I am not great TV addict but last night I was watching the 1 minute comedy video contest on On the Lot and I was hooked and angry. What more do you want!

I am not remotely interested in these ongoing Pop Idol type shows where you listen to expert judges pontificating and planting seeds in your mind, before you are pummeled with requests to vote what you think. I know nothing about music, or dancing except I know what I like. Also, as I don't often buy anything, my opinion is almost worthless on the who's an upcoming star show. But after last night, On the Lot judges opinion had me thinking, if they are the voice of their industry, film making is doomed.

What is the Lot?

There are 18 videoclip makers trying to be amusing in 60 seconds of film. Fair play to most of them, they had a witty thread, the filming was really pro level and they all lasted 60 seconds. Then the whole show was spoiled by judges who wouldn't know what dissent was if it bit them in their conformist ass.

The judges failure to judge fairly

In my opinion, Carry Fisher was more offensive than the Southern boy film maker she was ripping a new one for. His clip, Get a room, involved a dork. She thought he looked more like a special needs kid, so she was offended. Maybe the part was miscast and if he had had the resources, the director could have found a better "looking" actor, but anyone could tell, surely, that the star of the clip was a parody of an idiot, not a direct representation of a slow or mentally challenged man. I took my hat off to the filmmaker for keeping his cool and saying, "It really wasn't that bad." ie as bad as Carrie Fisher was making out.

Judges 1,2,3 agree?

But that leads on to the main issue of judges who would not disagree with each other. Carrie Fisher was disgusted, the young zippy judge who obviously had a real talent for critique just went along with her, and then the director of Pretty Woman, that oh so hysterical movie (rolls eyes) actually was more politically despicable than anything he was criticising the film maker for. Call a special needs person, retarded? Huh, which school of political incorrectness did you get thrown out of?

Creative edgy film making is dead?

The whole show made me feel sick as I saw safe homogenisation and hypocrisy ooze from the screen. The Brit director was trashed, mainly because the judges didn't see dark satire as "Hollywood" humor. And the American reference to farting was "sophisticated" while the Italian's was potty humor? They liked the South African because it was sexy, whatever, it was funny but no more so than any other clip. And what was funny about the 360 degree special effects clip. It was "Star Wars" clever technically, but I don't recall dominoes, explosions and slapstick being that in vogue in comedy any more.

The judges opinions were not helpful, especially as they didn't like what was challenging. And for them all to always have the same opinion, sucked the big one. And how out of touch are they when they said, Oh, this would probably do well on the internet, but for a mainstream audience, no. Excuse me, film makers, you are getting swallowed up by the internet, or didn't you notice that? The show was quite a good coincidence, in fact, because I wrote only yesterday on Blog About Your Blog, about how video content providers are sitting on a fortune, simply because supply is dwarfed by the demand from Youtube and other users. Seems far better to go it alone than cow-tow to Hollywood.


I will continue watching, because unlike Pop idol where the judges are far better entertainment than the contestants, these film makers actually entertain, rather than pay lip service to what Carrie Fisher deems OK.

I have heard it all now. May 28th is year's end?

Dear Winner

We are pleased to inform you of the final announcementthat you are one of our end of year winners of theHP MICROSOFT LOTTERY ONLINE PROMO PROGRAMME,2007 You have therefore been approved to claima total sum of £500.000.00 POUNDS.

All participantsfor the online version were selected randomly fromWorld Wide Web sites through computer draw systemand extracted from over100,000 unions, associationsand co-operate bodies that are listed online.

Do I come under Union or corporate body? Neither. If there had been a few celestial bodies in the mix, perhaps I would have given this crap some credence. Back to work, and as you were, Ed.

Looking through Web Pen's blog, there is a lot of musical revelry. To join the rush, I am revisiting this post I did ages ago about ABC, a techno 80's pretty boy band. Whilst we can forgive them the winklepickers and big hair and the whole New Romantic deal, their song lyrics are unforgiveable. And no amount of passing time will change my opinion of that.

More sacrifices than an aztec priest

Standing here straining at that leash

All fall down

Can’t complain, musn’t grumble

Help yourself to another peace of apple crumble. Lyrics

Spending more time putting on their make-up than tuning their instruments, ABC pranced around to catchy tunes en route to a couple of UK number ones. They had one clever team behind them. The smoke and mirrors of marketing built on their prefabricated looks and also turned their lack of song-writing ability into a plus. They became famous for crap lyrics! It doesn't take much to make it big in "sophisticated" Europe.

According to this spam email, it looks like we won't need to work again, at least till next week. (High overheads and a penchant for gummi bears takes a lot of finance!) But remind me, how did I acquire a UK lottery ticket, exactly?

UKlottery 2007 promotion. We are happy to inform you that your email address have emerged a winner of £691,252 (Six hundred and ninety one thousand, two hundred and fifty two pounds sterling). NOTE: to file for your claim, please contact the claim department below,Email: infodept_101@yahoo.co.uk infodept_102@yahoo.co.ukclaims agent Rev Eddie James

Feel free to email spam Reverend Eddie back and ask if you are a winner too!

I have had enough of these charlatans. I already gave this guy some credit for his "system". Got my hopes up, and dashed 'em straight afterwards.

Has anyone ever won anything like a lottery, as in 5 figures or more?

If the guys at Highena are the originators of this math teacher arrested article, then they have a future, indeed. Brilliant spoof.

Cowboy builders are a menace to society

It got me thinking, but before the punchline, a little background!

In the UK, they call people who just picked up a hammer and now I'm a contractor - cowboy builders. And instead of purchasing supplies from recognised trade stores, they frequent DIY superstores. You know, the places that sell home owners a half-price hammer that breaks in half in half a week; cement mixers that don't mix, paint brushes that shed hair for fun...all served by retirees and demotivated sales staff with their names written by hand on their orange aprons. And now, the punchline groan.

Imagine an American cowboy builder with a long gray beard gets on a plane. He starts talking into a voice recorder - and is immediately arrested as a potential Home Despot dictator!

If only the authorities would take these menaces to society out of circulation on a more regular basis.

Got any more variations on a theme?

Not quite sure if this Create Your Own Pee-Mail card is adult humor or childish humor, so we will leave it to you to decide.

I was stumbling around Strachild at Stumbleupon and found this mind-blowing video clip, featuring an all-talking, all-mimicking parrot. At first it was mild parrot talk, hello etc, but when it crowed like a rooster, that got everyone's attention.

Of course being a cynic, I thought that it was very suspicious never to see the owner's face when the parrot performed a command. Was this just a case of a bad impressionist able to project her voice, relying on cameras always being focussed away from her contorting lips and on the parrot? Yes and no.

The owner obviously gave it a signal and the parrot produced yawns and dance moves, wolf howls and head shakes. But to be fair, it certainly looks like the act is down to the parrot's ability to follow her lead.

On a closing note, ever noticed how owners end up looking like their pets?

Yesterday I came across Zazzle. They are a big shot in the web 2.0 world, a sophisticated version of Cafe Press (Although it is not hard to be slicker than a company that makes a big deal out of black tees!) Here is an article about some famous t-shirts available around the 'net.


Samy is my hero appeared on many t-shirts as the result of a myspace.com prank which bagged Samy 1 million friends!
He made a lot of money - for someone else! How many $21.50 shirt sales did Google Blogoscope net for that bit of rogue scripting?

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Conspiracy theories abound on the Alex Jones videos site.

Do you really think people in caves can destroy WTC 7 like the video clips show?

No we don't, but simply because of logistics. How does a caveman on $200 a year get to America from Afghanistan? From a practical point of view though, a caveman is perfectly intelligent enough to accomplish the task - just look at the caveman on the Geiko.com adverts.

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Having been brought up believing that a typical Christmas involves several hours watching or dozing off in front of crap TV, I was quite disturbed not to see It's a Wonderful Life scheduled on the box yesterday. It should have come as no surprise, though, to see it aired in its entirety on the internet.

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For the Brits who don't know this, your US colonial cousins refer to you as teabags. That is actually very consistent with the rest of the world who obviously appreciate the cuisine par excellence of your fair isle. The French call you Rosbif, the Australians know you as limeys ..

The easiest thing to do is post this link to a very serious business blog and let you read the hilarity for yourselves. Don't let your own guard down, though, there is no telling when you might say something daft and be reminded of it forever.

Man introducing a married couple to new people. "Hello, this is my friend Sue and," (pointing at the husband) "her daughter Christine."

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This is hilarious, or is it sad? There is a charity website where you can design, preview and modify your own snowflake. Then go crazy and apply a unique ID to it, go find other ID-ed flakes on the internet, and send messages to their creators. But why stop there? You can go truly mad and print your flake too. "Indeed," we asked, "And why even stop there?"

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Looking through Cheeks n Paste, a blog by three witty Brits, I was reminded of the time I watched a comedy giant die on stage. (Not Michael "Kramer" Richards.) Embarrassed to say this, but it was really funny seeing a guy clutch his chest and fall backwards through the curtains with a look of pure surprise on his face. How were we to know that Tommy Cooper was expiring for real?

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Years ago, UK comedian Freddy "ate my hamster" Starr went on a national TV chat show to apologise to a little old lady who had found his style a bit distasteful. He span a shaggy dog story full of pointless rubbish with the punchline, "and this is for the little old lady in Eastbourne." It was accompanied by something like this.