Web statistics will either excite you or glaze you over. Or put another way, if you read binary for pleasure, web stats provoke a 1 - (YES, yes, yes) - or a whimpering 0 - (No, no no.)

Personally, I am in the excitable stage, having checked a few end of year elementary statistics related to The Pisstakers.

Web statistic 1 - web traffic

Yes yes yes! My blog hosts at A Small Orange have been bombarding me with reminders that my bandwidth limit is about to expire. I currently have 685MB left on a 10GB max. Will it hold out till midnight tonight? If it doesn't, you won't be able to read this till tomorrow.

Web statistic 2

Yes, yes, yes! Speed matters is an old chestnut lurking in my sidebar. I checked my connection speed here in backward England - it is twice the average speed I had in New Jersey, but, oh,

No, no, no! even at over 4Mb/sec it is still 15 times slower than the average Japanese connection! Aaargh.

Speedmatters want everyone in America to know that the US government has no broadband internet adoption policy. Why would they, doesn't internet come under foreign policy?

Web statistic 3 - monetizing results

Money, money, money, No, no, no. My Adsense earnings for this month are $4.68 and rising!

In an effort to persuade you to subscribe, (hint hint!!!!) I also pummel your senses with a Chitika ad. You will notice it when you first land here via a search engine. This ass about face approach, annoying you before you read a thing, has surprisingly netted me a cool 66 cents in a couple of days. So, that web statistic generates a lukewarm yes.

I invite you to knock yourselves out checking on your own statistics - and share them here in the comments. I will gladly publish the comparisons and hopefully generate some link love.

Happy New year, and back to clicking on page refresh to improve the popularity of this post ahead of next year's most popular post award.

To continue the web statistics anal - y - sis started so helplessly:

Web statistic 4 - most popular posts

My 3 most popular humor posts for anyone who wants to Stumble some of my better offerings are:

Ursula Martinez Light My Fire video 6657 views this year
Naked Zwinky is so lame compared to Wow 7861 views this year
Funny quotes of the Day - 14867 views this year

Web statistic 5 - total traffic 2008

According to my server stats, I have had 131000 unique visitors this year. Sorry if I bored 90% of you. Better luck next year.

There are more web statistics, if your butt hasn't healed over reading this.

I recently received some devastating news from my on-line blog hosts, A Small Orange - and it made me very happy.

The domain thepisstakers.com has reached 80% of its bandwidth limit (8106.08/10000.00 Megs).

Oh

Yippee-i-ay, Merry Christmas to the best blog hosts, and thanks for holding up under the 8.10608 GB barrage of traffic in the last couple of weeks.

And a Merry Christmas to the human hosts at A Small Orange too. Looks like their business model will work, and next year I will need to upgrade my package from a $5 Small to a $10 Medium. (Sounds like I am at MacDonalds)

Halleluja, ASO blog host supremos

If anyone is looking for a totally reliable place to host their blog or website, I cannot recommend the Small Orange guys enough. They were always courteous in the face of questions from a dumbass newbie; prompt with their customer support and very knowledgeable. What more do you want?

One click to install your self-hosted Wordpress blog? Done.

Free hosting? Well, free might sound good, but if you read around, you get what you pay for. ASO charge $25 a year for a Tiny package to test the water, which sounds pretty close to free, but enough that you can expect a good service from them!

Unlimited bandwidth? As you read above, my current limit is 10GB per month. A service offering unlimited traffic might sound good, but it is a red herring, (or did I mean lie?) because every server reaches its limit some day. And the people offering unlimited bandwidth are the sort who cram too many domains onto a server and the moment that the porn pedalling domain gets a rush of traffic, everyone else's service gets cranked down.

I think on balance, ASO have got it right, and you should check them out.

(I don't get any cash for writing this, but if you did sign up, I would get some free hosting which would be nice.)

Email is still with us, and still it needs to be managed. This was my experience one year ago.


A while back I had an alert from my web hosts at A Small Orange, reminding me in their polite way, to manage my email. In other words - go and sort out your damned email box and clear the crap out of it.

I did.

Many hours later, I wrote

I am feeling sanctimonious, and with 500 emails deleted and sorted, I can ask you guys the following questions. Hands up:
1- who doesn't check their email regularly?
2- who doesn't check their email properly?
3- who doesn't reply to the emails that should be replied to?

To set the ball rolling, I raised my hand, guilty as charged to number 2 and a little bit guilty of number 3.
Keep on reading, dude

Last year I mentioned how my mailbox was clogging up with poker related spam. I held my hand up, it was all my lazy ass fault. My junk situation was a classic case of np-gigo aka no protection from garbage in, garbage out.

I had no filters set and guess what, not even Apple's email software could recognise poker related emails as spam, straight out the box. Doh. So much for intuitive Apple software not being able to tell I didn't want to win something for nothing! Anyway, with a few tweaks I got my mailbox preferences under control and my trash - not my inbox - was filling at the rate of 50 gambling mails a day.



The trouble was, and is, it takes longer to complete the filters than delete spam as it comes in!



But it worked. I beat off the spammers. They tried attacking later with modified spellings - piker, cassino, hold em - but I stayed spam free with my junk filter longer than the arm of the federal law designed to stop spam.

Stopping spam

There are laws against spamming, but the trouble with laws is, they are easily circumvented. Spammers in Thailand certainly don't care about laws in the USA. Spammers in the USA don't even care about USA laws.

Personally, I think the best way to end spam is to call it something else, like Ham Substitute - or embrace it as correspondence from people who need companionship - problem solved.

Other email related posts. Email server problems

Last year OS9 User News launched a contest to promote security on the internet. The starting point was a screenshot of your desktop followed by a few tips on secure software.



Last year, the picture on my Mac desktop was a gnarly old tree stump. Sadly the view of nature was spoiled by endless files accumulated during a weekend of blogging. I promised to sort away or delete the bucket-load of material, mainly images in Photoshop, the following day. Tomorrow never came!



This is my desktop this year! The only thing that has changed is the nature of the wood in the picture. It has transformed from a tree to a boat. Is that progress?

Secure from the desktop to the internet and back again

Part of the OS9 User contest was security, so, let's talk security! Last year I said

Without wishing to trash Windows, if you are scared to surf the internet, scared of viruses and scared to click on emails, consider a Mac. There are no viruses to worry about and there are only a few simple steps to secure the computer and protect yourself from casual attack.

Same old same old this year.

A Mac is still vulnerable to human engineering, ie if a dialog box suddenly appears and states: "Click here on a file you have never requested. It was just delivered to your desktop by sender unknown and we want you to look at it." - you do!

Folks without the will not to do as they are told will still likely be victims of on-line nastiness. In general, though, with the inbuilt firewall running, and not using the admin account on-line, I have found surfing and blogging to be totally secure and fun on a Mac.

Of course, Windows users can have the same level of security, if you know how.

Conclusion

Nothing has changed in a year! That's technology.

The Internet is still taking over computing - with clouds, online storage and online software. Casual surfing and on-line social interaction is still on the rise, and from a business point of view, we are still getting trained like monkeys to download everything from images to bank statements to software.

Bottom line, the issue of security isn't going to go away, so just make sure you deal with trusted sources only - and don't just say Yes willy Nilly to every request to install plug-ins and so-on on your computer.

And remember, online shopping rules have changed this year! Don't buy anything online unless you have the money in the bank!

Revisit the contest and publish your desktop screenshot and let the world know about some cool secure software you use.

Don't throw away your corporate emails or IMs, and stock up on your mega tera peta byte hard drives. Yes, folks, the laws pertaining to electronic communications are tightening up around your necks. The law requires email archiving.



Keep on reading, dude

Once upon a time I was struggling for a tech idea to write about. But never let it be said that I am permanently lost for new material. Ka-ching, a very thorough post about Google mail desktop alerts had appeared (ironically) via email subscription from Untwisted Vortex That man saved my bacon and filled me with original inspiration again.

Google alerts. What can I say? They are ground-breaking and very useful, (or as Google would say: )

Google Alerts are email updates of the latest relevant Google results (web, news, etc.) based on your choice of query or topic.

I cannot add anything else to the conversation, except I have the alerts installed and every day the Googloids send me an email to let me know who has written about topics I am interested in - funny quotes, Pisstakers... And every day I am inspired.

Keep on reading, dude

Comcast are about as useful as a snowball in hell. The very least a homogenous faceless internet-oriented corporation should be able to provide is a standard internet service for their users - wherever they go. But no, they can't even be relied on for that. Sending emails is a hassle for Comcast users on the move.

Port 25 blocked - sometimes

Two Macs in our new Comcast-tainted home lay dead in the water, as far as email out was concerned. Ordinarily, you might expect a little aggravation flitting from one ISP to another while on the move, (perhaps? maybe?) Or it might get a bit tetchy sending emails from Outlook or Mail to Comcast accounts.... But to have to reconfigure your email account when emailing via the same company - Com-fricking-cast to Com-fricking-cast - come on, what's with that?!!!!

Well, for the bored with life, what's with that is this:

Port 25 is standard for outgoing emails

If you use Outlook or some other desktop mail client, (rather than webmail like hotmail or gmail) emails leave your computer via port number 25. Sadly, spammers know that too, and use port 25 to flood the world with digital crap.

ISP's are also part of the spam problem, unable to keep up with spammer tactics, so, basically, most ISP's choose to bury their head in the sand and block bona fide idiots like me from using port 25 to send their own legitimate emails while on the move.

That would be almost fine as a tactic if a) - it were a consistent policy, and b) - there were a clear set of instructions on what to do when faced with port 25 blocking. Comcast screwed up on both counts.

ie At my last house Comcast didn't have an issue with port 25, but at this place they do. And secondly, getting appropriate info from Comcast is like pulling teeth.

How to check to see why you cannot send emails

If you try to send emails and you see your email timing out for no apparent reason, you can do this telnet trick to troubleshoot your mail client. In my case, it proved that I wasn't mad and it said in black and white that there was no address ie the ISP, the craptacular crock of Comcast ,was blocking port 25.

Comcast help not

With hackles up, locked out of sending email for whatever reason? you ask Comcast Help for help. Because they only have like 2 permutations in their help book, anyone who isn't using the standard combination of comcast email and Outlook is pretty much shit out of luck for an explanation from a techy. How annoying is it to find yourself in that loop of "Not my problem, talk to the hand, and when you are bored of my hand, talk to the people who make your eMail client."

Of course, when really pressed (to justify their job), the techy can bullshit you with "expansive online cross platform real world help" ie a URL to a page with lovely photographic instructions for various email clients, one of which included step-by-step moves to set up Apple Mail.

And that is where the real issues began, because the instructions to send emails out from Apple Mail via the Comcast server don't fricking well work. After following their arcane and completely erroneous instructions, I get over 900 unread emails downloaded, and downloaded and downloaded. I know I am popular, but not that popular. And still I could not send out a hint of an email.

Apple support

Thank goodness for unpaid non-Comcast-affiliated experts who rove the help forums at Apple support. Volunteers took the time to apply their expertise to write clear simple steps on how to solve Comcast's problems.

How to use Apple Mail and Comcast when port 25 is blocked

For anyone who is interested, you need to use port 587 and keep the rest real simple, much more simple than Comcast would have you believe.

Or to keep it real simple, stay at home and stick to a webmail set up.

Thanks to the techies who have contributed to this post via comments. They have helped out hundreds of users.

Other email related posts

About a year ago there was a not so humorous virus doing the rounds. The Funny UST scandal avi virus caused loads of problems for users, (listed below)but it is interesting how people got annoyed by really arcane problems...

One chap revealed

If I selected “show hidden files” option, the virus would automatically changed the option to “do not show hidden files and folders” ,so i could not see my hidden files and folders.

What a bummer, for a handful of folks with the need, desire and brains to investigate their hidden files!

I can understand, though, that this second point would irritate a few more users.

...if i double clicked on any drive in my computer, then another window would open.

Sounds annoying, until you add how many everyday users actually run extra hard drives. Not me, nor Mrs Ed, or my brother, or neighbor. And seeing as the virus originated from an Instant Messenger, I can't imagine that big industry, who bought up most of the 1,777 petabytes of hard drives sold last year, would be affected either.

And then another user got their knickers in a twist.

1.can’t open Command prompt by run cmd command

Oh no, tragedy has struck the nation. A nation of oooh, hundreds? But most of the world surely didn't even know they had a run cmd button.

So there were plenty of trivial side effects to the Funny UST Scandal avi virus, but let's put the gravity of the virus in terms that Pisstakers readers might understand. The virus was an almighty pain because...

2.can’t install most of softwares
3.can’t open task manager
4. can’t restore your system

Now you're talking!

To remove it.

all you had to do was:

• download the Funny UST Scandal Avi.Exe Remover zip.
• Double click remover.exe and
• click on the “patayin ang tangahing virus button”.

Q & A

1) UST stood for what?
2) And the virus message sino gusto funny scandal ust pm nio ko meant what?

1) University of Santo Tomas and 2) "Who wants a funny UST scandal? PM me."

Commendations

Thanks to Yahoo Answers for the translation, and to Yahoo messenger for the original virus, and thanks to CanTalkTech for providing the information to seek and destroy it.

Lest we forget, avatar toolbars are glorified binary, enabling users to create icons in their own likeness, or in the likeness of others. Zwinky is pretty lame, but some systems offer the capacity for avatars to get XX-naked, and some can be quite fantastic - in a lewd Lord of the Rings fantasy way!

But remember, no toolbar can force sober souls to deviate from the straight and narrow and create bare-fleshed icons - unless, of course, you want to.

Second Life avatars get naked

Having said that you cannot "accidentally" create a naked avatar, It seems that Second life, (the digital Other world) had an accidental bout of naked avatars in town. Naughty naked nude digital flesh barged its way into the consciousness of hundreds of shocked Second Lifers. According to AP

On Monday, hundreds of avatars were naked and hairless - a software glitch resulting from so many users trying to participate at once. In September, the San Francisco-based company that runs Second Life, Linden Lab, warned that a security breach may have exposed subscribers' data, including credit card numbers and passwords.

As long as it was only a software glitch and no embarrassing hardware was on display, that is OK!

So how could an avatar suddenly get naked? Well, by way of explanation, on another occasion, there was outrage when Newt Gingrich arrived in Second Life for a look around and was met by a dishy avatar whose clothes loaded a few seconds after she did! Shocking naked avatar news indeed - the avatars load body first, hair and clothes second! Oh, just like in real life!

Hmmm, the programmers will have to rejig the page-loading process, if they are to maintain credibility with the 2.6 million users with no life.

World of Warcraft naked avatars

Whilst the family-oriented Zwinky and Second Life avatars bumble along modestly, some virtual world inhabitants have deviated, and gone the adult avatar route via World of Warcraft.

I wouldn't even know how to turn on WoW myself, but it is a high profile example of an adult environment where purveyors and fans of nude digital images hang out and let their swinging imaginations run wild. Plenty to discover and on my journey I discovered loads of bizarre factoids about naked avatars. Much to my surprise, I have developed quite a following for Naked Zwinky is so lame compared to naked avatars from WoW. Wow indeed.

And if you are in any way fascintaed, check out the whole naked Zwinky and naked avatar show on The Pisstakers!

Con-clusion

Please remember, every cent from advertising revenue here goes towards a PC so I can actually access the Zwinky toolbar myself, rather than watch voyeuristically on my wife's computer, at night, in the dark, while she sleeps.

Naked Zwinky offers the rudest avatars on the online chat scene, but - they are so lame when compared to the dark, orgiastic, digital characters populating the swinging World of Warcraft community.

Trying to keep it real, this image shows what happens when a happy housewife is tastefully morphed into a sinister buxom skinny thing with a thong and horns. What do you think?

I think it is technically clever, very creative and totally in line with the values of swingers in the WoW community, but as a more square observer - this avatar is evidence that technological progress is a double-edged sword!

Naked male avatars in WoW?

Why should straight guys and kinky females get all the fun? Good question. But if you are in search of kinky male nude avatars, you are s.o.o.l. Even if there is a huge behind the scenes demand for male nude avatars, the somewhat skewey members of mainstream US society dictate what is and isn't acceptable. Therefore don't expect to ogle a mainstream naked avatar hunk any time soon.

On the bright side, if depravity sweeps the Americas, or MMOrgy developers break out for the sake of their art, or Obama instils enough European socialism into the mix (ie persuade the US to adopt Dutch and Scandinavian sexual attitudes) perhaps there will be some racy male-oriented videogame Porn developments coming your way.

Japan male naked avatars

In the meanwhile, if you really need a virtual hit of XX avatars, head off to Japan. They seem to have extraordinarily liberal attitudes towards sex and violence (emphasis on the sex and violence). Japanese "artists" produce material that would make even repressed puritans with a gimp in the basement blush. Inquisitive grannies and teens alike should head east to feast on digital depravity.

Zwinky is PC correct

As a Mac user I don't have access to Zwinky. Undeterred, I continue to live in the hope that the many readers of this post support my blogging efforts so I can go buy a cheap PC. (However at $3.66 advertising revenue, so far this month, the suspense is killing me.)

More naked Zwinky and naked avatar material

Thanks to gamer Wonderland I have been inspired to follow the development in all things categorised as naked zwinky-ish. My horizons have been broadened and hopefully so have yours - and there will be more to come.

For instance, I am investigating the themes of naked avatar skins, and Naked Avatars (Who would have thought they raise awareness of intellectual property rights!) Life is a rich tapestry once you get under the skin of a topic. Why not subscribe to this page and keep uptodate.

cheers