Entertainment
No Starbucks franchise for Tommy Lee?
23/07/07
Sounds like the Tommy Lee Starbucks franchise story I covered months ago was a little off the mark? Did they mean that he made a space in his lounge and the Starbucks guys moved in and installed a dedicated coffee shop with leopard skin seating and drum sticks for spoons? Makes a weird scene in my head.
Tommy Lee staggers into his lounge after a week out on the town, to be greeted by a steaming latte made by a young server with a band aid over their earring, nose ring and tongue stud. Or was that band aid crapola idea only a MacDonalds thing?
Whatever the truth is with TL, if you want a better coffee than a Starbucks, no strangers in your house at breakfast time, and a franchise of your own, check out the Coffee Beanery. Be ready to be amazed by the opportunities that come your way when you hand over $250k from your current account to get started as a Coffee beaner. As if a bright future off the back of 1/4 of a million bucks is news to anyone!
Finally, in closing, the only thing Starbucks truly excel at these days are cheap stocks.
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. The Police in concert
05/07/07
"Don't stand so close to me." You can imagine the irony of the song title when tens of thousands of claustrophobic Police fans cram into steamy Wrigley Field to listen to their aging heroes. Packed like sardines, the 40 and 50-something crowd with an interest in rock history will get increasingly irritated as the night rolls on and the stadium heats up. Tempers will fray when neighbors stand on toes and elbow each other by accident, reacting to the beaty tunes from the founders of white reggae. It could get ugly, with messages in a bottle flying all over the stadium. Plenty of Chicago Cops had better be on their guard to deal with it.
Everyone in the stadium will also be hoping the band can survive the night without incident.
The Police themselves aren't getting any younger, but they seem to be holding up, at least in small bursts. But what about lasting the pace for a whole concert? Despite wrinkles and greying hair, the band have managed to remember tracks they haven't played live in a decade or more. Will their amazing memories last though when the wheels start to fall off in the second hour?
Will anyone notice if Sting doesn't quite make the highest notes in ROXanne and sings Da doo doo doo in the wrong song? If the drummer misses a beat, will there be a riot? If the ripping guitar rifts sound a bit like a drunk mouse strumming on a cat's whiskers, will fans boo? Will the exhausted rockers slip into cardiac arrest? Let's hope not.
The two things I recall about The Police are: a friend of mine swapped two tiny Police decals for a big slap up meal at a service area. The girl's supervisor never got to know and my friend savored every mouthful of his free meal as we watched him in envy.
And the other more amusing ditty, is a scene in a comedy show called Only Fools and Horses. The two brothers are dodgy dealer, petty criminals who operate on the edge of the law in the East End of London. The younger one, Rodney, brings home a girl who is a policewoman, and neglects to tell his older brother her profession until later on in the evening. Of course, Del goes mad when he finds out and is instantly on his guard. It is so funny how he walks around his apartment chatting away while slyly packing away stolen goods and hiding anything suspicious under cushions.
Rodney is a bit dense, totally smitten with his girl and very proud of his criminal brother. Without thinking, he says all buffed up, Yeah, my bruvver's got a police record, 'aven't ye?" And quick as a button, Del replies, "Yeah, Walking on the Moon."
I expect the only record The Police will have by the end of the next couple of nights is a maximum heartbeat ever recorded for a rock drummer. That guy can play, but you have to worry! And I personally would be interested to know if the headband keeps his gray wig in place.
Finally, if they decide to play Message in a Bottle, at least keep it in key boys, and Sting, lose the pantomime outfit, man.
We've linked to several web search engines offering random payments & prizes! Click the icon & search the keyphrase Cadillac CTS ad or web search. It is a win-win, perhaps!
Everyone in the stadium will also be hoping the band can survive the night without incident.
The Police themselves aren't getting any younger, but they seem to be holding up, at least in small bursts. But what about lasting the pace for a whole concert? Despite wrinkles and greying hair, the band have managed to remember tracks they haven't played live in a decade or more. Will their amazing memories last though when the wheels start to fall off in the second hour?
Will anyone notice if Sting doesn't quite make the highest notes in ROXanne and sings Da doo doo doo in the wrong song? If the drummer misses a beat, will there be a riot? If the ripping guitar rifts sound a bit like a drunk mouse strumming on a cat's whiskers, will fans boo? Will the exhausted rockers slip into cardiac arrest? Let's hope not.
Personal Police stories
The two things I recall about The Police are: a friend of mine swapped two tiny Police decals for a big slap up meal at a service area. The girl's supervisor never got to know and my friend savored every mouthful of his free meal as we watched him in envy.
And the other more amusing ditty, is a scene in a comedy show called Only Fools and Horses. The two brothers are dodgy dealer, petty criminals who operate on the edge of the law in the East End of London. The younger one, Rodney, brings home a girl who is a policewoman, and neglects to tell his older brother her profession until later on in the evening. Of course, Del goes mad when he finds out and is instantly on his guard. It is so funny how he walks around his apartment chatting away while slyly packing away stolen goods and hiding anything suspicious under cushions.
Rodney is a bit dense, totally smitten with his girl and very proud of his criminal brother. Without thinking, he says all buffed up, Yeah, my bruvver's got a police record, 'aven't ye?" And quick as a button, Del replies, "Yeah, Walking on the Moon."
I expect the only record The Police will have by the end of the next couple of nights is a maximum heartbeat ever recorded for a rock drummer. That guy can play, but you have to worry! And I personally would be interested to know if the headband keeps his gray wig in place.
Finally, if they decide to play Message in a Bottle, at least keep it in key boys, and Sting, lose the pantomime outfit, man.
We've linked to several web search engines offering random payments & prizes! Click the icon & search the keyphrase Cadillac CTS ad or web search. It is a win-win, perhaps!
Paris Hilton finds god
04/07/07
Paris Hilton found god in prison and he responds in kind by making her a real-life multi-billionairess heiress at 32% above current value. How's about that for vindication of a higher being?
When Paris Hilton was fretting over make-up and making up with her maker, the wheels of high finance were turning and under advisement from god's bankers, The Blackstone Group were preparing to come down from the mountain and make the Hilton empire an offer it couldn't refuse. $26 bn packed quite a punch at many levels.
For a start, the insider news about this massive and generous offer clearly made a huge impact on the Hilton clan. Such an impact in fact that 3 bottles of pink champagne prevented Paris' mother from getting out the car to greet her daughter on release from jail.
And this payout coincided precisely with the famous religious experience that the demonised socialite, Paris, underwent in jail. As will be revealed later, she is a changed woman now, so there must be a god - and Paris is into him up to her neck now. So how did this happen?
When asked how she found god, Ms Hilton was frank.
"It wasn't easy, you know. First I had this calling, like a tap on the walls of my cell, and it was a sort of Morse code. At first I thought it was an SOS for help from my neighbor, but then I had this revelation that god was telling me to Save One Shoe. So I did, I put one of my high heeled Saatchi numbers to one side and held on to the other, waiting for another divine message.
She continued, her flickering eye welling up with emotion.
Unfortunately I was waiting for two days, before I had the final calling. It had nothing to do with the spare shoe, but it was totally wow.
A hunky prison warden was comforting me and we forgot ourselves and I was coated in this golden light and he, (I think it was a he, judging by the moustache) was shouting "God, I want you to do wonderful things to me." And God did his bidding through me and the next thing, I felt such a release of tension and ecstasy and then, like an hour later, I was free to leave prison too. This god dude works in mysterious ways and I am going to repay him by saving the world."
Certainly with all these extra billions from the recent buy-out, Paris Hilton has a chance to make a difference. In her enlightened state she promised that she would perform a twist on an idea from a former Vice president, and help the poor unliterate people in Latin America learn Latin.
But even Paris realises that there is more to the world than the Americas, so she also has a minor humanitarian project in mind for little American kids in Africa.
"I can adopt a few thousand, ship 'em over in a luxury container ship and house them in a new theme park . And like have Michael Jackson sing them to sleep every afternoon; and let them eat chocolate and surgically add fat on their cute skinny bones and check them out for diabetes and ADD and SAD and offer them all the drugs that kids in Africa don't have but we take for granted in America."
When it was pointed out that kids in Africa didn't consume Ritlin or insulin, and had plenty of sun, she acknowledged that she had a lot to learn, but god would help her move forward.
We hope so, Paris, god help you and all those you come into contact with. And surely he will work in ways that are so mysterious it will have us all scratching our heads in wonder.
We've linked to several web search engines offering random payments & prizes! Click the icon & search the keyphrase Cadillac CTS ad or web search. It is a win-win, perhaps!
A financial takeover of biblical proportions
When Paris Hilton was fretting over make-up and making up with her maker, the wheels of high finance were turning and under advisement from god's bankers, The Blackstone Group were preparing to come down from the mountain and make the Hilton empire an offer it couldn't refuse. $26 bn packed quite a punch at many levels.
Mrs Hilton legless
For a start, the insider news about this massive and generous offer clearly made a huge impact on the Hilton clan. Such an impact in fact that 3 bottles of pink champagne prevented Paris' mother from getting out the car to greet her daughter on release from jail.
Ms Hilton no longer soulless
And this payout coincided precisely with the famous religious experience that the demonised socialite, Paris, underwent in jail. As will be revealed later, she is a changed woman now, so there must be a god - and Paris is into him up to her neck now. So how did this happen?
God baits Hilton from within jail
When asked how she found god, Ms Hilton was frank.
"It wasn't easy, you know. First I had this calling, like a tap on the walls of my cell, and it was a sort of Morse code. At first I thought it was an SOS for help from my neighbor, but then I had this revelation that god was telling me to Save One Shoe. So I did, I put one of my high heeled Saatchi numbers to one side and held on to the other, waiting for another divine message.
She continued, her flickering eye welling up with emotion.
Unfortunately I was waiting for two days, before I had the final calling. It had nothing to do with the spare shoe, but it was totally wow.
A hunky prison warden was comforting me and we forgot ourselves and I was coated in this golden light and he, (I think it was a he, judging by the moustache) was shouting "God, I want you to do wonderful things to me." And God did his bidding through me and the next thing, I felt such a release of tension and ecstasy and then, like an hour later, I was free to leave prison too. This god dude works in mysterious ways and I am going to repay him by saving the world."
Hilton saves the world
Certainly with all these extra billions from the recent buy-out, Paris Hilton has a chance to make a difference. In her enlightened state she promised that she would perform a twist on an idea from a former Vice president, and help the poor unliterate people in Latin America learn Latin.
But even Paris realises that there is more to the world than the Americas, so she also has a minor humanitarian project in mind for little American kids in Africa.
"I can adopt a few thousand, ship 'em over in a luxury container ship and house them in a new theme park . And like have Michael Jackson sing them to sleep every afternoon; and let them eat chocolate and surgically add fat on their cute skinny bones and check them out for diabetes and ADD and SAD and offer them all the drugs that kids in Africa don't have but we take for granted in America."
When it was pointed out that kids in Africa didn't consume Ritlin or insulin, and had plenty of sun, she acknowledged that she had a lot to learn, but god would help her move forward.
We hope so, Paris, god help you and all those you come into contact with. And surely he will work in ways that are so mysterious it will have us all scratching our heads in wonder.
We've linked to several web search engines offering random payments & prizes! Click the icon & search the keyphrase Cadillac CTS ad or web search. It is a win-win, perhaps!
Killer teacups
30/06/07
For some reason, tea is viewed as dainty elegant drink with a fraction of the caffeine (read, kick) of coffee. Don't be so sure. The TeaCup at Dania Beach amusement park packed quite a punch, when it seriously injured a young teenage girl.
In response to the angered parent warning adults to check rides before letting their kids use them, the amusement park is making spanners and micrometers available from attendants at the entrance.
And news just in, Scotsman Dr Wee willy Wanka is claiming he can tell frustrated parents what little toddlers are trying to say, even though the wee babes cannot talk.
So far, a 2 year old from Edinburgh has managed to communicate to his parents via Wee Willy (a self-confessed PS3 addict and lifelong Celtic fan) saying that he wanted a PlayStation 3, and a season ticket to Celtic Football club home games for his birthday.
The parents obliged, but sadly, the kid rejected them.
Wee Willy saved the day again and offered to take the items off their hands. He resumes interpreting duties for the MacNicebutdims when he sobers up after the next Celtic home game. The rest of the toddler interpreting story is here, minus the pisstaker angle.
We've linked to several web search engines offering random payments & prizes! Click the icon & search the keyphrase Cadillac CTS ad or web search. It is a win-win, perhaps!
In response to the angered parent warning adults to check rides before letting their kids use them, the amusement park is making spanners and micrometers available from attendants at the entrance.
Dr Doolally
And news just in, Scotsman Dr Wee willy Wanka is claiming he can tell frustrated parents what little toddlers are trying to say, even though the wee babes cannot talk.
So far, a 2 year old from Edinburgh has managed to communicate to his parents via Wee Willy (a self-confessed PS3 addict and lifelong Celtic fan) saying that he wanted a PlayStation 3, and a season ticket to Celtic Football club home games for his birthday.
The parents obliged, but sadly, the kid rejected them.
Wee Willy saved the day again and offered to take the items off their hands. He resumes interpreting duties for the MacNicebutdims when he sobers up after the next Celtic home game. The rest of the toddler interpreting story is here, minus the pisstaker angle.
We've linked to several web search engines offering random payments & prizes! Click the icon & search the keyphrase Cadillac CTS ad or web search. It is a win-win, perhaps!
Coney Island Mermaid parade over?
25/06/07
Amidst rumors that The Coney Island Mermaid Parade is ending this year, deluded organisers claim it is going to go on past its silver wedding anniversary, and celebrate every year in fine style until its 50th - and beyond. This is a bold claim for a couple of sound reasons.
The Mermaids are lucky to get this far, judging by the history of Coney Island traditions that are already dead in the water. Mardi Gras anyone? Even if the Mermaid Parade, little more than a totally mini shadow of carneval, were to revamp, reinvent itself and increase the nudity, pizzazz and drama tenfold, the reality is, it still wouldn't make it past next year. The bulk of the amusement park where it takes place, is being sold off to a developer.
As Texan realtor and part-time celebrity psychologist, Dr Splash McGraw, pointed out, "Good luck with a 50th parade celebration, buddy. Be happy you got this far. You may own the Mermaid building, but the person with the land under it is unlikely to let the raucous parade stand in the way of Waterworld or whatever the plan entails.
Now look, it ain't looking great, but I can help you. I used to be a merman for 35 years and I had to make changes, and here I am today before you happy as a fish out of water. So what you want to do is wise up and integrate your mermaids back into the community while they still have a chance. And I am willing to help them do that, if you will stop flapping around, and encourage the mermaids to stand up on their own two feet and acknowledge the problem."
Unperturbed, the organiser mumbled that his mermaids were resilient, adaptable and could easily survive under a water park, if that were the destiny of his shiny office building.
Exasperated, Splash Mcgraw resorted to strong-arming the Mermaids into his way of thinking, by humiliating them on public TV. After going round in circles for an hour, they burst into crocodile tears and stormed off, unconvinced.
The developer denied any specific plans for the land on Coney Island, but gave a big hint when he said, Watch parade 26, code-named over and out, weave its way around 450 new luxury condos. The complex will be built to last 100 years and no parade is going to stop me realising my dream.
Meteorologists from the local weather center added fuel to the debate when they reminded the developer of changing weather patterns.
If it is still going, The Mermaid Parade could definitely take place underwater in 2020 in the wake of Hurricane Robin. Therefore, may we humbly suggest that if it is axed next year, someone enterprising should at least put the costumes and floats in cold storage until 2019. At that time, re-launch the event and market the bejesus out of it. Then in the following year, when the hurricane has blown itself out and the resulting tidal wave has subsided, they should open the flood gates and double the price of admission. Disneyland uses this bait and burn tactic all the time with new theme parks worldwide.
This story is clearly not at an end.
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The future is bleak based on the past and present
The Mermaids are lucky to get this far, judging by the history of Coney Island traditions that are already dead in the water. Mardi Gras anyone? Even if the Mermaid Parade, little more than a totally mini shadow of carneval, were to revamp, reinvent itself and increase the nudity, pizzazz and drama tenfold, the reality is, it still wouldn't make it past next year. The bulk of the amusement park where it takes place, is being sold off to a developer.
Specialist advice from a Dr McGraw
As Texan realtor and part-time celebrity psychologist, Dr Splash McGraw, pointed out, "Good luck with a 50th parade celebration, buddy. Be happy you got this far. You may own the Mermaid building, but the person with the land under it is unlikely to let the raucous parade stand in the way of Waterworld or whatever the plan entails.
Now look, it ain't looking great, but I can help you. I used to be a merman for 35 years and I had to make changes, and here I am today before you happy as a fish out of water. So what you want to do is wise up and integrate your mermaids back into the community while they still have a chance. And I am willing to help them do that, if you will stop flapping around, and encourage the mermaids to stand up on their own two feet and acknowledge the problem."
Unperturbed, the organiser mumbled that his mermaids were resilient, adaptable and could easily survive under a water park, if that were the destiny of his shiny office building.
Exasperated, Splash Mcgraw resorted to strong-arming the Mermaids into his way of thinking, by humiliating them on public TV. After going round in circles for an hour, they burst into crocodile tears and stormed off, unconvinced.
The financier's response
The developer denied any specific plans for the land on Coney Island, but gave a big hint when he said, Watch parade 26, code-named over and out, weave its way around 450 new luxury condos. The complex will be built to last 100 years and no parade is going to stop me realising my dream.
Hurricane Robin could work in the Mermaids' favor
Meteorologists from the local weather center added fuel to the debate when they reminded the developer of changing weather patterns.
If it is still going, The Mermaid Parade could definitely take place underwater in 2020 in the wake of Hurricane Robin. Therefore, may we humbly suggest that if it is axed next year, someone enterprising should at least put the costumes and floats in cold storage until 2019. At that time, re-launch the event and market the bejesus out of it. Then in the following year, when the hurricane has blown itself out and the resulting tidal wave has subsided, they should open the flood gates and double the price of admission. Disneyland uses this bait and burn tactic all the time with new theme parks worldwide.
This story is clearly not at an end.
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Princess Diana may turn in her grave
20/06/07
Celebrity Insider Photos and News is a cracking new entertainment site with a touch of Cornish humor, I believe. The revelation that The Spice Girls may reunite for a concert to help the Diana Memorial fund had me concerned though. Has anyone heard these people sing lately? Poor Di may turn in her grave when they tune up and let us have it.
Take Posh. (I know some of you want to take her and drop her somewhere, but let's be serious for one moment.)After years of living it up in Madrid and screeching Die-vid, donday esters los kids? how much has Peseta Spice, Victoria, got left in the vocal tank? Not as much as she has in the bank, for sure.
The only one who could sing anything was Sporty Spice, but what can one do in a crowd of off-key crooners? I used to love her because she actually had talent, she was pretty ugly but always smiled and she admitted to being called Holland at school. How cool is that for being comfortable with your body, in this day of de rigeur big busty implants for flat chested celebs?
Well, I will leave the gossip to the UK expert, and be glad I am totally out of touch with the piles of gossip that just keep on rolling out of that insignificant island off the coast of Southern Ireland. And if anyone sees the ghost of Diana on concert night, we know who to blame.
We've linked to several web search engines offering random payments & prizes! Click the icon & search the keyphrase Cadillac CTS ad or web search. It is a win-win, perhaps!
Cadillac CTS ad has thumping music
20/05/07
To be honest, I don't really like to drive. I have certainly never had a Cadillac. In fact I have to admit that I have never owned a fancy car of any sort, and I have to go as far as to say that I have never spent over $1500 on a car in my life. So why am I blogging about this 3.6 litre Cadillac CTS beast with a price tag to make a rich man wince?
The background track in the latest Cadillac CTS advert makes me want to fill this blog with revenue-generating ads and links so I can go buy me a Caddy. Not to drive it, of course - it's too heavy on gas for that. No, I need one so I can sit at the wheel and crank up the Bose sound system and play air guitar and drums to the music playing in the advert!
And for those that don't know what it is,
Thanks to a dude called Athwar for that revelation. He inhabits a car ad watch website called Jalopnik.The song is called "Start" by The Jam from the CD "Sound Affects".
We've linked to several web search engines offering random payments & prizes! Click the icon & search the keyphrase Cadillac CTS ad or web search. It is a win-win, perhaps!
Gumisiów - Polish gummi bears
11/04/07
I was blown away to find that Poland has been following the MyBlogLog Sunday "phenomenon". I am afraid I didn't understand a word, except Gumisiów - gummi bears.
The Pisstakers wymyślił Niedzielę MBL. W ostatni dzień tygodnia spisuje się dane ostatnich 10 użytkowników MBL, którzy odwiedzili stronę. Potem Ed (twórca TP) odwiedza każdy z nich i opisuje w krótki i zabawny sposób. Funt gumisiów wygrywa ten blog, który przez cały tydzień wygeneruje najwięcej odwołań do TP.
stokrotne) dzięki (Thanks) Adama, do widzenia (goodbye) Till Sunday.
A town called Fucking
06/04/07
Are the residents called Fuckers?
What are the mothers called?
What would you be learning at the Fucking High School?
Does the Fucking Hospital help you with anything else?
If your friend came from another town, he wouldn't be your Fucking friend
NOW YOU CAN FORWARD THIS TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS WHO KNOW NOTHING ABOUT FUCKING
This was also covered in The register
What's in a name
Hillary Clinton caption
04/04/07
UK news satire
20/03/07
This was probably Fat Frank's personal trainer taking out his frustration at just how bad that athlete's dieting program is going. If anyone cares to remember the England World Cup fiasco, Lampard was the dough boy who passed the ball back to the opposition goal keeper, in the disguise of a killer shot, at least 7 times a match.The BBC report: Football Association will contact Tottenham after a fan ran on to the pitch at White Hart Lane and aimed a punch at Chelsea's Frank Lampard. The incident, which the FA described as "totally unacceptable", occurred after Chelsea beat Spurs 2-1 in Monday's FA Cup quarter-final replay.
248-dimension maths puzzle solved
So much for progress. The big news in mathematics is the 4 years' of work expended on a formula discovered a century ago. Perhaps for their next project, the brain boxes could explain the secrets of pie-assed squared, or explain why the student got a zero for his answer.
UK inflation rate hits 2.8%
Lies damn lies and statistics?
It should say, inflation is up by 2.7% for the majority and gone up by 2.8% for a handful of UK elitists who flew every day of February.Again the BBC say, On the Consumer Prices Index (CPI) measure, inflation in February was 2.8%, up from 2.7% the month before. The figure - pushed up by increases in air passenger duty and thus air fares - remains well above the Bank of England's 2.0% target for the CPI.
View to a kill by a wolf
10/03/07
The BBC are pretty good at nature films. Their wildlife unit based in Bristol has produced loads of classic footage using incredible camera work: birds in flight carrying cameras strapped to their legs; lions mating with lenses stuck to their nuts, and gazelles feasting on grass that is actually a mini camera designed to trace the path of the foodstuff as it travels through the gazelles' stomachs and out their agile asses.
The latest development on a BBC wildlife theme is a wolf hunt filmed from a helicopter 2 miles above ground. Owooooooooooo. Clever stuff innit!
The latest development on a BBC wildlife theme is a wolf hunt filmed from a helicopter 2 miles above ground. Owooooooooooo. Clever stuff innit!
Popwatch and clueless Pisstakers
08/03/07
Although I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about, the Popwatch posts seemed quite interesting.
There is an open invite to comment on pop idol contestants or judges. Don't bet on seeing the following observation printed in their column.
Simon Cowell, tellytubby pop impresario is a no-shit-shoots-from-the-hip judge with a proven record for spotting marketable tack. If only the person who dressed him could drop his belt line by 6 inches. Perhaps then the paparazzi would stop trying to highlight Cowell's own misguided efforts to hide his tubby belly from telly viewers.
I had heard of Shiites, shitty Simon Le Bon, and mad cows, but the whole sorry mess appears to have been rolled into the name of one up-and-coming Gallic film star, Shia la Beouf. Look out for him in Indy jones part quatre.
Something big is happening on Pop Idol, so cue the fanfares. Could it be that superbitch Barba is going to admit the truth - that she can't sing half as well as she can generate publicity for herself?
One of hundreds of US radio stations was ripping into Barba, the week's most googled search query. The mouthy host interviewed a friend of the Pop Idol glamour puss.
According to this friend, Antonella was a popular hard-working gal at college. Her soft porn episode was a mistake and she is a great singer! The interviewee lost all credibility with that last statement and spent the rest of her program slot on the defensive.
It was a missed opportunity for the girlie, because the interviewer was definitely no Howard Stern. Sadly, she had no quick answers to pedestrian and tired questions and came across as a ditzy airhead, proving the radio host's poorly made point.
Next!
Pop Idolatory
There is an open invite to comment on pop idol contestants or judges. Don't bet on seeing the following observation printed in their column.
Simon Cowell, tellytubby pop impresario is a no-shit-shoots-from-the-hip judge with a proven record for spotting marketable tack. If only the person who dressed him could drop his belt line by 6 inches. Perhaps then the paparazzi would stop trying to highlight Cowell's own misguided efforts to hide his tubby belly from telly viewers.
Shia laBeouf?
I had heard of Shiites, shitty Simon Le Bon, and mad cows, but the whole sorry mess appears to have been rolled into the name of one up-and-coming Gallic film star, Shia la Beouf. Look out for him in Indy jones part quatre.
Antonella Barba, a bombing out bombshell?
Something big is happening on Pop Idol, so cue the fanfares. Could it be that superbitch Barba is going to admit the truth - that she can't sing half as well as she can generate publicity for herself?
Barba's friend butchered on the radio
One of hundreds of US radio stations was ripping into Barba, the week's most googled search query. The mouthy host interviewed a friend of the Pop Idol glamour puss.
According to this friend, Antonella was a popular hard-working gal at college. Her soft porn episode was a mistake and she is a great singer! The interviewee lost all credibility with that last statement and spent the rest of her program slot on the defensive.
It was a missed opportunity for the girlie, because the interviewer was definitely no Howard Stern. Sadly, she had no quick answers to pedestrian and tired questions and came across as a ditzy airhead, proving the radio host's poorly made point.
Do you have a boyfriend?
Yes
Are you a virgin?
Yes, but it's none of your business!
Do you pleasure him in other, oral ways?
Sure, but it's none of your business. (Blimey, makes you wonder what she would consider too rude to own up to, to a stranger ?!!!!)
So, have you ever got it on with Antonella?
No. (And unlike this star struck, slow off the mark friend, I would have added, "but I thought your wife was a real hotty when she was in bed with me, asshole.")
Yes
Are you a virgin?
Yes, but it's none of your business!
Do you pleasure him in other, oral ways?
Sure, but it's none of your business. (Blimey, makes you wonder what she would consider too rude to own up to, to a stranger ?!!!!)
So, have you ever got it on with Antonella?
No. (And unlike this star struck, slow off the mark friend, I would have added, "but I thought your wife was a real hotty when she was in bed with me, asshole.")
Next!
The Pisstakers have been Bono-ed
07/03/07
Rock god and AIDS charity champion, Bono, was recently criticised for spending 100 million bucks in an AIDS campaign that has only raised $18m. Despite this iniquity, he has been sequestered to the Pistakers writing team to raise their profile in the blog world. When interviewed recently, Mr Bono said,
In a state of shock, Ed the Editor commented
Bono is now taking time out of his world tour of Saatchi and Saatchi offices to prepare his opening 100-word post on the Pisstakers.
I have answered Ed's call for additional marketing expertise. For every 100 words they write in reviews about other sites, The Pisstakers estimate that the featured sites reply with just 18 words about the Pisstakers. In light of this disproportionate return on investment, they need a leg up."
In a state of shock, Ed the Editor commented
Bombarded with camera flashes and furry microphones, Bono whispered in a soft Irish brogue,We can't wait to publish the insightful, motivational words of Bono, a legend in his own lunchtime," "The Boy has a way with words, and clearly knows how to make a difference in matters of life and death.
Strumming on an air guitar, he continued,We are delighted to be involved with The Pisstakers who are representative of many classy blogs verging on the point of indifference in the public's eyes. We aim to raise their profile and topple The Onion with a series of humorous blog reviews, tech satire and funny angles on serious world news.
Rock 'n roll and gangsta rap may be dying, but The Pisstakers will prevail and be forever sanctified as a worthy cause. Our suggested motto for fans of the Pisstakers is, I, Bono, will follow Ed, and so should you.
Bono is now taking time out of his world tour of Saatchi and Saatchi offices to prepare his opening 100-word post on the Pisstakers.
Drunk Hollywood stars. How atrocious.
05/03/07
If you thought that Hollywood stars get drunk, bladdered, wasted, smashed, blitzed and bombed on a regular basis, and in public too, you may have to modify your belief structures. We paid into the clichés too, but after reading the newspapers and entertainment sites, where they never make things up, perhaps the theory should be more refined.
It looked more promising on the homepage of Befuddle. Plenty of drunken smiley, shouty, gaudy and flesh-flashing Hollywood stars on show. But just as we thought we had struck gold and proved our theory, out popped the disclaimer
The clichéd theory about wild drinking Hollywood actors was completely smashed by Bay Watch legend, David Hasselhof. He was so desparate not to appear like a typical drunken Hollywood star that he feigned illness before getting on a plane. Unfortunately the eagle eyed agents in London saw through his acting and refused the pissed up actor permission to board.
The same fiasco occurred with Paula Abdul who was drunk on Stars in Your eyes, or whatever that trash pop idol show is called. Except she used sleep deprivation as her feeble excuse for a motor dysfunction syndrome that looked remarkably like slurring due to excess booze.
Every Hollywood star has probably been photographed drunk as a skunk in public, but they can't fool all of the public all of the time. At some time, the shameless ones are in fact sober playactors, and the scheming ones are the drunks in denial, covering their issues with stories of ill-health.
In fairness, the genuine stars just admit to being pissed out their skulls, and throw up, fight and swear in public, behind closed doors, or wherever the fancy takes them. See, Hollywood drunks are just like like the rest of us. Well, like the rest of you, I'm tee-total.
DrunkHollywood
Well, after ploughing through page after page of pictures, in DrunkHollywood, there was no evidence of a particularly drunken star. Maybe we have to modify the clichéd claims and say that drunken debauched Hollywood stars limit their alcoholic abuse to when they are behind closed doors? Or does Drunk Dan need to remember his camera when he goes hunting for evidence in Beverly Hills clubs?This is drunkdans blog. The home of the drunkest people in hollywood. YOu will find your favorite celebrity caught acting like a foo
Befuddle
It looked more promising on the homepage of Befuddle. Plenty of drunken smiley, shouty, gaudy and flesh-flashing Hollywood stars on show. But just as we thought we had struck gold and proved our theory, out popped the disclaimer
We had to modify the cliché yet again, because Befuddle was showing pictures that prove that the definition of drunken debauchery in Hollywood is simply: actors are often caught acting drunk in public. That is scandalous.DISCLAIMER: Celebrities pictured on these pages may not necessarily be drunk as stated. They may well be just befuddled; pictured with an alcoholic drink; exposing too much flesh; attending another free celeb party or simply just playing for the cameras to get in the national tabloids.
Actors act sick to not appear drunk
The clichéd theory about wild drinking Hollywood actors was completely smashed by Bay Watch legend, David Hasselhof. He was so desparate not to appear like a typical drunken Hollywood star that he feigned illness before getting on a plane. Unfortunately the eagle eyed agents in London saw through his acting and refused the pissed up actor permission to board.
The same fiasco occurred with Paula Abdul who was drunk on Stars in Your eyes, or whatever that trash pop idol show is called. Except she used sleep deprivation as her feeble excuse for a motor dysfunction syndrome that looked remarkably like slurring due to excess booze.
The final, definitive theory on Hollywood drunks?
Every Hollywood star has probably been photographed drunk as a skunk in public, but they can't fool all of the public all of the time. At some time, the shameless ones are in fact sober playactors, and the scheming ones are the drunks in denial, covering their issues with stories of ill-health.
In fairness, the genuine stars just admit to being pissed out their skulls, and throw up, fight and swear in public, behind closed doors, or wherever the fancy takes them. See, Hollywood drunks are just like like the rest of us. Well, like the rest of you, I'm tee-total.
Anna Nichol Smith should be buried in limbo!
02/03/07
The fiasco that is the burial of Anna Nichol Smith has taken a turn for the even more bizarre. According to the blow-by-blow coverage from TMOZ, Anna's battling momma, Virgie Arthur, has got the full weight of the Bahama legislative process behind her on this one.
To be more accurate, while smirky Stern awaits at the church thinking his wishes will come true, the hearse is parked up, courtesy of the courts, and the driver is awaiting further instructions. Those instructions will be forthcoming when the judge has finished off his breakfast and had his hair done in preparation for his next public appearance. Whether the legal process will bring an end to another exciting episode in the dead blonde's existence on earth, still nobody knows, but at least the judge has eaten well and the hearse driver is on for a big tip.
For what it is worth, maybe just cut the crap and bury Anna Nichol Smith in limbo. That way, nobody wins or loses and the world's press can focus on something more weighty than even Anna in her balloon state days.
To be more accurate, while smirky Stern awaits at the church thinking his wishes will come true, the hearse is parked up, courtesy of the courts, and the driver is awaiting further instructions. Those instructions will be forthcoming when the judge has finished off his breakfast and had his hair done in preparation for his next public appearance. Whether the legal process will bring an end to another exciting episode in the dead blonde's existence on earth, still nobody knows, but at least the judge has eaten well and the hearse driver is on for a big tip.
For what it is worth, maybe just cut the crap and bury Anna Nichol Smith in limbo. That way, nobody wins or loses and the world's press can focus on something more weighty than even Anna in her balloon state days.
Not even Paris Hilton's lights are on
01/03/07
They say that airheads' lights are on but no one's home. In Paris Hilton's case, she never even had her headlights on when driving last night. On probation for unashamed self promotion, she couldn't quite get it together to flip a light switch in her junker car. Must have thought her catty like vision was enough.
Unfortunately, Paris was caught in the dark by the polic, and the womanwho, apparently, has seen the ceilings of more bedrooms than are even owned by her name sake Hilton chain, faces jail time and the prospect of yet another ceiling to stare at. Oh dear, not another Prison Warden story and another few grand for paparrazi duty?
Unfortunately, Paris was caught in the dark by the polic, and the womanwho, apparently, has seen the ceilings of more bedrooms than are even owned by her name sake Hilton chain, faces jail time and the prospect of yet another ceiling to stare at. Oh dear, not another Prison Warden story and another few grand for paparrazi duty?
Dr Phil's limitations exposed
19/02/07
Last week, the drawling Texan doc with 30 years' experience in all manner of psychiatric disorders was interviewing a repentant flasher. Doctor Phil was up against a guy who was as quick on his feet with answers as he had been with exposing his privates in public. (It sounded like he'd had 50,000 episodes of exposure to his name, and they had resulted in thousands of sexual experiences and a few trips to court and jail. Now he has reformed and not even thought about showing his bits on a bus for 2 years. Quite incredible, but why not!)
He came across as a total exhibitionist, manipulating the conversation, not giving much credit for what seemed like important advances. Yes, Dr Phil was exposed as a one speed interviewer with an agenda for sensationalism, and in essence, he was exposed and outwitted by the ex-flasher.
The doc's only armor against a smart ass is a big aggressive stare and "Don't tell me what to do, say or think." That's right, that is the domain of his producer.
Last Christmas, a very lucid and clear thinking woman ran rings round Dr Phil with her attitude to not celebrating Christmas. She didn't think it was respectful to "celebrate" a religious festival that clearly had been hijacked by commercialism. Dr Phil is a family man who seems to be a god fearing guy. There was almost no room in his thinking for a different approach to Christmas and he stalled loads of times in the argument.
Not that this is the end of the world, but it is getting harder to watch the Dr Phil show and not spend the whole hour shaking your head and cringing at the ever more overt drama-generating program. Bring back Robin, we say. She has a bit more about her.
He came across as a total exhibitionist, manipulating the conversation, not giving much credit for what seemed like important advances. Yes, Dr Phil was exposed as a one speed interviewer with an agenda for sensationalism, and in essence, he was exposed and outwitted by the ex-flasher.
The doc's only armor against a smart ass is a big aggressive stare and "Don't tell me what to do, say or think." That's right, that is the domain of his producer.
Last Christmas, a very lucid and clear thinking woman ran rings round Dr Phil with her attitude to not celebrating Christmas. She didn't think it was respectful to "celebrate" a religious festival that clearly had been hijacked by commercialism. Dr Phil is a family man who seems to be a god fearing guy. There was almost no room in his thinking for a different approach to Christmas and he stalled loads of times in the argument.
Not that this is the end of the world, but it is getting harder to watch the Dr Phil show and not spend the whole hour shaking your head and cringing at the ever more overt drama-generating program. Bring back Robin, we say. She has a bit more about her.
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16/02/07
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