This is inspired by a transatlantic flight on Air India, JFK to Heathrow. I would like to make it perfectly clear that it was a really smooth flight with impeccable service and very tasty food. And for $276, what more do you want?! But as a pisstaker, I am obliged to find the satirical content in a delightful experience.

Air India episode no. 1

Air stewardess: I am sorry, sir, we only have mutton curry.

The self-confessed white Yankee American passenger next to me paled. He had just ordered the bland chicken and made a point of telling everyone around him that his introduction to real Indian food was not going to take place on an airplane.

Fortunately, air travel broadened this man's mind very rapidly and he dug into a hearty meal and enjoyed it - really.

I was going to tell him about the time I challenged a chef at an Indian restaurant. The deal was that he couldn't cook me a meal too hot to eat. Let's just say, neither of us won, in fact we were both losers, me with my face and ass on fire and him bragging that he had made an inedible meal.

Air India episode no 2

Captain over intercom: The current time, ladies and gentlemen, is 58 minutes after 7.

Quite a few passengers were looking around in disbelief at the Calcutta captain's abject attempt at telling the time. A neighbor added, "For the benefit of those new to clocks, that means it's 2 minutes to 8!"

And when the plane landed at 7.68, this passenger was relieved to arrive safe and sound, sane and on the ground in one piece, stomach intact.

Thanks Air India for flying a pisstaker so far for so little with so much food and kindly service.

Had any heart-stopping experiences on a plane?