The authorities are piecing together the movements of high flying but mal-intentioned Indian doctors who have been infiltrating the UK, Australia and possibly America, in order to perpetrate dastardly bombing deeds. But there is a worse threat going on almost unnoticed, until now - bodysnatching.

Watch the CBS news report very carefully at the point UK premier, Gordon Brown, is announced. Under the nose of top security experts at Downing Street, these renegade doctors have managed to snatch the PM and transpose every ounce of Brown's British being into the body of an Aussie leader.

Most scary is the lack of lip synching, because of all the things the docs could have improved, Brown's diction was it. Be afraid bonny boys and girls, nothing is as it seems these days.

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Tags: bodysnatchers, Gordon Brown, Glasgow

According to Spanish newspaper, El Mundo, three men with Spanish accents broke into a camping store near Strasbourg and stole rucksacks, sleeping bags and most disturbingly, a bunch of lighter fuel tablets. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.

The store owner is bemused. He said they could have bought the supplies at any store in Europe, without causing a stir, and he was running a 10% discount day anyway, wtf!

The manufacturer of the fuel tablets says that one tablet could boil water for 9 minutes. Wow wee, not. I once took a tablet that boils heads for hours.

The authorities are saying the contraband could be used for incendiary devices. Like a BBQ?

The press are saying these guys are ETA because they had Spanish accents, and they stole because their organisation has no funds.

ETA are wondering what all the fuss is about. They already have their bombs in place for the next attack, have several million euros from El Gordo lottery win last Christmas stuffed away under the bed. And hey we are Basque, not bloody Spanish.

And El Mundo is a reliable paper?


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Tags: France, Basque, el Gordo, el mundo

County Down is in the news again on The Pisstakers, this time with the discovery of a grenade. More disturbing than the potential danger to local tourists, is the explanation gabbled out by the local councillor. Imagine the Irish tinker gangster played by Brad Pitt in Snatch.

As I understand it someone discovered it just about four o'clock and it's possible with the wrecks that's been over there for a number of years that this just happened to come along.

In the words of the perplexed London gangsters listening to the brilliant dialog from Pitt, "What the fucking hell did he say?" It just happened to come along? What, it decided it was time for a walk? Just jumped out the box of grenades and rolled along the beach to see if it could blow some legs off.

I think they had better pick a better spokesman next time, ie, someone who can allay all fears rather than raise serious doubts about mobile man-hunting grenades.

Are you having trouble opening a bank account?


Are you getting the rubber glove treatment every time you fly out of the country?

Does the phone ring at unexpected times and you get talked to in Arabic till the caller hangs up, realizing you haven't got a clue what they are talking about?

Have you ever tried to rent a room and been refused for no apparent reason? And the list goes on.

Have you gone for flying lessons and the instructor looked at you funny before teaching you to land before you could even take off?

Ever sold a hot dog and ended up in jail even though your hygiene standards are so high they would make MacDonalds seem like a toilet that backed up in 1984 and hasn't been rodded since?

Did a friend at the treasury advise you not to cut Mel Gibson's hair, unless you wanted to risk interrogation and incarceration and a huge fine?

If you answered yes to any of the above scenarios, your name or your customer's name is probably Abdul, Diaz, Lopez, Lucas, Gibson, or Patricia!!

Thanks to Abandon All fear for the link to an original and serious article which I somewhat satirised!