God Squad - Music
Oct06 Filed in: Lifestyle
As a tribute to Sunday, let's go introspective for just one holy minute there. Christians say there is only one way to get to the lord. Cool. And for the 5 billion non-Christians wondering how this exclusive Jesus lordy deal could work for them? It won't, but open your hearts and wallets, sinners, check out god's products: religious rock music, drums of holy water, yet more t-shirts... you know it makes sense to read on.
The guy playing Cumbayah me lord at the Methodist Church had us 5 year olds doing spiritual cartwheels. We were all going to heaven and we would be saved. However, the moving experience never really got beyond the carnal level for me. As soon as we had sung three verses and swung side to side, clapping and swooning with feeling, we could have some milk and a biscuit. So I sung and swayed and clapped, and then slurped and munched.
Aged 12, I was again told about the wonders of the lordy dealio, or to be more accurate, I was preached at, in time to music. This time it was 12 bar blues. Yes, indeed, I was so impressed that god's guitar-playing missionaries with long hair and an intense stare could rise above folk and wander into rhythms that made you tap your feet. But the music soon sucked as they reverted to folk - a slow hand Eric Clapton they weren't. And as boredom set in, a few random thoughts about confirmation classes set in. I had learnt that masturbation was bad and god, the almighty invisible dude, was a guiding spirit for good. As the tunes became more Joan Baez and less John bon Jehovi, it all conspired in my logical mind to kill any thoughts of signing up to a rocking god squad.
Aged 14, I soon forgot, (or was it forgave?) the former pupil, bad boy Dino, who came to a school assembly, strumming an acoustic guitar, wailing like Cat Stevens about a loving, hip god who had converted him from bullying and lying with little boys. Yes Jesus had saved him, but not the victims.
At 15, it was time to rock! Amps and drums and real guitars with wah-wah pedals, man, those guys in the Joseph and His Technicolored Dreamcoat support band could play. Maybe electric heavy rock was a path to salvation. But, I soon worked out that even if they could play a mean Purple Haze, if it was hip to be a rocker in the God Squad, how come Black Sabbath weren't in it?
Late teenage years came and went, as did my last opportunity to find god through music. Phil Bailey was great with Phil Collins, but as Philip Bailey he was a one hit wonder, so there was no time to learn from him. If only I had signed up as a youth. But I didn't, and I am relegated to scour Google, finding lists of Christians in music, for grins.
Yes, a pisstaker with a cause - a cause for concern about this empty meaningless christian REO bandwagon thing that is promoted by staid clerics to get impressionable young people into the Christian way! God squadders beware!
The Rocking God Squad
The guy playing Cumbayah me lord at the Methodist Church had us 5 year olds doing spiritual cartwheels. We were all going to heaven and we would be saved. However, the moving experience never really got beyond the carnal level for me. As soon as we had sung three verses and swung side to side, clapping and swooning with feeling, we could have some milk and a biscuit. So I sung and swayed and clapped, and then slurped and munched.
Aged 12, I was again told about the wonders of the lordy dealio, or to be more accurate, I was preached at, in time to music. This time it was 12 bar blues. Yes, indeed, I was so impressed that god's guitar-playing missionaries with long hair and an intense stare could rise above folk and wander into rhythms that made you tap your feet. But the music soon sucked as they reverted to folk - a slow hand Eric Clapton they weren't. And as boredom set in, a few random thoughts about confirmation classes set in. I had learnt that masturbation was bad and god, the almighty invisible dude, was a guiding spirit for good. As the tunes became more Joan Baez and less John bon Jehovi, it all conspired in my logical mind to kill any thoughts of signing up to a rocking god squad.
Aged 14, I soon forgot, (or was it forgave?) the former pupil, bad boy Dino, who came to a school assembly, strumming an acoustic guitar, wailing like Cat Stevens about a loving, hip god who had converted him from bullying and lying with little boys. Yes Jesus had saved him, but not the victims.
At 15, it was time to rock! Amps and drums and real guitars with wah-wah pedals, man, those guys in the Joseph and His Technicolored Dreamcoat support band could play. Maybe electric heavy rock was a path to salvation. But, I soon worked out that even if they could play a mean Purple Haze, if it was hip to be a rocker in the God Squad, how come Black Sabbath weren't in it?
Late teenage years came and went, as did my last opportunity to find god through music. Phil Bailey was great with Phil Collins, but as Philip Bailey he was a one hit wonder, so there was no time to learn from him. If only I had signed up as a youth. But I didn't, and I am relegated to scour Google, finding lists of Christians in music, for grins.
Yes, a pisstaker with a cause - a cause for concern about this empty meaningless christian REO bandwagon thing that is promoted by staid clerics to get impressionable young people into the Christian way! God squadders beware!
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