Joggers the world over are hitting the streets with their latest mp3 audio fashion accoutrements strapped to their bicep. However, sometimes it is difficult to tell what function the gadget on people's arms actually performs!

iPods are obvious

It is easy to know an iPod when you see one. All Mp3 players beginning with the letter i are elegant contraptions that look like they just grew there.

Although it may be obvious to us young things why a runner is carrying an iPod on their arm (if you forgot, it is in order to be motivated by low grade audio at 99 cents a pop), to others less hip and trendy, its purpose isn't so clear. Confused old Doris Macintyre, for instance, asked,

"What is the purpose of those garish white cords connecting the runners' ears to their arm?"

Her husband aged 95, replied "They are there to keep your eyes level relative to your torso when jogging."

Sharp as a button she retorted "Why isn't it called the Eye-Body then?"

iPods rock a robber's world!

Further testament to the foresight of the designers of the classiest musical devices to be found, is that they are the objects of desire for most muggers too. Light and easily transportable, iPods make for perfect petty crime, especially when beautifully presented in arm bands.

Doris' husband had no answer to her Eye Body idea but spotted a pretty jogger approaching and pushed his wife's wheelchair into her path, causing the young woman to fall. After helping the shaken runner back on her feet , Ginger Lightfingers Macintyre lifted her iPod too and sent her on her way.

"Happy Birthday Doris, have another hot iPod."

Less iPod more OMG

Harder to identify in terms of funcionality are the East German designed brick-like gizmos strapped to runners' arms. At first glance they resemble a medical device, perhaps a mobile iron lung? On closer inspection, however, these brown atrocities are found to be MP3 music players too, embellished with a name beginning with Z...! Clunky, wireless and expensive, the musical heavyweight Zunes should be kept inside at all times, in a darkened room similar to where you'd keep an iron lung.

check this head to head between iPod and Zune to see what you think.

Samson Y34XFC-V1

Judging by the strained and sweaty look on some joggers' faces, it would be wise to purchase the fictitious Samson Y34XFC-V1 mp3 player. Almost iPod-like in appearance, (but with the additional FM radio and sound recorder that Apple found impossible to incorporate), the marvellous gadget also has an in-built facility for checking blood pressure on the move. Who says you can't have too many features! And definitely one for Doris Macintyre to strap to her arm on her thrice daily pickpocket excursions?


Got any ideas for all-in-one gadgets?



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If you were flying the airways and wanted to beat the boredom with retail therapy, just ask your friendly stewardess for the Skymaul catalog. She may wrap it around your face for not referring to her as a flight attendant, but it would be worth the temporary discomfort.

PS. This is the fake catalog and the real video demos the iPod Shredder. (I updated the original article with a video link that works.)

If Apple had invented iChansons, no doubt the French would have welcomed the iCosse MP3 player with open arms - assuming Steve Jobs had changed his company name to la Pomme as well. There is no nation quite as adept as France at putting its spanner in the works of anything that doesn't originate in France.

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Remember when you break up with that someone special (barf barf) as a teenager and all you then hear on the radio are songs about breaking up, crying, suicide? I read a post on putting your life story to music! It sounded really dumb, actually, until I tried it - or maybe I just got lucky with the coincidences.

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They say that with DRM (Digital Rights Management) it is possible to clean up the mess that is on-line music and video piracy. But not if your name is Sony! The nippon conglomerate employed a company to install a DRM system called XCP on their CDs and DVDs. This guy at Sysinternals smelt a rat and has outed the closet music company.

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