Looks like the big boys of news, Reuters, have picked up on the Beacon Awards from the New England lighthouse blog.

Reports coming out of Pisstakers HQ indicate that this exposure is in recognition of the great job performed by the historic light houses.

"These coastal beacons have been working tirelessly for years keeping Reuters super yachts from running aground at the weekend. The news agency salutes you."

Tuna fishermen, however, are crapping themselves at the prospect of an encounter with New England dolphins. When scaled up against a light house, the smiley dolphins must measure at least 80 feet and 12 tons. Scary.

Back to the awards, 5 blogs were honored:

Andrea for her wisdom using inspiration and poetry,
Ed the Editor for his insightful zany view of the news,
Miss Cellania for sharing her comical gifts,
Photography by KML for her variety of phenomenal photos,
Predator Press for his comical wisdom! (I think the idea of a tattoo instead of wedding rings is worth an award all of its own!)

Check them out, and just like Reuters, promote them, link to them, write something about them, it is the blogosphere at work.

An announcer tried to zip some life into the daily boredom of millions traveling on the London Underground.

LONDON (Reuters) - An official announcer for London's Tube system has been sacked after making spoof messages mocking American tourists, peeping Toms and sweaty commuters.

Voiceover artist Emma Clarke, 36, recorded the announcements in the same smooth tones that have warned millions of passengers to "Mind The Gap" and posted them on her Web site.

The messages include:

* "We would like to remind our American tourist friends that you are almost certainly talking too loudly."

Seems harsh for pointing out stereotypes. Or was she fired for not mentioning the Germans too?

How many people suddenly averted their eyes at the following announcement and pretended to study the metro map that they already know like the back of their hand?

* "Would the passenger in the red shirt pretending to read the paper but who is actually staring at that woman's chest please stop. You are not fooling anyone, you filthy pervert."

What is wrong with reminding folks of their pseudo intellectual behavior?

* "Would passengers filling in answers on their Sudokus please accept that they are just crosswords for the unimaginative and are not in any way more impressive just because they contain numbers."

This next one must have struck a chord with Japanese tourists used to traveling the Tokyo metro where repressed breast-grabbing businessmen are rife.

* "Here we are crammed again into a sweaty Tube carriage ... If you're female smile at the bloke next to you and make his day. He's probably not had sex for months."

It sounds a bit lame that her employers failed to see the funny side, especially as she was not being untruthful in her observations. Her boss had the last word, though, and must have been inspired by the very woman he fired.

London Underground is sorry to have to announce that further contracts for Miss Clarke are experiencing severe delays,

The Pisstakers were recently caught up in the Chinese porn scene, and since then I have been keeping abreast of affairs.

Beijing leaders are determined not to allow pornography to detract their workforce from a path to miraculous economic growth. Bottom line, the authorities think that by banning internet porn, they can stop people on the chain gang, I mean, on the production line, from wasting time thinking about sex!! Wrong.

Prohibition makes people even more distracted, as they ponder for hours and days how to circumvent the law to get a good look at some nooky.

Anti-porn measures

The Chinese government has convinced 4000 cosmetics sites to ban links to off-shore porn providers. I wonder what the letter said.

Comrade, cut the porn links now, or instead of selling cosmetics you will be testing cosmetics - not on animals like in civilised countries, but on your babies.

The authorities are also muscling the Chinese equivalent of PayPal to monitor all payments details and stop any transactions involving purchases of a lewd nature. I guess the bottom will soon fall out of the on-line trade in Chinese pussy cats and cockerels.

Anti porn flailing

It seems as though the direct threats are working locally, but not even the great firewall of China, a real-life Big Brother firewall, is stopping the inexorable penetration of overseas porn-based traffic into China.



The squeaky clean Pisstakers were banned from China, but some 60% of pornographic naughtiness is beamed into China by determined others, from beyond the jurisdiction of zealous Chinese officials. The Govt are now working on a few subtle addenda to agreements with trading partners.

We will sell you all the cheap furniture, clothing and noodles you want, as long as you shut down your porn sites.

That should cause some uncomfortable moments in places like Indonesia, where a certain politician rues his involvement with porn. But in the US, it is well known that links to porn makes money for American darlings and money means potential campaign funding and votes, and...

We will follow the Chinese porn situation closely, (albeit from a distance, if you know what I mean, Beijing.) And a loud shout out to VNUNET for the inspiration

Selvakumar, an Indian guy, married a dog as part of his penance for a terrible crime he committed as a younger man.

At first glance, a marriage to a dog may not sound like news, especially if you have ever looked through the photos in some less-than-picky marriage websites. And it wouldn't be the first time a glowing bridezilla had been called a bitch walking down the aisle. The penance angle may also be no big deal to you, if you are the sort of person who can forgive people for crimes against humanity.

But where I come from, this story is beeeezarrrooo.

Selvakumar really did marry a canine beastie called Sulvi, and he pledged himself to her for life, to try and atone for crimes against dogmanity. He brutally killed 2 dogs and strung them up from a tree for good measure. On that basis, murderers should just propose to their victim's brother or sister, and live happily ever after.

The astrologist adviser, who set Selvakumar on this interesting path to good kharma, made it very easy for him, with a step by step list of requirements. He dressed Sulvi, a cute stray, like a real Indian bride, veil, sari and all. With an eye for detail, he gave her a garland and ring, but the dog drew the line at a necklace, having been fully briefed beforehand about the groom's propensity for hanging dogs from the nearest bough.

Sulvi's maid of honor, a Shiatzu-hyena cross, helped her with the garter, and slipped a couple of doggie biscuits into her cleavage, in case she got peckish during the 3 day ceremony.

We are not sure if they consummated the marriage. There are vicious rumors that the groom had to sell his bride back to the astrologer on the wedding night, as part of the advice payment plan.

If we hear any more about this shaggy dog story, rest assured, we will treat it with the dignity and respect it deserves in the 21st century.

Thanks Diane Smith for a good lead.

In one of the featured stories today, it was touch and go whether a police hunt for a deer on the streets of Cincinnati would end well.

According to a reporter from The Pisstakers, anyone going to such lengths to evade capture by the cops would have been shot dead on the spot. However, the Cincinnati chief of police forbade his officers from shooting Bambi, because he knows they are as useless with their guns as they are at hunting deer by hand.

Had they drawn their weapons, you can bet that the streets of Cincinnati would have been running with the blood of innocent bystanders, SPCA officials, and a cameraman.

A normal day at work then!


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There was a gruesome story on the radio about a repeat violent offender who was having pre-prison term sex with his girlfriend at his mom's house. Apparently, mid passion attack, she made the mistake of asking if it was OK to date other guys, seeing as he was going away for years and years. It was the last dumb question she ever asked of that particular nut case.

The mother, who was downstairs minding her own business, heard an almighty racket going on upstairs and is quoted as saying, "That didn't sound like no sex hollering." Of course, the mistress of the understatement was right, and when she went upstairs to find out what was going on, she witnessed her lovely son beating the final breaths out of his girlfriend.

For more wholesome domestic stories from a presenter who sounds like Kermit the Frog, tune into the Jersey Guys!