There is nothing more amusing than the sight of Duane Chapman cursing and waddling across a lawn in the final stages of hunting down a bail-jumper. This scene usually presages toweled down Duane sat in the back of a huge SUV en route to the cop shop, giving his typical drugs bad, god good pep talk to the captured crim. I am of course referring to the star of the highly popular reality show, Dog the bounty hunter.

Team Chapman

The show, set in Hawaii, revolves around a family whose business is dedicated to capturing half-dressed druggies who jump bail. Dog and his brother Tim, and sons Leland and Duane, (plus daughter, Baby Lisa) all governed by Dog's wife, Beth, are often the guys who posted the bail in the first place, so they are quite motivated to make a capture. I am not saying they are money obsessed, but a common phrase is something like, "I will hunt you till the end of time," suffixed with a motherfucka or some such similar juicy expletive.

Fashion disasters

Who dresses them? Judge Dread? With every passing week, the show seems to grow closer to a surreal futuristic comic cop show, and it is hard not to laugh at the ludicrous garb they wear. Everyone in the family team is wearing black from head to toe; pony tails from head to waist; and tats from their ass to their elbow. They have so many shades, holsters, cell phones, radios, cuffs and mace attached to their clothing that you realise Dog probably doesn't run much, out of concern that he might trip when his trousers fall down round his ankles.

OTT image

Dog is lovable and good at his job, and has a heart of gold, but isn't he getting a bit over the hill for all this hard knock fashion statement stuff? Who is he kidding with this hair-do, where three strands of blond straw have been extended, woven and subdivided to sweep over his bald patch and reach way down his back.

Just to add to the fashion comedy, he sometimes braids in some Indian decor and wears dark, dark shades indoors. And let's not forget his open big belly Hawaiian shirts, too tight jeans and silver capped high heeled cowboy boots.

I am sure he is in better shape than many people his age, but isn't man-hunting a younger man's job? Thank the stars he has son Leland to deal with sprints over 50 yards or fences over 4 feet high. Without him, Dog would be reduced to tazering runaways or letting a real dog loose. Not such good TV.

The end of the lesson

Listening to Dog, preaching to a capturee about the benefits of drug-free god-dominated living, I was reminded of a quote from the most popular page on this site, Funny Quotes-

Are you familiar with the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays awake all night wondering if there is a Dog.

There is definitely a Dog, and he is not agnostic. In Dog we trust.