An announcer tried to zip some life into the daily boredom of millions traveling on the London Underground.

LONDON (Reuters) - An official announcer for London's Tube system has been sacked after making spoof messages mocking American tourists, peeping Toms and sweaty commuters.

Voiceover artist Emma Clarke, 36, recorded the announcements in the same smooth tones that have warned millions of passengers to "Mind The Gap" and posted them on her Web site.

The messages include:

* "We would like to remind our American tourist friends that you are almost certainly talking too loudly."

Seems harsh for pointing out stereotypes. Or was she fired for not mentioning the Germans too?

How many people suddenly averted their eyes at the following announcement and pretended to study the metro map that they already know like the back of their hand?

* "Would the passenger in the red shirt pretending to read the paper but who is actually staring at that woman's chest please stop. You are not fooling anyone, you filthy pervert."

What is wrong with reminding folks of their pseudo intellectual behavior?

* "Would passengers filling in answers on their Sudokus please accept that they are just crosswords for the unimaginative and are not in any way more impressive just because they contain numbers."

This next one must have struck a chord with Japanese tourists used to traveling the Tokyo metro where repressed breast-grabbing businessmen are rife.

* "Here we are crammed again into a sweaty Tube carriage ... If you're female smile at the bloke next to you and make his day. He's probably not had sex for months."

It sounds a bit lame that her employers failed to see the funny side, especially as she was not being untruthful in her observations. Her boss had the last word, though, and must have been inspired by the very woman he fired.

London Underground is sorry to have to announce that further contracts for Miss Clarke are experiencing severe delays,

I know Germans are renowned for their efficiency, but I never realised their carpenters had such a special knack with a hammer! 30 seconds into this clip, you will see what I mean.



5 stars! I now know who to call for a quick fix when a nail pops from the ceiling at the head of the stairs.

The Polish Prime Minister is singlehandedly ensuring that the EU continues to be an inefficient mega expensive political, I mean economic, backward thinking behemoth. Amazing as it may seem, he blames the shortage of Polish voting clout in the European Union today on Nazi Germany!

Votes, Nazis, nasty logic

Voting power in the EU takes account of an irrefutable statistic, that of population per nation. When giving reasons for why his country deserves more voting power, the Polish minister said the Nazis had killed loads of his people, thus reducing his ability to vote today.

He has demonstrated not one ounce of forward-thinking European logic. In fact, talk about being tainted with a selective retrograde mindset. Let's do the math. Adolf Hitler, the agent of decimation of 6 million Poles, the monster who almost destroyed Europe was born in 1889. How can a 118 year old guy, who also destroyed German democracy, have anything to do with modern day Germany or Poland's national voting rights in the 21st century? The EU is the antithesis of nazism.

And if you read this chilling document on genocides, you will see that millions upon millions of everyone have been killed this century. What a memory for such a retard. Makes you want to give the Pole a pole and stick it somewhere dark and constricted. And I am not referring to his head.

Ultimate insults

To be honest, if he had just called the Germans wankers, he couldn't have insulted them any more than he did. The only reason the European Union exists today is because Germany and Fance were so terrified of a repeat World War that they tore and have torn themselves (and member states) inside out trying to get things right and peaceful to everyone's satisfaction.

That a minor member comes in and basically infers that the Germans of today had any say over the Nazis of 60 years ago is unbelievable. It is a bit like Apple saying they are small compared to Microsoft because Bill Gates ancestors were Luddites.

Watch out for more exciting developments. With inflammatory remarks like that floating around, we may see history repeated and the moderate Germans of today may just lay down their green morals and re-invade Poland.



We've linked to several web search engines offering random payments & prizes! Click the icon & search the keyphrase Cadillac CTS ad or web search. It is a win-win, perhaps!

Tags: EU, Nazis

I was blown away to find that Poland has been following the MyBlogLog Sunday "phenomenon". I am afraid I didn't understand a word, except Gumisiów - gummi bears.

The Pisstakers wymyślił Niedzielę MBL. W ostatni dzień tygodnia spisuje się dane ostatnich 10 użytkowników MBL, którzy odwiedzili stronę. Potem Ed (twórca TP) odwiedza każdy z nich i opisuje w krótki i zabawny sposób. Funt gumisiów wygrywa ten blog, który przez cały tydzień wygeneruje najwięcej odwołań do TP.

stokrotne) dzięki (Thanks) Adama, do widzenia (goodbye) Till Sunday.

We've linked to several web search engines offering random payments & prizes! Click the icon & search the keyphrase MyBlogLog Sunday or web search. It is a win-win, perhaps!

County Down is in the news again on The Pisstakers, this time with the discovery of a grenade. More disturbing than the potential danger to local tourists, is the explanation gabbled out by the local councillor. Imagine the Irish tinker gangster played by Brad Pitt in Snatch.

As I understand it someone discovered it just about four o'clock and it's possible with the wrecks that's been over there for a number of years that this just happened to come along.

In the words of the perplexed London gangsters listening to the brilliant dialog from Pitt, "What the fucking hell did he say?" It just happened to come along? What, it decided it was time for a walk? Just jumped out the box of grenades and rolled along the beach to see if it could blow some legs off.

I think they had better pick a better spokesman next time, ie, someone who can allay all fears rather than raise serious doubts about mobile man-hunting grenades.

There is a town in Austria called Fucking. It raises some interesting questions! (And hey, don't shoot the messenger!)

Are the residents called Fuckers?

What are the mothers called?

What would you be learning at the Fucking High School?

Does the Fucking Hospital help you with anything else?

If your friend came from another town, he wouldn't be your Fucking friend

NOW YOU CAN FORWARD THIS TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS WHO KNOW NOTHING ABOUT FUCKING

This was also covered in The register

What's in a name

And while we are at it, don't you feel sorry for soccer commentators having to mention this German guy on the field of play?

Major headlines, woo hoo. Italians found creaming off millions of public money. That was hardly news, if you follow politics or Italy.

It turns out that the authorities finally twigged about a fraud that has been going on for 10 years. I guess it is better late than never to catch up to the idea that not all politicians are straight! And Italians left to their own devices in Euro HQ, what a recipe for disaster.

The BBC came up with a disturbing story about a criminal evading justice. Usually it is a deranged judge with weird attitudes to child abuse or religion who lets bad people go. Yesterday, though, a criminal's friends stepped in and saved the courts from confounding us all and letting the wrong one off.

A man in police custody escaped after three men armed with knives attacked a security van outside a court, Greater Manchester Police have said.

Nicole Martinelli for Wired News says: Researchers (in Milan) are investigating the subjective acoustic qualities of church architecture in one of the most extensive scientific inquiries yet.

Sounds like a load of irreligious twaddle from the land of Popes, Pavaroti and delicious ice cream. I am no acoustic scientist, but when you pray to the white porcelain god, the sounds of release from drink-induced sickness reverberate better than in any cathedral.

Off with their heads

The BBC's Indonesia correspondent reports:

A court has sentenced three Muslim militants to jail for beheading three Christian schoolgirls in Central Sulawesi in 2005.

Pretty gruesome incident all round. Good job those unpleasant chaps didn't commit their atrocities in Saudi Arabia or Iraq, because they would have had a dose of their own medicine from the only courts that execute murderers by beheading!

Barcelona school room loses its roof

Barcelona is the capital of Catalunya, the richest region in Spain by miles. They pride themselves on their level of education and attention to detail. How embarrassing to have reports (in Spanish) of a classroom roof collapsing, and then a further report that the walls are starting to crack. No doubt the Madrid government will take great delight in offering the breakaway state a few euros to put it right.

There was a tragic case in the UK where a mother was accused of murdering her babies, held for 3 years and then acquitted. I just cannot imagine the machinations that must have gone through that poor woman's mind during that period of her life.

However, it is obvious want went through Sally Clark's mind when she reached the end of her tether and ended her life yesterday. Sleep well, judges.

Rock god and AIDS charity champion, Bono, was recently criticised for spending 100 million bucks in an AIDS campaign that has only raised $18m. Despite this iniquity, he has been sequestered to the Pistakers writing team to raise their profile in the blog world. When interviewed recently, Mr Bono said,

I have answered Ed's call for additional marketing expertise. For every 100 words they write in reviews about other sites, The Pisstakers estimate that the featured sites reply with just 18 words about the Pisstakers. In light of this disproportionate return on investment, they need a leg up."

In a state of shock, Ed the Editor commented

We can't wait to publish the insightful, motivational words of Bono, a legend in his own lunchtime," "The Boy has a way with words, and clearly knows how to make a difference in matters of life and death.

Bombarded with camera flashes and furry microphones, Bono whispered in a soft Irish brogue,

We are delighted to be involved with The Pisstakers who are representative of many classy blogs verging on the point of indifference in the public's eyes. We aim to raise their profile and topple The Onion with a series of humorous blog reviews, tech satire and funny angles on serious world news.

Strumming on an air guitar, he continued,

Rock 'n roll and gangsta rap may be dying, but The Pisstakers will prevail and be forever sanctified as a worthy cause. Our suggested motto for fans of the Pisstakers is, I, Bono, will follow Ed, and so should you.

Bono is now taking time out of his world tour of Saatchi and Saatchi offices to prepare his opening 100-word post on the Pisstakers.

It's a laugh a minute over in Bucharest. You will need to sit down and place all drinks and breakable objects well out of harm's way, before reading this story about amnesia.

Looking through The Blog of Kev, an Englishman's ramblings on the state of his Union, it looks like democracy is fast going down the toilet. A million-strong petition is going to be ignored by a transport minister who knows best, and another politician called the idea of petitions on the Downing Street web site as an idea of a prat. Where's the Queen when you need her, to champion the rights of her people!!!!!