May 2007
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Offers too good to be true?

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Ed the Editor's personal blog corner


They say that if you are made an offer that is too good to be true, then it probably is.To my mind, however, there is nothing too good or more true than a free no-strings-attached spot on the PR5 Pisstakers' looping ad box!! Imagine my horror then, as my genuine offer to selected websites keeps falling on stony ground.

I can't tell you how many webmasters I have approached, and waited like a lemon for no response. OK, so perhaps their spam filters on their contact forms don't like the word "Piss". Oooh. If so, they aren't the kind of people I need to be hanging out with, I suppose. But to be honest, I don't buy that spam filter deal. They are happy enough to have comments from yours truly.

Or maybe it is the title of the email that sounds spammy, or if they get past that and read the email, is it the idea of free, that they don't trust the motives? Whatever, I know it is a good deal for the right people, so I just have to believe, and move on, telling the story till the right people listen.

So I keep writing to potential gems! I recently got a reply, artwork and a link from a suitable site and everything is installed. I didn't expect daily pats on the back, but neither did I expect no correspondence whatsoever thereafter. No apparent effort to even mention to anyone else on the internet that they are benefitting from this meager opportunity. Call me naive, (you're naive) but that isn't fair play either. Strange. A bit closer to the reaction I expected from a "satisfied customer" was learning that their keyword phrase has hit page one or two of Google search results. That is nice.

I say I am naive with my tongue firmly stuck in my cheek. Not wishing to blow my own trumpet, but in a past life I negotiated serious deals under pretty high power circumstances. The secret is to have a deal that is fair to both parties, to have no agenda beyond what is explained at deal time and to be patient. And the bottom line, honesty really is the best policy.

So, I keep on approaching sites that seem right. Committed, bright writing verging on witty, interesting, techy. So I found one, but it got very surreal the other day. The deal was made as far as I was aware, but at the last minute some punk decides to re-negotiate the deal. I had been in the same position before with a fairly big shake sheikh, so although I was vexed to say the least by this tech head, I wasn't exactly stumped for what to do. I just resorted to type and explained again how it worked - with a concession thrown in that looks generous to any sharp negotiator - because it is - but wouldn't hurt me in the least. I assume from the lack of correspondence from the nameless person that they don't understand offers that are even better than too good to be true. So that is the end of that episode and I hope they learn to negotiate better! Next!!

Of course there are some like-minded easy going creative people out there who do play fair when presented with a neat opportunity. Thanks to video bloggers, Brohans for their link and occasional shout outs, and Techboggle for those tech related links, and coming up, the guys at Generator Land who also seemed to get it straight away and are on the case as we speak. Ominous Comma also celebrates a recent 103-comment post by joining the loop. And it is Bonsai whose keyphrase Rapidweaver Themes has landed them on page one/two for their specialist subject.

I have a plan with the ad box and it doesn't necessarily suit every blog I am in contact with and in awe of, so I hope if you aren't approached for this particular feature you don't hate me forever. The references and links will continue in other ways, mark my words.

And now for the next offer that is too good to be true, I am off to Nigeria to pick up my 8 million dollars.

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Sunstroke can be funny

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Summer is coming, but beware of the sun. I once went on a holiday to Greece, mid-August. The deal was, on the first day of a 2 week package, you would meet the people starting the second week of their 2 week deal, and they would show you around.

At the welcome party it was all very jovial as 50 tanned and party-drunk folks welcomed 50 pale and travel weary holidaymakers. After the introductory toast of ouzo and coke and explanations of what was on offer for the following fortnight of debauchery, there was a word of warning.

"I would like to introduce you to, John, who we now know as "Pus foot".

This sorry looking guy with cheeks as red as a beetroot, lips as brown and crusty as I don't know what, hobbled to the front. He then went on to explain how he had got drunk on the first day and fallen asleep on the beach. 5 hours later he had woken up face down and hung over. The burns on the soles of his feet were so bad, the ambulance had to be called to move him. By the end of week one, he was just getting comfortable enough, in a pained and tortured kind of way, to start walking around.

Needless to say, we all took note, laughed at him and got completely blind drunk. But we did learn from his errors and stayed in the shady confines of the hotel.

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Stuck in traffic after paying a toll

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How annoying is it to pay a toll for the use of a road supposed to get you from A to B faster than the plebs on a normal road - only to end up joining a parking lot shifting at 5mph in your direction.

Do the people at the barriers not get the concept? The idea is to give value for money to drivers willing to pay for the privilege of uninterrupted driving. So once the toll road has a certain volume of traffic on it, shut the gates and let the ones who have paid, get their moneys worth. This quota idea would annoy motorists queueing to get through the barriers, but better they get angry waiting in line, money in pocket, than hand over their hard earned money just to join an automotive zoo.

And there are always plenty of traffic cops hanging around toll booths, so if any stationary drivers get road rage, they can deal with it easily enough. A driver 5 miles inside a traffic jam going nuts on his neighbors is a lot harder for the law to get to.

Some may say I don't get the concept of toll roads? Correct me if I am wrong, but I thought the toll for say a trip over a bridge represented a fair exchange. You pay money to a brain dead collector, and he lets you cross a bridge so you don't have to waste time and gas driving 300 miles up river for the first opportunity to cross on dry land. So why is a toll road any different? Is it because there is no water involved?

Or is a modern day toll road really answering a public need, sating the desires of those people dying to hand over dollars for the joy of being funneled through barriers, the consequences be damned?

I dunno, I despair. As if the roads aren't an expensive enough artery, bleeding our pockets dry. You pay a toll and then you have to add in the hidden costs of being late for work, inhalation of car exhaust fumes, stress wondering who is going to get outraged enough to vent on you for no reason.

Sort out toll roads, people, keep them moving fast and worth paying for. If not, we should all go via the side roads and park up 5 cars deep outside the developments where toll collectors live - just when they want to head off to work the booths. See how they feel.

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MyBlogLog Sunday 11

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Today it's all the ones, MyBlogLog Sunday - part 11 at the Pisstakers.

mybloglog-sunday-11
In an effort to kick the habit, I am sitting here with a cup of coffee lovingly prepared from half decaf - half standard coffee beans. Consequently I am only half awake, but it is doing me good, so the consequences be damned.

It looks like we have some new kids on the block. Congratulations on dragging yourselves out of bed to participate in today's MyBlogLog Sunday ordeal by mini review. I see some familiar faces too, who I thank for supporting the cause. I also curse you, in the nicest possible way, because I am going to have to dream up a new approach to your reviews today else it could get a bit samey. We'll see what surfaces from the half caffeinated brain cells later.

And tragedy has struck, no Steve Yu!!! Has he become so saddened by the Agloco experience he is actually spending time on his university studies so he can get a real job?

Thanks for taking part today, and to those of you who don't know what on earth is going on here, the MBL Sunday rules are explained here. (As a hint, be a MyBlogLog member who visits here just before I start blogging on Sundays!)

News
The news here is that there is no change. All mini reviews from today are instantly added to the archives, so you can get a permanent back link to your mini review today AND TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT MYBLOGLOG SUNDAY.

Blog Interrogation
5 bloggers have so far set the record straight during an intense 5 question and answer Blog Interrogation. Next week I have another 5 lined up. They all blog about varied subjects, they all have regrets and they all share insights of use to any blogger out there. And they are fun too. Send your answers in, and remember, this is not a meme false link love exercise. All interrogations stay on my review blog.

MyBlogLog Sunday prize winner

A pound of gummi bears and a review like these is on offer to which ever of last week's featured blogs refers the most traffic to The Pisstakers before midnight Saturday.

Claire has something to add to her collection of A little Piece of Me as she sent most new traffic this last week.

MyBlogLog Sunday info links

All hot mini reviews on MyBloglog Sunday!

Internet buzz on MyBloglog Sunday!

How to participate in MyBloglog Sunday!

Weekly round-up of MyBloglog Sunday!

Other contests this week


Ades has info on competitions and giveaways of a fistful of other people's dollars

Blog About Your Blog grows its RSS readership by the day. Soon time to announce their RSS feed mini fridge winner.

Link Rambler continues to search for... promotions, awards, contests, memes, giveaways, linkbait opportunities, and other ways to bring traffic to your site or blog. He reviews too!

Google goodies from Me and My Drum!

The Pisstakers At last, a winner of the "You won't win a Zune" contest Polliwog has an FM radio transmitter coming her way. Thank goodness for that!

We've linked to several web search engines offering random payments & prizes! Click the icon & search our keyphrase web satire. It is a win-win, perhaps!

Be back later.

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Earthquakes and house prices

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I was once on the phone to a guy who was caught in an earthquake, the one in 1989 on the West Coast, where part of the Oakland bridge fell down. The phone conversation pre-earthquake, was quite entertaining, but then took an hysterical turn. He burst out laughing for no reason and between guffaws managed to describe how he had just seen a jogger fall headlong onto the sidewalk - and there had been nothing in his way.

Then the line went quiet and I thought we had been cut off. The next thing I get this earful of effing and blinding coming down the phone. Beep, ber beep beep, beep - He blurted out that the whole road was like a black ribbon being flicked by a giant hand. Then it dawned on him that he was in an earthquake and he said he would call me back.

Fortunately he did call me when he got home, safe, and explained that he had been near the epicenter of the biggest tremor since the 1906 quake. A great relief for us all that he was OK, and a relief for the jogger that he had fallen over for a good reason. It was also good news for my mate because he was in the construction game and everywhere he pointed a finger there was new-found work. But I guess, not such a happy result for the casualties and the insurance companies.

Anyway, he has since moved to Nevada, and invested in a property. He wasn't too keen on the desert weather, but according to his shaky logic, when the big one finally sinks California and leaves him on the beach, his house will quadruple in value overnight.

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Naivety of youth stayed forever

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When I was a kid, I would drive along in the car sat behind my father, and every car that came past I could identify it by make, and sometimes the year. I lost this arcane skill by age 12, at a time when all cars started to morph into homogenous hatchbacks and round-assed sedans.

I was quite shocked when aged 25, I met a guy who worked at a car parts store and he could still tell you the make, year of manufacture and an infinite range of stats about every car in the neighborhood. I was so glad I had grown out of that game young, because the car spotter was a bore and I was sure glad I hadn't ended up like him.

Age 13 I entered the world of train number spotting. For some reason I never got the hang of ID-ing trains, always making out I knew what was coming in the distance, but invariably I would resort to a wild hapless guess. As it zoomed past, I would surreptitiously scribble out the first few identifying numbers I had incorrectly guessed at and carry on as if I had got nothing wrong.

By age 14 I had forgotten all about trains, and still to this day, I cringe when I see older guys in anoraks with huge binoculars around their neck, perched at the farthest extremes of station platforms. Munching on horrible sandwiches, sipping on coke, they still try to get into train cabs just to mark the number off in their book. Weird and definitely a hobby that I am glad to say deserted my consciousness, never to return.

And finally, by age 18 I was a busted up sporty jock. I loved the rough and tumble of school sports and I could have been semi good for quite a few years more, and it is way more healthy for you than car spotting and train spotting, but, due to a few too many niggly injuries, not helped by playing a couple of games with a strapped up broken ankle, I took an enforced back seat to sport till my 30's.

I was pissed at the time, but in hindsight of all the pastimes undertaken by me as a kid, I think sport is the one endeavor where I was lucky to be forcibly retired to the sidelines.

The way I saw it as a spectator from the sideline was that, adult life can really screw with your perception of the spirit of a hobby or game. Watching any competitive contact sport, you suddenly realise the guy opposite really does want to hurt someone if necessary. You also see the crowd cheering with a different mindset to parents.

And after a game you see that many players are far from happy because they lost, or didn't play that well, and the ones who are happy in victory, spoil it with the need to get stupid. Whatever happened to the contentment in drinking a hot cup of coffee and munching on free sandwiches, chatting about shit to the opposition?

So, whereas I can safely say I am glad I am not young again, spotting trains and cars, I am also glad that I never had that naive spirit of fair play beaten out of me by adult sports. Although, if I could find out where that bastard who broke my ankle lives, maybe I could really sleep easy at night.

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The Horse Whisperer

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For centuries, the Indians rode bare back with a rope for a bridle. They were in harmony with their horses, understanding every whinny and subtle body movement communicated by the horse.

With the passing of time, modern man forgot the concept of 2-way communication and strived to control the noble horse via whips and vicious bits and bridles. Man could control like never before, but could no longer tap so deeply into a horse's enormous strength and power.

In recent history the incidence of horse abuse has risen sharply - in harmony with the philosophy that time and money has became more important than the long process of building a relationship. Racehorses are beaten into submission, dressage horses strapped into position, trotters made to stretch further than their bodies can handle, school horses carrying weights far beyond their carrying capacity.

But then came the Horse Whisperer, a fair haired and fair, handsome man made for the movies. He had a dominant way about him, not as kind as the horse would like, but in comparison to the majority of trainers, he was an angel, reading body language and talking to the horse in ways that had been lost over time.

And then there was Ed who has taken horse communication to a new level. After a few months of observing Mrs Ed training a horse, I have noticed a couple of subtle ways a horse expresses itself via body language.

Sharp kick to the owner's head


Get out of my face asshole and bring me some more hay.

Manic tossing of the head


Hey girls, I am over here. Fancy a shag?

Stamping and "pawing" at the ground


I'm only mad at you, because there is gold down here and you aren't taking any notice of me.

Swishing of the tail.


I just farted, get a whiff of that.

Ears pointing back, eyes rolling


I am no different to any other boy and hate it when you try to wash my face and behind my ears.

Massive display of manhood


I don't know if that horse is male or female, but either way, if I get over that fence, sparks will fly.

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Observations at a vehicle inspection station

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Having made an appointment, specifically a 1.45 appointment, to get the car inspected for roadworthiness, we end up in a queue of traffic also booked in for 1.45pm. How annoying is that! Anyway, in the line was a police car. That got me thinking.

Firstly, why is this upholder of the law getting his car checked for road safety when he should be out catching criminals? It didn't compute, especially as there was no coffee or donut in sight either.

Secondly, the police are always looking for revenue, else why book us for speeding at every opportunity? So, sitting in line, it occurred to me that they could have far richer pickings, for far less effort if they adopted the following tactic: Park up 50 yards from the testing station and pull cars over just before they drive in for a test. Most will be coming in to renew their papers in cars that will be anything from a little worse for wear to borderline dangerous - all easy meat for a ticket.

This should prove lucrative as long as the cops are smart enough to park themselves in the correct place and catch drivers going in, rather than stop drivers going out, leaving with that golden sticker on their windshield giving them 45 days' grace / immunity to put the defective bits right.

And finally, how bizarre is it that our emissions were within legal limits, yet we had to get a brand new exhaust because the "legal" one had a hole in it? The putt-putt Japanese car engine is barely audible even when you stand on the accelerator pedal, and would need to have literally no tail pipe at all to sound even slightly trans-am throaty. Besides, I don't see any mention of sound levels on the test papers? Another example of bureaucracy gone mad!

Got anything to add to this list of motor vehicle idiocy?

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MyBlogLog Sunday 10

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Today's a double digit MyBlogLog Sunday - part 10, no less, at the Pisstakers.

mybloglog-sunday-10
I am not quite back in the groove, because unlike last week, where I over-caffeinated my race-tuned body, this time the coffee pot is still brewing. Picture me, if you will, shaking uncontrollably as I take snapshots of the widget. Luckily the camera is a hi-tech self righting model, The Steve Jobs Screen Shooter version X, and is steadier than my hand. Without further ado, though, these are the next 10 souls lined up for a mini review later today.

It looks like 2 new kids on the block, some long lost friends, and the Mouseski / Callie / Mind Patterns rail road show - plus of course that persistent man from Malaysia who is screaming in anticipation - the fabled view bar from Agloco is now crippled alpha software as opposed to vapor ware!!!

Thanks for taking part today, and to those of you who don't know what on earth is going on here, the MBL Sunday rules are explained here. (As a hint, be a MyBlogLog member who visits here just before I start blogging on Sundays!)

News
As part of a permanent fine tune illness of mine, the mini reviews from today are instantly added to the archives, so you can get a permanent back link to your mini review AND TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT MYBLOGLOG SUNDAY.

Blog Interrogation
This is a chance for all mini reviewed bloggers to set the record straight by demonstrating how you see your own web site. Check out the suffering souls who already underwent a nasty Blog Interrogation at the hands of Ed. There are 4 more bloggers already lined up for release next week, with some insightful and amusing responses. Go on, 5 simple questions about YOU. It is like falling off a log.

MyBlogLog Sunday prize winner

A pound of gummi bears and a review like these is on offer to which ever of last week's featured blogs refers the most traffic to The Pisstakers before midnight Saturday.

To be announced

MyBlogLog Sunday info links

All hot mini reviews on MyBloglog Sunday!

Internet buzz on MyBloglog Sunday!

How to participate in MyBloglog Sunday!

Weekly round-up of MyBloglog Sunday!

Other contests this week


Link Rambler has come good for the Pisstakers, including a couple of features I have running. Ray searches the internet high and low looking for... promotions, awards, contests, memes, giveaways, linkbait opportunities, and other ways to bring traffic to your site or blog. Drop him a line about your latest venture

Web Analytics continue with their blog contest for tech heads. The writing is over, The future of Search marketing entries are in. Now, the most visited articles win prizes that include cash, a pro account at MyBlogLog...Ed has an entry.

Blog About Your Blog has increased its RSS readership to around 130 per day. If you are one of the first 200 to subscribe to their RSS feed you could win a mini fridge. End the competition before the summer and sign up now!

The Pisstakers This week's tantalizing clue to "You won't win a Zune" contest is: Feel the music everywhere, man!


We've linked to several web search engines offering random payments & prizes! Click the icon & search our keyphrase web satire. It is a win-win, perhaps!

Be back later.


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All about rabies - a funny hospital story!

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Imagine you come back from a holiday in India and a couple of days later you feel ill enough to go to the Emergency room at your local hospital. The doctors check you out, looking for clues about your condition. They ask what you have been doing recently, presumably as a way of homing in on something out of the ordinary that may be the possible cause of your illness.

After a long think, you say you were bitten by a dog in Bombay the week before.

I am no medical expert, but I would have considered a few options. At the very least, even forgetting the dog part of the story, maybe I would have investigated to see if the person was suffering from early symptoms of Bombay Bum, a tricky ailment that once developed, leaves you stranded without warning, with brown undies, every 23 minutes. But no, there was no swab or internal investigation. They checked for things like sun stroke, dehydration, silly things that she obviously wasn't suffering from.

And that was it, the consultation was over. She was invited to come back if she felt any worse.

The details of this hospital visit were revealed in the papers a few days later, when we also learned that the poor woman had been readmitted in her death throes, riddled with rabies, almost beyond help. The ironic thing is, if she had stayed in India, she would have probably been treated much earlier on for rabies, seeing as they are somewhat alert to the repercussion of stray dog bites.

Perhaps if she had said that a flock of bats had nipped her, or a fox had attacked her, or she had inhaled the fumes from the faeces of a rabid skunk, or had been fraternising with unvaccinated raccoons, perhaps the doctors at home would have been more interested?

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MyBlogLog Sunday winners

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Part of the appeal of MyBlogLog Sunday is the lure of gummi bears plus a full review. These goodies are awarded to the blog that sends the most readers to The Pisstakers in the week following their mini review.

The most recent winners have been Polliwog, Bobbarama, Are We there Yet? Plooptionary, The MyBlogLog, Callie Ann and Tigger. I thank you all for your contribution to the cause, putting this little piece of cyberspace in front of increasingly more eyes, week on week.

Where's my review?


Reviews are quite indepth, so they don't just appear out of nowhere. They have not been flowing quite as freely as the gummi bears, so slap that wrist, Ed! But I am working on it and will honor my promises. Callie Ann's was the most recent release, I have a few ideas sketched out for Ploop (a pun intended) and when Polli has a few more posts, i will swoop!

Incidentally, I am still awaiting an address to send bears to the MyBlogLog team and Tigger and co.

And everyone should give a big round of applause to Ploop for putting his gummi bears back into the kitty. The best comment of this week will enjoy their gelatinous loveliness.


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Are you dead yet?

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A few years ago I was involved in a car accident that turned my life upside down. (I recommend Saabs, it completely destroyed the GM car that ploughed into me.) Although it was a bad time there were some highlights that still make me smile and I have dined out on a couple of episodes.

Picture if you will, I am living in a log cabin a few yards from a main house located smack bang in the middle of the countryside. It is a tiny shack and the roof and most of the windows are covered in vines. I am in a deep post trauma depression, not that anyone really knows, and I have been avoiding people for a few days. The landlady is very worried and calls by to say hi and brings me a cake. (I have been eating 10 donuts a day but don't let on.) She announces that she is going away for a few days. Her husband will look out for me. Oh boy, I can hardly wait. He is a very stand-off distant person by nature and I barely know the guy.

Next morning I hear this timid knock on the door and a gruff voice asks,
"Are you dead yet?" It was the first time I have spoken to him properly, it is the first time I have smiled in days.

From the moment he opened the day to say, "hi", I knew I was going to like this person. He sounded timid because he was, he was shy and introvert and quiet. And he didn't talk to many people because he was incredibly intuitive and didn't usually like what he saw. I was like an open book to him, and he could see what a state I was in, even though I tried to put on a brave face. We became instant friends.

An illiterate but artistic genius, he taught me how to paint, how to see, how to draw and how to understand. It was the most educational few months of my life, and in many ways I am thankful for that nasty episode, else I would still be a fairly closed book.

And if it hadn't been for the dire direction some medication took me, prescribed sometime later by a literate doctor, I would never have been able to tell another friend the story about building this huge bonfire and burning all my worldly possessions in a fit of drug-induced paranoid pique. And if I hadn't told him that, he would never have been able to make my new wife laugh so hard at my wedding when he asked, poker-face. "When do you think you're husband is going to burn the presents?"

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I think therefore I am

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Not wishing to tread on the literary toes of the hysterical dictionaryist, Bobbarama, but I was playing around with that great philosophical statement, I think therefore I am, and found some contrived variations on a theme. But first off:

For 10 points, those deep meaningful words, I think therefore I am were uttered by?

If you said Descartes, you would be right, but to get the full 10 points you would also have to add the names of millions more who have since uttered them. (That was a jab at all students sitting exams out there - read the question carefully.)

I think therefore Iran

I was reading an article by Dilbert, the cartoonist guy. He was throwing out the idea that Iran and US democracies might not be so far apart. He qualified his article by saying he didn't have a clue what he was talking about, and invited fans to comment, in order to put him straight. What a tactic, as I am sure the comments equate to twice the content of the whole Pisstakers site.

I stink therefore I swam

Anyone read about the guy who washed once a month, whether he needed to or not? Then there was the high diver at Acapulco. He had an accident peering down into the surging surf prior to his 100 feet swan dive. He took the diving option rather than have to walk back through the crowds to change his trunks.

I wink, therefore I am

The Weakest Link has to be one of the cruelest quiz shows I ever saw. As the result of a clever piece of invention, one sarcastically meek and mild Ann Robinson, UK journalist and minor TV personality, has spawned a fleet of bitchy cutting clones across the globe. If you ever get to see Spanish or French or South African or Mexican or 73 other versions worldwide, you will see what I mean. And the scary thing is how they all wink, just like Ann Robinson.

I link therefore I'm banned

2000 bloggers, John Chow, Dosh Dosh and many other Technorati gamers try building up links and favorites using methods not quite in line with the spirit of the internet. Automated favoriting, rejigging code and pleading posts are all done in the name of experimentation, or working with the tools already out there in the public domain... Of course, eventually some get their come-uppance and when found out get banned from Technorati. Then the rules get altered slightly and pariahs are accomodated and welcomed back into Technorati's fold in a fanfare of glory and thanks for finding flaws in the system. Who is interested?

I don't think I am, therefore...

Till tomorrow and this is the last time I try to find the funny in words, by the way. Over to you, Bob at Dictiowary corner.

If you ever miss a day without Ed, all the blogspots are here.

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The Pisstakers Reviews gallery

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review-summary
I was checking over the reviews page I have going on and realised there may be a slight deception going on on my part! I have put a little widgety thing in the sidebar showing the Page Rank for the Pisstakers. It relates to the homepage, which is a 5, but this doesn't apply to every page on the website. In fact the PR for the review page is a 4 - still pretty sharp but...

So, rather than pull a flanker and mislead anyone into thinking that their review has PR5 status, when it may not, I have put together a series of mini summaries of full reviews and will leave them firmly on the homepage. Now, all reviewed blogs and websites will have a permanent spot on the best ranking page on the site. See if you are on the list.

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I hate the country

Filed in: Ed's blog spot

Ed the Editor's personal blog corner


Don't you just love summer, when you can put all the big sweaters and thermals away and get out in the sun, lounge by the pool, stroll on the beach, enjoy the country. Ordinarily I would say a resounding yes to relaxing in all three locations, but as of now, I don't care if I never see a touch of countryside again - at least till the next snows come by.

This questionable attitude isn't because I don't love greenery, flowery landscapes, twittering birdies and clear blue skies. I do, I love 'em all. It's not because I don't enjoy cycling through the undergrowth, ducking branches, scaring myself shitless dropping off edges. Believe me, there is nothing better for the heart and soul. I don't hate the country because some territorial farmer saw me off his land. I don't even dislike the country for the smells, the pesticides and the interfering developments and highways and general Mankind stuff that blots the landscape.

What I can't stand about being in the country is that it makes my eyelids puff up like a mushroom, my eyeballs go as red as an alcoholic's and my whole head seems to itch like a flea-infested armpit. Man, I fricking hate the country and all its pollen and irritants and allergens and allergic activants. I can barely see the screen as I type this. I can barely raise a smile myself, let alone think of something to humor my valued readers. This summer in the country deal sucks el grande.

If I could mow the whole damned state and dump the grass in the ocean, fell every tree and turn the leaves into some brand new fuel for cars, if I could dig up every orchard and never eat fruit again, I would.

But until I become President with the power to do all that eco-friendly stuff, I will sit here in a darkened room with sunglasses on, one hand on the tissue box, the other on a keyboard drenched somewhere below my streaming eyes. I will keep popping Zyrtec like smarties, and snorting on nasal decongesants with more vigor than even Scarface could muster on a bad day at the office.

I am signing off until tomorrow, which hopefully will bring grey skies, squalls and mists to really piss off the people on the beaches and by the pools. Enjoy the summer, folks.

If you ever miss a day without Ed, all the blogspots are here.

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Microwave rant

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The truth is, we got stiffed by the builder over the appliances in the house we recently bought. I did a brief post about the crap dishwasher, it should have been a longer tirade, I didn't do its crapabilty justice. To be honest, I can't be bothered to update it now, because yesterday I hit an all-time low with the microwave.

I should have been more interested at the start


My wife is as sharp as a nail when it comes to understanding kitchen appliances. There was me trying to placate her when she first saw the lame excuse for luxury white goods thrown into the kitchen. They looked lovely to me, all sparkly and new and white. Without even turning on a switch, she saw ripped clothes, smoked- out kitchen and badly defrosted food. I told her the appliances would be fine, she rolled her eyes and now I know she was on the money.

Of course she was right and goddammit, 4 months later, I am pissed, too. Better late than never, I suppose. It came to a head with the fricking microwave. I ladle some cold homemade soup into a bowl and put it in the microwave. 3 minutes later I remove it, give the soup a quick stir then taste it. How can one single spoon contain soup that is cold enough to crack a tooth, as well as have drops hot enough to blister my mouth?

Slightly enraged at this point, I stirred the soup vigorously, expecting it to turn just the right temperature overall. A way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but after a quick finger-tip test, I was ready for a heart attack. The bowl was molten hot but the soup appeared to be barely luke warm. Fucking hell, it must have cost me $2 to heat it to this point and still it was no good??!! Did I have the only 100 Watt microwave in the world? So I reheated it for another 60 seconds.

I swear to god, if this was the first microwave ever invented, it would be in the river by now, tied around the neck of the bastard who invented it. After giving it 4 minutes of my life, the soup was slightly above luke warm overall, except for the nuclear heated 2 inch spot in the bowl which blistered the enamel off my cracked front tooth.

I have calmed down now, but I still despise the tight wad builder who, for the sake of a few hundred bucks, could have had a totally happy customer. Instead, now he has a pisstaker on the war path, going round picking up on every fault imaginable.

I am going to show him the rips in my vigorously over spin-dried underpants and demand a refund (allowing for depreciation of 7 years' use). I am also going to ask him if he can prise open the door to the freezer box in the super luxury fridge, because I sure as hell can't, even with a 12" screw driver taped to a pry bar for extra leverage.

I am going to ask him to clean the smoke stains on the ceiling above the extractor hood. Blow me with a feather, but the extractor doesn't extract, it just recycles my wife's lovely burnt chicken fat. And before anyone gets on our case about being bad cooks, maybe the rest of America has lost the art of roasting, but we haven't. Even I can produce a mean chicken without incident, normally. The truth is, the oven/hood set up is crap, and not even on the instructions does it recommend having the family stationed next to smoke alarms, tea towels in hand, flapping away smoke for the duration of a chicken roast.

And that is just the intro to the list of sundry complaints now growing by the day. Like the lifting floor, cracking joints, sticking ballcock, all things that never worried us before, but man, they have become pressing and life-threatening now! Happy Harry the foreman is going to be smiling from the other side of his face when he finishes reading the list of minor errors that I was willing to let slip and put right myself over time. If he has any sense, he will tie his boss to our white goods and chuck the whole sorry bunch into the river, good riddance.

Oh yeah, and I owe my good wife an apology for underestimating her warnings about how rough and cheapskate a luxury builder can be in these parts! Trust me, they are as rough as assholes and don't deserve to even be paid in shirt buttons.

There, I feel better now. Got any good stories of a similar vein?

If you ever miss a day without Pisstakers, you can find a daily snapshot of The Pisstakers Satire Blog Posts (ie the homepage) in the archives

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MyBlogLog Sunday 9

Filed in: MBL sunday
Today's another MyBlogLog Sunday - part 9, no less, at the Pisstakers.

mybloglog-Sunday9
I have already consumed 2 pints of coffee this morning. This isn't normal practice for readying myself for mini reviews, but it was the only way to keep my cool as I went retro, restoring a few articles lost in a crash yesterday. Anyway, here are another 10 souls lined up for a mini review later today.

It looks like 3 new kids on the block, a couple of long lost friends, some perennial and brilliant mainstays of the growing community and a man from Malaysia who obviously sees more of a future in MyBlogLog Sunday than he does in Agloco!!!

Thanks for taking part and for them that don't know the gig here on Sundays, the rules, haha, are explained here. (As a hint, be a MyBlogLog member who visits here just before I start blogging on Sundays!)

By next Sunday the mini reviews will be farmed out for posterity to the archives, a permanent reminder of their glorious moment, a permanent back link, blah blah.

Whether you are a super surfer or a blogger, I hope you enjoy reading my one-liner summary before visiting 10 diverse blogs.

MyBlogLog Sunday prize winner

A pound of gummi bears and a review like these is on offer to which ever of last week's featured blogs refers the most traffic to The Pisstakers before midnight Saturday.

Yeehah, miaouw, Tigger and the gang won the gummi bears and review for referring most traffic to The Pisstakers. Congratulations.(There are lots of hits from several other blogs, but the prize lies in referring traffic that reads!)

MyBlogLog Sunday info links

All hot mini reviews on MyBloglog Sunday!

Internet buzz on MyBloglog Sunday!

How to participate in MyBloglog Sunday!

Weekly round-up of MyBloglog Sunday!

Other contests this week


Link Rambler is one to keep in your bookmarks. They search the internet high and low looking for... promotions, awards, contests, memes, giveaways, linkbait opportunities, and other ways to bring traffic to your site or blog. (Ray's words not mine!)

Web Analytics have a blog contest for tech heads. The future of Search marketing. Check out the rules. Prizes include cash, a pro account at MyBlogLog...

Blog About Your Blog have attracted 100 RSS reader visitors per day for a while now. If you are one of the first 200 to subscribe to their RSS feed you could win a mini fridge. Hurry, summer is coming fast.

The Pisstakers This week's tantalizing clue to "You won't win a Zune" contest is: It helps you relax.


We've linked to several web search engines offering random payments & prizes! Click the icon & search our keyphrase web satire. It is a win-win, perhaps!

Be back later.


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No Save days are plain shite

Filed in: Ed's blog spot

Ed the Editor's personal blog corner


After many years of trials and tribulations, I tend not to get annoyed at much. I cut out most of the administrative aggravation in my life by getting rid of a PC and going Mac. Yeah, I know, flame wars begin, but it is true. Well, sort of. Macs do play up occasionally and yesterday, my reward for not pressing the Apple-Save button for the last 48 hours, in theory lost me 48 hours' worth of work.

You may well say, what are you doing not saving anything? The simple answer is, I have lost the manual save habit. For the last 4 and a half years, I never needed to save anything till I finished a project, because honest, the Mac I have doesn't system crash ever and the only app that gives me any regular gip is the browser, and who cares if that dies a momentary death, the history auto saves and you plod on exactly as before.

So imagine my dismay when the software I use to run the Pisstakers, Rapidweaver, decided to go die for the sake of a snotty Flash Player.plugin which I haven't even used in a while, which really annoys me even more. Needless to say I fired off a comment to their forum insisting that they add an auto save feature. No knee jerk reactions here.

My argument was that if auto save is good enough for the guys running the servers, it is good enough for us minions here on earth with a measly computer on our desktop.

I said the work was lost in theory. Thankfully, as all but one article had already been published on the internet, the work wasn't so much lost as stored on a server. It was a pain in the butt copying and pasting the code from the View Source in the browser and I felt like a major plagiariser, but at least I am almost back to normal. Unfortunately some of your comments may not appear where they were placed, sorry, it won't happen again, as I hope this neat little script called "Apple-S" will be auto saving all my work every 10 minutes, to great effect.

Right, folks, now I am relaxed again, back to MyBlogLog Sunday.

btw, what is the most work you ever lost on your computer? Did you cry?

If you ever miss a day without Pisstakers, you can find a daily snapshot of The Pisstakers Satire Blog Posts (ie the homepage) in the archives

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Funny quotes of the day traffic opportunity for bloggers

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widget-cr-pitt
I went to great lengths to bring you Funny Quotes of the Day in simple text, but The Pisstakers have gone mad.

In association with Bonsai Studios we are proud to present to all bloggers everywhere, a more polished beta version of The Pisstakers Funny Quotes of the Day widget.

Eyes to the left say "Aye, that isn't too bad for a widget!" What you see above is how it looks at the moment under testing in the sidebar of Claire Pitt's blog, interestingly quite similar to the sidebar theme of the Necessary Skills blog.

It adapts according to your theme and is so flexible it will even stretch to infinity and beyond!!
widget-banner

Mega traffic opportunities for bloggers


The live version is in the right sidebar and your blog can be in on it! Copy this code and paste it in your sidebar. It could change your life! Viral traffic, anyone?



Send me a quote or funny line (preferably yours) plus a link to your site, and I will add it to the quotes on the widget. Every time the widget is installed on another blog, your quote plus link to your site will appear on the loop. A free chance to entertain AND be seen by lots of people. Simple see!

Beta testing - Begin!!


Beta means basically it won't kill your computer. It looks OK to us, and seems entertaining, but we need to see it at work on other sites with different size side bars and themes. It needs to look good in the eyes of the people that matter - you and your readers!

Let me know. That way I will call by, have a look at the widget, have a read of your blog, and do some behind the scenes tweaking, if necessary, to the widget.



What to look for


Whether the looks are perfect, I don't know, but is quite a clever design (I think) for several reasons. Let me know what you think!

1 New quote appears with each page refresh.

2 The quote can link anywhere we choose on the internet. ie to your blog, the place where the quote came from...

3 Quotes are stored on a server, so they can be loaded onto the widget easily - and lots of them.

4 The widget adapts to the colors of your theme, so it shouldn't look too garish.

Feedback most appreciated


Of course this is all theory, it may die a death by this evening! So, please leave comments to let us know if it breaks or if it is illegible or if you want it to have a different background color. Anything you think of, don't be shy.



Posts related to funny quotes

Porn & funny quotes
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Concrete hell

Filed in: Ed's blog spot

Ed the Editor's personal blog corner


On a road trip today I watched a concrete mixer tragedy in action and was reminded of another memorable concrete story!

Road to concrete hell

A truck driver with 10 tons of concrete turning gently behind him doesn't have a care in the world, until he approaches a queue of slowing traffic on the freeway. He glances at his watch to check how long till drop off time and sees he has a few minutes grace. But imagine the panic in his eyes as he tunes into local radio and realises the freeway ahead is blocked, closed and impassable due to a serious fire. And as he looks in his rear mirror, he sees he is being boxed in and can't even get on to the median to make an albeit illegal escape to get his hardening load to the site.

I was laughing as I passed him in the opposite direction, putting all the pieces of the puzzle together. A little cruel, I suppose, but life is funnier than fiction at times. And 5 hours later I hear that the freeway is still closed. I wonder if the state troopers let him escape so the concrete could set in the right place?

House of concrete hell

Years ago a builder friend of mine had to lay a new solid floor in a cottage. He had arranged for three friends to help him. A couple of hours work at most, no big deal. The concrete truck arrived a little ahead of time, so the driver agreed to wait till the hired hands arrived. 20 minutes, 30 minutes, 40 minutes passed but despite phone calls and assurances, there was no sign of friends.

The driver ran out of patience and had to give the builder an ultimatum - dump the load in the cottage or dump it in the yard. In a leap of faith, he asked the driver to pump it in through the window and he set to work like a lunatic, leveling it out, creating a new floor. By the time he reached the point in the story where he was faced witha huge mound of hardening concrete where the lounge was supposed to be, I was in tears of laughter. He was a good tradesman, but no reputation was going to save him if he ended up with that sort of mess.

Somehow, it ended well, though, when three very embarrassed guys turned up to finish off the job. As they toiled and saved the day, builder boy collapsed in a heap outside, his forearms seized, his stress levels through the roof, but a grin of relief from ear to ear. Who needs enemies with friends like that.?!

If you ever miss a day without Ed's incisive observations, haha, you can find all past rambles here.

 Enjoy the content.
Tech archives | Techboggle | Top Funnies | Funny quotes



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The Sherwood Green kid

Filed in: Ed's blog spot

Ed the Editor's personal blog corner


Once upon a time I was working in a college for trainee painters and there was a very well organised system for storage of materials. The new tins stayed at the top of a 7 foot tall cupboard and the used ones were stored on the shelves below, arranged by primer, topcoat, wall paint. The students were under threat of death if they mucked up the system. Not that disorderly paint tins is a matter of life and death, but college employees want an easy life.

I mentioned once before an apprentice who didn't have the brain cells to ask the driver to tell him when they were at a specific bus stop. My colleague told me that the same character had given him an even bigger laugh.

Student X decided he was going to break the rules of paint organisation, and reach up to grab a 1 gallon tin of green oil gloss paint from the top shelf without using a pair of steps. All the lecturer knew of this flawed and subversive plan was when he heard an almighty "F---!" followed by a room full of belly laugh laughter.

Can you imagine how the lecturer felt when he looked across the room to see a diminishing cascade of shiny green paint and a glossed up teenager below, covered from head to toe? Everyone was having hysterics, especially as the kid just stood there shaking his head, a pool of green spreading rapidly across the floor. Luckily the lecturer realised the danger and holding back the grins, told him to keep his eyes and mouth shut and not to move a muscle till he was told.

It was class dismissed and it took the lecturer an hour to clean the kid down till he was even close to being in a position to go to the showers armed with horrible slimy detergent for his hair and skin. Needless to say, none of his classmates would lend him any clothes, so he had to wear a flowery blouse that hadn't yet been torn up for rags, and a pair of old bib and brace overalls.

I am not sure there is a moral to this, except, what a case, and to be fair, The Sherwood Green Kid always came back for more.

If you ever miss a day without Ed's incisive observations, haha, you can find all past rambles here


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Funny quotes of the day - traffic opportunity for all bloggers

Filed in: Ed's blog spot
necessary-skills
I went to great lengths to bring you Funny Quotes of the Day in simple text, but The Pisstakers have gone mad.

In association with Bonsai Studios we are proud to present to all bloggers everywhere, a more polished beta version of The Pisstakers Funny Quotes of the Day widget.

Eyes to the left say "Aye, that isn't too bad for a widget!" What you see above is how it looks at the moment under testing in the sidebar of the Necessary Skills blog.

It adapts according to your theme and is so flexible it will even stretch to infinity and beyond!!
widget-banner

Mega traffic opportunities for bloggers


The live version is in the right sidebar and your blog can be in on it! Copy this code and paste it in your sidebar. It could change your life! Viral traffic, anyone?



Send me a quote or funny line (preferably yours) plus a link to your site, and I will add it to the quotes on the widget. Every time the widget is installed on another blog, your quote plus link to your site will appear on the loop. A free chance to entertain AND be seen by lots of people. Simple see!

Read more ...read more
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Hasselhof - a drunk again

Filed in: Ed's blog spot

Ed the Editor's personal blog corner


I was watching the pathetic pictures of David Hasselhof drunk on a hotel floor scoffing like a piglet on his cheeseburger. There is obviously more than one thing to come out of this story!

First, oh how the mighty are fallen. This footage reminds us all that legalised alcohol takes no prisoners in the wrong hands and is pushing people with millions, as well as millions of vulnerable people over the top all day every day.

Second, Hasselhof the monster seems to be more inclined to sleep than aggression, when drunk. In all probability he is probably just a boring frustrating git, rather than a menace. (No wonder he needed Kit to do all the hard stuff fro him.) Obviously that assertion is based on a few seconds of videotape, but it I would go as far as to say that it is highly unlikely that he is an aggressive drunk, because publicity-seeking wifey admits he is a good person, and makes no mention of any back-handers, beatings, clubbings or deathly attacks. If he had, I am sure we would be hearing all about that.

Or maybe we will soon hear some dirt.Third: Sheet, the lights have come on, ding ding ding. Is this a really clever publicity stunt to promote David Hasselhof's upcoming book? Will he admit he is an aggressive alcoholic who used his belly board for violent means when stoned!!! Will we learn that his wife really is an angel?

Fourth: The basic credentials for parenthood are a set of genitals. Good parenting, however, takes brains.Hasselhof's brains were in a bottle when he hatched a plan to shame himself off his addiction, with footage of his drunkenness. If only he hadn't involved his kid.

This leads on to point four B, that sometimes kids are stronger than their parents. The 16 year-old daughter is certainly stronger than her mommy dearest, in my opinion.

Mrs Baywatch, the media manipulating star of point 5 isn't helping things. Instead of bitching and moaning publicly about his addiction, and showing a home video to the world, Mrs Baywatch should count herself lucky that David Hasselhof is a rich lethargic dopey drunk who she could skin for millions, leave, and get on with her life.

So, for now, based on the scanty evidence, my sixth non-sense opinion is that Mrs Baywatch, instead of playing the Poor Me, should dump Hasselhof for good, and use her clout to raise awareness of alcoholism. Then I would listen to her, instead of rolling my eyes at what I have seen so far.

If you ever miss a day without Pisstakers, you can find a daily snapshot of The Pisstakers Satire Blog Posts (ie the homepage) in the archives

 Enjoy the content.


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MyBlogLog Sunday 8

Filed in: MBL sunday
Today's another MyBlogLog Sunday - part 8 at the Pisstakers.

mybloglog-Sunday-8
I took a break from the normal coffee routine and had some pizza, water and CSI Miami for breakfast. Pumped and ready to blog, I have taken this snapshot of the 10 MyBlogLog bloggers who last visited the Pisstakers. These early morning/late night visitors will be the main feature on the homepage later today and will be here on view in some shape or form all week.

This is week 8 and I have mini-reviewed about 60 different blogs. With over 100,000 MyBlogLog members, there is plenty of room for newcomers. The format is explained below.

By next Sunday the mini reviews will be farmed out for posterity to the archives, a permanent reminder of their glorious moment, a permanent back link, blah blah.

Whether you are a super surfer or a blogger, I hope you enjoy reading my one-liner summary before visiting 10 diverse blogs.

MyBlogLog Sunday prize winner

A pound of gummi bears and a review like these is on offer to which ever of last week's featured blogs refers the most traffic to The Pisstakers before midnight Saturday.

Yeehah, Ploop won the gummi bears and review for referring most traffic to The Pisstakers. Congratulations.(There are lots of hits from several other blogs, but the prize lies in referring traffic that reads!)

MyBlogLog Sunday info links

All hot mini reviews on MyBloglog Sunday!

Internet buzz on MyBloglog Sunday!

How to participate in MyBloglog Sunday!

Weekly round-up of MyBloglog Sunday!

Other contests this week


Web Analytics have a blog contest for tech heads. The future of Search marketing. Check out the rules. Prizes include cash, a pro account at MyBlogLog...

Blog About Your Blog have attracted 100 RSS reader visitors per day for a while now. If you are one of the first 200 to subscribe to their RSS feed you could win a mini fridge. Hurry, 5 May has gone but summer is coming fast.

The Pisstakers This week's tantalizing clue to "You won't win a Zune" contest is: It is brilliant outside but doesn't like rain.


We've linked to several web search engines offering random payments & prizes! Click the icon & search our keyphrase web satire. It is a win-win, perhaps!

Be back later.

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About You

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Ed the Editor's personal blog corner


The title is About You, but more accurately it should be called About Me, but I am shy.

About Me pages are the first port of call when I do a MyBlogLog Sunday mini review or a full review. They should be the easiest way to find out what a web site is about and at least dish some dirt on the blog meister. Invariably, they are sparse dour affairs, though, and only occasionally do they actually say something about a person that makes you go, oooh, let me read some of that!!

I made an effort with the About Me page on The Pisstakers, aiming for a fair and accurate load of old bullshit that you may or may not believe.

Yesterday's penance, so willingly undertaken by Linda, was to truck on over and see what a dynamic person I am.

The free penance on offer today is a trip to this enterprising Scotsman's About Me page on eBay. It got me thinking! OK, it is garish and ugly, but this approach to content could form the basis of an About Me page for a blatant money-making blog. Or be adapted to give lots of links to your favorite music and films and books. Or is that what MySpace is for? I will quit while I'm ahead with the germ of an idea.

If you ever miss a day without Pisstakers, you can find a daily snapshot of The Pisstakers Satire Blog Posts (ie the homepage) in the archives

 Enjoy the content.



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Gravity is great

Filed in: Ed's blog spot

Ed the Editor's personal blog corner


Gravity is the only thing keeping us from floating around the earth like gormless grinning cosmonauts. Somehow the invisible force works 24-7 keeping our feet firmly on the ground, pinning stones and sand and sea to the floor, preventing too many dreamers from literally having their head in the clouds. So until it fails and we are all partying in the stratosphere, I thought I would highlight a couple of gravity related stories so we can appreciate its contribution to our well-being.

Gravity defying children


Imagine a young mother happily ironing away downstairs in her lounge, appreciating the peace and quiet as her youngest mad kid sleeps upstairs. Lah de dah de dah, singing along to music, she catches a glimpse of movement out of the corner of her eye, turns and ... sees nothing to attract her attention.

60 seconds later she feels a tug on her skirt, and looks down to see her dishevelled 2 year old looking up at her, grinning from ear to ear. When she sees the grass stains on his knees, and relives the cursory glance a few seconds earlier, her heart stops beating. She rushes over to the window, and sure enough, the grass is beaten down, where once it had stood upright and proud.

Suffice to say, her husband had the task of installing a child-proof device on the kiddy's bedroom window to stop him from ever again falling out the window and defying gravity in such spectacular fashion.

Gravity defying cats


Then there was the story of the roof rolling cat. There is a contrived porch contraption on the front of our house and the cat has a habit of sunning itself on the tiles. Luckily a feline has 9 lives and enjoys the ability to always land on its feet. Picture if you will the look on its face as it rolls, then rolls some more and finally plummets out of control off the edge of the roof down into the garden below. Priceless, and if only gravity could have worked slow enough for me to have run inside to get a video camera.

Gravity defying sense


And finally, let's just say it annoys me to the point of apoplexy to see highly trained scientists using a $40bn space program for fun purposes. Oooh look at me I'm defying gravity, I'm weightless and can poo upside down into a jar. Ooh look at me Im a 60 year old scientist with a forehead the size of Cape Canaveral and I can roll 3 times before banging my million dollar helmet on the bulkhead. Smashing.

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Role models, who needs them?

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Lip-syncing, slim and sultry, Britney is back on track to stardom. I don't understand the media interest in such a normal banal singer from the boonies, but details of divorce, infidelty drugs and baldness should never get in the way of a good role model.

To be or not to be a role model...


Just to be clear, the way I look at it, the term role model should be banned when applied to pop and sports and entertaining icons. These talented but flawed individuals exude more the model, less the role of wholesome and humble human. Perhaps if Mother Theresa had been a mean slam-dunker on the basketball court, I would change my mind, but she couldn't, so I stick to my guns on this one.

Why do we even need role models?


I can understand how people of all ages and persuasions need someone to look up to for guidance especially in moments of weakness. It is just sad that some of us make bad mistakes with choices, like the choice of parent to bring us into the world. I jest not. There are people who think you choose your parents. I can't recall where I heard this, but it doesn't say much for the babies who chose Stalin or Britney, does it.

Britney, role model extraordinaire


Just look at the chaos that the icon and model, Britney Spears, is creating with the girl next- door-but-two to me. In her favor, boy, can she sing, even drowning out the Britney music she plays at number 10 on the Richter scale boom bass. However, unlike Britney, she makes a song and dance out every single, (rather than Britney's every other) minor incident at home.

I only have the screeching between her and her parents to go on, but I think I am correct in thinking that Britney's influence is loud and clear. She squeals into the crib, "Baby, one more time..." and when it doesn't feed she yells to her mom, "Hey I'm going to hit me baby one more time, oh oh oh." And mom yells back, "That's not the way I planned it."

I am sure it wasn't the way she planned, although those whackos I mentioned earlier would say that was exactly how she'd had it mapped out, pre-conception.

Conclusion


I don't know if this particularly delightful young neighbor would look good hairless, I could care less, but she sure plays a mean drunk. And she is only 13. Rock on role model Britney.

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The 5 senses

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Better late than never. I was out being healthy today, and luckily it generated a post! If you ride a bike, as opposed to ride in a car, you get a different perspective on your surroundings. For a start, all 5 senses work in a different way.

Instead of your car passenger's perfume and doughnuts, you can smell first-hand the diesel, gas fumes, cow crap and pesticide spray in the fields. Yummy.

Instead of a dumb ass radio shock jock, you can hear smatterings of conversation from the cackling mothers and foul-mouthed kids yakking on street corners. Listen out for the musical noise pollution too, emanating from passing vibrating cars, and appreciate the racket penetrating through bedroom windows shimmering under the pressure of mad bass beats. Life on the open road is sooooooo rewarding.

Instead of tasting the recycled air-con in the car, you can perpetually recycle your gummy spit until it becomes unbearable and then you, you know, make a space for some more!

Instead of seeing the rear of the car in front of you, you get to look into the passing cars, and because you are wearing shades, if you see someone interesting who is keeping under the 25mph limit, you can keep up and study them really hard without giving too much away.

And finally, the sense of touch. Like, how touching when arrogant fat-assed kids walk extra slowly across the road so they can get a close-up view of a healthy person in action. And how touching that you can almost feel their defiant breath on your cheek as you weave out their way. Or plough straight through them, in my own defiant way, staring them out through my shades, wishing them a good day and wishing they would get a life. Like they care.

Yes, cycling is a great hobby, enervating and relaxing and extra sensory. I recommend it, as long as it is conducted in the countryside away from civilisation.

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Follow up to one day blog silence

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To follow up on what happened on the blog day of silence, here are a few quotes that caught my eye. Peter was on the money as usual,

We have somehow gotten desensitized to this problem. We read about it in the paper and watch it on TV and there is no longer any sense of outrage, anger or even a loud cry to do something about it.

especially if it were put into the context of "once the media decides to move on to something else!"

Linda said something I believe in, hence why I posted something here, I guess.

Perhaps silence speaks volumes but more importantly - voices carry. They carry messages that we all need to pay attention to

. Silence can be deafening, but a lot of little squeaks really gets a rise out of people. If every blogger had said something, that would have been quite a statement.

Anyway, thanks for the kind comments on my post, I am never quite sure how people take me when I am being serious for 2 minutes. No punchlines yesterday, just a punch, I hope.

And seriously, if you have kids or nephews or nieces in their 20's and 30's, afford them the opportunity to go and see the world that lies outside the tourist trap. It shouldn't be too hard to find something out there to affect / mend their thinking for the better.

As a clue, 75% of the world is so materially poor yet often spiritually rich, it would make you sick if you didn't change after spending time absorbed in faraway lands. And because most of the world is destitute, it is cheap when you get there. So there is no financial reason whatsoever why most people couldn't go traveling - but if you want excuses, you don't need any help from me to dream them up!

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