Dr Phil
Coney Island Mermaid parade over?
25/06/07 Filed in: Entertainment
Amidst rumors that The Coney Island Mermaid Parade is ending this year, deluded organisers claim it is going to go on past its silver wedding anniversary, and celebrate every year in fine style until its 50th - and beyond. This is a bold claim for a couple of sound reasons.
The Mermaids are lucky to get this far, judging by the history of Coney Island traditions that are already dead in the water. Mardi Gras anyone? Even if the Mermaid Parade, little more than a totally mini shadow of carneval, were to revamp, reinvent itself and increase the nudity, pizzazz and drama tenfold, the reality is, it still wouldn't make it past next year. The bulk of the amusement park where it takes place, is being sold off to a developer.
As Texan realtor and part-time celebrity psychologist, Dr Splash McGraw, pointed out, "Good luck with a 50th parade celebration, buddy. Be happy you got this far. You may own the Mermaid building, but the person with the land under it is unlikely to let the raucous parade stand in the way of Waterworld or whatever the plan entails.
Now look, it ain't looking great, but I can help you. I used to be a merman for 35 years and I had to make changes, and here I am today before you happy as a fish out of water. So what you want to do is wise up and integrate your mermaids back into the community while they still have a chance. And I am willing to help them do that, if you will stop flapping around, and encourage the mermaids to stand up on their own two feet and acknowledge the problem."
Unperturbed, the organiser mumbled that his mermaids were resilient, adaptable and could easily survive under a water park, if that were the destiny of his shiny office building.
Exasperated, Splash Mcgraw resorted to strong-arming the Mermaids into his way of thinking, by humiliating them on public TV. After going round in circles for an hour, they burst into crocodile tears and stormed off, unconvinced.
The developer denied any specific plans for the land on Coney Island, but gave a big hint when he said, Watch parade 26, code-named over and out, weave its way around 450 new luxury condos. The complex will be built to last 100 years and no parade is going to stop me realising my dream.
Meteorologists from the local weather center added fuel to the debate when they reminded the developer of changing weather patterns.
If it is still going, The Mermaid Parade could definitely take place underwater in 2020 in the wake of Hurricane Robin. Therefore, may we humbly suggest that if it is axed next year, someone enterprising should at least put the costumes and floats in cold storage until 2019. At that time, re-launch the event and market the bejesus out of it. Then in the following year, when the hurricane has blown itself out and the resulting tidal wave has subsided, they should open the flood gates and double the price of admission. Disneyland uses this bait and burn tactic all the time with new theme parks worldwide.
This story is clearly not at an end.
.
The future is bleak based on the past and present
The Mermaids are lucky to get this far, judging by the history of Coney Island traditions that are already dead in the water. Mardi Gras anyone? Even if the Mermaid Parade, little more than a totally mini shadow of carneval, were to revamp, reinvent itself and increase the nudity, pizzazz and drama tenfold, the reality is, it still wouldn't make it past next year. The bulk of the amusement park where it takes place, is being sold off to a developer.
Specialist advice from a Dr McGraw
As Texan realtor and part-time celebrity psychologist, Dr Splash McGraw, pointed out, "Good luck with a 50th parade celebration, buddy. Be happy you got this far. You may own the Mermaid building, but the person with the land under it is unlikely to let the raucous parade stand in the way of Waterworld or whatever the plan entails.
Now look, it ain't looking great, but I can help you. I used to be a merman for 35 years and I had to make changes, and here I am today before you happy as a fish out of water. So what you want to do is wise up and integrate your mermaids back into the community while they still have a chance. And I am willing to help them do that, if you will stop flapping around, and encourage the mermaids to stand up on their own two feet and acknowledge the problem."
Unperturbed, the organiser mumbled that his mermaids were resilient, adaptable and could easily survive under a water park, if that were the destiny of his shiny office building.
Exasperated, Splash Mcgraw resorted to strong-arming the Mermaids into his way of thinking, by humiliating them on public TV. After going round in circles for an hour, they burst into crocodile tears and stormed off, unconvinced.
The financier's response
The developer denied any specific plans for the land on Coney Island, but gave a big hint when he said, Watch parade 26, code-named over and out, weave its way around 450 new luxury condos. The complex will be built to last 100 years and no parade is going to stop me realising my dream.
Hurricane Robin could work in the Mermaids' favor
Meteorologists from the local weather center added fuel to the debate when they reminded the developer of changing weather patterns.
If it is still going, The Mermaid Parade could definitely take place underwater in 2020 in the wake of Hurricane Robin. Therefore, may we humbly suggest that if it is axed next year, someone enterprising should at least put the costumes and floats in cold storage until 2019. At that time, re-launch the event and market the bejesus out of it. Then in the following year, when the hurricane has blown itself out and the resulting tidal wave has subsided, they should open the flood gates and double the price of admission. Disneyland uses this bait and burn tactic all the time with new theme parks worldwide.
This story is clearly not at an end.
.
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