Former Friends star, Jennifer Aniston has bared all her assets for GQ magazine. Posing in the naughty naked nude, Jennifer Aniston was wearing just a necktie and an awkward smile. When asked for an open leg shot, she kept it together by thinking of the money and the celebrity news / fame revival opportunity.

Apparently, when the decision was taken to base the photo shoot around a modern trendy necktie, she breathed a sigh of relief.

Oh, I thought it was going to be a 1970's kipper tie, more in keeping with the currency of my humor.

A photographer on the shoot said that Anuston also took the opportunity to revive one of her more memorable funny quotes.

"When I asked her to show me her best side, she pulled a face and quipped an old one-liner "I am not beautiful, so I have to be funny."

Nobody else at the photo shoot cared to comment on her modest statement.

Towards the end of the shoot, Jennifer got exasperated with calls for more imaginative poses, and shoved the necktie where the sun never shines. Her photographer fan reminded her of another quote attributed to Miss Aniston.

I almost resent the whole fashion thing. Good God - never wearing the same thing twice and all of those things. It's a pain in the ass.

Personally I think that GQ chose the wrong person to model the necktie. Comic magician and bi-lingual funny girl, Ursula Martinez, was the obvious candidate for a show-stopping pose with her Hanky Panky routine.


Ursula Martinez - The best bloopers are a click away

A favorite comedian of the Pisstakers is Ursula Martinez, and the Ursula Martinez Light my fire video really is something to behold.

The sketch that appears when you click on this image is a scream, literally for some! Ms Martinez, who, is a magician as well as a hot comedian, literally sets her tits on fire like a demented Joan of Arc stripper.

Oi, don't get too close to the screen, mister, you might lose your nose hair in all the excitement!

When Lisa Menelli sang "Come to the cabaret..." I bet she never had Ursula Martinez in mind as an act, center stage, her hot body on fire.

The great thing about this act is that you can book Ursula Martinez to perform it especially for you - (and a lot of friends or colleagues), at the right price, of course. (It could get a bit expensive watching it on your own, not to mention a little uncomfortable in the silence in between the end of that act and the beginning of the next - when she comes back fully dressed prior to something else outrageous.)


Anyway, it is all good fun, and if you haven't seen enough of Ursula Martinez, Hanky Panky is well worth a couple of double-takes too. Enjoy.

(Now, where did I put my tissue?)

Gone!

Oops, my Eoghan Quigg X-Factor prediction didn't come true. The boy got well and truly whipped by Alexandra Burke, JLS, and every other boy band and Beyoncé that appeared on stage to sing along.

When I was watching Eoghan Quigg get booted out of the final of UK "talent" show, X-Factor, many thoughts sprung to mind.

"Eoghan Quigg fans can look forward to a good beating in January when their newly redundant parents see the dozens of £1 phone votes on the bill."

"I'll never get that time back"

"If Eoghan had come back to my school, he would have been called a ponce and sent packing. We hated schoolboy TV celebrities!"

Eoghan Quigg, you are Jimmy Osmond?

Remember that talent show "Stars in your eyes" where the contestants imitate a pop star, in a rather disturbingly accurate way? I am convinced that the winking, skipping Eoghan Quigg was basing his act on 70's pre-pubescent heart throb, Jimmy Osmond. Aaaaargh. Eoghan, you deserve to lose, subjecting us oldies to a re-run of that precocious tinsel shite.

Sing-along-a-Eoghan

Defeated X-Factor finalist, Eoghan Quigg may have lost the chance to sing Halleluja, the X-Factor Christmas song, but his mentor, Simon Cowell is already planning ahead to next Christmas.

Folks, start saving for a really cheesy and unoriginal compilation album called Sing-a-long-a-Eoghan. The triple album, to be sold for $5.00 or £5 each, will be featuring such forgettablehits as Merry TellyTubby Christmas, Eoghan the red-lipped Ewok, and of course Halleluja (Opus in 3 octaves lower than Alexandra Burke's well-sung version.)

In case you are unfamiliar with the UK term "Sing-a-long" it is synonymous with music for pleasure cover songs from hip crooners like sing-a-long-a Max Bygraves, Perry Como, Des O'Connor, or Sinatra clone, Harry Connick Jr.

I know, you can't wait either - to see if Eoghan has his teeth done to perfection, too!

To catch up on all the celebrity gossip related to X-Factor, check out Celebrity Insider and X-Factor - and for some generally funny celebrity posts that have nothing to do with UK talentless shows...

People are regularly searching for the dirt on Robert Downey Jr's arrest history. Instead of stodgy wikipedia references, here are the dates and basic factoids mixed in with a slightly funny commentary. (Emphasis on the slightly)




Robert Downey Jr arrested for drunk driving, possession of heroin, and possession of an unloaded pistol (2 August 1996)
At age 31, squeaky clean Downey Jr is pulled over on Sunset Boulevard. Hoping for a speeding ticket only, he sits quietly drunk in his pick-up truck. The officer with no interest in Hollywood celebrities, rattles off one charge after another. Robert Downey Jr watches a lot of shit hit the fan in double vision.

This was Mr Jr's first reported brush with the law and he was given a suspended prison sentence of 3 years, and granted probation with requirements of random drug testing and drug counselling.

Robert Downey Jr remanded to a secure drug rehabilitation center. (August 1996)
These rehab centers are secure, so the inmates can't get access to drugs during their internment. Mr Downey Jr, discovered that they are as drug-free as Scottish prisons.

Robert Downey Jr Probation revoked after continued drug use. (17 October 1997)
All good things come to an end, and when the free hand-outs at the rehab center ran dry, he had to go back to buying drugs on the street. Well, not your ordinary litter-strewn junkie-on-every-corner street. More, a ritzy club with glittering show girls located just off the high street? Anyway, high as a kite on his kind of street smack, the celebrity forgot he was liable for random drug testing just like any other junkie on probation - and got caught.

Robert Downey Jr Jailed for 180 days for violating probation. (December 1997)
The court found the caught-out actor guilty as charged and he ended up with a 6-month jail sentence. It was not exactly a re-run of Midnight Express behind bars, but according to Wikipedia, He got into fight with another inmate at the Los Angeles County Jail... and was treated for a cut over his nose. (13 February 1998).

This sounds more like a re-run of Handbags at Dawn, but presumably the cut really hurt - like did someone rub their salt and vinegar chips into the open wound, or something like that? A true actorrrrrr.

Downey released from jail to complete his six-month jail sentence at a drug rehabilitation center. (31 March 1998)
Does this sound like a pattern about to repeat? The judge thought so too. To mix it up and add some variety to the screwed-up judicial procedure, Downey was freed to work on a movie.

He was also going to give talks to schoolkids about the evils of drugs, but got sidetracked by a pusher in the playground.

I will have to do some more research, at which time, I will post more info on Robert Downey Jr arrests. Please check out the links at this Funny Celebrity News Swicki and make it an even better resource than the real wikipedia.

Have you ever grown your hair long and then asked the hairdresser for a celebrity hair style?








You are probably safe with a cheap copy of the hair styles sported by these beautiful A-list celebrities with hair all one length, but, beware. If you go deeper into the gene pool of celebrity, you might do well to chose your hair role model more carefully.

Britney Spears hair style

Call me a cynic, but I think this all-one-length shaggy hair style flatters lip-syncher, I mean singer, Britney Spears. It shows off her sincere smile a treat.

It may not work for you, if you prefer the groomed I don't look like a vampire dog look, but at least give it a try. Maybe practice on a real dog first. (Thanks for the photo. Hell hath no fury like celebrity fury.)





If you look carefully, you can spot an Afghan hound squatting on Z-list celebrity Nikki Graham's head pictured here is a sight to make every dog lover cringe. But at least the canine look gives people something to gossip about. Who is she, by the way?

The Donald Trump hair style

Here's one for the guys looking for an all one length celebrity hair cut. There's only one Donald Trump, and only one length of hair emanating from his few remaining active follicles.

I wonder when he is going to give up on the delusion and get an apprentice hair-stylist to replicate the Bruce (Willis).

Thanks for reading, thanks to the celebrity sites providing the inspiration, and now it is time to get Mrs Ed, a Persis Khambatta hair style.

It's official, X-Factor finalist Eoghan Quigg has a new girlfirend, Diana Vickers. Hip hip hooray, let's join them as they celebrate in the back of the limo.

Oh. Judging by his expression in the photo from Celebrity Insider Photos and News, I would hazard a guess that Irish ewok lookalike, Eoghan, has already visualised life as a married has-been. Or is he simply at the point of mental collapse, because he realises that he has already forgotten the words to his favorite ABBA song!

The loss of memory was possibly accelerated by the intense shagging he received after the show. No, not from his mentor, Simon Cowell, you sickoes, but from the shagging he fantasized about with his new super-charged ex X-Factor girlfriend, Diana Vickers. (She is the one grinning like a cat that got the cream, lost the battle but won the war and a possible recording contract.)

I must point out that whilst the camera never lies, it does have a habit of catching people off-guard, mid blink, on the wrong side.

In the very next frame, you might well see young Eoghan resume crying for Argentina, Ireland and half of Weeping Cross. The sobbing stops when Diana reassures him that he does have what it takes, emotionally and physically, to stay the course to inevitable showbiz oblivion.

And in the frame after that, looking across at Diana, Eoghan bursts into a horny teary smile fit for a cat that is going to get the cream.

Unfortunately, Diana's smile crumbles as she experiences her first headache - how to break the news to her ex-boyfriend that he doesn't possess the X-Factor gene that Eoghan obviously wants to pass on to her children, before the final.

It must be pointed out that, in the making of this post, no tears were shed, no virginity lost, and I still believe Eoghan will win the X-Factor 2008.

We all need inspiration, and there is nothing more inspirational for a Funny Celebrity news blogger than a Celebrity Photos widget.

Below is the widget of all widgets from the impeccably dressed one man team at Celebrity Insider Photos and News. Looking deep into the made up eyes of the featured celebrities from the world of entertainment, film and stage, I will endeavor to make up a few funny lines of my own.

I apologise for confusing Timothy Hutton, star of US TV series, Leverage, with Timothy Dalton, the rugged, dark-eyed, all-action former Shakespearian actor, who played James Bond in License to Kill.

One Timothy is just like another?

Readers are probably thinking, duh, you dumbass, but be fair. We live in a world of few successful Timothyies, where one new heart throb and one thrilling fresh new storyline is much like another. Confusing these two Timboes is an easy mistake to make. It is just that most people keep that error to themselves, didn't you!

The Tim differences

One name, but so many different qualities.

They have a different look. The facial features of the Tim known as Hutton seem much more polished than, Dalton's, Tim Dalton's. Some say this is explained by the time each of them spends in their respective make-up departments. It takes many pumice stones to create Hutton's shiny complexion, and many lumps of Welsh granite shot blasted from 3 inches, to make Dalton look so haggard, I mean, rugged.

A second difference is fashion sense. Smooth Timmy Hutton's character in Leverage is a desk-bound mannequin, whose only dress requirement is to look good in a swivel chair as he taps away on a keyboard. Consequently, Hutton's suits are hand-crafted from cashmere.

Compare that to the clothing specifications for Timmy Dalton's man-killer, Bond. The agent runs, jumps and flies through burning buildings, skis courageously down baddy-infested alpine slopes and swims with half-starved reptiles. He needs practical threads. Dalton's suits are therefore sensibly cast from scuff-resistant kevlar.

And thirdly, their acting styles are radically different. In Leverage, the crime-fighting Timmy Hutton plays a cyber geek-ish Robin Hood, remotely transferring wealth from the rich to the poor via PayPal. In sharp contrast, Timmy Dalton's bond isn't remotely phased about getting in every girl's knickers, in everyone's face, and making everyone pay. (Not that I would mind collecting the change from some of these Bond girls.)

The future for Mr T's

Just how long will Mr Hutton T's character live? Judging by the past success of his TV shows, the highly leveraged vigilante is probably living on borrowed time. Some say, it may be less than a year before the network slits Hutton's cyber show at the knees. Not a pretty thought for Mr T's agent.

Contrast that to Mr T. Dalton's James Bond, whose life as an MI6 agent is guaranteed eternal. You couldn't chop him off from the entertainment world, even if you tried, fool.

Anyway, take a look and see if Leverage is like Snoops with computers. If so, remember, it is TV, and no matter how hard you try, your computer cannot do the same tricks.

Another famous Timothy

And talking of famous Timothyies, whatever happened to Timmy Mallett. Timmy who? ask the American readership! You know...

Legendary (UK) children's television presenter, leading musician and heroin addict Timmy Mallet (real name Timothy Mallet)

Did he ever get off the made-for-junk-TV island with his lack of celebrity intact? When will he play his I'm a Rare Famous Timothy card and leverage himself into a real role? Hopefully never.

Eoghan Quigg, Simon Cowell's protegé, will win the X-Factor, no doubt about it.

Think about it. The X-Factor is a show looking for a potential pop star role model and Eoghan has been groomed by Cowell to become the next Telly Tubby Teen idol to take the telly by storm.

On the minor matter of singing ability, if he can hit notes belted out by ABBA, then he must have what it takes vocally, to be a pop star. It is irrelevant that he was not even a twinkle in his mother's eye when most of his cover songs were written.

Mr Simon Cowell will make Eoghan a star, because he has all marketing angles covered.

The teen audience love him cause he is "role model". 16 going on 12, the cutesy giant ewok from Ireland looks like a teen, dresses like a teen, and winks like one too. And slushy mums will buy his records too, in part because of the nostalgia oozing from the cover songs, but mainly because his regurgitated music for pleasure may inspire their kids to be an X-Factor satr.


Eoghan's trips to his local Spar shop without being accosted by fervent fans are numbered. I can feel it.he is going to win. What do you think?

I am publishing this minutes before the results are announced. At 21.03, let the future prove me wrong.

and teens have the spending power to make Quig and Cowel very rich, even in a recession. . Teens aren't going to be depressed by the recession, their spending power is secure

I will now don my Tina Turner and Naomi Campbell anti-flame suit.

There is a well-known saying: Owners look like their pets. And, sometimes you see reverse likenesses, where pets look like people.

My first reaction on seeing this Arabian was, Awwww, isn't he cute, the second reaction was That's Tina Turner.



What? You think that is a stretch? Take a look at this Tina Turner Private Dancer video. I rest my case.




Btw, we love her voice, and she is even better now than when she first belted out the praises of NutBush, a one horse town. (Check out this question & answer about Tina Turner's misheard Nutbush lyric. It may amuse you.)

Neigho-me

And a while back, I took one look at this posy black Arabian.and thought, That is Naomi reincarnated!! Am I right or am I right?! (And if I am wrong, please don't be like her when she gets in a tizz, and throw a phone at me - unless it is an iPhone, and I can keep it.)



Got any more examples of celebrity meets animal alter ego? Let me know. and I will credit you on this site with a juicy back-link.

If you like your quizzes simple, then you should try out a killer (as in cool) website where they ask one simple question. Are you more Popular than Jesus?

Ed answers the Jesus question

Before diving in to answer this apparently straightforward question, I learnt a bit of background. The findings were quite disturbing.

The Jesus in question is the messiah one. I was upset to learn that it is not a popularity contest with Jesus Jones the pop group. I could have won that one - right here, right now!


The question is based on the macabre premise that John Lennon was assassinated because the Beatles claimed that they were more popular than Jesus. (This is a slightly creative assumption, seeing as the killer himself blamed his actions on the influential book, Catcher in the Rye.) Anyway, let's not spoil the underlying message of this website. If you are more popular than Jesus, you will be taken out!

Google, not God, generates the popularity results. I don't know about you, but I was not happy at the thought of being added to a religious hit list by a quirky algorithm.

It is an irresistible question. You know how it goes. We are all a touch vain.

Is Ed more popular than Jesus?

There's only one way to find out. Putting all my fears aside, I donned a white kevlar gown and bullet-proof halo, cleared all caches on my browser and logged in to compare my Google search results with Jesus' search results. You can see that I breathed a huge sigh of relief, snatching just 0.02% of the popularity ratings from Jesus. I don't think I will be getting a tap on the shoulder and a zealous bullet to the head any time soon.

But do you have the cojones (or the bullet-proof attire) needed to take a test that may reveal to the nutters of the world that you are more popular than Christ? I dare you.

How to deal with the popularity results

If for some reason you find you are more popular than Lord Jesus, (perhaps your name is Ricky Gervais?) please don't worry about an attack from Lennon's killer. Mark Chapman is behind bars watching a looped version of the film he "stars in" Chapter 27, He is far too consumed by fame to be bothered coming after you. He may have disciples though, so just be careful. You know...it could happen...any time.

On the other hand, if you are amongst the ranks of unpopluar Man, you have nothing to fear. I suggest you chill out with a trip to the Less popular than Jesus tee-shirt store
.

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btw, if you like these so-called pointless sites, check out our buddies at Generator Land. They have funny name generators, and although they won't change your life, they will tickle you for quite a while, especially the Gangsta names.

This is Ghetto Tatt signing off.