calling by. Sorry, nothing new to show the regulars, no MyBlogLog Sunday either, and no visits to my fave blogs. (I am grateful for the sporadic access to my wife's dependable Dell - until it too died a couple of days back - but I wasn't exactly set up for surfing anything except the TV.)
And what a load of crap there is on the box these days. If it wasn't for the agony on the faces of riders in the Tour de France, and the unbounded bullish ecstasy on the face of money-grabbers while Wall Street goes through the roof, what is there to capture the attention?
Anyway, I am sure the satirical juices will flow soon enough. Hey, talk of the devil, I am back blogging, starting this morning with a tech piece about the help available to us non-techies faced with a failed hard drive. Awwwwwwww, aren't people helpful.
Content is king
Looking at stats, I am rubbing my eyes and wondering if my posts actually contribute anything worthwhile to the visitors' experience!! The Funny Quote of the Day widget is the most popular page, (and on page 1 of google searches too, I think). Believe it or not, the number of searches via the Swicki tag cloud has been rising steadily too. It is quite interesting how the least work appears to produce the most return.
This is an illusion of course, because I suspect if I never wrote anything, bloggers wouldn't be installing the widget on their sidebars. And if there were no content, what would be the point of people searching the site for articles on Pantone and obscure Japanese URLs? That is a rhetorical question by a bemused blogger, because I have not written about either of those search terms?! See, content is king - you just can't always predict how it becomes king!
Now, with my flashy fast hard drive, it is on with the show, and slowly but surely The Pisstakers may re-flourish. Having had time off, I have been able to work out some more ideas - coming your way soon as I ride the wobbly pisstakers bike to online popularity and riches.
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What's Ed been blogging about?
Filed in: Recaps
For the visitors who like to see at a glance what has been posted throughout the site this week, eyes to the right. For a resumé of last week's posts, eyes down.
HungryFlix will feed your new iPhone with video content.
Interview CEOs I satirised a serious post from the France-based blog, Tech It Easy.
Hari interrogation is one of the best pisstaker interviews so far.
Funny truck sign When you are out and about, there is no telling what you will see.
The full list of last week's articles
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The full list of last week's articles
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7 wonders of the world
Filed in: Ed's blog spot
Every day Ed picks a topic, does a web search and picks the bones out of various international blogs. The varied viewpoints and opinions coupled with Ed's humor should make you think, grimace and grin.
You can't get more international than this topic! There are 20 wonders on the shortlist, 90 million votes so far. What's in the running for the final 7 on 07.07.07?
This is Mudhenge, not in the running. However, I have seen Stonehenge, and the only wonder angle I can think about that pile of stones is: how come the British army has never sent a stray shell from the local firing range even remotely close and ended the charade? Or were the Martian builders so advanced they put up a Star Wars style defence shield around the site and nothing can penetrate it?
Another genuine wonder is the Alhambra. If pink and gardens are your thing, you should vote for it. I was neither a fan of pink nor flowers and shrubs before I went, but it is a totally mind blowing structure. I wonder if Bin laden would blow that place up, situated as it is in the middle of an infidel stronghold a few miles from where he used to go party in Marbella, Spain?
The US sneaks into the frame with the Statue of Liberty standing proud alongside another French creation, the Eiffel Tower. If nasty terrorists have their way, there will be zero wonders left standing in the western World, but if we are lucky, it will be the Leaning Tower of Eiffel and the crown currently atop the statue in New York harbor will be round the good lady's neck.
The best way to include people who want to destroy the modern world, but at the same time keep them out of our harm's way, is to incarcerate them in the wondrous Neuschwanstein castle, former home to the "Mad King" Ludwig, and inspiration for Sleeping Beauty's castle. If it works out correctly, bin laden could become number one of 7 fellow prisoners in the 7th wonder of the world. That 7th of 7 of 7 thing must stand for something?
My personal vote would go to The Great Wall of China. When the astronauts come back and say the earth is the most beautiful thing they have ever seen, you know what they really meant to say was , "Man that wall is awesome from up there." But that isn't exactly politically correct.
Do you have a preference from an incredible array of wonders?
You can't get more international than this topic! There are 20 wonders on the shortlist, 90 million votes so far. What's in the running for the final 7 on 07.07.07?
Do you have a preference from an incredible array of wonders?
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Weighing in on Old testament ways
Filed in: Ed's blog spot
Ed the Editor's personal blog corner
I read a comical reply to an over-zealous radio host. The chat show nitwit stupidly quoted the Old testament as the yardstick by which to judge and condemn homosexuality. The riposte entitled Why Can't I own a Canadian? is a worthwhile read for all those who need some worldly wise perspective on life.
The respondent to the bible basher, Jim, must have googled for ages, but came up with all sorts of dodgy bible-related rules of behavior that put the DJ goon's original idea right back in its place amongst the most archaic, out of context, stupid categories of our time. From selling his daughter into slavery, as per Exodus, to slaughtering a bull as stated in Levi, he proved beyond all reasonable doubt that there is almost no place for old testament style thinking in most 21st century situations.
Off the top of my bible bashed head, perhaps I would agree that taking tablets is a good idea when up a high mountain, but only if you anticipate being over 10000 feet where altitude sickness kicks in. Tablets for writing down important ideas on, that sounds a bit impractical in the era of iPhones and ball-point pen and paper. And if I were the almighty, I would be very careful where I pulled a burning bush illusion at this time of year. Lake Tahoe wouldn't be a cool location, for starters, unless you wanted to risk an old testament / modern day Iran style stoning from touchy recently displaced residents.
If you have any more irreligious irrelevancies to bring to the table, you are welcome to pin them to the door on your way through.
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Winners and losers
Filed in: Ed's blog spot
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Independence Day
Filed in: Ed's blog spot
Every day Ed picks a topic, does a web search and picks the bones out of various international blogs. The varied viewpoints and opinions coupled with Ed's humor should make you think, grimace and grin.
It is Independence Day in the USA, but this isn't the only country to have kicked the shit out the occupiers and gone it alone afterwards. There are many other brave nations that haven't had it quite so good since going it alone!
The fuzzy wuzzies didn't manage to remove Kitchener from Sudan at the turn of the last-but-one century, but a polite please in the 1950's did see off the Imperialists once and for all. Read the potted history of a troubled African nation from a guy with a name the Empire would be proud of.
Independence to create your own fair legal system is a wonderful thing. For instance, did you know Sudan has borders with 9 countries? Imagine the field day the Sudanese Customs people have had since 1956, confiscating such a wide variety of merchandise for their own personal consumption without fear of reprisals from any imperialist occupying leaders.
Sweden seems such a peaceable country full of Volvos, beautiful blondes and ABBA music, but in 1905, they were mad at their neighbors, the super power that was Norway. They were so mad, the Swedes sought independence, and after a quick arm-wrestle between kings, they got it.
Since that momentous occasion, Swedes have developed a highly advance social system where everything important in life is freely available within reason - due to a high tax burden with few loopholes for the ultra wealthy to exploit. Well, so the Swedish tax theory goes.
For the most important Independence Day of the lot, the President in this synopsis-less film said, I saw... its thoughts. I saw what they're planning to do. They're like locusts. They're moving from planet to planet... their whole civilization. After they've consumed every natural resource they move on... and we're next. Nuke 'em. Let's nuke the bastards. This sounds like a typical reaction for any leader seeing his slice of earth being threatened by foreign beings.
And on a more personal universal level, independence can come in many different forms. Here are a few ideas!
It is Independence Day in the USA, but this isn't the only country to have kicked the shit out the occupiers and gone it alone afterwards. There are many other brave nations that haven't had it quite so good since going it alone!
The fuzzy wuzzies didn't manage to remove Kitchener from Sudan at the turn of the last-but-one century, but a polite please in the 1950's did see off the Imperialists once and for all. Read the potted history of a troubled African nation from a guy with a name the Empire would be proud of.
Independence to create your own fair legal system is a wonderful thing. For instance, did you know Sudan has borders with 9 countries? Imagine the field day the Sudanese Customs people have had since 1956, confiscating such a wide variety of merchandise for their own personal consumption without fear of reprisals from any imperialist occupying leaders.
Since that momentous occasion, Swedes have developed a highly advance social system where everything important in life is freely available within reason - due to a high tax burden with few loopholes for the ultra wealthy to exploit. Well, so the Swedish tax theory goes.
And on a more personal universal level, independence can come in many different forms. Here are a few ideas!
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Snort or fart
Filed in: Ed's blog spot
Ed the Editor's personal blog corner
The burning question on many people's lips in The I Eat Snowman's Poop community is: Would you rather snort marbles from your nose or fart confetti (from an obvious locale)?
Apparently 4 out of 4 respondents gave the same answer, but as I did not want to spoil the drama, I did not look. Instead, I posed the question and one answer stood out.
I would rather fart confetti, because at least I could hide the fact that I had done it.
That took me by surprise, because, as a guy, I would want everyone to know I could do that. Quite the trick for weddings, I thought. When the Best Man announces outside the church, "Here come the bride and groom, everyone, get ready to shower them in confetti." old super farter could drop his pants, touch his toes and let rip. Many free drinks would be coming my way, for sure.
I did not inhale
And another person asked, When you say "snort marbles", is that inhaling or exhaling?
As a clean living pisstaker, I didn't know you could inhale anything apart from fresh air and smells, but you live and learn. I now write this post from A&E at the local hospital, preparing to have a long pair of tweezers inserted in my left nostril. I don't recommend trying this marble (inhale) snorting trick at home.
Thanks IESP for this most deep of questions.
Enjoy the content.
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Soccer world madness
Filed in: Ed's blog spot
Every day Ed picks a topic, does a web search and picks the bones out of various international blogs. The varied viewpoints and opinions coupled with Ed's humor should make you think, grimace and grin.
Soccer is known as the beautiful game - for its simplicity and grace when played at the highest level, usually by the Brazilians. It is also dirty, tarnished with scandal and global like no other sport. Love it or hate it, most humans in the world fixate on the game and opine till the cows, wildebeest and yaks come home.
Simon is from Portugal and makes a good case for producing the best wingers in the world. It is hard to argue with that. On the other hand, it is hard to argue against the claim that the Portuguese in the recent World Cup, especially super star, Figo, seemed hell bent on cheating the referee. And as for Ronaldo, click the knot to read about how his one trick got him in trouble. Funny..
Who Ate all the Pies is a soccer blog with a cracking title. It refers to a chant by English soccer fans ridiculing fat athletic soccer players.
Paul "Fatboy" Gascoigne was one of those mythical players who had more talent than he knew what to do with, so, especially after breaking his leg early on, he drunk and ate, cried and stupefied his way through to the end of his career under-acheiving like a hero.
The real Ronaldo, the Big Boy from Brazil. Wonderboy striker and king of the cake eating competition three years running, Ronny is also called "Beaver", for his unfortunate front teeth arrangement. However, if his gorgeous wife is anything to go by, most guys on the hunt for a perfect partner could do with similar overbites and one big fat ass.
Over-weight referees, (also known by the glamorous title of The bastards in the black) get the Pie treatment too.
Tim Wang reveals the extent of Chinese soccer fanaticism with this great story. One thing is sure, when China takes over the world, at least soccer will still be safe.
Totally finally, here is footage of Chile v Ecuador in the Copa de America, a cracking game and no assassinations afterwards. The syndicates must have missed this one.
Soccer is known as the beautiful game - for its simplicity and grace when played at the highest level, usually by the Brazilians. It is also dirty, tarnished with scandal and global like no other sport. Love it or hate it, most humans in the world fixate on the game and opine till the cows, wildebeest and yaks come home.
Paul "Fatboy" Gascoigne was one of those mythical players who had more talent than he knew what to do with, so, especially after breaking his leg early on, he drunk and ate, cried and stupefied his way through to the end of his career under-acheiving like a hero.
The real Ronaldo, the Big Boy from Brazil. Wonderboy striker and king of the cake eating competition three years running, Ronny is also called "Beaver", for his unfortunate front teeth arrangement. However, if his gorgeous wife is anything to go by, most guys on the hunt for a perfect partner could do with similar overbites and one big fat ass.
Over-weight referees, (also known by the glamorous title of The bastards in the black) get the Pie treatment too.
Totally finally, here is footage of Chile v Ecuador in the Copa de America, a cracking game and no assassinations afterwards. The syndicates must have missed this one.
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Talking with drunks
Filed in: Ed's blog spot
Ed the Editor's personal blog corner
Binge drinking is quite the rage in UK and Europe. Whether it can be explained away as high jinks or the beginning of tend of social order and healthy livers, I don't know, but it does provide plenty of interesting stuff to talk about!
I was chatting with a guy today and the conversation seemed normal and relatively intelligent, but then it dawned on me that some of the words coming back at me didn't make a whole lot of sense.
He says
"I hear ye. You now what I'm saying?"
"Well, no," I was thinking, "actually, I haven't got a fricking clue what you are saying."
There was no escape, I had to converse, but I was treading water fast. I thought perhaps I was missing out on the humor and the guy had a super sharp wit. So "Hah, that's funny!" is what I actually replied and I grinned and kept paying attention. But a few seconds later, I noticed his eyes. They were widening, then squinting, reddening, shining.
Bingo, the pressure was off. I hadn't been conversing with my intellectual superior at all, well, at least not today, but I had been chatting with someone stoned. I relaxed and switched into cruise and nod and smile politely mode. What else can you do when a person has 50% of their brain numbed, while the other half of their head is half-functioning in cretin mode?
Repeating "Sure, yeah, right, good one!" interspersed with meaningful nods, I kept out of trouble and kept him talking more and more crap. But at least in this case he was friendly and harmless and boring as hell. He repeatedly said how he was my friend and he would see I was alright. Short of saying, I love you , man, he bombarded me with every drunken male-bonding word in the dictionary..
We eventually parted company still buddies, although I was bored rigid and in need of a drink by then - which is a sad state of affairs for a teetotaller to be in. Oh the evil drink has so many victims. .
Bad drunks
In my experience, when faced with bad drunks, the obnoxious aggressive bozo ones, there is little point talking and no point reasoning with them. In fact any utterance adds to the likelihood of misunderstandings, and who knows where an innocent throwaway sentence could land you.
So just be nice to drunks and walk away. And if they can't be nice, you stop being nice. Oh sorry, I lapsed into roadhouse mode - the half brain dead cretinous macho barroom brawl approach from the 90's.
Me, I used to fall asleep when heavily under the influence. What do you do when you get tipsy / stoned / blind drunk? Talk, blabber, cry, pledge your love for any random passer-by...?
Enjoy the content.
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MyBloglog Sunday 15
Filed in: MBL sunday
Today MyBlogLog Sunday staggers under a new ruling into part 15 at the Pisstakers.
We are gathered here today to witness a new dawn in interactivity on MyBlogLog Sunday.
Up till now, if you called by The Pisstakers on a Sunday morning before I started blogging, you might have been captured in the screen shot and given a mini review too. Easy money for a spot on a PR5 site.
The new request /rule/guideline/plea is:
In order to improve the quality of this feature even more, I am also asking aspiring MBL Sunday participants who call by before 10-11am Sunday mornings, to post a link in this comments box, leading me (and the masses) to the best post of the week on your own blog. (Or perhaps share news of some snazzy new development or feature on your site.) If I have a post / info to look at, I will mini review you. If there is no link to check out, sorry, but, I won't, and you will be noticeable by your absence!
Jump in and win-win, because even if you call by on a Sunday and leave a link but don't end up on the last 10 on the widget, you still get to plug your blog post!
Just for this transitional week, I am emailing you guys on the widget and giving you till 6pm to leave a link. Good to you aren't I. I will launch the new mini reviews with glee later this evening.
Next week, back to a 10-11am screenshot schedule and mini reviews out by mid afternoon.
So endeth the lesson.
Permalink is permanent
All mini reviews from today are instantly added to the archives, so you can get a permanent back link to your mini review when it appears later today.
Be back later.
Up till now, if you called by The Pisstakers on a Sunday morning before I started blogging, you might have been captured in the screen shot and given a mini review too. Easy money for a spot on a PR5 site.
The new request /rule/guideline/plea is:
In order to improve the quality of this feature even more, I am also asking aspiring MBL Sunday participants who call by before 10-11am Sunday mornings, to post a link in this comments box, leading me (and the masses) to the best post of the week on your own blog. (Or perhaps share news of some snazzy new development or feature on your site.) If I have a post / info to look at, I will mini review you. If there is no link to check out, sorry, but, I won't, and you will be noticeable by your absence!
Jump in and win-win, because even if you call by on a Sunday and leave a link but don't end up on the last 10 on the widget, you still get to plug your blog post!
Just for this transitional week, I am emailing you guys on the widget and giving you till 6pm to leave a link. Good to you aren't I. I will launch the new mini reviews with glee later this evening.
Next week, back to a 10-11am screenshot schedule and mini reviews out by mid afternoon.
So endeth the lesson.
MyBlogLog Sunday prize winner
Permalink is permanent
All mini reviews from today are instantly added to the archives, so you can get a permanent back link to your mini review when it appears later today.
MyBlogLog Sunday info links
All hot mini reviews on MyBloglog Sunday!
Internet buzz on MyBloglog Sunday!
How to participate in MyBloglog Sunday!
Weekly round-up of MyBloglog Sunday!
Internet buzz on MyBloglog Sunday!
How to participate in MyBloglog Sunday!
Weekly round-up of MyBloglog Sunday!
Be back later.
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