"Don't stand so close to me." You can imagine the irony of the song title when tens of thousands of claustrophobic Police fans cram into steamy Wrigley Field to listen to their aging heroes. Packed like sardines, the 40 and 50-something crowd with an interest in rock history will get increasingly irritated as the night rolls on and the stadium heats up. Tempers will fray when neighbors stand on toes and elbow each other by accident, reacting to the beaty tunes from the founders of white reggae. It could get ugly, with messages in a bottle flying all over the stadium. Plenty of Chicago Cops had better be on their guard to deal with it.

Everyone in the stadium will also be hoping the band can survive the night without incident.

The Police themselves aren't getting any younger, but they seem to be holding up, at least in small bursts. But what about lasting the pace for a whole concert? Despite wrinkles and greying hair, the band have managed to remember tracks they haven't played live in a decade or more. Will their amazing memories last though when the wheels start to fall off in the second hour?

Will anyone notice if Sting doesn't quite make the highest notes in ROXanne and sings Da doo doo doo in the wrong song? If the drummer misses a beat, will there be a riot? If the ripping guitar rifts sound a bit like a drunk mouse strumming on a cat's whiskers, will fans boo? Will the exhausted rockers slip into cardiac arrest? Let's hope not.

Personal Police stories

The two things I recall about The Police are: a friend of mine swapped two tiny Police decals for a big slap up meal at a service area. The girl's supervisor never got to know and my friend savored every mouthful of his free meal as we watched him in envy.

And the other more amusing ditty, is a scene in a comedy show called Only Fools and Horses. The two brothers are dodgy dealer, petty criminals who operate on the edge of the law in the East End of London. The younger one, Rodney, brings home a girl who is a policewoman, and neglects to tell his older brother her profession until later on in the evening. Of course, Del goes mad when he finds out and is instantly on his guard. It is so funny how he walks around his apartment chatting away while slyly packing away stolen goods and hiding anything suspicious under cushions.

Rodney is a bit dense, totally smitten with his girl and very proud of his criminal brother. Without thinking, he says all buffed up, Yeah, my bruvver's got a police record, 'aven't ye?" And quick as a button, Del replies, "Yeah, Walking on the Moon."

I expect the only record The Police will have by the end of the next couple of nights is a maximum heartbeat ever recorded for a rock drummer. That guy can play, but you have to worry! And I personally would be interested to know if the headband keeps his gray wig in place.

Finally, if they decide to play Message in a Bottle, at least keep it in key boys, and Sting, lose the pantomime outfit, man.



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Tags: music, Roxanne, Del boy

Celebrity Insider Photos and News is a cracking new entertainment site with a touch of Cornish humor, I believe. The revelation that The Spice Girls may reunite for a concert to help the Diana Memorial fund had me concerned though. Has anyone heard these people sing lately? Poor Di may turn in her grave when they tune up and let us have it.

Take Posh. (I know some of you want to take her and drop her somewhere, but let's be serious for one moment.)After years of living it up in Madrid and screeching Die-vid, donday esters los kids? how much has Peseta Spice, Victoria, got left in the vocal tank? Not as much as she has in the bank, for sure.

The only one who could sing anything was Sporty Spice, but what can one do in a crowd of off-key crooners? I used to love her because she actually had talent, she was pretty ugly but always smiled and she admitted to being called Holland at school. How cool is that for being comfortable with your body, in this day of de rigeur big busty implants for flat chested celebs?

Well, I will leave the gossip to the UK expert, and be glad I am totally out of touch with the piles of gossip that just keep on rolling out of that insignificant island off the coast of Southern Ireland. And if anyone sees the ghost of Diana on concert night, we know who to blame.


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Tags: celebrity, music, Spice Girls