The internet is hardly 100% pure quality, and not all TV is garbage, but... Months of wall-to-wall DNA testing to out cheating partners may have been good for Maury's ratings, but it almost destroyed my faith in humanity in broadcasting! And, yesterday, to bolster ratings, Maury Povich further plumbed the depths of content with re-hashed trash viral videos. Aaaaargh!

Maury's production quality isn't all bad

In his favor, Maury's mega cheap show highlighted how TV and internet users have quite different expectations when it comes to visual quality. TV is all about high def camera work, snazzy computer-generated graphics and slick transitions. In contrast, if the clip of the DJ test-riding a kid's buggy had debuted on TV, the offending broadcaster of low resolution, blurry and jumpy crap would have been closed down in minutes for unnecessarily polluting the airwaves.

Bad move bringing internet to TV

That audio-visual calamity was a raving success on-line, but perhaps in the process of spending $300 on content to bring it to land-bound audiences, Maury just signed the death knell for his daytime show and others like it. Let's face it, with recycled cheap trash like this being served up, Maury clearly has almost nothing original of his own to offer, and with the internet so accessible "Why tune into TV any more?"

Internet and TV lines are coming closer

While Maury is serving up over-produced mega-dumbed down TV garbage, the internet movers and shakers are quietly making deals to bring prime TV on line. Add to that their access to content that will never be seen on TV (apart from re-hashed once popular video clips) and it is looking quite bleak for Maury and co in their current terrestial format.

Conclusion

There is only one obvious advance I can see him making in the ratings war against internet shows. Picture if you will, Maury crapping on the toilet while cheating partners beat up on each other in the background. It has to be a hit. Especially compared to the normal screeching drivel.

I stumbled across an old Australian song by Men at Work. Whoever thought that English was the same the world over, knew not what they were saying.

Traveling in a fried-out combie

This is not an over-cooked chimichanga, but something like a VW camper van, the sort of vehicle that you would imagine if you listened to Alice's Restaurant, assuming your idea of fun is Arlo Guthrie, that is.

On a hippie trail, head full of zombie

This is a powerful sedative which may not actually exist in reality - yet. It seems to be more like a mythical drug that scientists have been researching for years. it's main property being to turn humans into zombies. Maybe just turn on Men at Work songs and listen to them backwards while standing on your head, that should do something towards achieving living dead status.

I said, "Do you speak-a my language?"
He just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich

Vegemite is vegetable extract that spoils any piece of processed white bread in a second. It is even more disgusting than marmite, which is a beef extract given to British babies before they are old enough to realise that it too tastes like shite.

I come from a land down under
Where beer does flow and men chunder

This is a charming onomatapeic word that means to throw up, puke your ring, spew. A common pastime in any local hostelry, this action has been perfected in Bolemia-ville, south of Alice Springs.

If you want to perfect your Australian English, mates, check out the full and entertaining lyrics to Land Down Under by Men at Work

Fortunately the internet is a great empowerer, and just as this guy has the chance to express his desires for a mate, so we have the opportunity to press the stop button and move on with our lives. Can't wait to not see what is happening at allinyourhands.com next month!